Are my personnality and preferences completely arbitrary ?

[Flint]

In the process of discovering who I am very deeply and authentically, what I truly want and my preferences, I came accross the idea that I could in theory like anything and that my identity is extremely fluid.

The deal is I have a rather deep understanding of relativity, and I understand that most, perhaps all - hence this question, preferences/wants/needs/desires are linked to my survival agenda and my upbringing which is totaly arbitrary and random (unless you believe in souls/reincarnations etc.)

In a certain way, if my current personality and desires are relative to the experiences I had, I could simply have OTHER experiences to have a different personnality and desires !

Thus, how do you determine something to be true for you if it's always relative to your experience ? Just use the arbitrary set of experiences you had up until now ?

I know my question borders on mental masturbation but if you really need to commit to a certain path of mastery and be very serious it's must be something you deeply like and thus really understand want you truly desire.

So Is there really something set in stone in my personality which I need to discover ? How do I shed light on that ?

[Gesundheit2]

They're arbitrary. And that's rather a feature, not a bug. Because if identity was solid, then you'd not be able to adapt to any changes in reality, and in result you'd break down at the very first challenge.

The appearance of static reality creates the illusion of static identity. It creates comfort, and in result makes identity rigid and hard to change. A lot of times, rigidity can be rather destructive. Fluidity allows exploration and growth. But you shouldn't strive to be completely fluid, because then you'd have no structure to hold you together. So there needs to be a certain balance between fluidity and rigidity. You need to ground yourself in reality at least to a certain extent, while at the same time keep challenging your comfort zone constantly. The minute you stop challenging yourself, you are no longer growing.

That being said, and in terms of discovering your authentic self, consider that it is in fact infinite. So, you don't need to search for a list of values and hold them as a holy book to follow. That would rather hinder your growth. Instead, whatever arises in the moment, accept it as your authentic self, and integrate it into your personality. Doesn't mean that will become you forever. It just means it's a skill you've learned to utilize at any given moment and in any given situation.

I know I said somewhat abstract, yet unorganized, things that perhaps require examples from real life, but I can't currently think of anything good. I'm not in my creative zone at the moment, so. But I hope that helps somehow.

Edited August 4, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[Flint]

@Gesundheit2 Thank you for your elegant answer

I still wonder if some part of it is "set in stone" or rather certain tendencies that are more authentic towards which we will gravitate regardless of our life experience and the survival challenges. Certain core qualities or potential which is there waiting to be manifested and which is not a result of some random life situations.

Like, as if you would always hate the taste of celery regardless of you having tasted it or not - if you taste it, you would still hate it. Or some very deep intellectual trait or personnality trait such as mental resilience, or curiosity which would not be cultivated naturally. We would all be too much alike if it were only the result of our circumstances, don't you think ?

[tsuki]

On 4.08.2021 at 4:40 PM, Flint said:

In a certain way, if my current personality and desires are relative to the experiences I had, I could simply have OTHER experiences to have a different personnality and desires !

That belief is rooted in your intellectual preoccupation. Stop prioritizing abstractions over yourself.

There is no difference between you and the experiences you had. "You" could not have had any OTHER experiences. It would not have been "you".

[Farnaby]

@Flint I think there are innate tendencies, like the celery example you gave or some temperamental traits. 

But most things are learned behaviors and attitudes, due to our experiences and how we interpreted them. 

That's a good thing because it opens the possibility of change. Imagine you were bullied and developed a belief about yourself ("there's something wrong with me") and about others ("people are out to hurt me"). If you set up experiences for yourself that contradict these assumptions, these beliefs will become less and less rigid and may even be completely overwritten. 

[Waken]

I would say you have or are a unique signature vibration, and that therefore you resonate with certain things and not others. Added to that comes the body and mind with its own tendencies and all that.
That's my current thought on it, could not be fully accurate. 

Edited August 12, 2021 by Waken

[Nahm]

 

On 8/4/2021 at 10:40 AM, Flint said:

The deal is I have a rather deep understanding of relativity,

Understanding is relativity.