Venting

[silene]

Hi Blackhawk 

Just checking in to say hello, I don't have any new ideas to suggest without repeating myself, perhaps that's for the best. So how about a bit of chat instead? I was reminded of the idea that it's a masculine trait to try to immediately fix problems, and the feminine version is compassion and empathy. Perhaps you're missing (or missed during childhood) that feminine input, has your mum always been depressed? 

I guess Sweden gets dark a lot at this time of year, winter gets me down too, and I live further South. Some people get Seasonal Affected Disorder. Having to wrap up in layers of thick clothes every day gets tiresome too. But on the upside Sweden's not so built up, do you like getting out of the city into the countryside? Does Sweden have wild animals like bears and wolves and proper wilderness? 

[Blackhawk]

5 hours ago, EmptyVase said:

@Blackhawk

Okidoki, thanks for the opportunity.

"Thoughts multiply and manifest."

Do you recognize how the thought above contributes to the experience you're having right now?

If you think it won't help you, it won't help you.

"Thoughts multiply and manifest."

Do you recognize how the thought above contributes to the experience you're having right now?

If you think you're the biggest loser ever, you're the biggest loser ever (from your POV, not mine).

"Thoughts multiply and manifest."

Do you recognize how the thought above contributes to the experience you're having right now?

If you think everyone is better than you, then that will be your experience.

"Thoughts multiply and manifest."

Do you recognize how the thought above contributes to the experience you're having right now?

If you think that there is no career which you would like.. well. You know by now.

Thoughts are super powerful, no? Nuclear reactors, really. Either you use it to give electricity to a whole thriving city, or you nuke that shit. The hardest part is to accept that it's on you. But that's also where the magic lies. You choose which thoughts to focus on.

Imagine a rock rolling down a hill. That rock has momentum going, and it won't stop rolling for some time. In the same way, your thoughts have momentum, too. You establish momentum through focussing on certain thoughts, and right now your predicament is that you exclusively choose to focus on thoughts which feel really bad to you. If you allow yourself to slowly focus on thoughts which feel better to you, a new momentum establishes. A new rock gets pushed down the hill. The other rock might still be rolling, but there's a new one. By deliberately choosing to focus on thoughts which feel better to you, which don't drag you down, you start to forget about the old rock. Your focus is only on the new rock. By the time your attention is completely on the new rock, you've already forgotten about the old one. And then, one day, when you check back at the old rock, you will see that it has stopped rolling. And you will also see that there's not just one rock, and not just one hill - there is an abundance of rocks and hills. Hell, you don't even have the time to push 'em all down. Push those down which make you feel the greatest joy - and even of that kind there are countless rocks.

But if you keep insisting on pushing down the same old rock, drag it back up the hill, push it down, drag it back up the hill, push it down.. you will be very very tired of it at some point. Not really fun. And always the same old story with the same old rock. Perhaps it's time to change that.

I guess what you say about thoughts is true to some extent.

3 hours ago, silene said:

Hi Blackhawk 

Just checking in to say hello, I don't have any new ideas to suggest without repeating myself, perhaps that's for the best. So how about a bit of chat instead? I was reminded of the idea that it's a masculine trait to try to immediately fix problems, and the feminine version is compassion and empathy. Perhaps you're missing (or missed during childhood) that feminine input, has your mum always been depressed? 

I guess Sweden gets dark a lot at this time of year, winter gets me down too, and I live further South. Some people get Seasonal Affected Disorder. Having to wrap up in layers of thick clothes every day gets tiresome too. But on the upside Sweden's not so built up, do you like getting out of the city into the countryside? Does Sweden have wild animals like bears and wolves and proper wilderness? 

Hi.

No my mom hasn't always been depressed. I had a normal relationship with my mom during childhood.

I'm missing feminine input big time since I don't have a partner or anything like that.

No I don't really like going to the countryside.  Yes we have proper wilderness like bears, wolves, and gooses, but you of course rarely or never see them.

[Raptorsin7]

12 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I guess what you say about thoughts is true to some extent.

Hi.

No my mom hasn't always been depressed. I had a normal relationship with my mom during childhood.

I'm missing feminine input big time since I don't have a partner or anything like that.

No I don't really like going to the countryside.  Yes we have proper wilderness like bears, wolves, and gooses, but you of course rarely or never see them.

Have you thought about getting a female therapist?

[Blackhawk]

5 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Have you thought about getting a female therapist?

No. I'm not interested in doing that.

[silene]

@Blackhawk  

Good to hear you had a good relationship with your mum, hopefully it was ok with your dad too. Did you have a generally happy childhood? 

Can you pinpoint when you first started feeling so unhappy and lonely? 

[Guest EmptyVase]

On 23.11.2021 at 5:53 PM, EmptyVase said:

@Blackhawk

Do you find any truth to this statement? Can you see a relation between the statement below and how your life is unfolding?

"Thoughts multiply and manifest."

On 23.11.2021 at 6:04 PM, Blackhawk said:

No.

20 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I guess what you say about thoughts is true to some extent.

See? Perspectives can change.

It might seem insignificant to you, but the last quote is a new momentum you're pushing forth.

Now.. if you decide to focus on the "No."-quotation, you will go back to your old ways.

If you decide to focus on the "I guess what you say about thoughts is true to some extent."-quotation, the new rock will keep rolling down the hill, and things will slowly start to change. And if you hold your attention and focus on that new rock, you will also start to see that there are many more rocks being pushed down the hill, which will help you spiral up the emotional scale. It's always easier to see the change in retrospect, but I see it happening right now.

That's it from me. From now on, it's on you. Wish you all the best man. ?

[Blackhawk]

5 hours ago, silene said:

@Blackhawk  

Good to hear you had a good relationship with your mum, hopefully it was ok with your dad too. Did you have a generally happy childhood? 

Can you pinpoint when you first started feeling so unhappy and lonely? 

Yes it was ok with my dad too.

Yes my childhood was in general happy.

I guess I started feeling so unhappy and lonely shortly after I moved out from my parents when I was 25.

2 hours ago, EmptyVase said:

See? Perspectives can change.

It might seem insignificant to you, but the last quote is a new momentum you're pushing forth.

Now.. if you decide to focus on the "No."-quotation, you will go back to your old ways.

If you decide to focus on the "I guess what you say about thoughts is true to some extent."-quotation, the new rock will keep rolling down the hill, and things will slowly start to change. And if you hold your attention and focus on that new rock, you will also start to see that there are many more rocks being pushed down the hill, which will help you spiral up the emotional scale. It's always easier to see the change in retrospect, but I see it happening right now.

That's it from me. From now on, it's on you. Wish you all the best man. ?

Okay, thanks.

[silene]

On 25/11/2021 at 0:15 AM, Blackhawk said:

I guess I started feeling so unhappy and lonely shortly after I moved out from my parents when I was 25.

Sometimes it's difficult to make friends and build up a social circle. I think there's a lot to be said for having an extended family around who can provide a reliable supporting network. But family don't always get along either. 

[Blackhawk]

Fact is, that everyone sucks ass.

So my question to you is: how does it feel to suck ass?

Edited December 5, 2021 by Blackhawk

[silene]

@Blackhawk having a bad day? I'm here if you want to share. Do you find it helpful to share your problems with other people? 

[Blackhawk]

1 hour ago, silene said:

@Blackhawk having a bad day? I'm here if you want to share. Do you find it helpful to share your problems with other people? 

I'm having a bad day and a bad life.

No I don't find it helpful.

I only like talking/writing to girls (about anything). It's boring to talk/write to guys.  I know it's weird but it is what it is, I can't control it. 

[silene]

@Blackhawk ouch!  Ok, maybe a girl will join in the thread, I dunno.

What's the thing with sucking ass about, care to elaborate or just venting? 

[Blackhawk]

36 minutes ago, silene said:

@Blackhawk ouch!  Ok, maybe a girl will join in the thread, I dunno.

What's the thing with sucking ass about, care to elaborate or just venting? 

I guess something bad happened between me and a girl who I was chatting with. But I kinda regret what I said.

[Blackhawk]

I'm not sure if I would qualify for compulsory mental care (or whatever it's called).

I'm unable to take care of myself and my home, so maybe I would qualify. I'm drowning in my unmotivation, lack of drive and hopelessness. Every little tiny task is like climbing a mountain. There's no reason for me to do anything. I should just lay down and die, since I have no future. It's not worth it to even breathe, why would I bother with breathing? What's the point?

Edited December 6, 2021 by Blackhawk

[silene]

2 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I guess something bad happened between me and a girl who I was chatting with. But I kinda regret what I said.

No sweat, I'm ok  . Sorry to hear it didn't end well with the girl but hey, you're out there chatting so that's good isn't it? Just try and understand what went wrong and don't give up. Next time maybe you won't make the same mistake. 

2 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I'm not sure if I would qualify for compulsory mental care (or whatever it's called).

I'm unable to take care of myself and my home, so maybe I would qualify. I'm drowning in my unmotivation, lack of drive and hopelessness. Every little tiny task is like climbing a mountain. There's no reason for me to do anything. I should just lay down and die, since I have no future. It's not worth it to even breathe, why would I bother with breathing? What's the point?

This sounds like catastrophe thinking - turning the actual practical problems into a global disaster with your whole life. Well known to psychologists with people who have anxiety & depression etc, I used to have it so I know what it feels like. But when you look at your life objectively there are loads of things you are already doing perfectly well aren't there? You're holding down a job, living independently, you're making contact with girls, plus a regular member of this forum.  Try focusing on what your real obstacles are, and what practical resources are out there to help with them.  

Edited December 6, 2021 by silene

[Blackhawk]

@silene Okay..

Alcohol helps, it makes me into a more likeable person, and it improves my mood, so I'll try to drink as much as possible every weekend. Pure vodka shots are best, no hangover the day after either.

Edited December 6, 2021 by Blackhawk

[silene]

For the record I don't recommend alcohol for anyone who gets depressed, but you're an adult so I'm not going to lecture about it. Instead this video on depression gives a good summary. 
 

 

Edited December 6, 2021 by silene

[Blackhawk]

@silene Okay thanks.

[Ananta]

On 12/6/2021 at 11:59 AM, Blackhawk said:

I'm not sure if I would qualify for compulsory mental care (or whatever it's called).

I'm unable to take care of myself and my home, so maybe I would qualify. I'm drowning in my unmotivation, lack of drive and hopelessness. Every little tiny task is like climbing a mountain. There's no reason for me to do anything. I should just lay down and die, since I have no future. It's not worth it to even breathe, why would I bother with breathing? What's the point?

I'm sure you'd qualify.

Good luck!

[Blackhawk]

Disliked by all females.