Venting

[Tudo]

18 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

@something_else Only women excite me. It's aaalll about women. But can't have that. So..

Come to Brazil and you will find a cute girl.

[silene]

On 26/09/2021 at 0:57 AM, Blackhawk said:

Reality/life is nothing but a huge huge disappointment.

Everything, everything in this existence is deeply disappointing and unsatisfactory.

There's nothing here that is truly amazing, nothing that makes me say: "this is worth living for, this makes all the other suffering worth it."

One of the biggest disappointments, if not the biggest, is other people.

I have more and more realized that everyone are selfish motherfuckers. They only care about themselves.

This is the most heartfelt expression of Buddhism (ie life is suffering and it's caused by selfishness). We're all in the same trap and we try to cope by going with the game of selfishness to get ahead and get our wants and needs satisfied. 

Be honest, if you obtained the social skills to get a girlfriend, a better job, whatever you want for regular (temporary) worldly happiness, wouldn't you be the same as anyone else and focus on your own life without doing much about all the selfishness, apart from perhaps a bit of political work and donating to charity. Wouldn't you stop hating the world? 

But this is only a temporary victory, in the end death puts us all in the same boat, we're destined to lose everything grounded on selfishness and separateness. 

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time, and sorry I can't suggest any better ideas than previous people. It's all about dissolving the feelings of isolation and separation from others, in effect broadening out your sense of self beyond the individual and creating connections, associations, friendships, even intimacy. If you find it hard to do that, there's nothing wrong with getting help from experts. There are good professional people out there who'd want to help you if you opened up to it. 

Edited September 28, 2021 by silene

[Blackhawk]

5 hours ago, Tudo said:

Come to Brazil and you will find a cute girl.

I don't know about that..

2 hours ago, silene said:

This is the most heartfelt expression of Buddhism (ie life is suffering and it's caused by selfishness). We're all in the same trap and we try to cope by going with the game of selfishness to get ahead and get our wants and needs satisfied. 

Be honest, if you obtained the social skills to get a girlfriend, a better job, whatever you want for regular (temporary) worldly happiness, wouldn't you be the same as anyone else and focus on your own life without doing much about all the selfishness, apart from perhaps a bit of political work and donating to charity. Wouldn't you stop hating the world? 

But this is only a temporary victory, in the end death puts us all in the same boat, we're destined to lose everything grounded on selfishness and separateness. 

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time, and sorry I can't suggest any better ideas than previous people. It's all about dissolving the feelings of isolation and separation from others, in effect broadening out your sense of self beyond the individual and creating connections, associations, friendships, even intimacy. If you find it hard to do that, there's nothing wrong with getting help from experts. There are good professional people out there who'd want to help you if you opened up to it. 

Yes I would stop hating the world.

I don't really hate the world now either, I'm just feeling down, hopeless, and I'm not interested in anything except some unobtainable things like women etc.

@something_else Sorry that I was angry/rude.

[silene]

12 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I don't really hate the world now either, I'm just feeling down, hopeless, and I'm not interested in anything except some unobtainable things like women etc.

IMO it's the unfairness of life that's getting you down, rather than other people's selfishness. No-one wants you to have these problems, yet life deals us all very different hands of cards. I completely agree, it's very unfair that you have the social anxiety (or whatever you want to call it), and most others don't to the same extent. 

Getting a relationship with a woman looks like a destination you want to get to. What kind of woman do you see for yourself? A destination needs a journey to reach it. The journey will be as healing and growing as the destination. Ok you're convinced that you can't 'cure' the social anxiety. Maybe so. Then how about looking for a woman who understands about SA, who perhaps has it herself too, who won't have the same expectations as an average person? The internet makes it easier to widen your search for people. Who knows, perhaps there's already someone out there looking for a special guy just like you. 

[Blackhawk]

16 hours ago, silene said:

IMO it's the unfairness of life that's getting you down, rather than other people's selfishness. No-one wants you to have these problems, yet life deals us all very different hands of cards. I completely agree, it's very unfair that you have the social anxiety (or whatever you want to call it), and most others don't to the same extent. 

Getting a relationship with a woman looks like a destination you want to get to. What kind of woman do you see for yourself? A destination needs a journey to reach it. The journey will be as healing and growing as the destination. Ok you're convinced that you can't 'cure' the social anxiety. Maybe so. Then how about looking for a woman who understands about SA, who perhaps has it herself too, who won't have the same expectations as an average person? The internet makes it easier to widen your search for people. Who knows, perhaps there's already someone out there looking for a special guy just like you. 

I wont get a gf.

[Blackhawk]

I'm so fucking dead  And sad

I'm even crying a bit. Which I usually never do.

[Raptorsin7]

@Blackhawk Have you ever taken any supplements or anything like that?

You need something to dramatically shake your experience so you can get a new perspective on life. It's hard when life has just been miserable for so long you have no idea what better looks like, or where to go.

Can you book a trip or something? Have you ever done any solo travelling?

Would you be interested in a meditation retreat?

[Blackhawk]

@Raptorsin7 I take a multivitamin supplement, and D vitamin.  I have tried anti-depressants, doesn't help.

I did solo traveling one time, just to our neighbor country Finland, didn't like it. I wouldn't like traveling anywhere else either.

No I'm not interested in a meditation retreat..

[DManKee]

I'm sorry you feel this way mate. ♥️ At the end only you will be able to get yourself out of this. People can only help you so much...we can support you and send you hugs but only you have the power to change. This is the sad yet profoundly beautiful truth.

 

Hugs from Spain.

[Raptorsin7]

1 minute ago, Blackhawk said:

@Raptorsin7 I take a multivitamin supplement, and D vitamin.  I have tried anti-depressants, doesn't help.

I did solo traveling one time, just to our neighbor country Finland, didn't like it. I wouldn't like traveling anywhere else either.

No I'm not interested in a meditation retreat..

Have you tried St John's wort?

I've had great success with it for depression.

What do you think is your biggest problem. If you had to describe it, long story short version

 

[Blackhawk]

5 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Have you tried St John's wort?

I've had great success with it for depression.

What do you think is your biggest problem. If you had to describe it, long story short version

No I haven't.  I read about it a bit now and it seems to pretty much be a natural version of Fluoxetine, which is a anti-depressant, which I have tried. St John's wort also pretty much has the same side effects as Fluoxetine. Natural doesn't always mean that it's good and safe.

 

My loneliness is my biggest problem. But I think it's only a partner which I want. I don't feel a desire to have friends.

I don't try to get a partner because I don't have any hope of ever getting one. So don't even give me advice about how you think I could find one.

I'm not expecting my situation to ever improve. So I'm not really even asking for advice/help now.

But I wont stop you guys from trying to help.. I guess it's nice if people answer with something, even when what they say wont help.

[Raptorsin7]

7 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

My loneliness is my biggest problem. But I think it's only a partner which I want. I don't feel a desire to have friends.

Why is loneliness a problem? What do you think will happen when you get a partner or close friends?

What do you value about having a partner?

8 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

I'm not expecting my situation to ever improve. So I'm not really even asking for advice/help now.

Why do you believe it will never improve?

9 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

But I wont stop you guys from trying to help.. I guess it's nice if people answer with something, even when what they say wont help.

Thanks. I'll try my best

[Blackhawk]

2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Why is loneliness a problem? What do you think will happen when you get a partner or close friends?

What do you value about having a partner?

You also want a partner. Everyone does. You guys are underrating how much everyone wants a partner, or at least sex.  Basically everything here is fundamentally about that, because that is what keeps our specie alive and makes us expand as a specie. But apparently many of you aren't aware of this stuff.

Loneliness is a huge problem. If you think anything else you are wrong (no offense). It's provocative when someone who isn't alone says that loneliness isn't a problem.

I would value being close and intimate with a girl, both mentally and physically. At a soul deep level. Share thoughts and everything, make each other happy and feel good.

I see this partner thing as something sacred/spiritual, maybe the best way to get deep into reality. A portal. We came into this world from that stuff. Merge with another beautiful soul and become one. Finding my soulmate. And I think it also makes you grow as a person like nothing else can, and maybe as a soul too.

Yesterday I met a girl in a game called "Second life", and it was one of the nicest experiences that I have ever had. And we didn't even have sex at that time (but you can have that too). And it felt like it made reality itself melt. A million synchronicities started to happen, deja vu, lots of deep existential/spiritual insights started to pop up, and stuff.

[Cathal]

have you tried psychedelics?

[Blackhawk]

@catcat69123 I tried it once. It didn't go well. Now I'm scared to death of psychedelics. I would be crazy if I would take the risk again.

[Cathal]

@Blackhawk from what i read do it again, maybe with someone. i think it will pull you out of the confusion you got stuck it in the sense it will allow your perspective to radically shift to see things more clearly in a way that may allow you to take a different direction towards how to help yourself.

there's nothing to be scared of except for yourself. if you are scared of yourself, then for sure find someone to sit with you - don't missout on the insights psychedelics can offer you man, dont

[Blackhawk]

53 minutes ago, catcat69123 said:

@Blackhawk from what i read do it again, maybe with someone. i think it will pull you out of the confusion you got stuck it in the sense it will allow your perspective to radically shift to see things more clearly in a way that may allow you to take a different direction towards how to help yourself.

there's nothing to be scared of except for yourself. if you are scared of yourself, then for sure find someone to sit with you - don't missout on the insights psychedelics can offer you man, dont

Okay. I might try psychedelics again some day.

I'm glad that you haven't experienced horrific inescapable hell-holes, but try to not downplay my experience of horrific inescapable hell-holes.

[Blackhawk]

The world is full of rotten people who don't give a shit about your feelings

(This isn't related to catcats reply.)

Edited November 21, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Raptorsin7]

7 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

You also want a partner. Everyone does. You guys are underrating how much everyone wants a partner, or at least sex.  Basically everything here is fundamentally about that, because that is what keeps our specie alive and makes us expand as a specie. But apparently many of you aren't aware of this stuff.

Yeah I understand that. But I don't place as much as importance on it so it doesn't distress bother me that I'm not in a relationship. You do not need a partner to get your life going in a positive direction.

There's also more to life than just having a partner. But I agree that it's something many people, myself included, do/should strive towards.

7 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

Loneliness is a huge problem. If you think anything else you are wrong (no offense). It's provocative when someone who isn't alone says that loneliness isn't a problem.

I agree it can be a problem, but i'm asking for you why is it a problem. Loneliness is just a word, it has no meaning outside of what it means to you and how you are using it. 

What is about being lonely that's such an issue. And how will that get resolved with a partner?

7 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I would value being close and intimate with a girl, both mentally and physically. At a soul deep level. Share thoughts and everything, make each other happy and feel good.

I see this partner thing as something sacred/spiritual, maybe the best way to get deep into reality. A portal. We came into this world from that stuff. Merge with another beautiful soul and become one. Finding my soulmate. And I think it also makes you grow as a person like nothing else can, and maybe as a soul too.

How do you feel when you think about having a loving partner? Can you picture yourself in a happy relationship?

If you can get a clear vision of your life with a partner, it can inspire you take action and move your life in that direction.

7 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

Yesterday I met a girl in a game called "Second life", and it was one of the nicest experiences that I have ever had. And we didn't even have sex at that time (but you can have that too). And it felt like it made reality itself melt. A million synchronicities started to happen, deja vu, lots of deep existential/spiritual insights started to pop up, and stuff.

That's awesome. 

Have you thought about getting into a relationship on second life? Maybe you can develop relationships on their and use that as fuel to help improve your life.

[Blackhawk]

8 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Have you thought about getting into a relationship on second life? Maybe you can develop relationships on their and use that as fuel to help improve your life.

I'm trying to, but since my personality sucks big time I doubt that will happen. And even if it would, it wouldn't help me with getting a gf irl.