Focus and Blankness

[Preety_India]

⚽⚽Just focus on yourself. 

How far have you been able to do this really well consistently? 

I was going to use the football motif.

And the baseball motif for journal. 

?

Edited August 9, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

One hour ago. ?

[Preety_India]

One of the problems that I face, I will call them hard spots in my life. 

And one such hard spot is this forum. I don't like being here but I'm here anyway as a means to an end. It helps me with my self development indeed but i would rather not have the social aspect of this place. 

But the social aspect sort of comes with the territory. 

Since I'm an introvert I tend to push people away because I see them as a disturbance to my work. I can only talk little and after that begin to feel trapped, caged, nervous and want to spend time alone. 

Spending time alone was my favorite hobby. 

You can see introverted elements in my journals. 

In fact I'm so introverted that I talk to myself in my journals. I don't even feel like I need to talk to people. 

I feel happy when I am alone, although a bit lonely sometimes, but being alone for me has always been more peaceful and meaningful than being around people.. 

I tend to go back into my shell many many times and I rarely come out 

This I did for 2 years on this forum from February 2018 to November 2019. I never spoke to anyone here. It felt good but I was missing out on social networking and as a result I didn't even have social mannerisms on how to talk to people so they understand. It wasn't helping at all because I became a shell of myself not knowing anything about social behaviors or social cues and that made me even more combative. It's hard this way. It's like a child who grew up with animals and never knew how to behave in the world and now when the child makes mistakes you punish that child severely without looking into where the child came from. 

Don't misinterpret an introvert if you don't understand them. Let them be free of your worthless judgment. They could be very different from who you think they are. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I never felt happy with any profile picture 

 

Every time I uploaded a profile picture within 2 hours I started hating it, feeling extremely repulsed. 

Because when I upload a profile picture, in the beginning I feel the emotion of the picture is representing me, I feel like the picture is talking to me. 

Then within minutes and hours I feel a sense of torture and resentment building against the same profile picture. I feel like it's not representing my emotion correctly or it's not generating peace or it is staring at me. I get anxious because I tend to feel watched, attacked, and repulsed by the same picture. 

I feel like the picture is separate from who I am and what I represent. Then I start hunting for another picture that will represent my inner emotion properly. 

When I look at any face picture I see an emotion in it. 

The emotion generally matches with my emotion in the given moment.