Inertia

[Preety_India]

Something that holds me down.

my-mind-goes-blank

Edited August 2, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

One thing to do is ask the question, what am I gaining from this 

I found that Selfishness helps more than selflessness.

Being selfish helps you to stay grounded.

I always had a shadow against selfishness and grounding was quite difficult for me.

my-mind-goes-blank

 

 

Edited August 2, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I have always felt like I'm not comfortable among crowds of people.

There is some anxiety and annoyance and a huge value mismatch.

I hardly ever find anyone who is emotionally resonant with me, who can truly and deeply feel me the way I wish to be felt, not the way they wish to feel me.

 

 

Edited August 2, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Dirt is what you attract when you get dirty.

 

[Preety_India]

I understand that in order to understand the world better I need to be critical and negative.

At the same time this negativity is what blocks and becomes the force of inertia that slows down your inner energy.

Beware to not allow negativities and insecurities to clog the brain.

my-mind-goes-blank

 

Edited August 2, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Today I did the bravest act.

I went and got the Covid mask. I was too terrified of going out.

Some fear/anxiety was holding me back.

But I did it. It was a small baby step in that direction.

 

my-mind-goes-blank

 

[Preety_India]

So what's holding you back ?

 

[Preety_India]

I can list a few things that are holding me back 

• My own insecurities
• Negativity (mostly about the world, I don't mean to think positive on this.)
• My family 
• Thoughts about men
• My mind going blank especially when I wake up....this is the biggest culprit 
• My low memory. I constantly have to be reminded of things 
• My lack of self awareness and self reflection
• My terrible lack of self confidence (self confidence is not the same as self esteem. I'm confident in who I am but when I have to start doing things, I feel cursed, like I just won't be able to do it, I have this tremendous hesitancy)
• Low energy and fatigue 
• Bad sleep
• Fear and anxiety of unknown things/origin

 

[Preety_India]

One thing that grips me is a huge sense of fear

I have no idea what this fear is .

 

[Preety_India]

My sense of vulnerability can go deep, something difficult to share with people.

So I don't do it.

I simply collapse back into my own shadows.

 

[Preety_India]

I'm just fucking tired of life sometimes.

It's too much to take. I hate my family.

I hate the pressure to stand up to family expectations.

I hate how it has created life long anxiety in me.

I wish I was dead 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm trying hard everyday to not ever have to deal with these people.