Have any of you built a social life from scratch?

[unborn_chicken]

23 year old male here.

So I kinda went trough a bit of a crisis a couple of years ago. I became really depressed, I stopped talking to everybody I knew, deleted all social media and isolated myself completely.

Fortunately I'm doing better now, renting my own apartment, paying my bills on time, and sharing my days with a beautiful kitty cat

But I also have become a big time loner. I pretty much have no social connections other than some family members, no girlfriend (surprise!!), and I also work from home which doesn't help either.

I was wondering if any of you have been in a similar position, if you've managed to outgrow it, and maybe what steps you took in order to do it.

 

Any advice is welcome, thank you!

[NoSelfSelf]

Start living your authentic life, work on your social skills and you will meet people on the way...if your energy sucks and you dont go on activities you love then idk ?...

[ndm678]

I joined clubs of interest to me. One of them was  'toastmasters' which really helped me get over social anxiety.

[Esilda]

@unborn_chicken It's naturally how we go from the beginning, I am new to New Zealand for example. Initially everything was so completely overwhelming for me however everything became easier after I secured a job because my colleagues introduced me to their social world after more than one request as I'm a very shy introvert. I like to spend the majority of my time alone or with just an acquaintance or two at tops. Coffee shops with a good book and my laptop to pull out for writing while in the zone.

[StarStruck]

You have to go where the people are that you want to meet. Besides that you need some charisma to attract friends. It is very hard. I'm struggling with it too. 

[Pseudom]

Hello,

I did the same when I was 25 and until 27-28 I didn't go out much and lost contact with most of my friends. First I reopened my instagram account (I use no other socials). Instagram it's pretty simple, you have pics comments and chats that's all. I followed a bunch of my childhood and midschool friends with many new ones from time to time then we settled coffee appointments with some. Coffees became dinners, dinners parties, cinema appointments and other events where I i was introduced to more and more people. I also reconnected with an old crush and we hooked up for a bit. I also joined a gym because my batteries were empty during midday.

There is no perfect recipe to it you just have to go out a lot. If I were in this again I would probably do : 

1. Go out on walks or runs alone (preferably a park or by the beach). 

2. I would recommend to open a social network account (the one that is most used in your country so you will have no troubles finding your friends) but you can skip this entirely if you do not like being on socials.

3. Go out for coffees and dinners with your old friends that share most of your interest and from there you can expand you social circle more and more. (even if you disappeared for years they will be glad to meet you trust me)

4. You work from home but can you actually go to your office? Some firms where I live let people choose where they wanna work from, so if you can try going at your office a couple day a week.

5. Join a sport or art group for beginners. Even going at a gym as a last resort but make sure to follow the classes like trx and so on.

6. Relax

You don't have to do it in one day. Start simple but add to it week after week until you have 2-3 steady friends you're comfortable with that would come in the middle of the night for you and you for them (we have to make some targets right). 5-10 people that you like sharing a coffee or a meal at least once a month that invite you in parties etc and there you have it your social circle. From there you can meet new girls so you can begin dating. 

It depends ofc where you live and how many restrictions will be applied because of COVID (not a very good time for building your social life) but it can be done. 

Edited August 7, 2021 by Pseudom

[unborn_chicken]

@Pseudom Hey, thanks for your answer! got some decent ideas out of it