Question and Queries to ACIM practitioners and "adherents"

[lmfao]

Was it a catalyst, did you feel transformed or change from it?

I've been doing ACIM recently but I ain't been consistent with it. So one thing which would end up happening is that because of my bad (sleeping) schedule and routine generally, wasting my days away, I often didn't implement the things consistently, although I did do it. What this means is that I would take 2 days for a lot of lessons, even 3 sometimes.
Even more recently, I was commuting and travelling around a bit, got busy, and I haven't done anything for a week of it. I'm lesson 23


Alright, but my main concern is this. I'm not sure if this path is for me, I'll explain why in a bit. My question is, who would you say this path is for and why? Why was it the path for you?

I'll explain my situation, but you could very well answer the question after having only read this far. And perhaps this far in is the only relevant information. 
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ 
I'm struggling to know what to say but I'll just say. I'll give one example situation to explain what sort of things I'm dealing with [It's not the only example or illustration in my life story]. So I was lethargic, depressed, lost in thought, lost, etc. But then, I noticed a thread/ray of feeling and had attention on it. I used it as motivation to for a run, and whilst doing so, I was just trying to focus and uncover whatever I can. Stopping resisting 

What I uncover or discover is an unbelievably large amount of aggression and rage. The way forward I see, is to "make this conscious" and embody it in my life. What that means is that, (I got the inspiration for this formulation from David R Hawkins), I must stop grasping at and trying to create a private inner world separate from the external world. That's the shit to let go

With this aggression, I find that after uncovering it and trying to work it out, I end up being physically exhausted (probably partially because exercise is involved) but also mentally and emotionally exhausted.


Whatever it is I'm taking a dive into, it's not a simple narrative "letting go". For within me there is the intense thrashing, kicking of an embryo and heartbeat which desires life. Some narrative of "letting go" in me is not letting go, it is random mental games. 

Let me reel back in this rambling to a point. I'm aggressive, my fuse and temper might become worse, I don't know what sort of person I'll be. I might become more egoic. If that's what's occurring or that's my state, is it geometric misalignment with a lovey-dovey and non-egoic path like ACIM? 

[lmfao]

ACIM contemplates "the fear of being attacked". Being attacked does happen.

"Fear" and "Fear of being attacked" almost sound like the same thing. There are probably examples or fears you can have where these aren't the same thing, just that it isn't on my mind rn.

In my case, the fear can manifest as a social aspect where there's worry of a negative reaction or attack for being or doing a particular thing. But there are more images than that though, and this particular train of thought about fear isn't what's actually on my mind as a focus rn, but it's what came to mind as something which could be written. 

I will continue with ACIM, I feel something from it, and some of the unusual exercises are kind of "therapeutic"(?) or reveal things. Body automatically twitching, squirming, tensing, etc as well

Thread bump 


One thing I've found is that it's important to go into the negative emotion. feeling and reaction of a response rather than dwelling on the initial formulation of the perturbance.
Right now I'm doing that with a thought that is controversial and currently bothering me (in relation to murder and morality not mattering, "distressing" thought which just lingers), but I can give a recent past example more people can relate to.
Although I know this example lacks any bite, due to the example itself not quite striking the valence I want, as well as cliche topics usually being filtered out of attention. 

"As usual" (lol), I was depressed about how life makes no sense whatsoever. How if time, past and future and "none of these things exist", then me trying to find direction is pointless or plan for things and achieve goals means nothing. Simultaneous to depress feeling. A very very difficult question then becomes to ask becomes "Why am I depressed about that?", which I still don't have the answer to, but asking the question provided enough of an "escape rope" to move on. 

When such unfamiliar questions are asked, it's an interesting thing 

Edited August 8, 2021 by lmfao

[Gesundheit2]

@lmfao I don't have any knowledge of ACIM, and don't plan on learning anything about it. But I saw you bumped up the thread cuz you didn't get any answers. But believe me I read the thread a couple of times and couldn't see where or what the question is. The thread seems more like a journal entry than a question, tbh. Maybe it's too abstract or complicated. I don't know. But if you keep like this, you might need a third bump, or more lol.