Love

[Esilda]

If I could be a swan, I would certainly learn to fly. To feel the wind against my feathers, the softness of my eyes looking down below. No care in the world but the joy of flight and returning home to the calm waters of my fellow friends lake. To eat bread passed to me by people wandering by. A simple life, with no care in the world but the desire to be, in flight. The gentle sounds of my neighbours, off and we fly together. Harmonising our wings, so that we can sing one joyful song that unites us all, together through it all. Our feathers change with the leaves of the trees surrounding, our quacks grow older with the surrounding changes in passes by. The simple life of a swan, in peace. Isn't true love pure white?

 

Edited August 12, 2021 by Esilda

[Esilda]

Taken away by a flowing dream, sensuality lightens everything around me. The quiet wind through my hair and the love song that whitens the glow of my soft heart. Slowly walking on water across the lake of doom, to meet my troubled man, hold him tight so he can feel love for the first time tonight. Pure white.

 

Edited August 12, 2021 by Esilda

[Esilda]

His gravity completely consumes me. Immovable in his encirclement, I am compelled to feel the full painted sound of his every command. I live in my desire to understand, so that I can feel his strong hands around me. My energy a shifting flowing dance and his, a rock of depth and strength. I give my life to you and through you I learn to become a muse from mother nature to you, I give you my visions and in return you finally give me your love. 

I traveled in my spaceship of love to the most haunting places within your soul and lit everything up so brightly like you've never experienced before. Your planet of torment, darkness that you hide from the world that I feel into so clearly, intuit so viscerally. With the lightest touch, your pain slowly drifts away and you are mine. Our planet now, I fall into you, seeing the darkness of the world through your eyes and through mine you see its lightness.

 

Edited August 12, 2021 by Esilda

[Esilda]

What does it mean to truly love someone, is it not anything but the truth? To not be lost in neither our hopeful images nor our judgemental images but instead to feel and be present with them as they truly are… To understand that life is just such, a flower slowly coming from the ground and spawning new petals followed by its slow but inevitable deterioration with the seasons? 

What do we fear to lose if nothing more than the loss of what never was or what was but is now something new and beautiful which is ideally a greater expression of who they are and if not, why would we if we were to ever abandon them as so many people often do when images contradict reality? Should we not just instead be abandoning the images we have of them, is this not how we receive the touch of nature? Doesn't this say something about true loyalty, and isn't true loyalty an aspect of what we would connect with true love? Could we have any kind of relationship with God if we were to make it a true one?

Who are the men around us (or if you’re a man reading this, I guess a woman lol) that have this quality of presence, where they can be with us and not judge us based on neither the images they have of us nor the images they have of anything and instead through the passive beauty of observation? What man will stay and be enlightened by our changes and who will go because they cannot bare their images of us changing from what they truly desired? Do we not want to know someone or do we just want to see how much they are like the images we want them to be like?

Thus when I love my man, let me love him in this honest way so that the warmth of his care does not deteriorate in my eyes of feeling, so that I can create the flowing space for him to be his purposeful energy without holding onto a past or future, so that he can be the roundedness of the earth while the rush of Mother Nature comes through me and so the meaningfulness of my surrender into his arms and the feeling of me in his arms does not lose its balance or mystery.

And when he grants me the privilege of knowing his highest purpose on this divine planet let me focus on creating the harmony he needs so that he can focus purely on achieving his dreams, the softness so that his pains are healed from his pursuits with ease and the love so that his heart is never lost without meaning in his drives for his highest good.

 

[Esilda]

@Marcel Appreciation! Just from the heart darl! 

[Esilda]

@Marcel I am the extreme definition of emotional lol , like a haunted Christmas and halloween that's like Christmas, I have the full wavelength of my emotions just there ready to experience at any moment.

 

[Esilda]

@Marcel Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist darl? I've been seeing my own therapist for over 12 months now to help me through my traumas. Talk therapy stuff, cognitive behavioural. You've been through seriously upsetting experiences that have no doubt carried a lot of emotional weight, how do you feel about processing them all? 

[Esilda]

@Marcel catching up on your comment

[Esilda]

@Marcel Stay away from psychiatrists?  They're generally the only ones that prescribe medication. I agree though that sounds like a terrible way to go about handling a client. I've personally never had an experience like that, I guess I've been pretty lucky but if there was anything I would be looking at to gauge a therapists ability it would be their empathy. Feel free to continue to hash out your emotions here if you think you'd be able to contribute in your own way, this journal was all about promoting self discovery about our understanding of love in the first place so we don't generalise the way most cultures condition us to do about our most cherished experiences .

What are your feelings about the feelings you have about those experiences? Like that was a pretty big thing you shared there as well, do you feel taken away a little bit by that vulnerability? In my first entry and even my later entries I sometimes felt a sense of shame, even guilt for some of the things that I said, upon noticing that I've since started documenting all of the feelings I have from the emotionally difficult and vulnerable things that I share. 

[RickyFitts]

7 minutes ago, Esilda said:

In my first entry and even my later entries I sometimes felt a sense of shame, even guilt for some of the things that I said, upon noticing that I've since started documenting all of the feelings I have from the emotionally difficult and vulnerable things that I share. 

Love your honesty and self-awareness, Esilda, so beautiful  (I keep calling everything beautiful just recently, I really must dig out my thesaurus). I love that you share it here, too, makes it easier for me to accept when I feel shame, self-hatred, etc. after I've posted something on this forum and find myself wishing I'd kept my big, dumb mouth closed.

[Esilda]

@Marcel let all that love out this is beautiful! Take back your self, feel everything, feel the loving embrace of mother nature cradling you in her arms like the wonderful spec of dust you are! 

[Esilda]

@RickyFitts thank you lovely that's so wonderful of you, feel free to let your spirit run wild here to find yourself as well!  

[Esilda]

@Marcel wow you're so open, I've thought about being a male, how about a hermaphrodite? Gay? Lesbian? Orangutang? We all need to encourage our imagination and just have fun with it  . 

That's such a deep question for me, it makes me sink into my energetic experience immediately, I feel trees, I hear the wind, I see beautiful scenes of lakes and then I feel the centre of the earth giving life to everything around us in this moment. It has no past, it has no future, it is just the manifest of the ever-present now. There's nothing to cling onto but there's everything to feel and experience with the full intensity of the life force of love that springs into our hearts and gives us our life.

Edited August 13, 2021 by Esilda

[Esilda]

@Marcel that is so beautiful I am so proud of you for admitting that to yourself!

Sending you the strength, confidence, liberation, joy, belief, ecstasy, beauty and love to be your true self

Reading now... 

[Esilda]

Going ballroom dancing tonight @Marcelits going to be so much fun .

[Esilda]

@Marcel Thank you darl!  

That's what I do on this forum now, I'm just hunting through all the conversations seeing what I find interesting and then jumping in or just observing what's going on like an alien!

That's so refreshing to hear, you've started on such a brave journey that is only going to make you stronger and stronger with every day. So many people are so stuffed inside their emotional cocoons, you'll be an inspiration to many people now 

Edited August 13, 2021 by Esilda

[RickyFitts]

5 hours ago, Esilda said:

@RickyFitts thank you lovely that's so wonderful of you, feel free to let your spirit run wild here to find yourself as well!  

What an absolute sweetheart you are, I certainly shall if anything comes to mind! 

[Esilda]

@RickyFitts Or maybe I'm too much of a people pleaser? rofl. I don't think so though, I feel that I'm okay, I just like seeing others around me happy for the most part, its not really an active inner process, something that's automatic for me. Thank you I look forward to it  

[Esilda]

@RickyFitts I'm certainly not perfect though... i just follow the feeling, sometimes the feeling doesn't always make people happy, other times it does, 

- shrugs shoulders -

[RickyFitts]

6 hours ago, Esilda said:

@RickyFitts Or maybe I'm too much of a people pleaser? rofl. I don't think so though, I feel that I'm okay, I just like seeing others around me happy for the most part, its not really an active inner process, something that's automatic for me. Thank you I look forward to it  

I think you're just a very heart-centred person, which is *looks in thesaurus* - no, fuck it, I'm just going to say it - beautiful 

 

6 hours ago, Esilda said:

i just follow the feeling