My Actual Journal

[Flowerfaeiry]

I had the idea to post some entries from my physical journal I write in. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

"I love myself. I feel more like myself every day. I want to be and become myself every day. I don't want to be uninspired. But if I am I feel like I can handle it. I just want to be myself. And I think there are certain, absolutely, things that you can do. That you can learn from others. But you are still yourself, a sovereign human. Keep up the good work. You are doing great <3" 

[Flowerfaeiry]

"Little Ayahuasca Lessons

~ You're doing a really good job, Sarah

~ It's not going to be pretty

~ Choose yourself over and over again, Sarah

~ You don't have to do it all at once"

[Flowerfaeiry]

"Alright self, we have some depression news: you have been lying to yourself for your whole life. You have been telling yourself that you're so cool, that you are so smart and have so many talents, that you are better and more unique than everyone else. And guess what, that is a total farce. I feel like I'm starting all over again. The Sarah that existed just a few months ago, she is gone. I don't really identify with that Sarah anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. Of course, there are aspects that I identify with but overall I'm having a bit of an existential crisis. It's almost like I'm no longer the same person. It's that drastic. I guess maybe I need to mourn that? I'm worried that I'm not doing enough. But I'm having to totally reinvent myself. I still have the same hopes, dreams, desires, but I'm different, I'm definitely different. And I'm frustrated with myself for not being there yet, the person I want to be. My mind keeps fluttering to all these different things I want to do and I get so disappointed when I don't do them. But I'm really learning the importance of being gentle with myself during this process. I'm remembering that I'm really like a baby in this process, and that I truly just need kindness, patience and love while I find my footing."