I'm losing touch with my own life and future.

[roopepa]

I have been seeing a doctor, because I may have ADD. It would be very likely that I would be diagnosed. The problem is that it pretty much seems it will not be possible to continue the process because a certain problem/quality in the diagnostic process that I can't go through, which I will not share here since it's quite personal. 

I also found a very good therapist, but I can't continue the sessions because of a poor money situation.

For years I've been having problems creating good habits, eating clean, meditating, even cleaning the house. I kind of hoped that the ADD diagnosis would explain it, that maybe some therapy and medication would be helpful for me, but now that it seems to be impossible, I'm kind of losing faith. I don't know what to do.

I've been trying to figure out what is wrong, trying to motivate and inspire myself, trying to just bite the bullet and clean up the diet etc, trying to shift beliefs, but I just can't. It all just feels too much. I can't find anything that really inspires me. It's like I'm simply just not the "right kind of a person" to ace life. Sure, that's a belief, but how do you change it? Like REALLY how do you change such beliefs?

There is this underlying tone, I'd just like to run away from life. I don't really have suicidal thoughts but I kinda sense that it's right there. Everything is just so weirdly terrifying and hard and paradoxical and I don't know how one is supposed to deal with all of this.

[Thought Art]

Have you tried fabulous? 

https://www.thefabulous.co/

I was diagnosed with ADD as a kid... So I have been learning to overcome it as an adult and I found this app helped me install the habit infrastructure I now use.

Also, check out Bullet Journaling by Ryder Carrol. He has ADD and invented this journaling system to organize and plan 

 

Edited August 12, 2021 by Thought Art

[Flowerfaeiry]

@roopepa you don't have to wait for an official diagnosis from doctor. Self-diagnosis is valid. 

[clararockmore]

I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated right now. But first of all, always remember that things aren't as black-and-white as being the "right kind of person to ace life" or not. Most people struggle in one way or another, and while it's not easy to really grasp when you're feeling shitty, you most likely have plenty of great qualities that are advantageous.

It seems like there are two things you brought up: the practical issues of being able to stick to habits and be organized, and then also the way it makes you feel when you're struggling with these things. I think sometimes creating small "wins" can help boost your mood and help you recognize that you are TOTALLY capable of so many things.

First of all, throw any mindsets of "success vs. failure" out the window. It's not one or the other, and if you feel like every mistake is a failure, it makes it hard to try again and can create a tailspin mindset of "I just suck and I'm going to suck forever" (been there). Recognize that learning new things takes practice, and mistakes are all part of the process. Try to be curious rather than judgmental, if that helps.

From a practical standpoint, a lot of managing attention issues requires FORCING EXTERNAL STRUCTURE onto yourself. And that often means utilizing a lot of organizational tools and strategizing about what could help support your habits. I am also undiagnosed but likely somewhere outside the normal range of attention abilities, and I used to be SO disorganized, could never remember dates, was constantly late for everything, and procrastinated about everything. This was somehow fine for me through my undergraduate career, but once I started working as an adult, and again in grad school, it felt like I couldn't manage ANYTHING.

Getting FOLDERS to put papers in was like, the first step (I used to just put all the papers I received directly into my bag, resulting in a crumpled, jumbled mess). Getting a watch meant I could ALWAYS know what time it was (and using timers helped me understand how long tasks ACTUALLY take, making me late less often). Getting a planner meant I could actually visualize my time and I no longer HAD to remember dates. Making lists is crucial. I learned if something isn't written down, it might as well not exist because it's not likely to stay in my working brain space for long.

Try to diagnose what makes it hard for you to do certain things. I find it hard to exercise sometimes, but I realized the hardest part is literally getting into athletic clothes and going to the location where I want to exercise. If I lay out my exercise clothes the night before and sleep naked, I am forced to put on athletic clothes as soon as I wake up... and then... well, it's just easier to go from there.

Maybe you'll realize there are certain times when you need to create an external situation, or utilize a tool, in order to work with your own natural tendencies to achieve your goals. And also you will likely try things and find out they don't work, and then try something else. The key is not to judge yourself or get upset along the way while you're figuring it out.

Start by making a list of the habits you would like to change. And then try to identify what holds you back, and how to address it. Also, don't try changing them all at once  that's so tempting to do but it's a one-way ticket to a burnout meltdown, in my experience.

[roopepa]

2 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Have you tried fabulous? 

https://www.thefabulous.co/

I was diagnosed with ADD as a kid... So I have been learning to overcome it as an adult and I found this app helped me install the habit infrastructure I now use.

Also, check out Bullet Journaling by Ryder Carrol. He has ADD and invented this journaling system to organize and plan 

 

Thanks! I'll check it out.

[roopepa]

1 hour ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

@roopepa you don't have to wait for an official diagnosis from doctor. Self-diagnosis is valid. 

Yeah this is true. It's just that some people around to me, and I myself has made the diagnosis kind of a big deal, waiting for it to be the 'key' for my problems. This would make it possible to try medication (which I'm not a fan of but might as well try) and cheaper or even free therapy for attention problems.

If it's not happening, I don't really see any roads leading anywhere. It will just be the same as the last couple of years.

[roopepa]

@clararockmore Thank you ??

[PepperBlossoms]

Not saying this is you but something similar to ADD/ADHD is ideaphoria - which is when you have ideas/thoughts in your head all the time and it makes it hard to stick to doing 1 thing for a long time and your brain is constantly creating and changing ideas so frequently that you want your tasks to be able to change frequently too so that you can keep on creating - otherwise it is like walking against the current of doing the same thing for too long

and when the excessive thoughts turn negative, it can be hard to get out of and can get worse and worse if focused on

its like the best solution is to find an outlet for creation, which in doing so, may give motivation

..

it is hard when it seems like everyone around us is doing so well and we see that we are doing so poorly but maybe reflect on what could be done to go from poorly to okay and don't even focus on great - just focus on okay.

[Virgo]

On 8/12/2021 at 2:42 PM, roopepa said:

I have been seeing a doctor, because I may have ADD. It would be very likely that I would be diagnosed. The problem is that it pretty much seems it will not be possible to continue the process because a certain problem/quality in the diagnostic process that I can't go through, which I will not share here since it's quite personal. 

I also found a very good therapist, but I can't continue the sessions because of a poor money situation.

For years I've been having problems creating good habits, eating clean, meditating, even cleaning the house. I kind of hoped that the ADD diagnosis would explain it, that maybe some therapy and medication would be helpful for me, but now that it seems to be impossible, I'm kind of losing faith. I don't know what to do.

I've been trying to figure out what is wrong, trying to motivate and inspire myself, trying to just bite the bullet and clean up the diet etc, trying to shift beliefs, but I just can't. It all just feels too much. I can't find anything that really inspires me. It's like I'm simply just not the "right kind of a person" to ace life. Sure, that's a belief, but how do you change it? Like REALLY how do you change such beliefs?

There is this underlying tone, I'd just like to run away from life. I don't really have suicidal thoughts but I kinda sense that it's right there. Everything is just so weirdly terrifying and hard and paradoxical and I don't know how one is supposed to deal with all of this.

Inner engineering and yoga.

[Nahm]

Believing something’s wrong and trying to resolve it (in thought) is existential rumination. The ‘cure’ is meditation, because nothing’s wrong… there is just the judgmental activity of thoughts, that there is, something wrong. The byproduct of meditation is the expression / emptying out of what arises (the why, when, & how it is you came to believe something’s wrong and the letting go of identifying as such). The byproduct of that emptying / letting go is a full circle ‘return’ to the actuality of focus, which there wasn’t anything wrong with… and which was only obscured by the belief something is wrong, and the labelling (of feeling & emotion) which enabled the belief. 

It’s most humbling, relieving & freeing, realizing “something’s wrong” is a belief / projection. 

Nothing’s wrong with you. You’re perfect how you are, and you always will be.