Why women should make the first move (sometimes)

[ertopolice]

@Vzdoh I got it

So, in ur opinion suggesting a guys to follow the chat face to face would be an example of that?

That was my last approach with some guy i aM really attracted to

He just replied with a "like". So i'll quit contact and never ever contact him again if it is not for setting a date..

 

[Vzdoh]

38 minutes ago, ertopolice said:

@Vzdoh I got it

So, in ur opinion suggesting a guys to follow the chat face to face would be an example of that?

That was my last approach with some guy i aM really attracted to

He just replied with a "like". So i'll quit contact and never ever contact him again if it is not for setting a date..

 

No. Real date. No chats or facetime. If a guy is interested and has at least a tiny bit of EQ, he will understand your interest and invite you out. That dude clearly was not interested. 

I once had an amazing chemistry with one guy and we were texting over a month or so and I never even once directly invited him on a date, he was suggesting we should see each other. But he was in a really vulnerable and bad place emotionally and I realised that it's just not a good time. I could feel his desire and then hesitation where it can all go... he was high EQ, I would even say an empath, which is super rare for guys. So I let it be and left things open with him as at some point he will feel better and more ready for a relationship. But I made it open in a such a way that the ball is in his court and i am expecting an invite for a proper date. Unless he is ready, I didn't want to do anything or entertain any sex or other purely physical stuff, although sexual chemistry was off the charts ???? and I knew he would want to bed me ???

[ertopolice]

@Vzdoh Thanks for ur input!

Yes. I guess he just enjoys a chat friend or something hahah

By what he said in some messages i bet he is currently in casual dates with other females..so better forgetting about him

It was just that we matched very well intellectually...

[Vzdoh]

50 minutes ago, ertopolice said:

@Vzdoh Thanks for ur input!

Yes. I guess he just enjoys a chat friend or something hahah

By what he said in some messages i bet he is currently in casual dates with other females..so better forgetting about him

It was just that we matched very well intellectually...

We r all guilty sometimes in wanting attention from the opposite sex to validate our attractiveness, even the most high self-esteem and self-value of us. So for both genders, knowing that a girl/guy who is texting are interested, is a boost to our egos. I take it compassionately as I am guilty of that sometimes too.

1 hour ago, ertopolice said:

@Vzdoh I got it

So, in ur opinion suggesting a guys to follow the chat face to face would be an example of that?

That was my last approach with some guy i aM really attracted to

He just replied with a "like". So i'll quit contact and never ever contact him again if it is not for setting a date..

 

[RendHeaven]

10 hours ago, ertopolice said:

what traits would you care for in a woman's desirability?

I won't lie, the initial spark of sexual attraction is almost purely physical/visual.

But assuming she passes that, I then see if she embodies my top values in a woman - especially the top 3.

This process of "screening" is not a logical one, but an emotional/energetic one. It seems like a cold-hearted checklist when I write out the values in bullet points, but I never actually think of it in this way when I'm out meeting someone:

#3 might sound like another physical/visual criteria, but it's not. It's an energy that is primarily felt, and although the presence of this energy is confirmed through observing the eyes and the voice, what I'm really looking for comes from a deeper place within the girl, an authentic expression of who she is and what she wants. This can't be faked. Some girls are subtly beaming like goddesses, others are withheld and "dead" inside.

But hey I'm just some dude, I don't think guys really think about this stuff too much. For most men it's all subconscious.

Edited August 2, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Spiral]

8 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

We r all guilty sometimes in wanting attention from the opposite sex to validate our attractiveness, even the most high self-esteem and self-value of us. So for both genders,

You know nothing of true hubris!  I guess I can appreciate that they have good taste, that’s a attractive quality.

Regarding the topic at hand yes I do think they should make an effort. It’s typical here in Scandinavia.

Edited August 2, 2021 by Spiral

[ertopolice]

@RendHeaven

Damm social networks..

t the end it's been my fault not caring for a mate earlier on in life. It's so difficult via social networks if u wanna show intellectual. You lack opportunities for those assets to show up.

In real life the little count of guys I've dated would have follow dating me but i was the one who put an end to it. I guess i've should have dated more.

 

 

[Karmadhi]

The only issue if the girls make the moves is that they will only approach the hot guys and if u re not hot you re fucked. Considering how horny guys are the girl can get away with approaching only hot guys and getting laid from it.

When guy makes the moves it gives him the chance to get girls even if he is not handsome.

Edited August 3, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Mason Riggle]

2 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

The only issue if the girls make the moves is that they will only approach the hot guys and if u re not hot you re fucked.

I'm not a 'hot guy'.  I'm not even a 'tall guy'.  I'm not even that funny. 

I'm confident and comfortable in my own skin, however, and hot girls approach me occasionally.  Whenever I have 'chased' women, it has never worked out.  When I stop chasing, they chase me, and that's how every 'long term' relationship I've ever been in has started.  

[ertopolice]

@Karmadhi I am quite over average looks to be honest and i am attracted not to the hottest guys out there. 

[Karmadhi]

@Mason Riggle Good for you, for most of us that is not the case. If you ignore girls and do not chase them they will give 0 shits about you and never want to date you (they might enjoy your company non sexually though but 0 attraction) , that has been my experience. I think it has been others too.

@ertopolice Would you approach decent looking guys over hot guys? Maybe those "not hot guys" had great personalities that made up for it so you got attracted to them. Hot guys tend to be very lame because they get attraction from looks and never bother to develop their personality much.

[Mason Riggle]

@Karmadhi who said I ignore girls? 

[ertopolice]

@Karmadhi Exactly. It's their personality or aspects such as intellectual value which attract me most

[Karmadhi]

@ertopolice

1 hour ago, Mason Riggle said:

who said I ignore girls? 

By ignoring i meant not approaching nor making active moves on her.

51 minutes ago, ertopolice said:

as intellectual value which attract me most

I wish girls were attracted to intellect and intellectual people...

Intellectual stimulating conversations just lead me to frinedzones, attraction i think needs emotional not intelectual stimulation to happen.

[ertopolice]

@Karmadhi It's a curse trust me because if it's not intellectual at all i cannot get attracted enough

It's also true that regarding this guy i am attracted to right now i've seen him in person and know how he looks..and even not being extremely handsome or tall i ming him a hottie

[Vzdoh]

10 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@ertopolice

By ignoring i meant not approaching nor making active moves on her.

I wish girls were attracted to intellect and intellectual people...

Intellectual stimulating conversations just lead me to frinedzones, attraction i think needs emotional not intelectual stimulation to happen.

It's a combination of many things. Stop being so dualistic! Only emotional attraction or if i am intellectual, no attraction ever. Things are not dualistic like that in the real world.

Girls like both an emotional AND intellectual guy, especially if they r in touch with their feminine and relatively smart themselves. 

Actually all of us, girls and boys, like and the most attracted to people who combine 2 or more traits. For example, Matthew Hussy was talking about unique pairings in people - i. e. When u r both a super achiever AND super spontaneous. Or when you are intellectual in convo, but also can show emotions and communicate on emotional level. Many girls will want u if u r not a one track pony, but an individual with a unique pairing ??

On 02/08/2021 at 8:19 PM, ertopolice said:

@Vzdoh I got it

So, in ur opinion suggesting a guys to follow the chat face to face would be an example of that?

That was my last approach with some guy i aM really attracted to

He just replied with a "like". So i'll quit contact and never ever contact him again if it is not for setting a date..

 

 

[Emerald]

@ertopolice Here are some really good resources for dating/relationships as a woman. It will help you better understand how certain male/female dynamics in dating works...

The channels are by Adrienne Everheart, Helena Hart, and Brian Nox. So, I'll give you a few videos that could be relevant for you. 

 

[Preety_India]

On 02/08/2021 at 5:21 PM, Mason Riggle said:

.. accidental quoting

 

 

13 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@ertopolice

By ignoring i meant not approaching nor making active moves on her.

I wish girls were attracted to intellect and intellectual people...

Intellectual stimulating conversations just lead me to frinedzones, attraction i think needs emotional not intelectual stimulation to happen.

Depends on the level of consciousness of the girl. If I went for a thug, it's only my fault. If you're looking for girls who lack emotional and spiritual maturity, that's what you'll end up with.

I can't date an asshole or some psycho  who has no emotional understanding and still pretend like I deserve the best. I get what I choose. That's the law of Nature. Nobody to blame but me. You can't have the cake and eat it too. 

You want both emotional maturity and attraction combined into one. Doesn't work like that 

It's like if I said I want to guy who beats up people but also has a good heart.

Very few women possess both at the same time.

You'll find tons of average girls who will love intelligent and intellectual conversations, they would love to share emotional space with you, yet they won't be hot looking. But they will meet other needs.

If you're looking for someone hot who spends tons of energy and time into her looks and is generally shallow, then that's what you get, because that's what you were looking for. Of course there are women who are not only attractive but also intelligent and well rounded, yet they are rare. You can't have  everything in one. You want the brains and skills of an average girl but the beauty of a hot woman. Umm, doesn't work.

Can I have a super rich guy who also knows how to do construction work or clean hotels  ? That would be laughable because the rich won't have those skills..

Similarly I can't ask for someone who is super fit but is also addicted to alcohol so I enjoy drinking with them !

You only get your share of the plate.

Women when they don't look beautiful, develop other traits like intelligence and wisdom and art etc, because they try to increase their attractiveness in other ways, or they simply grow in other ways. 

Have you seen a lab scientist looking hot like a Victoria Secret Model ? You can't have both. 

If there is a woman who is vainly obsessed with her beauty, and she has looks to go with her vanity, then she is less likely to be involved with medical research or become the next tech genius in the world. She will obviously be on social media like instragram flaunting herself, working in modeling, going to malls etc. She will be looking for a fickle conversation and probably a high value high earning guy who can support her gregarious lifestyle. Because she will have big things on her list like vacations, big trips, expensive diamond rings, a guy who can give her all, obviously she knows she is attractive and men will throw themselves at her, then why will she look for intellectual conversations or intellectually stimulating dudes when she is just not into it but into shallow vain things like money and vacations..

You are trying to mix two things. 

You want the normalcy of an average girl but also the hotness of the hot girl , all combined into one.

It's like me saying I want a millionaire but he should like me for being an  average girl or he should hang out with me in a trailer park.

First of all a millionaire will never pick an average girl like me when he got the option for hot girls, second he won't hang out in a trailer park or a boat  with me, because he wants to be on a cruise ship.

 Whatever you try to say is along the lines of - you're biting more than you can chew.

You want to have it all meanwhile just being an average guy yourself.

You want someone who is out of your league yet you don't want someone who could easily fit into your league and by that I mean an average girl..

You want someone who has lot of options but you don't want someone with fewer options. Because you ain't providing the sexual value that the hot girl wants. Yet you can easily provide value to an average girl but you don't want to.

In one breath if you ask me- why aren't hot girls attracted to me when I can be so intellectual, in the same breath I can ask you - why aren't you attracted to average girls who are intellectual ?

There you get your answer.

 

Edited August 4, 2021 by Preety_India

[Vzdoh]

8 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

Depends on the level of consciousness of the girl. If I went for a thug, it's only my fault. If you're looking for girls who lack emotional and spiritual maturity, that's what you'll end up with.

I can't date an asshole or some psycho  who has no emotional understanding and still pretend like I deserve the best. I get what I choose. That's the law of Nature. Nobody to blame but me. You can't have the cake and eat it too. 

You want both emotional maturity and attraction combined into one. Doesn't work like that 

It's like if I said I want to guy who beats up people but also has a good heart.

Very few women possess both at the same time.

You'll find tons of average girls who will love intelligent and intellectual conversations, they would love to share emotional space with you, yet they won't be hot looking. But they will meet other needs.

If you're looking for someone hot who spends tons of energy and time into her looks and is generally shallow, then that's what you get, because that's what you were looking for. Of course they are women who are not only attractive but also intelligent and well rounded, yet they are rare. You can't everything in one. You want the brains and skills of an average girl but the beauty of a hot woman. Umm, doesn't work.

Can I have a super rich guy who also knows how to do construction work or clean hotels  ? That would be laughable because the rich won't have those skills..

Similarly I can't ask for someone who is super fit but is also addicted to alcohol so I enjoy drinking with them !

You only get your share of the plate.

Women when they don't look beautiful, develop other traits like intelligence and wisdom and art etc, because they try to increase their attractiveness in other ways, or they simply grow in other ways. 

Have you seen a lab scientist looking hot like a Victoria Secret Model ? You can't have both. 

If there is a woman who is vainly obsessed with her beauty, and she has looks to go with her vanity, then she is less likely to be involved with medical research or become the next tech genius in the world. She will obviously be on social media like instragram flaunting herself, working in modeling, going to malls etc. She will be looking for a fickle conversation and probably a high value high earning guy who can support her gregarious lifestyle. Because she will have big things on her list like vacations, big trips, expensive diamond rings, a guy who can give her all, obviously she knows she is attractive and men will throw themselves at her, then why will she look for intellectual conversations or intellectually stimulating dudes when she is just not into it but into shallow vain things like money and vacations..

You are trying to mix two things. 

You want the normalcy of an average girl but also the hotness of the hot girl , all combined into one.

It's like me saying I want a millionaire but he should like me for being an  average girl or he should hang out with me in a trailer park.

First of all a millionaire will never pick an average girl like me when he got the option for hot girls, second he won't hang out in a trailer park or a boat  with me, because he wants to be on a cruise ship.

 Whatever you try to say is along the lines of - you're biting more than you can chew.

You want to have it all meanwhile just being an average guy yourself.

You want someone who is out of your league yet you don't want someone who could easily fit into your league and by that I mean an average girl..

You want someone who has lot of options but you don't want someone with fewer options. Because you ain't providing the sexual value that the hot girl wants. Yet you can easily provide value to an average girl but you don't want.

In one breath if you ask me- why aren't hot girls attracted to me when I can be so intellectual, in the same breath I can ask you - why aren't you attracted to average girls who are intellectual ?

There you get your answer.

 

Dear, u r generalising. Where i live there are plenty of smart, successful, and super beautiful women. Most of my GFs are like this. And they indeed have super high standards when it comes to men, which they should. And not many of them on Insta trying to flaunt their beauty. When u know u r beautiful, u don't need to flaunt anything to anyone, u just know. It's called high self esteem. ???

On 02/08/2021 at 8:19 PM, ertopolice said:

@Vzdoh I got it

So, in ur opinion suggesting a guys to follow the chat face to face would be an example of that?

That was my last approach with some guy i aM really attracted to

He just replied with a "like". So i'll quit contact and never ever contact him again if it is not for setting a date..

 

 

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

Dear, u r generalising. Where i live there are plenty of smart, successful, and super beautiful women. Most of my GFs are like this. And they indeed have super high standards when it comes to men, which they should. And not many of them on Insta trying to flaunt their beauty. When u know u r beautiful, u don't need to flaunt anything to anyone, u just know. It's called high self esteem. ???

It might appear that I'm generalizing..And I'm aware that there are women who are not only beautiful but also smart. But these guys are usually looking for instagram models, at least that's what they constantly keep talking about in this dating forum very often. That's why I used that as an example. 

But there are tons of beautiful women on instagram who love to flaunt, of course they also make money out of it and get plenty of men to like them and ask them out. This is like a new phenomenon I'm observing. Now whether they have low self esteem or high self esteem, it's up to them. They kinda want use their own beauty for whatever means and it seems guys are going gaga over them.

My point was not so much about the Beauty brain analogy (sorry If I was generalizing) but that the guy I replied to tends to approach women who are generally immature and like assholes and not him because they aren't matured enough to be with good men, so I was trying to explain him that if that's what he is looking for, that's what he will end up with. However he isn't too interested in the emotionally matured women because they're unattractive in his eyes. So if he is going for a girl who has no brains or doesn't value intellectual conversations, then why is he complaining that they don't like  intellectual conversations,when he is choosing them purely because they're hot material, obviously if they're lacking it, isn't he looking in the wrong place?

 

 

Edited August 4, 2021 by Preety_India