My family is forcing me to marry and I feel suicidal

[FlyingLotus]

@Preety_India I'm so sorry to hear that ?!  I don't know what to say, except that I'm keeping you in my prayers ? ?

Edited August 5, 2021 by FlyingLotus
typo

[Preety_India]

@FlyingLotus thank you. It means a ton.

[Matt23]

Sounds like a tough situation.  Wish you well. 

[DIDego]

@Preety_India That's a terrible situation.

What happens if you choose someone else to marry?

A solution to be able continue your journey towards become who you wish, to do self-help and self-actualizing, without risk for marry a man that might have other wishes and priorities.

 

 

Outside the box and i dont know your situations, cultures and if this is possible at all.. 

@Mesopotamian + @Preety_India = United for the sake of self-actualizing?  

 

[Enlighten]

12 hours ago, Dumuzzi said:

Well at least you probably don't have to worry about getting murdered, from what I can gather. I know that many Muslim families will kill their girls if the disobey.

As much as Religious dogma is troubling , killing a woman for disobeying is more of a cultural issue. It happens among all backward societies. India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Africa, Certain Jewish societies, Native societies in Americas etc. It's a tribal mentality. So let's say some woman is Qureshi and marries a Sayyid, Her family will abandon her and possibly kill her. That is an example WITHIN religion.

[Thought Art]

@EnlightenI wouldn't say the societies are backward, just different and maybe are still early in their moral and cognitive development. Also, when survival is harsh, harsh ways of living also present themselves. Also, a lot of these countries are maturing and changing from what I hear.

But, yeah, traditions are still taking place. It's unfortunate! 

I am sure an answer will arise. 

 

Edited August 5, 2021 by Thought Art

[Dumuzzi]

@Enlighten What I meant was that in India, families murdering their daughters for honour tend to be Muslim. It does not imply that this is a common practice amongst Muslims worldwide, which it isn't.

Honour killings may also happen amongst other religious groups, but it is less common. The big thing amongst Hindus in very remote communities is Suttee, the burning of widows. Other areas have a problem with Human Sacrifice, specifically priests of Kali sacrificing children on rare occasions. For a country of 1,3 billion, such incidents are relatively rare, but they are still noteworthy because they're often rooted in religious beliefs and ideals.

[assx95]

On 8/4/2021 at 5:08 AM, Preety_India said:

My family is awful. They are stage Blue crap.

They have been forcing me to marry a guy that I'm not in love with. I find him abusive, he is ruthless and very mean.

My family constantly tells me that he is good for me because he is ready to marry me. But I'm not ready to marry him. 

I feel very pressured and trapped. I don't want this pressure.

I feel suicidal dealing with this crap. 

 

I even feel embarrassed to say this.

 

Hi @Preety_India. I am an Indian guy. And I totally know the kind of pressure you might be going through. 

It helps to know -

1. How old are you?

2. Do you have your finances in place to move out on your own? Even in a big city like Mumbai, you could live with nearly 20000-25000 INR/Month, and then obviously, you could upgrade by earning more. 

3. Do you have a bf or someone you love or someone you have in your mind that you want to marry? 

 

[Preety_India]

@assx95 I don't have the money to move out. I can't go into details. 

[assx95]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@assx95 I don't have the money to move out. I can't go into details. 

These are the scenarios I see, tell me which one sounds good for you. 

1. You work hard to get a job earning enough money to move out. Become independent. Somehow convince your parents for you to move out closer to the job. Get a job preferably in another city. And then, once that happens, you are an independent woman who could do as she wishes with the money she earns, and make your own choices when it comes to dating and relationships. 

2. You introduce your parents to the person you want to marry (Maybe your bf if you have one) or you could convince them to allow you to choose who you want to marry. All this is only realistic if you are ready and want to marry someone now or in the near future. 

The way Indian parents bring about potential grooms is that it's someone's son. Someone they know. So there is this pressure of socially accepting the proposal. And then everyone gossips and judges. It's too bad. I totally know it. So, it makes sense for you to tell your parents what kind of man you want to marry. So that they stop pressurizing you to marry someone you don't really want to marry. 

Don't adopt the victim mindset. Take 100% responsibility and assert your decisions if need be. This is your life. Create the life you want to create. 

[Enlighten]

20 hours ago, Dumuzzi said:

What I meant was that in India, families murdering their daughters for honour tend to be Muslim.

Actually, if you may find a data source for that, it would possibly even out or even more so in people who are Hindu than Muslims in India. It happens a ton in Pakistan too. Marrying outside a cast is still a taboo, even among rich middle income families in India, no matter the religion. From what I've heard. 

OG herself said her family told her to go die. You get the conditioning.

Nonetheless, it's a survival mechanism for ego. My tribe, My woman.

Edited August 6, 2021 by Enlighten

[StarStruck]

The older you get the more pressure they will put on you so you have to make it a serious business to find a guy you like before your parents find a guy for you. 

[StarStruck]

11 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Are you a white guy? 

(I don't think it's a big deal if I asked you your ethnicity,) 

 

I'm not. 

[alpha_ulrich]

@Preety_India wow, it sucks to be in this situation. May I just know if you have someone else whom you do want to marry? Because the state our society is in, I don't think it is currently possible for you to convince your parents to not marry altogether. If you do have someone whom you want to marry, I may help you chalk out a plan to make that a reality. I have a friend, who is a Brahmin from city, and his girlfriend is from a farmer's family in Haryana. They are facing a lot of resistance from both families, but are still standing strong. I personally am not going through this, but both my friends have faced a lot of resistances. The girl's family members have even tried guilt tripping her into believing that their poor mental state is due to her relationship, and they are getting suicidal because of that. She is still standing strong through all this bullshit because of support from my friend (and somewhat me).

Remember, when a gun is pointed at you, rather than being shot at, you do one of the other 147 things possible.

EDIT - Reading my response again, I see I mentioned it might not be possible to not marry altogether, but who am I to say 

Edited August 7, 2021 by alpha_ulrich

[Gregory1]

On 4.8.2021 at 7:41 AM, Opo said:

Hide a peace of poop in your hair and turn yourself into a biological weapon. 

poop machine...

[Blackhawk]

@Preety_India No way.. That's crazy..

And you are over 18 and they are allowed to force you to marry?

I can barely comprehend that, it's so crazy to hear for someone who lives in the west. Unreal. Wtf..

You should leave the country as soon as possible, at all cost.

Hm how much would it cost for you to leave the country..?

[Blackhawk]

@Preety_India Didn't you say before that you have lived in USA or something?

 

[Preety_India]

@Blackhawk it's not possible now to leave the country. 

[The0Self]

On 8/4/2021 at 0:25 PM, Enlighten said:

Marry that guy. Divorce him after a month. Get a monthly paycheck from him. Be free.

lol

If this were in the USA that's exactly what I would do without any deliberation. But I don't know how that would work out where she is.

Edited August 8, 2021 by The0Self

[The0Self]

On 8/6/2021 at 3:30 PM, StarStruck said:

The older you get the more pressure they will put on you so you have to make it a serious business to find a guy you like before your parents find a guy for you. 

This. It may be best to just take things into your own hands.