I like someone but I'm not in my best state

[B_HAZ]

We both into each other a lot but I have a lot of wounds and insecurities to heal .. I feel it would turn into toxic one and I will through out my emotional trash I don't want to hurt this person 

what the best thing to do ?

I tried to explain but didn't workout , I don't want to be blind by my attraction I want to do whats right 

Advice 

[Parththakkar12]

@B_HAZ Focus on healing your wounds. Don't worry about the relationship.

The fact of the matter is that you don't know what's going to happen in the relationship or even whether it's a good idea or not if you haven't healed your wounds. Maybe you stop liking the other person after you heal your wounds! In which case you dodged a massive bullet by healing them.

[B_HAZ]

@Parththakkar12 

I guess you're right that's what I thought I will do but I already feel grief and regret 

I have doubts about what If I'm wrong \what if this could turn into something great 

 

[Parththakkar12]

@B_HAZ It very well could turn into something great! If you are inexperienced and want to explore, definitely don't throw away opportunities to do so for no reason.

My only suggestion is prioritize healing your wounds. That way, if you turn out to not be meant for each other, you won't be left high and dry and you won't waste too much time with them. You'll know what to look for the next time!

[Chew211]

Just get into it. 

The whole "I need to heal my wounds" is neurotic cope, unless it's actual physical wounds. 

You don't need healing, you need growth, and for that you need experience. 

[B_HAZ]

@Chew211 But I'll keep repeating the same patterns I'm tired of that .. I don't want to create more suffering in my life 

I was really scared so I rejected this person.. right now I feel regret\sad

[ertopolice]

We all have insecurities and wounds to heal but..sometimes you need to step out of this confort zone of having them as an excuse for not growing or reaching a fuller potential

 

[Chew211]

29 minutes ago, B_HAZ said:

@Chew211 But I'll keep repeating the same patterns I'm tired of that .. I don't want to create more suffering in my life 

I was really scared so I rejected this person.. right now I feel regret\sad

Congratulations, you've traded one shitty pattern for another, possibly worse, one. 

Breaking out of patterns is an active process, and you gave up an opportunity to do so out of fear, and as a result have upset both yourself and the other. 

[RickyFitts]

Ultimately only you can really know whether you should pursue the relationship or whether you should focus on self-healing - do what feels right for you, none of us knows better than you what's the right course of action for you. 

It might sound scary, but I think you should explain to the person how you're feeling at the moment with regards to the relationship and your inner struggles, primarily so that they don't end up feeling confused and hurt but also because, who knows, maybe talking things through with them will make things clearer for you.

[B_HAZ]

16 hours ago, Chew211 said:

Congratulations, you've traded one shitty pattern for another, possibly worse, one. 

Breaking out of patterns is an active process, and you gave up an opportunity to do so out of fear, and as a result have upset both yourself and the other. 

Wow never thought it this way

[Chew211]

@B_HAZ

Too many people, myself included, have made the mistake of doing nothing in th name of "healing". 

[Matt23]

Why not just try it out for a bit and see how things go?  

If things start to get too bad, you or her can notice and pull the plug.  Or maybe just take a break.

[Roy]

You can still have a successful relationship even if you've got some wounds! Just have to be extremely mindful about your behavior and what you're putting "on" the other person. If it's a healthy relationship they should offer some support and guidance, but it's 90% up to YOU to be doing the work and making the changes within yourself.

Personal development is exactly what it is. It's PERSONAL and intimate to you, not anybody else.

You never want to be relying on another person to keep you afloat or as a distraction to what you need to work on. However a great relationship can boost your life in so many ways that it will become easier to address those issues.

You can have it all if you want, just know it's a lot of work.

[Windappreciator]

Well, tell them you like them bit you're not in your best state.

[Matt23]

8 hours ago, Windappreciator said:

Well, tell them you like them bit you're not in your best state.

I dunno... this might be seen, or might be in itself, an excuse.

I guess maybe the deeper more meaningful question is .. how much do you like or love this person and want to be with them?

Ultimately, I think it comes down to that.  How meaningful are they to you?

Couples have overcome tremendous things to be together.  I know one man who took care of his wife for months or years while she battled some sort of disease.  

I'm not saying your situation even remotely comes close to that.  But I think there's a point that's similar; the amount of love and meaning you have for a thing will, in part, determine how much "stuff" you're willing to accept, tolerate, and work through in order to have that thing in your life... or at least have that thing be as positive as it can be.

I dunno though.  

Don't just not see someone cuz you've got issues in the hopes of oneday not having issues.  I mean, ya, maybe there's times when that's a solid and responsible way to go.  But it can also be a mistake since you may never fully resolve your issues.  Also, like Roy said, being with a person may help you grow through those issues.

[Windappreciator]

@Matt23 It doesn't need to end there.