My Brother Have Some Disorder, Need Help And Advice

[DimmedBulb]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_overload

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism#Characteristics

See if you recognize some stuff.

[Paan]

@DimmedBulb Some of it i can recognize but not all.

[DimmedBulb]

@Paan It is a spectrum disorder, so some people have more symptoms than others. I could also just be wrong.

[Paan]

@DimmedBulb That was good information actually. I just want to see what you can do about it

 

[DimmedBulb]

I'd say be mindful of what could be upsetting, avoiding sudden events and too many stimuli at once. Being curious about how he thinks can help as well, because that can avoid communicating on different wave lengths. He might for example say something you think is really crass, but he doesn't mean it that way, because being straight forward is the name of the game he's playing by default and he can't adapt to anything else.

[morrocoya]

Hey, I don't really know you or your brother, but I can tell you two things.

My own brother has a very serious mental problem. It's painful and worrying, not only for him, who suffers from a terrible illness, but also for me and for my entire family. It's hard seeing him like that while trying to understand what the hell is going in his mind. For years I struggled with this and I can tell how hard, painful and confusing it can get.

For my experiencie I can tell you that you need to go to therapy yourself. You need certain questions to be answered (by a specialist), to cope with your own personal pain and to lern how to let go the urge of changing something which is definitely NOT in your power.

It's hard, and It requires time and acceptance. In your case I believe the main problem lies in the fact that your brother doesn't want to go to therapy, but remember that he can change his mind — and hopefully he will. Meanwhile you need to take care of yourself, and work on your own suffering, which I can tell is really bad. </3

It gets better, I promess. 

Edited December 29, 2016 by morrocoya

[Arman]

Your brother reminds me of me. Not so much in his problems, but in the way family responds to him. 

Basically my family thought/thinks (though it is better now, I think) that I am like a drug addled loser who has serious problems. The irony is that I think I am one of the most grounded and healthy people I know. 

Since teenage years though I went through a lot of stuff and there were some dramatic times so I can understand why they thought that. The problem was, throughout it all, I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. Sure, I had some negative experiences with drugs and life stuff growing up, but I was just a kid trying to find myself. I had a sense of compass, was trying to grow and love myself. I felt like I was trying to be a good person. I needed time and space.

It was so hurtful to see such a deep sadness and what felt like resentment in their eyes. I felt like a burden and could not be anyone other than who I was/am. This sense of 'if only you were fixed, then we could be happy'. It creates such a deep defensiveness and anger because if you don't become angry, you will instead have to face the feelings inside you - and you don't want to do that, because what if they are right, and that there is something actually wrong with you, and you are unlovable? Better to allow their words to become white noise than to face the awful 'truth'. Sometimes when someone so intimately points to the darkness they say is hiding in your underbelly, all you can do is lash out. It's like a feral dog who is violently, ferociously barking. You think it is deranged, but really it doesn't want anyone to get close, because if they realized that you are genuinely wounded, then it means certain death. 

I am good at communicating with people and I am candid with my emotions, but for the life of me I could not explain to them what was inside me. Couldn't explain why I was feeling what I was feeling or what I was going through. I felt they wouldn't understand, and even if they did, there was just this huge block whenever they tried to tell me what to do because it felt like such an attack. It is awful, you just want to run away. To them, I was also a hollow shell. A troubled child who you couldn't get through to. My parents also become apathetic. Yet the whole time I'm just... this kid. Just a regular kid trying to get through life. I honestly thought I was someone who my parents should be proud of, but to them it was not the case. 

Look at this thread, feel the energy and responses. They may not be wrong, and it may just be my own defensive's and projection, but what is the result? What is the energy?

'Our suspicions have been confirmed. There is something deeply wrong with you.'

There are some people in life who really do need a helping hand, who do need support, sometimes professional. In my case all I needed was for someone to tell me that I am OK, and that I was not broken or a burden. It is a really painful thing to feel like a burden. 

Please, accept him unconditionally as he is, where he is. What if he actually could not 'get better?' what if that was who he is? Would you still want to feel the same way about him? Would he be your problem brother? 

ACCEPTANCE DOESN'T MEAN YOU WON'T ACT! It doesn't mean that you won't provide help. Acceptance is not resignation. If you really want to help him, you must shed your judgement and your fear. He feels it, he knows it. 

Something as simple as wanting to hang out with him is brutal because he feels that feeling that you are giving off, that there is something wrong with him. Even though you may just want to help him, maybe he feels persecuted. 

Unconditional love heals and elevates everything, always. By treating him as a problem, you perpetuate the problem, and the entire household can create an atmosphere that only deep grace or tremendous will to overcome. It is like a vibration emotional lock. 

Edited December 29, 2016 by Arman

[mostly harmless]

It might help for you and your parents to find a counselor or psychologist who you can talk to to (A) deal with your problem better, (B) find out what you could do (strategy to help your brother) and what you should not do.

If you can generally address the issue without your brother going crazy immediately, then I would suggest you and your family let him know that his behavior makes you worried, is very stressful your you, and that you would like to help him and are open to any suggestions from him what kind of help he would accept.

This would be a completely different approach than most people would choose. It is without pressure, which obviously provokes resistance. If he understands that, although he thinks it is not a problem for him, it is in fact a problem for his family, then maybe he is willing to do something.

It is possible that he won't get into his school of choice next year. Does he have a plan for that case? Does he know why he was not accepted? Did he find out what he has to improve to get in, does he have a plan to work on that, did he follow the plan so far, is he achieving is roadmap goals (if he has a plan with roadmap goals)?