I WAS ATTACKED BY DEMONS

[lmfao]

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT WAS CRAZY. I DONT KNOW IF IM GABRIEL OR LUCIFER . I WAS POSSESSED BY SATAN FOR A MOMENT.

I AM SLIPKNOT AND THE CREATOR. HEARD VOICE THERE TALKING TO ME. THEN 'THE MAGMA' TALKED TO ME AND WARNED ME THAT THE WHOLE WORLD WILL BE AGAINST ME. THEN THAT DEMON/ALIEN VOICE WAS IN MY HEAD. 

THEN AS THOUGH I WAS POSSESSED, BENT OVER AND SCRUNCHED AND HISSED LIKE AN ANIMAL BEFORE GOING UPRIGHT AGAIN, THEN SATAN POSSESSED ME. AND THEN AFTER THAT LUCIFER. AND GABRIEL?

 

NO BELIEF IS TRUE, MY ONLY MANTRA. I MADE AN ATTEMPT TO SURRENDER EVERYTHING, BUT INSTEAD THE MAKYO FUCKING DEMONS WANTED TO SCARE ME. NOW HERE I AM, A RANTING AND RAVING LUNATIC FOR IT.

MAHASAMDHI MY ASS, IT WAS JESUS IN THE DESERT 

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED. WHAT THE FUCK IS ANY OF THIS AAAAAAAAAHH.

---
Prior to this spasm before you, I was in indescribable state. No words at all for it. "No belief is true" came as a mantra. State arose, so I sat with the conviction to die. Willingness for eeeeeeeee
Basking and getting lost; the above elapsed. Maybe I should go back to sitting idfk at this point, its all too crazy. Maybe drink some water and eat. Anyone ever had such mad shit? 

Too impulsive to say but maybe when I get free of some obligation I become some fucking monk in the forest, who fucking knows lmao 

Edited August 15, 2021 by lmfao

[James12345]

if you surrender the thing who is trying to save his/her ass, the devil will be surrendered too. Ego is too smart, it tries to defend itself from itself, making in believe it is attacking my evil, meanwhile it is evil itself.

[hamedsf]

duh! gabriel isn't a demon, he's an archangel.

 

[lmfao]

@James12345 Yeah, just gotta keep going further

@hamedsf lol

--

Also, I apologise for my fake news reporting earlier. I forgot and neglected to mention I heard the voice of a human called "Andy" in my head, he seemed kind of lame/weak to me for some reason so i forgot. I'm actually not joking when I say that memory lol

Imagine if this entire time I wasn't Nothing or God or The Devil, I was bloody Andy! What a mediocre dork that guy is 

Edited August 15, 2021 by lmfao

[Goldzilla]

Welcome to the Club. Don't worry, is not only your imagination. Those forces are more real than people think. 

Satan, Lucifer, Gabriel are only facets of the higher self, about what God is. But it can be atrocious scary from a point of view of the ego. Will sort this out if you need detail explanation of what happened. 

Namaste

Edited August 15, 2021 by Goldzilla

[James12345]

25 minutes ago, lmfao said:

Yeah, just gotta keep going further

 

Sure. Just and advice. Step back, watch it, who is attacking who, is the real problem is getting attack or being attached and identified yourself to the thoughts, feelings, emotions? 

Edited August 15, 2021 by James12345

[Goldzilla]

@lmfao Tell us what happened exactly. Don't be afraid, we will not judge.

[Goldzilla]

Remember 2 days ago when i was talking about angels in the forum being even more fierce than demons? And that breath is the main staple of spiritual awakening? 

[lmfao]

52 minutes ago, Goldzilla said:

@lmfao Tell us what happened exactly. Don't be afraid, we will not judge.

For the past week or so now, I've been going through a more intense nihilism. A psychological breakdown.

I had an elevated experience or breakthrough a few days ago when I wrote about being "laser focused on nothing". That state I was then was like psychedelic therapy without the psychedelic (I've never taken psychedelics but yeah). A big repressed sin/shame of mine came up in consciousness out of the blue and had some light shone on it. 

When I was going for a run yesterday, I had some strange tic or strange thought running through my mind "I'll kill that bastard God". It was a really intense image and burning desire which consumed my psyche 

 

But I had another experience today which I just made this thread about. What triggered today was a strange wave of apathy or grief or nihilism, but then I started to feel energy. It felt like I entered a very high space, my entire experience was occupied and there wasn't room for anything else. I just focused on surrendering, eyes closed back straight sitting in my chair in a praying position. "Trying to surrender" every belief and thought I had, every fear of solipsism or death or meaninglessness. 

I tried surrendering to reach a state of being beyond time, but I just couldn't do it. Regardless, the state left me speechless and engulfed. Superb. I was incredibly silent and have no words 

It felt so strange to me, I thought that I was maybe gonna die or that this was it. I was literally googling to see if there was a mahasamadhi technique. I quickly gave up looking for such a thing. I decided to sit down on my meditation mat and surrender as I could. 

 

My "meditation", I was basking in the energy and trying to dig. My visual field is trippy. But then, the state starting to go in flux. Visual field is a bit more trippy now with eyes closed.Different sorts of energies and things popped up. At first I was just dealing with the feelings and it wasn't much. But then all that pseudo-schizophrenic stuff happened which I wrote above. 

My initial state changed into something else during all those thoughts I had. I used the mantra "No belief is true" to ward off my thought/belief about demons, and it worked once or twice before I got lost in the experience which happened to me.

Now I'm in the afterglow of something. After that intense experience, I ate a large meal afterwards of my favourite food since childhood. The inner child in me was hungry, maybe he desired a re-enforcement of his memory/karma

43 minutes ago, Goldzilla said:

Remember 2 days ago when i was talking about angels in the forum being even more fierce than demons? And that breath is the main staple of spiritual awakening? 

I remember the breath thing ofc, but I never read your post about angels. I'll read it. Freaky synchronicity. I ultimately think this is Makyo/illusion/duality, but if something pops up in my experience I can't help but be fascinated I guess. 

If like you said these forces end up "being real", will have to face whatever comes. 
 

My states have been arising out of contemplation, sitting in silence and randomness rather than meditation. I meditate after getting into the state. 

I'm not a skilled meditator at all, even though I used to meditate. In recent days I've been trying to do meditate actually, but the meditation never leads to anything. Just a tiny bit of normal focus, completely ordinary 

Edited August 15, 2021 by lmfao

[Strangeloop]

I get it.

I've been through this...

One time I woke up from my sleep and started laughing while my body was lifting itself up(not levitating) and then my mom came into the room and asked me why am I laughing. I denied the fact while looking straight into her eyes. After that I've seen many demons going in and out of my body. Or it is just my evil ego self who doesn't know how to deal with all the bad shit in this world.

Laughing like a maniac, having thoughts of agression and just plain evil is something I'm trying to cope with to this day.

Maybe you should stop meditating for a while, it might bring less or those demons while you focus on the material development in the 3D world.

[lmfao]

@Strangeloop Hahaha, I like how you shifted gears real quick from "yeah, a bunch of demons entered of demons" to "focus on material development". 

It's not meditation in particular which lead me to this today, or what lead me to my experience 2 days ago of focus on nothingness. What it was, was that a conversation with a friend of mine where I talked about my feelings revealed something to me I had been ignoring/denying to trying to forget.


At the age of about 13, I had some crisis of faith about Islam ( the religion I grew up). I went on a rollercoaster of belief and disbelief. I would stare at the ceiling at night and be in terror, contemplating the prospect of living forever in Heaven. When in belief, I felt very mystically high and in bliss. But I eventually realised Islam was false, logically and morally, and went into a depression about it.

That crisis of faith and meaning, it's remained unresolved. "It left a massive hole in me ontologically". One year ago I had a random seeing of Absolute Nothingness, but I ran away. My entire life, I've spent it distracting myself from this "hole". I've spent it distracting myself from this nihilism and nothingness, despite those things being so palpable in experience. 


That I exist at all! That is insanity inducing enough! Stark, raving mad. Don't you feel it too?

But I denied and ignored that feeling, trying to make myself forget. The only bigger insanity than that though is the pretending I'm not insane. 

And so, it was the realisation that I run away from myself that induced all this, not meditation. A psychological breakdown, I have no sanity left, although I can give the appearance of it to others somehow. I think it's maybe because I simply don't wish to talk to anyone, that would be self defeating if I'm trying to reclaim all authority to myself and be an adult, and stop projecting. 

I'm on a journey from absolutely nowhere to no thing; life is pointless. Urinate on everything sacred. Enlightenment is a myth, everything is false. Even if it's futile, I'll keep going, because it's the same either way 

Edited August 15, 2021 by lmfao

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, lmfao said:

Now I'm in the afterglow of something.

That ‘afterglow’ is you.

If we hold fearful or discordant beliefs about ourselves, our reality, our future, etc… the more we ‘look at or into them’, the more relief (afterglow) is realized (truth). Careful not to swing the pendulum too far to the nondual, in regard to relative matters of expression / emptying. Talking (expression) with someone could by far be the path of lessor resistance. Either way, good for you on addressing this stuff you’ve been carrying. Happy for you! 

[Goldzilla]

The integration of light and darkness inside we have to do. When thoughts arise about shame and sin and the dark "entity" is waiting to have it's feast is also what we call (ego dissolution or ego death). If we cling to much at what we know about reality, this kind of happenings could happen and all sorts of inside realities and fears, traumas, memory etc.

From a metaphorical perspective, the Ego has to be sacrificied and renewed with the internal fire we have. 

So, on a brink of dispair like Ego dissolve, wich is no joke, to let go is to embrace the inner drive, or call it fury if you wish. In a dream picture it will apear as Satan or Lucifer. 

 

We must first deconstruct what those entities are. 

Satan has to be seen in new light. Because christianity lied in the first place about Satan or Lucifer. Let's remember that "the serpent" and "saviour" is the same principle. 

Christ is the metaphor of the Ego, sacrificing itself for the whole and be reborn. Take this like something we have to do at a personal level. Let the old go to be sacrified for the interior self and be reborn in a new paradigm. 

When the big sacrifice comes, that of the Ego, is normal at first, the body and mind will freak out similar to waiting real death. 

 

Getting in touch with the reality inside of what Satan or Lucifer represents. From a standpoint of no christian dogma, they represent the truth. 

They represent the movement inside. 

Jesus Christ said: to those who will be successful in my endeavors, i will give them Lucifer, the morning star. 

 

So, Lucifer, Satan, Shiva, Christ, are only names during history of that wich is dormant in the human body, or left for dead. Is where we threw our not desired emotions or thoughts,etc.

Firstly, revise your beliefs about Satan, and let religious dogma go away. 

In the true words Lucifer represents the light and the principle of Air. 

Satan represents movement and the principle of Fire. 

Gabriel represents freedom of speech and the principle of Space/Akasha/Sound/Knowledge

 

Duality is making people see angels and demons. From a nonduality perspective they are Daemons or facets of the subconscious mind. In western tradition we have 72 demons and 72 angels, so 144 Daemons.or "Gods". Duality is being stuck in the perspective only that of the Ego and mind. Because of society programming. 

So, we have to reconsider relearning everything we think we know, and distrust any dogma, this is why we have the breath, to not drop into insanity. And the embrace of all those dark feelings inside and stop judging. 

Now, entities are real from another perspective. If is too much trauma doing the inner work, then calling upon Christ or Shiva or Lucifer, could help greatly. 

 

 

[Goldzilla]

@lmfao who is Andy? 

[lmfao]

5 hours ago, Goldzilla said:

 

5 hours ago, Goldzilla said:

 

[I'm unable to remove these boxes on mobile. 5% battery so I'll be offline soon] 

4 hours ago, Goldzilla said:

 

@Nahm Thank you for the advice Nahm

Honestly, with all this flux in my psyche, I'm struggling not to have some delusions of grandeur of knowing everything. Its a lot at once. Even just lying down and resting, I feel myself "rising". 

I hate use this terminology, but in a sense I'm kind of a Jed Mckenna fanboy, so I wonder to what extent my ideology will differ from yours. Honestly, I don't think that's a question which comes to mind and it perhaps makes no sense. X guru or book no more caused this than a bunch of babies being raped or the holocaust did. 

The grandeur comes from a kind of current fearlessness or invincibility feeling?

"Just need to calm down a bit", I'm relatively "calm" and not aggressive, but the mind and energy is active.

Its easy for myself to enter fantasy realm in this, I must remember that things come and go. I just have to keep perspective and not knowingness into account. Patience.

The truth of the matter is I'm completely ignorant on life and anything. 

--

I've also kind of discovered today that music is disruptive to me 

"I need grounding and stability" - whatever in the fuck those two gibberish words mean 

Edited August 15, 2021 by lmfao

[lmfao]

5 minutes ago, Goldzilla said:

@lmfao who is Andy? 

(ill read the stuff you wrote about angels and demons later) 

It's nothing man, just some random voice/thought from meditation. I was just having fun with the idea my true nature is Andy 

Edited August 15, 2021 by lmfao

[Goldzilla]

To release faster the mind boggling, do something simple. Take a blank peace of paper and write: (i destroy any contracts made with my knowledge and without and i get liberated from any bonds, be that with humans, thoughts, entities etc and i reclaim what is mine. So be it.) 

You can burn this message after or simply by writing it, to have a more clear attitude inside of what you want. And to have a clean slice of what are your intentions upon reality. 

[Endangered-EGO]

@lmfao There are antipsychotic medications that help with that. Have you been diagnosed with psychosis or schizophrenia?

I'm not sure these episodes will bring you any form of spiritual awakening.

 

I have talked to someone who has the concentration and understanding of a buddhist monk, but needs to take antipsychotics to function, and because the hallucinations and psychosis lead absolutely nowhere. Nothing wrong with it.

[Goldzilla]

Antipsychotic medications is the worst you can prescribe to someone. Yes there are extreme cases out there, but those medications will distroy someone's life in the long run. 

[lmfao]

@Endangered-EGO no, this is the first time any such experience has happened. The voices, it was internal head noise. But its not the first time my body has acted possessed, this was just a very large degree. Body jerks, random things popping up, etc, that's all stuff that happens sometimes. 

Usually such a state will dissappear, this keeps glowing, so I'm getting a little worried. I'm just resting and trying to anchor 

So whilst your message did panic me because I did not consider psychosis, I'm trying not to panic and seeing if this settles. Because whilst this energy is rising and I see power in my character from it, something about it is pathological 

I don't think I'm possessed now, but in a metaphorical sense I am by the energy. I mean it could be easy for me to think I'm angelic in this raised up state, but because I sense something pathological and not quite right I'm skeptical of it now 

 

I guess angels and demons are just something I'm now open minded to as far as listening to (other people's) scientific modelling goes lmao

But if the myth got animated in me, it can get animated in anyone. Or maybe it is real, who knows 

Edited August 15, 2021 by lmfao