Hippie camgirl who took LSD for 10 months shares her thoughts on why she rejects sex

[Enlightenment]

Interesting story on Reddit how she took on average 250ug of LSD every week for 10 months: https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/4whrnx/i_did_so_much_acid_i_almost_died/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 and permanent effects it had on her: https://knowingless.com/2018/01/17/permanent-mental-effects-from-lsd/

Quote

WHY I CAN’T SAY YES TO SEX

I am visiting South Africa. I’m staying in a beautiful apartment overlooking the ocean, I am all alone, and my sex drive has been insane.

I figured it would be nice to go on a date with a guy from Okcupid, maybe have some casual sex, and never see him again. I searched, found many possibly eligible men, but none really pushed me over the ‘action’ cliff. And so I spent nights alone, drinking wine on an empty vagina.

Why couldn’t I get laid? Why wasn’t I letting myself get laid? Why did I have these impossible standards about who I fucked when it didn’t really matter in the long run? I would obviously enjoy it while it was happening. I was cockblocking myself and I hated it.

I want to make clear that my following explanations for my behavior are not describing a conscious decision, but rather a framework for what must be happening behind the scenes.

Saying no to sex is a form of power – not because I want it to be, but because of the way the system is set up.
A lot of men are willing to sleep with me (as they are willing to sleep with nearly all young women) and saying ‘no’ to them all is kind of power, because it means

A: Men want something (me), and B: They cannot get the something – because I’m the sexual ‘selector’ and thus sexually superior to them.

I only say ‘yes’ to men I find sexually superior to myself. If a popular, handsome, and charming movie star – say a generic Chad McMuscles – came around and paid attention to me, I would probably at least start out with sexual interest, because he would be the most sexually superior mate. I assume I must be very motivated to have superior mate in my vagina, because I assume I’m programmed to try to produce the best baby, and settling for an inferior mate is just not great for my line of DNA.

This means that when I say yes to Chad McMuscles, I’m essentially telling him that he is the hottest/smartest/most intriguing man who’s paid attention to me – but more importantly, I am admitting he’s the best I can get. I’m submitting my sexual power, in a way, and it’s a very vulnerable position to be in.

This might be fine, because fancy moviestar Chad McMuscles is pretty high hanging fruit – but the problem is my subconscious brain doesn’t think so. My subconscious brain is an asshole.

“Are you sure you can’t do better?” it whispers to me (usually on the first date when he asks if I want to go back to his place). “Are you really going to let him know he’s the best you can possibly get? Your power is in saying no. You’re about to say yes. Are you sure you should be saying yes? Is this a good choice?  You know you lost all your superpowers, right? Is this worth it? Is it?!?”

Of course this is very silly. I frequently just ignore this stupid voice because I am an adult and I like sex. I also frequently ignore it because the kind of people I like and respect as individuals are people who aren’t generally very good at triggering the primal side of me, and if I want to be intimate with them, I have to shut myself up, usually with copious amounts of alcohol.

But I do think this has had an effect on what I like in bed. Forceful sex is a primal way of taking away the stress of choosing a sufficiently high status mate – that I am not admitting anything about my sense of sexual self worth by having sex with his person.

And I think it feels so freeing because I no longer have to worry about whether or not I’m giving up power. It tricks me into feeling that I did not say yes to this. I am not giving up power. There is nothing wrong with my sexual value because I neither asked for it nor allowed it. Really, it just reaffirms my ideal view of the world – of course a man would want to have sex with me so bad that he would ignore my ‘no’.

I trick my primal brain into believing this, and then it allows me to enjoy sex.

Now, I’ve been followed and chased twice before – one involved chestkicking a man out of my apartment door when he tried to shove in after me, and the other involved a man trying to grab me in a dark alley in the middle of the night. Both were absolutely terrifying and horrible and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.

But those events later turned into sexual fantasies. I felt fucked up because it turned me on, like it shouldn’t, like I was betraying some sort of moral code, or admitting a victory to those horrible men, by allowing myself to fantasize about it.

At some point I just have to throw my hands up. I’m not going to judge myself for the things that get me going. I engage in safe, consensual play. I in no way condone actually forcing anybody into a sexual experience against their will.

I don’t know how many other women experience this sort of mindset. Part of me wants to think it’s widespread, because a lot of women are into rough stuff, and the idea of a woman demonstrating sexual value by loudly rejecting men is a
huge
part
of
our
culture.

Cliffs:

She has an insane sex drive, wants to have sex but can't find any men good enough to have sex with

-"Saying no to sex is a form of power – not because I want it to be, but because of the way the system is set up.
A: Men want something (me), and B: They cannot get the something – because I’m the sexual ‘selector’ and thus sexually superior to them.
I only say ‘yes’ to men I find sexually superior to myself"

-Even if she gets "Chad", her brain still constantly questions if he is good enough “Are you sure you can’t do better?”

-She often has to dull herself with a lot of alcohol if she wants to shout her questioning brain to be intimate with men

-Likes forceful, brutal sex because somehow it subconsciously means for her that she had no choice so didn't give up any power as a tradeoff

-Was almost raped, says it was horrible but still fantasizes about it 

 

 

Brutal female survival adaptations.

Edited August 2, 2021 by Enlightenment

[knakoo]

Interesting read and this girl is fun haha

https://imgur.com/a/ZcI3t

[SamC]

This is the most interesting thing I've read in a while! 

@RendHeaven Thoughts? Does this mean woman can understand men if they take LSD? XDXDXD

[Roy]

Sounds like she's got a lot of healing to do and should probably talk to a sex therapist or psychologist.

Should also get off the LSD too.

[Jacob Morres]

1 minute ago, Roy said:

Sounds like she's got a lot of healing to do and should probably talk to a sex therapist or psychologist.

 

[RendHeaven]

@SamC She's extremely clever - I read some more posts on her blog. She has a very construct-aware mind. She's also capable of observing male-female dynamics (in particular around the attraction phase) honestly and neutrally, which is indeed rare.

She understands the male archetype that actually turn her on, as opposed to the male archetype that most women would proport "turn them on." That being said, I wouldn't be surprised if she still has a pickup shadow. Because pickup turns useless unattractive and creepy men into valuable, attractive (and frankly normal) men. And women love the latter type of man, but despise the former. And when they hear that the former has authentically turned into the latter, they feel manipulated (understandably), and they become defensive.

Almost all women want the fruits of a man's transformation without hearing about the starting point or the journey (understandably). But then again, maybe this girl really is the exception. She reminds us on her blog frequently that she was at one point prepared to literally die out of Love (I know what that feels like personally - you have to really not care about your petty human desires to reach that point).

Maybe she really is that one miraculous girl who doesn't care about her female self-image and guarding against manipulation. It's a shitty survival strategy, but it opens the gate to genuine understanding

Edited August 3, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Loba]

Sounds like a normal girl dealing with a man's world.  Love her.

Nice to see some honesty about these dynamics, to be quite honest.  

 

Edited August 3, 2021 by Loba

[Emerald]

From what she wrote, she seems to be caught up in her masculine side. I honestly questioned at first if this was written by a man who was pretending to be a woman online. But I realized that it actually was a real woman once I got about half-way through.

But if a woman is thinking about power and "Is this guy the best I can get?", then she's not really choosing from her heart. She's in a space of logic-mind and hierarchical understanding and superiority/inferiority. And the sex to her is seemingly a way for her to systematically prove her own value to herself. It's a mind game that she's playing with herself.

If she were in her feminine side, she would not be in this mindset. She would be more attuned to her emotions and how a guy makes her feel. 

Usually, when women get caught up in their masculine side like this, it happens because they've had to numb themselves out and create a hard shell. And power becomes very important for safety and for grappling with feelings of low self-esteem and inferiority. 

There are certain things within this post she made that reminds me of certain coping mechanisms that I've employed at earlier times in my life. And trying to get power this way, unfortunately ends up robbing a woman of her power because she is deriving her power by playing a certain role in the masculine empowerment story. And so she won't be able to find her own empowerment that way, because the story isn't written with her empowerment in mind.

My advice to her would be to ask herself why she wants that power? What is that power a currency for? What does it mean to be superior? What does it mean to be inferior? 

 

[Parththakkar12]

@Emerald I agree with you. To add to what you're saying, all of this is the sad reality of dating at Stage Orange. If we move up to Stage Green, things just look different!

I wanted to say the same to @assx95 on his thread on 'the future for men being fucked'. All of this redpill, blackpill, hyper-analysis is because you're at Stage Orange relative to dating. You move up to Green, things look completely different!

[assx95]

4 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

I wanted to say the same to @assx95 on his thread on 'the future for men being fucked'. All of this redpill, blackpill, hyper-analysis is because you're at Stage Orange relative to dating. You move up to Green, things look completely different!

Thanks man! Coincidently I was reading this thread too!

[Vzdoh]

7 hours ago, Emerald said:

From what she wrote, she seems to be caught up in her masculine side. I honestly questioned at first if this was written by a man who was pretending to be a woman online. But I realized that it actually was a real woman once I got about half-way through.

But if a woman is thinking about power and "Is this guy the best I can get?", then she's not really choosing from her heart. She's in a space of logic-mind and hierarchical understanding and superiority/inferiority. And the sex to her is seemingly a way for her to systematically prove her own value to herself. It's a mind game that she's playing with herself.

If she were in her feminine side, she would not be in this mindset. She would be more attuned to her emotions and how a guy makes her feel. 

Usually, when women get caught up in their masculine side like this, it happens because they've had to numb themselves out and create a hard shell. And power becomes very important for safety and for grappling with feelings of low self-esteem and inferiority. 

There are certain things within this post she made that reminds me of certain coping mechanisms that I've employed at earlier times in my life. And trying to get power this way, unfortunately ends up robbing a woman of her power because she is deriving her power by playing a certain role in the masculine empowerment story. And so she won't be able to find her own empowerment that way, because the story isn't written with her empowerment in mind.

My advice to her would be to ask herself why she wants that power? What is that power a currency for? What does it mean to be superior? What does it mean to be inferior? 

 

Agree 100%. Power dynamic is coming from a deep sense of lack of self worth and self power. A way to validate herself. When a woman is in her feminine, and not in her mind, and loves herself, she does not need to exert power over anyone. She just wants a man who feels her well and she can connect with emotionally. 

[Windappreciator]

Sounds fake. Have you written that shit?

[Enlightenment]

6 hours ago, Windappreciator said:

Sounds fake. Have you written that shit?

yea I created her entire fake blog, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans... 

C'mon of course not

 

[Windappreciator]

10 minutes ago, Enlightenment said:

yea I created her entire fake blog, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans... 

C'mon of course not

 

I see no Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans here.

Just a meh text.

Edited August 3, 2021 by Windappreciator

[Enlightenment]

1 minute ago, Windappreciator said:

I see no Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans here.

https://knowingless.com/2018/01/17/permanent-mental-effects-from-lsd/

Upper right corner

[Windappreciator]

1 hour ago, Enlightenment said:

https://knowingless.com/2018/01/17/permanent-mental-effects-from-lsd/

Upper right corner