I did radical self-love but it didn't help

[Nivsch]

I just felt my image of the child I was who was relatively alone and not playing with the other kids and was unpopular.

I Didn't try to compensate with thinking about social connections I did afterwards, during the more recent years (in my 20's).

I just accepted him fully and saw the beauty of him unconditionally, and It really(!) succeeded. I really felt the love. Not just thoughts, but actually felt.

But the anxiety still remain, and I still feel something bad will happen to me in the future. One on the forms of the fear is the fear of flying, and I have obsessive thoughts on that. I know the chance to crush is one in millions, but I FEEL something bad will happen when I am imagining it. The thoughts don't leave me.

I know the OCD sits on self-esteem but the practice I just did with the self-love that succeded - didn't help now. sometimes it helps, now not and its a bit frustrating.

I do mindfulness practices, I did heavy metal checking (results next week) and I don't know else what to do.

If someone here has more suggestions I will thank him.

 

Edited August 6, 2021 by Nivsch

[Thought Art]

There are many facets of your psyche and spirit to work on. Keep going! Reading, practicing meditation and inner smile etc. 

Edited August 7, 2021 by Thought Art

[Goldzilla]

Self love is here and now. Ditching every human being in the literal sense, not having bad intentions about others, only putting them in second place. From here self love starts. It will have a highly egocentric phase that it will settle, but it has to happen. Is not only the embrace of the little child inside, is the embrace of self as you would do with GOD. It is literallly the real worship of God. In time it will settle and make sense. In the beginning, even the self will have many remorse type of thinking about certain situations. 

[Esilda]

20 hours ago, Nivsch said:

I just felt my image of the child I was who was relatively alone and not playing with the other kids and was unpopular.

I Didn't try to compensate with thinking about social connections I did afterwards, during the more recent years (in my 20's).

I just accepted him fully and saw the beauty of him unconditionally, and It really(!) succeeded. I really felt the love. Not just thoughts, but actually felt.

But the anxiety still remain, and I still feel something bad will happen to me in the future. One on the forms of the fear is the fear of flying, and I have obsessive thoughts on that. I know the chance to crush is one in millions, but I FEEL something bad will happen when I am imagining it. The thoughts don't leave me.

I know the OCD sits on self-esteem but the practice I just did with the self-love that succeded - didn't help now. sometimes it helps, now not and its a bit frustrating.

I do mindfulness practices, I did heavy metal checking (results next week) and I don't know else what to do.

If someone here has more suggestions I will thank him.

 

Hello!

This is so beautiful to hear, this is what we need to do. With a loving embrace go into our past and console the parts of ourselves that didn't receive the love we truly needed.

Wrap your arms around all of those thoughts with love. 

[Nivsch]

20 hours ago, Thought Art said:

 watching about him. 

Him = the ocd?

[Thought Art]

26 minutes ago, Nivsch said:

Him = the ocd?

Lol, I edited the wrong thread.

[Nahm]

On 8/6/2021 at 6:32 AM, Nivsch said:

I still feel something bad will happen to me in the future.

Inspect that assumption, and this will never be a problem for you again. ?

[mandyjw]

Might help to let go of the idea that you "did" self love in the past. Love is only now and there's nothing we can do about it. 

[Willie]

On 8/6/2021 at 6:32 AM, Nivsch said:

I just felt my image of the child I was who was relatively alone and not playing with the other kids and was unpopular.

I Didn't try to compensate with thinking about social connections I did afterwards, during the more recent years (in my 20's).

I just accepted him fully and saw the beauty of him unconditionally, and It really(!) succeeded. I really felt the love. Not just thoughts, but actually felt.

But the anxiety still remain, and I still feel something bad will happen to me in the future. One on the forms of the fear is the fear of flying, and I have obsessive thoughts on that. I know the chance to crush is one in millions, but I FEEL something bad will happen when I am imagining it. The thoughts don't leave me.

I know the OCD sits on self-esteem but the practice I just did with the self-love that succeded - didn't help now. sometimes it helps, now not and its a bit frustrating.

I do mindfulness practices, I did heavy metal checking (results next week) and I don't know else what to do.

If someone here has more suggestions I will thank him.

 

The thoughts don’t have to control you. It’s up to you to use the present to make sure the future looks better than the past. It takes courage and overcoming negative thoughts. Just be present and don’t let thoughts dictate how you act.

[Flowerfaeiry]

@Nivsch sometimes nothing will help and all you can do is sit in misery.

Practices over time can help. As can movement, in order to get out of your head. 

[Farnaby]

@Nivsch for OCD, ERP probably yields the fastest results. 

You can try imagining your worst fears coming true and sitting with the anxiety, without doing compulsions to avoid it. 

Since your phobia is related to flying, gradual in vivo exposure (watching planes flying, going to an airport, taking a short flight, and so on) would eventually be needed and probably the most powerful exposure.

Learning to stop ruminating could help you a lot too. Check out Michael Greenberg, he's a psychologist who heavily focuses on teaching how to stop ruminating.

[Esilda]

@Nivsch repetition as well, maybe just think of it as a muscle you're building? Like some kind of energy muscle? How long do you do it for?

[WelcometoReality]

@Nivsch It's all about meeting those uncomfortable feelings. Sit with them, be with them until they dissolve. Let go of the need to do something about them.

[ted73104]

There are some very good responses above, but I'd like to add that there is a possibility of your issue being a mental mechanic issue. What I mean is that this is an issue that occurs in where the mechanics of your emotions or mindset functions, and it can still occur even if you fully love yourself.

For example, even when you fully understand yourself and accept yourself, you might still not be popular among your peers, you still might behave awkward in some certain social situations. And if your mind is aware of how awkward you are in those cases in this example, you might react in some way or try to evade those situations. You don't want those situations to occur. Connecting the dots is the key here, sometimes you know all the points, but it is actually very hard to connect the dots and realize the totality of your inner psychological situation.

However it also might be the case that you've connected all the dots, and you're still experiencing these anxieties. In this case, you should know that human thoughts can change quickly. You can learn and understand an idea very quickly, but the emotions that you have about these ideas change very very slowly. So there is a training process where you have to train and learn how to express a new emotion to the thing you fear. The process is slow at first, but the change gradually gains pace. 

I think to fully love yourself, you eventually have to fully love your surroundings and everyone in it. Only when you've found love for the world can you gain a love so strong to defeat your inner negative emotions. This is not easy, but I hope there will be people around you who you can talk about this with.

[Nivsch]

@ted73104 probably the OCD has its sneaky stractural mechanics which take the thoughts and even the doing of self love as its hostage. What forces you to even deepen the self love to a point it can go outside this sneaky mechanism. Or something like that.

I have learnd the mechanics of ocd but probably have more to learn and I started meeting with a new ocd specialist who is not ERP but rather think we have to come from a deeper place of restoring our own original position on the anxiety issues (and not the ocd perspective). Tommorow the 2nd meeting with him.

I will respond more later.

Edited August 9, 2021 by Nivsch

[Raptorsin7]

@Nivsch If you think you can handle psychedelics' they can work miracles in terms of how you view yourself and reality.

If you take them try following this instruction during the trip.

Look for the one who is looking. Look for the you that is behind the eyes. In your direct experience, notice the looker and the looking. 

Sober this may not provoke any feelings. But on psychs this instruction should produce some kind of energetic/feeling response around the head/eyes region. Then repeat the instruction, and really try and notice the fact there seems to be a looker and all that you see, and follow that energetic sensation of the body. 

[tsuki]

On 6.08.2021 at 0:32 PM, Nivsch said:

I just felt my image of the child I was who was relatively alone and not playing with the other kids and was unpopular.

I Didn't try to compensate with thinking about social connections I did afterwards, during the more recent years (in my 20's).

I just accepted him fully and saw the beauty of him unconditionally, and It really(!) succeeded. I really felt the love. Not just thoughts, but actually felt.

But the anxiety still remain, and I still feel something bad will happen to me in the future. One on the forms of the fear is the fear of flying, and I have obsessive thoughts on that. I know the chance to crush is one in millions, but I FEEL something bad will happen when I am imagining it. The thoughts don't leave me.

I know the OCD sits on self-esteem but the practice I just did with the self-love that succeded - didn't help now. sometimes it helps, now not and its a bit frustrating.

I do mindfulness practices, I did heavy metal checking (results next week) and I don't know else what to do.

If someone here has more suggestions I will thank him.

@Nivsch As you were suffering when you were a child, you were creating yourself into the man that you are right now. Look at my profile picture. It represents your psyche. The innermost layer is the infant, the outermost layer, the shell is the present moment. You want to direct your attention and love inwards, because the child needs the parent, but you don't get to rewrite your past. This child is, and will be, with you forever and the best you can do is to understand the sources of your pain, avoid them, and develop compassion for others. You will be anxious and will have OCD and it isn't going anywhere. Ever. Your job is to manage it by being conscious of the fragile child that is there with you and doing the absolute best you can to give it everything it needs.

This is true love that you can give to yourself and it is indistinguishable from plain old survival.

Now go, love yourself and be all that you can. Don't bother with what you can't because there is only one you and you haven't yet found how much of a treasure you are.

Edited August 9, 2021 by tsuki

[Nivsch]

34 minutes ago, tsuki said:

@Nivsch You will be anxious and will have OCD and it isn't going anywhere. Ever. Your job is to manage it by being conscious of the fragile child that is there with you and doing the absolute best you can to give it everything it needs.

If the anxiety and ocd won't get weaker and weaker over time, so why we do all that? 

They have to.

Edited August 9, 2021 by Nivsch

[tsuki]

30 minutes ago, Nivsch said:

If the anxiety and ocd won't get weaker and weaker over time, so why we do all that? 

They have to.

@Nivsch Have to, or else what? You won't be able to do what you should be able to do?
Can't you see that you are comparing yourself to an abstraction? This is not a game you can win.
You are not an abstraction. There is no single person that is like you and there never will be. Ever.
There is just one and single history and this history gave you OCD and anxiety. And many other things that you currently omit.

You grit your teeth, take what you have, and do whatever you can.
This is  as good as it gets, now what are you gonna do about it? Are you going to wallow in misery?
Is this how the one and only Nirvisch will live his unique, exquisite, one and only life?
OR are you going to respect yourself and commit to giving yourself whatever you can to thrive?

Love is not some poetic, imaginative thing that you do once per week with a diary.

Edited August 9, 2021 by tsuki

[Waken]

Hi Nivsch, I might be able to relate to your experience. I've tried many things and sometimes something works at a time, but doesn't seem to work quite another time. Maybe you tried to self-love yourself, even while you didn't really feel that because you wanted that to remove the fear? Perhaps sometimes we hear that self-love can heal us, and so we think that if we just self-love ourselves it will solve it, even when that doesn't really feel good to do. In that case, it might come closer to trying to force love onto ourselves instead an actual act of self-love. Not saying that's what you're doing per sé. I think it might be good to listen to your emotional guidance system to what feels good. If you would focus on giving yourself what feels good, then would you do things differently?
Somethings you could try: Acknowledge how you feel about the issue, state your emotional position about it, then after you expressed these feelings, find thoughts that make you feel better, that give relief. When emotions arise, you can also just focus on something that makes you feel better, sometimes I put my focus on a sense of well-being that's in experience, but more strongly in the body. Actually there is also something called the 'focus wheel' by abraham hicks, that I tried recently and seemed quite powerful to work on a specific subject.
Wishing you well
 

Edited August 9, 2021 by Waken