Shadow, Nihilism, & Restrictive Relationships

[Logan]

I am an intensely ambitious person but at the same I'm aware that material success doesn't lead to fulfillment or happiness. (Green vs Orange ^MEME battle) I've become disillusioned with relationships, sex, success, and money, but feel cultural pressure to attain them. I need a stronger vision and I must learn to love myself (and "others") more in order to share my gifts with the world.

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My current living situation and location are severely limiting my growth. I must distance myself from family/friend obligations and drama. The people in my life are deeply unconscious and are dragging me down. Once I break free from their influence, I know that I will flourish. I need to move to a big city in order to grow, but I also want to connect more with nature. I will find a place where I can do both.

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I should know better than to behave the way I do. I do things and speak in ways that I know aren't authentically me in order to push people away. My shadow's armor is mix of selfishness, grandiosity, coldness, rudeness, agreeableness, and overt kindness. Each will surface when it's needed. My shadow doesn't want me to get along with others. It wants to push people away and make them dislike/distrust me. My survival strategy and defense mechanisms are hard at work. I must become more aware of my defenses to fully integrate my shadow. I must also learn to trust others.

Edited August 7, 2021 by Logan