Tired Of Spirit Recompressing

[Mulky]

I've lived a long time with my spirit not compressed.  usually when I had nothing to worry about, or when I let go completely, or when i let go even of basically my own life.  Sometimes my family or the situation in my life will call to my attention again, and I will attempt to maintain or do things, and at this time my spirit will compress again.  Others around me will actually fight for me to come back to this place, this sense of responsibility, but it will always bring about an inner sense of wrongness, an intuition that letting go was right and being a responsible controlling agent is wrong.  During this compressed state there is a sense that no matter how well I arrange things for myself, I am making a mistake and I will never experience the true happiness of the uncompressed state.  Still, sometimes a sense of fear will drive me back into this state, and it can be very hard to get out of again.

I am getting tired of doing the work to open my spirit only to have it tighten up again.  there is a sense all will work out good if i can keep my spirit open, i even feel more productive and creative, but still this sense of control and organization and planning will come in and suffocate me again.  I have had it with this cycle.  Even when i get inspired to do something, once i start like a project or something it starts to feel suffocating.  I want to feel open, free, safe, I've felt this way before but this adult sense of responsibility has crushed it and I just don't believe that's the way it is meant to be simply because it feels so incredibly wrong.  I have spent nearly a year in a state of almost no identity and deep peace and feeling great beauty in life, and popped out of it when suddenly thinking about something stupid like taxes.  Now I get that we are supposed to function here on earth, but if I have to choose between deep peace and feeling greyish but doing what I'm supposed to do, peace seems alot better.   I just don't have any idea how to reconcile the 2.  How do I function in this society while maintaining inner peace, how do I be taken care of without taking care of myself.  IF i have to take care of myself it seems I am not truly letting go, before you judge this look at yourself and see if this is also true.  I don't just want words here, I want a real answer, a real solution, something that can actually be done. 

You see, during the uncompressed state, I will get alot of advice that sounds very sound, and on most levels is good.  but if i actually put any of it into practice,  theres a deep inner sense of wrongness.  the very clear obvious lessons of life such as being responsible,  thinking about money alot, looking to the future,  working for your best interest, keeping yourself safe,are all things that shatter this peace for me, they bring back an inner tightness.  I want advice but I need it from someone who absolutely knows what I'm talking about, thanks.

[WelcometoReality]

@Mulky You are holding on to the state of openess but when awakening there is a pendulum between open and closed. You are asking how to hold onto one of these states but that cannot be done.

Instead surrender to whichever state your in. Let go of that which wants to be in a certain state. When that wish to stay open and trying to control the openess is gone it will tend to stay open.