I'm jealous. The girl I like is vibing some other dude

[assx95]

I have only been on one date with her, but met her so many times otherwise. She's in my college campus. There's another guy who she is posting Instagram stories about and I'm jealous. That other guy is closer to her and is friends with her for much longer.  I don't know what to do, is it wise to pursue her more aggressively? I like her. Or is it better if i start focusing on other girls, and hoping she comes around? 

[Roy]

If you really really like her, then make that known ASAP and pursue her.

Regardless of the outcome though, if she rejects you and/or gets with that other guy, you need to be detached though and realize where you are;

You are at a college campus! There are plenty of other girls you will like. Don't worry if one doesn't work out. It's not like it's a small town or island where it will taunt you forever 

[assx95]

3 minutes ago, Roy said:

If you really really like her, then make that known ASAP and pursue her.

Regardless of the outcome though, if she rejects you and/or gets with that other guy, you need to be detached though and realize where you are;

You are at a college campus! There are plenty of other girls you will like. Don't worry if one doesn't work out. It's not like it's a small town or island where it will taunt you forever 

Yep. Sounds good! Will tell her tonight! Thx Man! 

[Roy]

Just now, assx95 said:

Yep. Sounds good! Will tell her tonight! Thx Man! 

Cool. Good luck! Just be mindful about how you come across. You don't want to be doing this from a place of fear of losing her or missing out, or she'll sense it. Be genuine and casual about it, tell her what you (actually) appreciate about her and how you feel.

It's counter-intuitive but those vulnerable moments where you open up, are actually where you show a lot of strength and security. Regardless of what happens (what she says) it will still be true.

 

[Preety_India]

Do you really like her? 

Also explore jealousy /insecurity issues. More self introspection needed. 

[Esilda]

@assx95 Focus on your feelings first as much as you can, make sure they don't get the better of your by processing them well. Second is introspect on where you want to be in the future and all the ways in which it could work and not work, afterwards go with your gut, like tell her how you feel darl  .

How long have you known her?

What is stopping you from still learning about other girls (as it doesn't mean you have to pursue them)?

What do you really want from her more than anything else and what makes you think she could provide that more than another woman from where you are?

Wishing you the best  

Edited August 10, 2021 by Esilda

[RickyFitts]

9 minutes ago, Esilda said:

@assx95 Focus on your feelings first as much as you can, make sure they don't get the better of your by processing them well.

Excellent advice, though it can be easier said than done 

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Also explore jealousy /insecurity issues. More self introspection needed. 

Also very good advice. I think understanding what's at the root of the jealousy/insecurity on an emotional level is key, though again that can be a lot easier said than done.

1 hour ago, Roy said:

It's counter-intuitive but those vulnerable moments where you open up, are actually where you show a lot of strength and security. Regardless of what happens (what she says) it will still be true.

An excellent point - vulnerability is often equated with weakness, and yet it can take considerable courage to open up to another about how you feel on the deepest level.

[Esilda]

@RickyFitts

[Chew211]

2 hours ago, assx95 said:

I have only been on one date with her, but met her so many times otherwise. She's in my college campus. There's another guy who she is posting Instagram stories about and I'm jealous. That other guy is closer to her and is friends with her for much longer.  I don't know what to do, is it wise to pursue her more aggressively? I like her. Or is it better if i start focusing on other girls, and hoping she comes around? 

Did you get physical with her at all?

[hamedsf]

don't be jealous or at least don't show your jealousy. 

there's some beta guys that women misuse them for showing other guys that they have wide options. he might be one of 'em! ?

escalate things aggressively without making her feel like that she's been forced. after a while if you see that she doesn't pursue you, don't pursue her either. the rest of the process would be considered "simping"

 

[assx95]

She told me she decided to drop out of college soon. What a shocker. It's like a punch in the face. I wouldn't wait next time to make a move on someone I like. And I would be assertive and get rejected instead. 

 

[assx95]

4 hours ago, assx95 said:

She told me she decided to drop out of college soon. What a shocker. It's like a punch in the face. I wouldn't wait next time to make a move on someone I like. And I would be assertive and get rejected instead. 

 

@Roy I am hit with the impermanence of everything I've been fantasizing about. What does this mean? 

[Bando]

5 hours ago, assx95 said:

She told me she decided to drop out of college soon. What a shocker. It's like a punch in the face. I wouldn't wait next time to make a move on someone I like. And I would be assertive and get rejected instead. 

 

There you go, you got the lesson you needed from this exchange, don't develop a victim mentality and make sure the next girl your interested in knows it.

[AtheisticNonduality]

Just go talk to her alone and tell her how you feel in a way that doesn't make you seem weak. Also, kiss her.

[aurum]

6 hours ago, assx95 said:

She told me she decided to drop out of college soon. What a shocker. It's like a punch in the face. I wouldn't wait next time to make a move on someone I like. And I would be assertive and get rejected instead. 

 

Didn’t you say you went on a date with her? How did she not possibly know you were interested?

Unless it wasn’t really a date. More like just friends hanging out. 

I am actually very pro just being friends with girls, but not knowing how to assert your needs can be problematic.

[diamondpenguin]

@assx95 tbh you just gotta shoot your shot. Just go all in, and tell her how you feel about her. Be like " Baby, how would you feel if we went on a date tomorrow night"? Just gotta stop thinking about and go do it. If you like her that much, you gotta tell her how you feel about her.

[Roy]

7 hours ago, assx95 said:

She told me she decided to drop out of college soon. What a shocker. It's like a punch in the face. I wouldn't wait next time to make a move on someone I like. And I would be assertive and get rejected instead. 

Well that should take the sting out. She ain't even gonna be there anymore. You know what's funny I remember this EXACT same thing happened to me when I went to college in 2011. I was getting to know this girl for about 3 weeks and was getting into her, then when I expressed myself about where I wanted to take things she told me she was looking to drop out. She packed up and was gone that weekend.

2 hours ago, assx95 said:

I am hit with the impermanence of everything I've been fantasizing about. What does this mean? 

Can you describe a bit more what you mean here?

[Ferretab]

Learn to become an Alpha male. That will put you in a position of radiating Alpha energy. Then, be detached from the outcome and be distant around people. You need to appear as a mysterious guy. You also have to show that you're calm and centered in your masculinity. Don't try to impress anyone, for your attitude will arouse a sense of curiosity in the women around. Don't chase women at all, as the act of chasing is a feminine feature. You are there to penetrate the world with your competency, and to do your job ethically.

1. Stand up with your shoulders back; that will radiate Alpha energy.

2. Don't chase women; they will chase you, assuming that you know how to act around them.

3. Make yourself desirable through your presence.

4. Make eye contact with women and let them break it first; that will make them feel something, as the other guys are clueless and boring to them.

[Ferretab]

11 hours ago, assx95 said:

Or is it better if i start focusing on other girls, and hoping she comes around?

You must CUT contact with her as soon as possible and never chase her again. Let her come to you. The act of not chasing her will make her think about you and ask this question: "Why isn't that guy talking to me anymore? Why isn't he chasing me anymore?"

When she'll be contacting you, set a date on the spot using this line: "I've been busy a lot lately but I would love to see you again. Why are you free to get together?"

That is all you need to do.

[Windappreciator]

Tell her your feelings. That's all there is to do.