Shadow work is so hard.?

[Adodd]

I have been having insights about my childhood and uncovering memories from my teenage years and after breaking through some big barriers I find myself stuck in the same mindset i had back than. Depressed, dark awful thoughts. I react to everything. I feel like exploding over things that I wouldnt normally care about. I thought that I was past these things and thought having these realizations would help in this area. It's like I had a realization of something from 8 years old and now I'm feel like im 8 again. Not age wise but how I felt emotionally at 8. At least now I am aware of it unlike back then. Has anyone else had this experience.

Edited August 11, 2021 by Adodd

[Adodd]

I'm sure this is temporary but is this going to happen everytime I break through a barrier? That makes me unsure about continuing.

[taotemu]

When we are traumatized as a child (even sometimes as an adult), we lack any maturity or capacity to deal with it.  The psychological energy of the trauma is then sequestered into the unconscious so we can continue to function in the world.  When something happens that brings those traumas back into our awareness, be it therapy, a trigger or anything else, we will revert back into that energy.  It is an opportunity, from the safety of the more mature ego, to digest and integrate the experience.  It is hard work.  But the alternative is a lifetime of neurosis, because that energy isn't going anywhere. 

Just know shadow work takes time.  It won't shift overnight and the outcome of processing through the experience may not look like what you think.  But it is a journey worth taking.

Now it is also possible to transcend the trauma, but in my opinion that can't happen until it is made conscious, which brings us back to shadow work. 

[RickyFitts]

Agree wholeheartedly with everything @taotemu said. Boy, is it hard work, and it can feel seriously dispiriting and endless at times, but you just have to persevere with it and take it one day at a time.

8 minutes ago, taotemu said:

But the alternative is a lifetime of neurosis, because that energy isn't going anywhere. 

This is the stark reality. The price of freedom is a big one, but it's worth it.

[Adodd]

@taotemu you're so right.

A couple weeks ago while deep in thought I realized theres nothing wrong with me and that really kind of fucks with me. It was such a beautiful experience when i uncovered it. I realized why I always thought I needed to change who I was and how i felt as a child and teenager and even now as an adult. Even though it sounds great to realize I'm not broken, it is scary in way. Because i dont know what life is like with this being a known truth. Its like I'm having thoughts that i dont even think, just to convince myself that I'm wrong and there really IS something wrong with me. Yes i know how assbackwards this is but I dont know. It changes so much and I know I'm trying to stay in my comfort zone of feeling broken. I'm not saying I WANT to be broken but I want to be in a familiar space and for me feeling fucked up is what's familiar. I cant think of any priar point of my life where I didnt feel that way. I know thats fucked up but I can clearly see it. I'm just trying to fight it I guess

[Seraphim]

Yes We are all in it together, everyone has something to work on, except for maybe some highly evolved yogi who has become completely free from inner distortions, but they must have worked hard for it. My favorite technique for shadow work is to be in complete inner silence, no thoughts, perfect oneness, but I still have some addiction to thinking so it's not always easy to do that.

[Breakingthewall]

4 hours ago, Adodd said:

It's like I had a realization of something from 8 years old and now I'm feel like im 8 again

That is. You have brought out the trauma, now it will sting you for a while, but it will be diluted, since at this moment you have plenty of tools to handle it, and a knot will be undone. the bad time that is spent is compensated a thousand times by the benefit of having overcome it.

[Adodd]

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

 My favorite technique for shadow work is to be in complete inner silence, no thoughts, perfect oneness, but I still have some addiction to thinking so it's not always easy to do that.

Interesting. How exactly is this excercise helpful? I've been doing quite the opposite.

[Ananta]

I had childhood trauma that had to be processed as an adult. It came out slowly over a period of 5 years I think in various ways. Some times with a therapist and others by writing or on a forum. The thing is that once it's processed you still know what happened, but the emotional pain of it gets dulled significantly. It actually doesn't even bother me at all anymore. 

[DreamScape]

Healing always occurs within a loving space. you can create this yourself. Take it slow, breathe, and sit with yourself. You don't have to uncover things from your past like looking for a leech with a magnifying glass, all you have to do is sit with yourself and give yourself the love you deserve while going through the healing process with that particular trauma. trauma is a wound, so it should be treated with care and respect. like opening a box full of valuables, trauma is the body's way of defending itself and protecting itself, so care and respect is needed when uncovering those traumas. 

Once you have an activated Kundalini, you can turn towards the earth and universe, experience Christ consciousness and bask in the love of the universe. 

Trauma isn't healed by jumping into a pool of darkness. it's healed by turning towards the light and bringing all of your traumas to the light with you. 

[JayySur]

Hey friend.

I highly recommending watching Noah Elkrief, and see if you feel a connection to his teachings. He’s really good at focusing on the emotional aspect of this journey. 
 

 

[RickyFitts]

@DreamScape BEautifully said 

(I didn't mean to capitalise the E, but fuck it, I'm keeping it like that.)

[Shmurda]

Something that Leo doesn't mention and I haven't really seen in this forum: Through repeated and intensive Samantha meditation (mindfulness meditation with or without an object), your body-mind will purify much of your trauma organically without you having to do any shadow work. 

I've been sitting for 1-2 hours a day for the past year and I've made more progress than any previous attempts to address my trauma when using the intellect as a guide. 

I look forward to challenging emotional episodes now because my level of mindfulness has put me beyond victimhood. 

[WelcometoReality]

15 hours ago, Adodd said:

I have been having insights about my childhood and uncovering memories from my teenage years and after breaking through some big barriers I find myself stuck in the same mindset i had back than. Depressed, dark awful thoughts. I react to everything. I feel like exploding over things that I wouldnt normally care about. I thought that I was past these things and thought having these realizations would help in this area. It's like I had a realization of something from 8 years old and now I'm feel like im 8 again. Not age wise but how I felt emotionally at 8. At least now I am aware of it unlike back then. Has anyone else had this experience.

These thoughts and feelings come up so we can fully heal them. I have gone through something similiar. Alot of fear and anger over quite some time. When we sit with those feelings they start to dissolve and start to lessen in intensity. It's all part of the purification process.

[tsuki]

16 hours ago, Adodd said:

I have been having insights about my childhood and uncovering memories from my teenage years and after breaking through some big barriers I find myself stuck in the same mindset i had back than. Depressed, dark awful thoughts. I react to everything. I feel like exploding over things that I wouldnt normally care about. I thought that I was past these things and thought having these realizations would help in this area. It's like I had a realization of something from 8 years old and now I'm feel like im 8 again. Not age wise but how I felt emotionally at 8. At least now I am aware of it unlike back then. Has anyone else had this experience.

No inner work will ever give you freedom as understood by having happy thoughts, all day every day. Inner work will only ever give you responsibility, as in, an inner space in which experience occurs.

Indeed, shadow work will make you feel like an 8 year old, because, in fact, that 8 year old still lives in your psyche. The psyche does not grow in a way that is similar to the body, by gradually transforming into something different, bigger. It grows by creating layers, like an onion, with experience. Shadow work will let you see clearly, the layers that are very old and very powerful. This 8 year old is interconnected with every other layer, and if it feels threatened, it will throw a tantrum. Because you worked to uncover it, you have the opportunity to take ownership of it, and protect it deliberately by creating boundaries in your life. Only conscious boundary creation will give you a way to create a life that is harmonious with you. It will not be airy-fairy-spiritual. It will be brutal, but now you know that this inner child is there and why it feels so hurt.

Edited August 12, 2021 by tsuki

[mandyjw]

Why is shadow work so often focused just on trauma and negative moments, why not nostalgia work? 

Now is a doorway, and the tone of your thoughts is determined by the amount of light that doorway is letting in. Think of your current mood and emotional state as an indication of the size of the door. When you aren't feeling good, everything looks shadowy and distorted and hard to make out. When you're feeling love and appreciation the door is flung wide open with the morning sun streaming through directly.

In this way all memories and other thoughts are filtered. Now. Now. Now. 

I don't try to clean up my house when it's pitch dark. I turn the light on first. 

 

[tsuki]

14 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Why is shadow work so often focused just on trauma and negative moments, why not nostalgia work? 

Because growth requires exploration of areas that we do not naturally gravitate towards.

It's all Love in the end, but saying it outright gives the wrong impression that it is, in any way, tied with morality and meekness.

[mandyjw]

Just now, tsuki said:

Because growth requires exploration of areas that we do not naturally gravitate towards.

Most people do gravitate to thinking about what's wrong or not quite right about themselves or others, this is in itself the entire point of doing shadow work, to be able to stop doing that. The end is the means. 

Also you're correct, we do avoid feeling feelings fully, we avoid really investigating fear or grief and so avoid the charge of it, the freedom and love in it. But all negative emotion is a layer of BS unless it feels great and if you give too much weight on thought, you get lost in spinning circles of BS. There's a difference between looking under the bed to see if the imagined monster is there once and for all and laying in bed imagining what it might do to you. 

[tsuki]

24 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

There's a difference between looking under the bed to see if the imagined monster is there once and for all and laying in bed imagining what it might do to you. 

Yep, and this difference is doing the actual work.

[Wilhelm44]

Combine shadow work with bliss/satisfaction work, see Leo's latest two videos.