relationship unsatifaction

[mafez]

Hi I am 23 years old and I am new to the forum, been doing Self-actualisation for more than 3 years and I had some amazing results from Leo teachings, I just want to debate a problem about the relationship, I am in a relationship with somebody that is 12 years older than me and been together for 4 years and we do have a boy together  somewhere along the line back in days I thought that this thing will satisfy me, fulfil me, I've got in this relationship naively from a place of needles she had 2 more kids with I am fine with them and I love them but I want some private time they are everywhere, i am at the point where I just wanna pack my bag and leave but I love my son to much for doing this I love him she does not seem to care about me, my study, work outside for what she needs , i want to make some friends i know the importance of my age , this may sound selfish but i am fine with it , i want to start leaving my life different dysfunctional since childhood had somewhere head and forgive myself for not knowing better , but now its this problem that if i leave her she will broken , the kids also and if i stay i am so miserable that i cant leave with myself she is 35 she has leaved her youth but i dont see importance of being here anymore just for my son but as 2 more and her are in here i feel miserable for not having much time for myself , i am in pain and struggling a lot for the past 2 moths , i am looking for kid and conscious advice from somebody that may have been in the same situation before .