Help/Advice in regards to roommates & rent

[Matt23]

So I'd like to hear what your thoughts are on this.  

Basically, I started renting this new place and after a week or so that I found it too noisy for me.  

Now I've got a new place to move to, but, the woman wants me to move in on the 1st.  This means I wouldn't be giving the guys I live with now a month's notice.  So, I thought it would be fair if I paid for the 8 days difference (even though I wouldn't be living here).  === What do you think of this?

My second thing is that they want me to move out on either the 1st or the 15th of the month since they find it's easier to fill rooms during those dates rather than dates in between (like the 6th or 22nd, etc.).  I spoke with the guy about it and said to him that if they didn't find a new person to fill my room by the 8th (which is the date I said I'd pay them too since that's a month from now) I could pay till the 15th as well.  

One issue here is that they pay extra for any of the empty rooms.

Now, I did this probably mostly to just not make a hassle out of things and avoid I don't know what sort of repercussions.  It also seemed that they felt a little hard done by having it not on the 15th, so I sort of partly felt like a sense of duty or well-giving to them to do this since they are decent guys. 

I also did the math and if I pay till the 8th it's like $185.  If I pay till the 15th that's like $345 (another $160).  But if I only paid till the 8th (which I think is relatively fair considering I think a month's notice is the standard and perhaps even legal), and if I didn't pay till the 15th, they'd each only have to pay $50 each. 

Now, money isn't exactly falling off trees for me and I feel stressed and strapped for cash.  Another part of me though feels ok with just being ok with this and letting it go.

My main concern is worrying about money rather than feeling taken advantage of or low self-esteem (which I strangely don't really feel at the moment). 

What do you guys think?

Is this fair?  

Am I letting them push me around too much? 

What would you do?

Edited August 8, 2021 by Matt23

[Shaul]

If you are tight with money, why would you consider violating your current contract and paying fines to the landlord? Move to a new place only after a one month notice (or whatever is written in the contract) - try to convince the new landlord to move later or find a different place.

Edited August 8, 2021 by Shaul

[Shmurda]

Assess whether they'll actually be able to fine you for this. I've had all sorts of stipulations and obligations in a rental contract and 95% of the time it comes to jack shit because nobody is going to take you to court over 8 days of rent. 

After you've realized they're not gonna do anything, it's time to jump ship and cut contact. Simple! 

[universe]

What is written in the contract?

[Matt23]

No written contract.

[Matt23]

They also have my damage deposit of  $340.

[Shaul]

Basically you've dug yourself a hole. On the flip side, it is a pretty small hole as it involves small amounts of money. It will serve you as a lesson for the next time you'll search for an apartment:

1. NEVER enter an apartment without a written contract that was agreed upon both sides.

2. Following the first point, don't just give people money in a form of "deposit" , without a clear written definition what is it going to be used for.

3. Before you enter an apartment with other people, especially those that you don't know, try to assess as best you can their lifestyle and personality - how clean the apartment is, peek at their private rooms and ask them questions.

Regarding your current situation, without a written contract, nothing is really stopping you from leaving besides that deposit (and your respect towards the landlord). I didn't really understand the deal you have with your roommates but I am not really sure how it has anything to do with them anyway. It is between you and the landlord. Reach an agreement with him that will satisfy you both. It requires trial and error to recognize the difference between being an asshole and weak in a negotiation. It's hard to give you specific instructions regarding that. Worst case scenario, you will loose a bit now but you'll learn

Edited August 8, 2021 by Shaul

[Matt23]

53 minutes ago, Shaul said:

recognize the difference between being an asshole and weak in a negotiation

This puts it perfectly.  Hard line to tread.  -- Especially without knowing the actual legalities, which is probably one of my main lessons here; know the legalities and fine print.

So far, I'm just going by my feelings of self-esteem (which seem to be kind of holding up, so I'm sensing I'm not necessarily being too weak... though, I'm sort of like maybe I could be a bit more assertive and strong... hard to tell), and also the sense of guilt and negative feelings, as well as trying to be as honest and authentic as possible when talking with them about these things (especially seeing their reactions to what I say... like for example, I told two of my roommate that I wanted to move by the 8th, and they were like "Hey, I'm sure that'll be fine.  No worries", but I kind of sensed he felt a bit let down or something by it but was trying to be understanding ->  This is what led me to offer to pay till the 15th --> I looked into the legalities of it later and it seems that they may have actually had the legal upper hand).  

So ya, it's tough to know when I'm being sneaky and weasly and when I'm just being a pushover.  Also, being full of fear makes everything harder to see clearly and to make sound decisions.   I think also having lots of shadow stuff, like hidden racism or other stuff, gets in the way of positive and clean communication and probably unconsciously deteriorates the situation, communication, and relationships.  

53 minutes ago, Shaul said:

I didn't really understand the deal you have with your roommates but I am not really sure how it has anything to do with them anyway. It is between you and the landlord.

Basically...

•  There's two "houses"; one where the landlords live (stage Green value-set mostly it seems).  The other where the renters live (one renter seems "Green", the other is probably Blue-Orange, and the other Orange). 
• The only thing the landlords do is collect money.  No interactions other than that.
• If a room is vacant, the roommates have to pay for that amongst themselves.
• The roommates are responsible for getting another person to fill any empty rooms. This includes putting ads up, interviewing people, and sorting out any other thing like that. 

I'm suspecting that there could be some Stage Green value-sets here that might be getting in the way of effective governance and systems.  Probably originating from the actual landlords.    

At the moment, I'm feeling like I just let go of a lot of money but that I'm also not feeling too hard done by in terms of self-esteem.  Maybe I feel a little bit like it's not that fair since they obviously don't really care if I have to pay an extra $345 or so even if I won't be living here and are only concerned with their own welfare.  So in that respect I'm like, fuck, maybe I feel a bit let down and lower self-esteem.  But not devastating.  I think I'm more just like wanting to get this over with without being too irresponsible and having it be a big thing and causing unnecessary issues.  But I'm also not wanting to be a huge dick and have them pissed off at me n stuff and I don't want to be a dick.  I guess my main anxiety is financial and about if I'm being responsible enough with that.  

I might feel worse in terms of self-esteem after though, when I'm out of here since they clearly aren't giving me as much care or help as I am with them since I feel they aren't really showing me an equal amount of "working with me and trying to meet somewhere in the middle to help me".  I dunno though.  Hard to tell.

Edited August 8, 2021 by Matt23

[mandyjw]

You're creating more conflict with yourself over trying to do the right thing on two levels, financially, morally and with the self esteem question thrown in there. What's the path of least resistance? We usually have to find the inner path of least resistance before the outer action path becomes clear to us.

[Shaul]

Wow you clearly analyzed the situation wayyy too much. Spiral dynamics? Self esteem? Really?

14 hours ago, Matt23 said:

I also did the math and if I pay till the 8th it's like $185.  If I pay till the 15th that's like $345 (another $160).

So it's 185$ for one month and then for an additional one week you pay an extra 160$? What?

Anyway, In my opinion, paying for more than one month from now (if that's a standard in your country) is not an act that comes from being kind or thoughtful but rather a people pleaser.

Edited August 8, 2021 by Shaul

[Matt23]

I'm honestly just not wanting a headache at this point.  

[Roy]

How much do you need? PM me the exact details and I could E-transfer you.

Sometimes it's just better to bite the financial bullet in order to get out of a situation.

[Matt23]

@Roy ya, agreed.   

I think the financial worries are more subject.  Ovjectively I think I'm ok.  I think it's more about just psychological worries surrounding money insecurities I've always sort of had, and this situation just kind of brings those to the surface since $380 isn't a small amount (nor is it a huge amount...for me it kind of feels on the edge...like it's doable but also a bit of a stress/stretch)

Thanks for the offer anyways.

Edited August 9, 2021 by Matt23