Over analysing m/f in relationships

[Thunder Kiss]

I’m afraid my mind has been poisoned with everything that gets talked about on this forum regarding male and female roles and how things should be or what is expected.  I’ve started over analysing every detail in my relationship about masculine and feminine.  I’m judging myself or judging my boyfriend about whether things we do day to day are masculine enough or feminine enough and whether He or I are being too much of the opposite. I’m judging silly things.  It’s driving me a bit crazy.  How much of this is just societal programming and what is actually real? 

[Roy]

3 minutes ago, Thunder Kiss said:

How much of this is just societal programming and what is actually real? 

All of this stuff is not gospel, it's just ideas. Find out what is real through your OWN direct experience, and trust that. If something feels wrong or off, then go learn about what you're missing and only use those ideas to inform your experiences, not taking them as a set of instructions.

Your personal experience > anything you read here.

[Jacob Morres]

Yeah take it as a grain of salt. It's definietely a bit black and white on what is/isn't attractive. A good amount of it is subjective and if it's hurting your mental health def take a step back and consume some sources that feel better

Edited August 2, 2021 by Jacob Morres

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Thunder Kiss said:

I’m judging myself or judging my boyfriend about whether things we do day to day are masculine enough or feminine enough and whether He or I are being too much of the opposite. I’m judging silly things.

Well, become conscious that you are misusing the information and stop yourself.

[Flowerfaeiry]

1 hour ago, Thunder Kiss said:

How much of this is just societal programming and what is actually real? 

The feminine and masculine thing is real. I just think you're taking stories on here out of context and overthinking it. 

If it causes you pain, forget it. Its not supposed to do that. 

If anything, society programs women to be masculine so cultivating polarity in relationships is going against that programming. 

Check out Madelyn Moon at maddymoon.com. She has amazing resources to begin learning more about embodying your femininity. 

[Thunder Kiss]

3 hours ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

If anything, society programs women to be masculine so cultivating polarity in relationships is going against that programming. 

So true!! I’ve always been independent from a young age, working and doing everything for myself so in a relationship it’s hard for me to not be ‘doing’  so I feel like I’m not ‘true feminine’  I’m really confused about it all.  I used to choose emotionally unavailable guys so I have been used to shielding myself.  
now I’m in a healthy relationship and I feel too masculine because I always have a need to get stuff done and tend to bulldoze myself, then judge myself that I’m too manly. lol. 

[Thunder Kiss]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Well, become conscious that you are misusing the information and stop yourself.

I am aware of it just needed to write out some thoughts and understand what I’m thinking.
 I’ve even had a few nightmares.  
I’ve also been analysing other couples to see what the dynamic is in their relationships and comparing it to me and my relationship. 
In the Grand scheme of things how much do these gender roles matter?  
 

[Leo Gura]

9 minutes ago, Thunder Kiss said:

In the Grand scheme of things how much do these gender roles matter?  

You ask questions that have no answer.

[Hulia]

17 minutes ago, Thunder Kiss said:

I am aware of it just needed to write out some thoughts and understand what I’m thinking.
 I’ve even had a few nightmares.  
I’ve also been analysing other couples to see what the dynamic is in their relationships and comparing it to me and my relationship. 
In the Grand scheme of things how much do these gender roles matter?  

!In the Grand scheme of things" nothing matters. Also you going nuts because of the gender roles. Doesn´t matter. Just go on ?

[robbinsarle]

Everything plays a role to some extent. Understand yourself - how important are the imposed roles to you

[kellyjo]

Society programs a lot. It is worth thinking about it more deeply

[RuthLew]

Sometimes in such cases it is best to relax. It is useful to think, but when you start to analyze beyond measure, it is impossible to live. Maybe you should try to really relax?

[Gesundheit2]

Over-analysing things probably stems from a disintegrated masculine shadow.

At the same time, masculine vs. feminine is a completely artificial duality. The masculine is the feminine, and the feminine is the masculine. Only thoughts make them appear as separate through labeling. Remove the labels, and there won't be a problem.

[myles]

7 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Over-analysing things probably stems from a disintegrated masculine shadow.

At the same time, masculine vs. feminine is a completely artificial duality. The masculine is the feminine, and the feminine is the masculine. Only thoughts make them appear as separate through labeling. Remove the labels, and there won't be a problem.

Good idea

 

[Thunder Kiss]

18 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Over-analysing things probably stems from a disintegrated masculine shadow.

My problem is that I think I’m too masculine 

[LastThursday]

You don't make a joke funnier by analyzing it. Instead of analysis and judgement you're looking for better communication. There's absolutely nothing wrong with questioning things in a relationship though, it's healthy, but the only reason to question things should be to improve things for both of you. Let the relationship flow and let your roles within it naturally change over time, don't force it.

[Thunder Kiss]

26 minutes ago, RuthLew said:

Sometimes in such cases it is best to relax. It is useful to think, but when you start to analyze beyond measure, it is impossible to live. Maybe you should try to really relax?

Yes.  But I have anxiety disorder and it’s hard for me not to overthink and get easily influenced by things and compare myself. 

[Gesundheit2]

@Thunder Kiss Check out Emerald's YouTube channel called The Diamond Net. She discusses these topics in depth, with a style similar to Leo.

[Emerald]

14 hours ago, Thunder Kiss said:

I’m afraid my mind has been poisoned with everything that gets talked about on this forum regarding male and female roles and how things should be or what is expected.  I’ve started over analysing every detail in my relationship about masculine and feminine.  I’m judging myself or judging my boyfriend about whether things we do day to day are masculine enough or feminine enough and whether He or I are being too much of the opposite. I’m judging silly things.  It’s driving me a bit crazy.  How much of this is just societal programming and what is actually real? 

I recommend just touching base with your feelings. 

This might drive you crazy but...

To be up in the head about things and to be worried about whether something is categorically masculine or feminine, is to be stuck in the masculine. 

Just feel. There's no wrong way to do it.