Deeply and utterly confused about self-development

[Shiva99]

I seriously have no idea how many times i'm going to come to this conclusion, but self-development always leads to the same endpoint for me: life is not gonna go my way, reality is going to choose that for me instead. Time and time again i'm struck by how true this is. No matter how much i try to "change" my life, no matter how much i think i know what i want and need in my life, in the end reality knows best, and with every self-development binge, it will start to show to me in all kinds of ways. It's so retarded to even think that i know what i need, and how i think my life should be. It doesn't make sense at all. Everything that i try to change feels like fighting against the tide. I'm literally trying to make myself into something that reality doesn't want me to be, and everytime something ends up failing or doesn't work out i always think i have to work harder, smarter or that it has to be because i'm lazy etc, when in reality i'm too blind to see that i just have to stop trying to change who i am, accepty myself for who i am and let go. 

 

 

 

[Gesundheit2]

@Shiva99 Be in it for it.

You don't have to stop developing yourself, just drop the expectations and focus on the experience and the joy of growing.

Edited August 6, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[Shiva99]

6 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

@Shiva99 Be in it for it.

You don't have to stop developing yourself, just drop the expectations and focus on the experience and the joy of growing.

Yea, i've tried that before. It doesn't work for me. For some reason i always have to be at the end of a spectrum, i can never find balance. 

Edited August 6, 2021 by Shiva99

[Bob Seeker]

Are you trying to change your life in inauthentic ways?

do you understand ego backlash and set points in psychology?

what is your definition of successful change?

what is your definition of self-development?

 These may be useful questions for you -unless you are happy with just letting reality take you. 
be honest, though.

[WonderSeeker]

1 hour ago, Shiva99 said:

I seriously have no idea how many times i'm going to come to this conclusion, but self-development always leads to the same endpoint for me: life is not gonna go my way, reality is going to choose that for me instead.

Purge this crap out of your psyche. Yes, as someone who's been at it for about 2 years, I empathize; I get where you're coming from. But don't you think that this belief could be the cause, not just the effect, of what it's describing? In other words, your little mantra "life is not going my way" gets confirmed when there's data to support it, and so you dig deeper with it. After all, you said that in the past you've come to the same 'conclusion.'

1 hour ago, Shiva99 said:

Everything that i try to change feels like fighting against the tide. I'm literally trying to make myself into something that reality doesn't want me to be, and everytime something ends up failing or doesn't work out i always think i have to work harder, smarter or that it has to be because i'm lazy etc, when in reality i'm too blind to see that i just have to stop trying to change who i am, accepty myself for who i am and let go. 

Yeah, personal development is hard. You're trying to become your highest self, meanwhile people are nay-saying you and you are likely doing the same to yourself. You get some progress and then come crashing back down and use that as evidence that you're no-good. But that's bullshit; you can develop, you just need the right mindset. 

As much as you probably don't want another self-help book, Psycho-Cybernetics is really good for purging negative beliefs out of your subconscious mind. I say give that a shot so you can kick this root belief that you can't develop. If you think that you can't, then you might as well not waste the time in trying.

Good luck. <3

[Nahm]

If reality did not want you to be you exactly as you are, you wouldn’t be. 

As to what you focus on, what perspectives you choose, the depth of alignment you feel; reality remains unconditional. 

You are already free. 

[Shiva99]

4 hours ago, Bob Seeker said:

Are you trying to change your life in inauthentic ways?

I think this is the main problem yes. Deep down the changes that i think i want, are not the ones i actually want. I'm denying a lot of desires and needs because i think i "should" be able to go without them. Obviously it doesn't work, but i wasn't aware of doing it.

[Logan]

Watch this.

[Snuitje]

@Shiva99 The first three years are hard. It gets "easier" after that because you get used to it. So I don't know how long you've been doing this, but don't give up or accept a mediocre version of yourself.

Let go of the thought what reality wants you to be. Enjoy the struggle, once you learn the lesson of the struggle it goes away.

[Waken]

Ahh, isn't this 40 second message of Bashar so sweet to hear?

https://fb.watch/7jm58l1xQ_/

"If you follow the flow, your needs will always manifest if they are relevant for who you truly are. There is nothing you need to do beyond that, the current of creation, your current, already knows where you need to go. You don't need to make things happen"

Now.. maybe you can allow yourself to relax more, and be gentler with yourself?
Wishing you well

Edited August 11, 2021 by Waken