I feel like a loser

[Preety_India]

I feel like a loser all the time. How should I cope with this feeling? 

I compare myself with others and I feel like a zero. 

Like they have semi perfect lives whereas I'm struggling. Yea stage orange stuff. Feels like I'm in a wrong place. 

I feel alone, discarded and humiliated. 

My friends who are doing well tend to talk condescendingly so I don't talk to them. 

I never feel respected around people. 

In my past relationships I felt like being taken advantage of. 

I feel emotional but I'm unable to deeply explore these emotions. Like I can't place a finger on what's exactly upsetting me. 

Whenever I meet new people, it's usually ends up me turning into a mockery, a doormat, me being used and then promptly dumped when they're done with me. Is this because they look down on me and that's why treat me badly? 

I feel like people play social games and I can't keep up with that. I try to fit in but feel like I don't align or get along with all this Stage Orange Society Prestige mindset. I'm just too natural, too free spirited and too real to care about social and egoic behaviors. I like to be by myself cocooned into my own space. 

If I mix with people, they discuss wealth, status which I don't like. They want to show off. "I'm doing better than you" mindset. 

That makes me feel displaced and more like an outcast and loser.. I don't like competition and competitive people because I don't see realness in it, it feels cheap, shallow, inorganic, materialistic, un-spiritual, unloving, mean and competitive. I find it  unempathetic, "VANITY FAIR," and fake. I look at such people with scorn or disgust because they are so superficial and not having the depth I have. Also I find them mean and contemptuous and condescending which makes me feel very insecure and vulnerable around them, constantly feeling like I have to prove something or compete with them to keep up. Meanwhile they get to be special. 

When they look at me, I feel like they're pitying me. 

And I absolutely hate their pitying language which feels like empty hollow empathy and just fake hospitality. It feels like behind it they are glad I'm not doing well or simply feeling better at my expense. 

When I confront them about how I hate superficial things like expensive vacations or shopping, they hate my guts. 

I feel like I have turned into a joke for them to spit at. 

When they talk to me I feel manipulated and taken advantage of and it feels like behind all that talk they secretly whisper -" what a dumb girl?" I feel like they absolutely lack empathy on my level and have a complete disregard for my feelings and love to talk about their petty problems when my own problems are so big and severe and their problems are more like soap opera type drama where they don't have to deal with shit. 

Yet I constantly feel like they take advantage of my empathy. Like even If I tell them that I have serious stuff to deal with, they come back again and coerce me into talking with them because nobody else will deal with their whining. Or they see me as a safe bet because they don't feel threatened egoically with me, as though a rich mistress is discussing her petty drama with her servant maid, that's how I get treated. And then when I talk about my problems, they immediately wrap up by showing some pity like - "oh, I'm so sorry.." like it doesn't matter that I'm having bigger problems to deal with meanwhile they are complaining about broken glass and brawls in their parties. I feel mocked and used around such people. Later they simply ignore me if I want to text or hang out. Everything is always all about them and their petty daily drama, they aren't crying tears yet they want to pretend like their whole world is collapsing in 2 minutes. Very narcissistic. They use me as their emotional tampon and their issues are so flimsy and trivial. I totally feel like a joke. Sad joke kind of way. 

When I ask them how their life is, they tell me it's fun and they are attending another party yet just a few days before they were whining and crying how their whole life was so miserable and awful. Which is a total lie because after all the whining they're focused on expensive self indulgence and enjoying their lives as usual. 

They dont share their problems with other people who are doing well, because then it suddenly turns into how their pride will be hurt if they told their problems to others on the same social status. But they have no problem being grumpy and whiny around me because in their eyes I'm someone who is lower in status and not a threat in terms of "keeping up with the Joneses" type of competition.. 

I'm tired of all such things. It feels like torture. 

How to cope around  such people and how to be smart enough to identify such people and throw them out of  my life for good. 

 

[Someone here]

No one can give you worth except yourself.  The solution is to love yourself unconditionally. Let go of pleasing people. You will never be perfect in the eyes or everyone. 

[unborn_chicken]

Hey Preety. Why do you hang around people like that at all? Are you comfortable being alone?

Do you develop relationships with people that can appreciate how you naturally are?

Also what kind of people are you comparing yourself with? Do you admire those people?

And why a loser? In what areas of your life do you feel you're not winning?, And are you in control of winning or losing in those things?

 

Just some questions...

[Preety_India]

20 minutes ago, unborn_chicken said:

Hey Preety. Why do you hang around people like that at all? Are you comfortable being alone?

I am comfortable being alone but I feel like if i had to remove such people from my life, the only option left would be to live alone. Because majority of people I meet are like this. 

20 minutes ago, unborn_chicken said:

 

Do you develop relationships with people that can appreciate how you naturally are?

I am yet to find such people. 

20 minutes ago, unborn_chicken said:

Also what kind of people are you comparing yourself with? Do you admire those people?

I don't admire them.. But they represent society. I wish society wasn't so status oriented. 

20 minutes ago, unborn_chicken said:

And why a loser? In what areas of your life do you feel you're not winning?, And are you in control of winning or losing in those things?

 

Just some questions...

I don't earn as much as they do. They are wealthier than me. Some of these people I went to university with. But most of them are just from well to do families. I was the only one among them who came from a poor family. I always felt a sense of inferiority around them because they would talk about spending money on parties and I could not do that but it's not like I wanted it, yet in society when you are poorer than others, it obviously generates feelings of inferiority

 

On top of feeling inferior(because of poverty), and a loser, I also feel like a Sucker, because these people get to whine about their silly issues like boyfriend/girlfriend troubles and drama meanwhile I struggle with real problems and if i share those, then their reaction is a condescending pity. 

But they use me to release their hot mess on me, I feel suckered in, like a dumb idiot, or a fool who is being used for their purposes. 

I noticed that most people who ever want to have a connection with me, only do so because they need something out of me, like a slave, they want me to do favors, they want me to do this, do that, give them something like my time or resources. 

If I have a book, they want that book. They want something all the time. Yet they appreciate others who don't even do anything for them. On their social media pages they mention other friends who they consider valuable but not me. 

If there's a party I am invited to, I am never asked for a drink or appreciated, yet their friends are appreciated who are simply appreciated for who they are? But then why not me? 

Yet when they need something, anything at all, they don't go to the friends they so generously appreciate, instead they come to me. Why?? Because I'll help them? Or because they don't feel ashamed with me. And is that because they think I'm lower than them so they don't see me as a threat? 

I find these social games stupid because I demand the same level of appreciation that others get. Why should they deserve all the appreciation and me nothing? And when in times of need,  i am being used as their personal assistant or doormat?? 

I'm supposed to act like a therapist to them and give them emotional support, advice and spend a lot of time and effort and energy on them. And what's the end result. Me being treated like a non existent entity when it comes to appreciation. 

Am I this bad that nobody can like me for who I am? 

Can I only be liked if I fulfill someone's needs? 

I'm such a fun person. And still people only like me if they find me useful for their work or else they turn away. 

I am so done feeling like a loser and a Sucker on top of it. 

Like i deserve respect and appreciation too. 

This is not like seeking validation. I'm not looking for validation. I am looking for equal treatment. For respect. 

So what's the reason why they don't respect me but respect and appreciate others who don't even help? 

Because they think I'm inferior or poor or undeserving? 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@unborn_chicken is this because I don't know how to keep my importance? Why do I get treated like a toy or a clown? Why am I treated as less important? 

All I want is to be treated with the same level of respect, importance and appreciation that others are given and not be used only as a means to an end, as though I can't be appreciated for who I am. 

And if they can't appreciate me, why should I even continue with such people? But the problem is that majority of people are this way so in the end I'm left alone.. 

I don't like to play these high society ego games. Social games. I'm not materialistic like them. Nor am I flippant. 

I want real people who will be real with me and not treat me like an object. I want people who will love me and appreciate me for who I am, not because they need something from me. And then discard me later when their job is done 

 

 

What should I do so I can cut out fake people and only be surrounded by people who truly appreciate me for who I am and aren't using me in any way?

I don't want to end up feeling like a sucker each time. 

 

 

[unborn_chicken]

@Preety_India

 

I think you're probably just a black sheep amongst a shit-ton of white sheep hehe

Indeed, the kind-hearted, wisdom-seeking people are few and far between. It's probably a good idea not to have an unhealthy expectation that these people are somehow gonna be easy to come across in life.

We live in a selfish and shallow society, so most people are gonna be in accordance to those values. It's not their fault, it's just ignorance, and also everybody is on their own personal journey and we should respect that, so there's no point in being resentful towards them either.

You need to decide how you wish to relate to the "majority" of people, the "masses" people. What you wish to get out of them (if anything at all).

 

And about feeling bad about yourself for not having as much money...

Is having money something to want? Just how much ambition do you have in that sense?

Maybe you're more family oriented and want something more along the lines of being a stay-in-home mom?

You have to define what success (or a "good life") means to you and take action towards that, whether that means raising a family, getting a job, playing an instrument, etc.

And also ask yourself, how realistic are you being? How much effort and sacrifice are you willing to put for the things you want?

You could feel self-pity about the place you started in life, but that doesn't really help or change anything. Given the chance everyone would choose to be born in a wealthy, wise and loving family.

 

Edited August 10, 2021 by unborn_chicken

[asifarahim]

A strong meditation can reduce most of problems.meditate 1 hour in morning. 1 hour in evening.then isolate from society.society is a fucked up toxic cancerous thing.talk to a few of your non cancerous friends.then learn social intelligence , like machiavellianism.if u have time learn a martial art.that gives confidence.meditation will solve  emotional problems.machiavellianism make u good in dealing with stage orange and below.

[Preety_India]

19 minutes ago, asifarahim said:

A strong meditation can reduce most of problems.meditate 1 hour in morning. 1 hour in evening.then isolate from society.society is a fucked up toxic cancerous thing.talk to a few of your non cancerous friends.then learn social intelligence , like machiavellianism.if u have time learn a martial art.that gives confidence.meditation will solve  emotional problems.machiavellianism make u good in dealing with stage orange and below.

That's really super helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my question. It means a lot and I deeply appreciate your help. 

Thank you. 

[Ananta]

Girlfriend...what is this you feel like a loser?!?

Please stop this, you are much stronger then you are currently giving yourself credit for, don't listen to pple talking nonsense. You have always seemed like you had a good head on your shoulders, until some of your recent posts. I chalked them up to having a bad day, a bad week, whatever, but you continue and I fear you are losing sight of who you are and it doesn't seem good for you.

Do what you need to make yourself well and strong again. 

Peace and I hope you feel the love I'm sending you.? Pull your ass up by the boot straps!!! ?

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Ananta said:

Girlfriend...what is this you feel like a loser?!?

Please stop this, you are much stronger then you are currently giving yourself credit for, don't listen to pple talking nonsense. You have always seemed like you had a good head on your shoulders, until some of your recent posts. I chalked them up to having a bad day, a bad week, whatever, but you continue and I fear you are losing sight of who you are and it doesn't seem good for you.

Do what you need to make yourself well and strong again. 

Peace and I hope you feel the love I'm sending you.? Pull your ass up by the boot straps!!! ?

Yes. I know I'm falling the wrong way. Probably my depression. 

But this phase won't last long 

I see my future as bright. 

Once I cross this phase, better things will be coming. I just need to stay strong while this lasts. Thank you for your strength and kindness. 

I need to make myself strong again and I will. 

 

[Ananta]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

I need to make myself strong again and I will. 

There you go. That's the girl l we all know. You take care.

Yes, I know depression is difficult, but you can help yourself, just look for ways however small and seemingly insignificant to feel better, one day at a time. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Before transcending ego we have to develop a healthy ego to transcend. 
Try to take the long view when you start to feel overwhelmed.  It’s easier said than done.

Avoid reaching conclusions. Reaching conclusions quickly makes one miserable.

At times, everyone projects onto others. Study psychological projection. Try to observe and catch your own projections.

Projection is involved in a good deal of what in the Fourth Way is called Inner considering.

Abandon self criticism. Of course all of this is easier said than done,,,,

I was going to paste the song Perfect by the Artist Pink. YouTube wouldn’t let me though because it’s age restricted.

Here’s the clean version.

 

Four poems by Arnold Keyserling

 

Meaning

You will come to your senses and discover yourself, when you finally and forever abandon self-pity and self-criticism.

 

Authenticity

Complete honesty requires a clear acknowledgement of your own style.

The New People will recognize one another by their authenticity and the values that they embody.

 

 

Truth

Only that truth which is recognized by all can become a fellow-being.

You should grow up around your grievous mistakes like a tree, and let them be, until one day they become a part of your strength, and they no longer hinder your ascent.

Thinking is a force, feeling leads to new motivations.

Remain receptive to both and truth will become attainable.

Truth is that knowledge which becomes one with being.

You will become one with being when all of your burdens and loves, objects and fears, sorrows and joys have found their place in the whole.

 

 

Sorrow

No one would make the decisive step without sorrow and doubt.

But taking that step has nothing to do with sadness.

It is shed like the skin of a snake.

The darkness is able to generate the right reason, one more difficult, but also better, than the next.

But it will not always be so.

Some day love will shine upon you.

Then sorrow will simply be the undertone of the resulting harmony.

The path is there from the very beginning.

Sometimes it is easier, sometimes harder.

But one thing is essential: the depth emerges from the strength of sorrow.

Without sorrow there is no course; without the course the path is not passable.

Mourn – not over the self – but over what is yet to be done.

Each day brings further sorrows, and eventually you will reach the original cause of sorrow.

Then you can finally begin the ascent back.

Rejoice in your sorrow, for the darkness will not remain with you much longer.

 

From - https://schoolofwisdom.com/visions-and-poems/

And lastly, every now and then -  Be Outrageous !!!

[LastThursday]

23 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I feel like a loser all the time. How should I cope with this feeling?

I could tell you how creative, kind, sensitive, fearsome, open, unique and special you are. All the qualities of a beautiful person. But it wouldn't do any good, you have to know it yourself first.

[Nahm]

On 8/10/2021 at 9:27 AM, Preety_India said:

I feel like a loser all the time. How should I cope with this feeling? 

Don’t cope, understand the emotions you’re experiencing. “Loser” is not an emotion, is not a feeling, it’s judgement. Feeling can not ‘go there with you’, which is why the discord & suffering. You have to let judgement go, and you ‘fall into’, ‘end up in’, already are ‘in’, feeling. There is a phase of sorts, in which everyone is the reason, at fault, even ‘ourself’, for how we feel. It runs it’s course, plays itself out, is realized inevitably to be fruitless, as it doesn’t produce any change. It’s usually followed by acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, and then understanding & compassion, aka healing, presence, ‘now’, or actuality. Ultimately, that is the realization of the power of focus. 

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”. - Gandhi 

Meditation is focusing on breathing & feeling, instead of thoughts. This allows the thought activity to settle. Without this thought activity, the world is experienced without this lens, and it is good. Nothing must be done, much must be let go. 

[mandyjw]

So while this is the most overplayed song in the history of mankind, it does have a lot of wisdom.

I saw your drawing in the share your art thread and holy cow, amazing! 

All that glitters is gold. 

 

[Preety_India]

7 hours ago, LastThursday said:

I could tell you how creative, kind, sensitive, fearsome, open, unique and special you are. All the qualities of a beautiful person. But it wouldn't do any good, you have to know it yourself first.

Thank you. I appreciate it. Sometimes it's hard to be generous to oneself especially in an extremely competitive environment and not feel down. 

 

[Preety_India]

7 hours ago, Nahm said:

Don’t cope, understand the emotions you’re experiencing. “Loser” is not an emotion, is not a feeling, it’s judgement. Feeling can not ‘go there with you’, which is why the discord & suffering. You have to let judgement go, and you ‘fall into’, ‘end up in’, already are ‘in’, feeling. There is a phase of sorts, in which everyone is the reason, at fault, even ‘ourself’, for how we feel. It runs it’s course, plays itself out, is realized inevitably to be fruitless, as it doesn’t produce any change. It’s usually followed by acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, and then understanding & compassion, aka healing, presence, ‘now’, or actuality. Ultimately, that is the realization of the power of focus. 

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”. - Gandhi 

Meditation is focusing on breathing & feeling, instead of thoughts. This allows the thought activity to settle. Without this thought activity, the world is experienced without this lens, and it is good. Nothing must be done, much must be let go. 

Something came to my mind(sorry my English is not good), after reading this. 

It feels like anything that disturbs the natural peace of the universe needs to be replaced and filled with love. 

Almost like detonating a bomb. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

3 hours ago, mandyjw said:

So while this is the most overplayed song in the history of mankind, it does have a lot of wisdom.

I saw your drawing in the share your art thread and holy cow, amazing! 

All that glitters is gold. 

 

Thanks Mandy. 

I appreciate. 

[Nahm]

@Preety_India

Yes, but even more so, all there is… is love. The ‘loser’ thingy is a thought / belief situation. There is / are no such thing as ‘losers’. The thought doesn’t feel off cause it’s true… it feels off precisely cause it’s you, and you most certainly are not a ‘loser’, dear love. 

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Preety_India

Yes, but even more so, all there is… is love. The ‘loser’ thingy is a thought / belief situation. There is / are no such thing as ‘losers’. The thought doesn’t feel off cause it’s true… it feels off precisely cause it’s you, and you most certainly are not a ‘loser’, dear love. 

Dear loving Phil, thank you. Kiss.