Resources on conversationalism

[liamnewsom202]

Hey, been getting out a bit more here and there with things opened in Canada (for now). Had a great time at a friends birthday party last night. He's a band mate of mine so we did a set them just jammed out to a hyped crowd into the night.

Been inside, doing conciousness, healing and psychological work alot. Its been alot this last year and I feel I need to get back out and get used to being and engaging with people again. I think I'm a naturally outgoing person yet I feel out of practice and quite anxious engaging In conversation and taking initiative to talk to people.

Hit me yesterday I would benefit alot from getting some quality resources to put into practice to work on developing the skill. I will be using it alot I'n my future and career I'm building as a live musician and artist.

Would be awesome if it integrated some stuff on confidence and insecurity, psychology and the mind aswell. 

Thanks!

 

 

 

 

[Chew211]

Just create some nice openers for different situations. Something that'll get them to laugh or something. At the very least, just something that will spark a conversation. Don't try too hard. And then once you have the opener over with, conversing should be easy. The key is to give a good amount of information so that it's easy for the other person to respond. Do not put the burden of the conversation on the other person. In the beginning of the interaction it might be 90% just you talking. 

Approaching has all it's difficulties front loaded. The most difficult step is overcoming the resistance to doing the approach itself. 

As someone who has read thousands of pages of stuff related to this, I would high recommend NOT doing that, and just experimenting and having fun. Whatever I wrote in the first paragraph is the most useful stuff I gathered and have verified with experience. 

If you twisted my arm, I'd recommend " The Flinch" by Julien Smith, which is just focused on getting over that initial resistance. 

 

[liamnewsom202]

@Chew211 okay very interesting, yeah you got a good point it seems quite easy to get too logical about things. Have a big overthinking tendency here 

 

I notice that alot of the time something comes up that I would like to say or talk about but yeah, there's certainly that resistance and unwillingness. I'd like to investigate that a bit more. Aswell as getting more comfterable I'n the spontaneity of conversation. Breathing and taking a second to slow down, become present, take In and become comfterable I'n the silence etc..

 

It seems the best way forward is to just do it and go for it. Ive noticed when I just do it, say that thing I want to say, ask that question, really listen and respond to someone, take initiative it gets things rolling and it's really quite effortless . Seems like a big mind and trauma thing here honestly.

 

Might check out that book you sent too. Its a good point about not getting lost in logic and theory when it comes to just interacting and just being a fucking human being haha