I can't seem to transcend my ingrained stage blue agenda

[Flint]

I've been contemplating this for a while and I definitely hit a new barrier in my development, and this one might as well be my treshold guardian.

For context, I would peg myself - spiral dynamics wise - big part orange, a good chunk of green which is still growing and some yellow on the cognitive side.

Regardless of all of the work I've done on myself I seem to have a very deep ingraned stage blue agenda inherited from my parents, which defines what a "normal" and "good" life would be : University, a long term partner, marriage, children and a nice job. Something structured and conventional - while I am not at all conventional, and I have a very strong personnality and my own way of doing things, including many many things stage blue wouldn't even consider such as doing psychedelics.

I've been doing this work for a while, including a lot of reading, yoga, meditation for 5 years + , healthy eating, working out, nootropics, in short I'm a freaking good student of personnal development and I'm bloody serious about it.

Now, any time I consider going against this stage blue agenda, such as becoming a writer and blossoming as myself - but thus having a non conventional job I am blocked. Some part of me will deeply resist it and I won't be able to make any progress.

Same can be said about when I consider leaving my long term partner : on one had, when I watch netflix with her, I get a existential crisis on how unhappy I am with this whole situation, and then, on another day, how I am lucky to just be with her and have a long term partner. This reference point of what a "good" life could be is extremely limiting BUT on an emotional level it's still running me and I want to be free of it.

To some extent, It's living according to my parent's expectations (and thus their stage blue agenda) which gives me comfort and security, but is at all not fulfilling. I'm not living with them anymore and I wanna fully blossom and allow myself to be fully myself. 

I already plan on taking psychedelics to work trough this but any help would be appreciated as well.

[Leo Gura]

@Flint I would suggest it's a much deeper problem than merely pleasing your parents.

Even if you had no parents, your mind would still gravitate toward safety, security, and comfort. All minds do this. It's just how survival works. You gotta push yourself hard to break out of those ruts. It takes commitment to fearless living and bold action. You really need a higher vision to live for than security.

But at the same time, security cannot be neglected. You must satisfy it in reasonable and moderate ways. This means integrating the health parts of Blue, but moving beyond them.

Try to contemplate what are the healthy aspects of Blue which will serve as the foundation for your higher vision.

It would be a mistake to try to avoid Blue altogether.

[Chrissy From Philly]

Hi there, I have struggled with this myself and I think an episode like Leo’s how to stop caring what other people think might be helpful. If you enjoy writing, why not say, I’m going to pause what I’m doing now and try something new. You can always go back to what makes you feel “safe” like the job, the partner. Instead of sitting and watching Netflix, walk into the other room and do something that makes you happy, like just reflecting on yourself or the universe, even if it means taking a walk around the block or just sitting in the shower for an extended period of time, whichever small outlets you can find for yourself. If your partner loves you, she’ll understand if not, then that may give you some answers but It sounds like you have a good relationship. Perhaps you should to continue to try to focus on loving yourself first. All just my perspective. Much love.

[Chrissy From Philly]

@Leo Gura I posted at the same time as you, it was cool to see your response compared to mine. Love you ❤️

[asifarahim]

If u are a nice guy then read no more mr nice guy by robert grover.

Also what u need to understand is that some part of blue is healthy and is good.u do not need to fully demonize blue.blue has some useful stuff.learn to get those healthy blue in yourself and exclude all other toxic blue stuff.

U need to get enlightened to be fully free from all the social conditioning programmed by society and family.only with enlightment freedom comes.

 

Also get some systems thinking.work systematically

Edited August 1, 2021 by asifarahim

[Bob Seeker]

Life is extraordinarily deep. It is necessary to not be hung up on your images of what your life will be since they are necessarily shallow due to your limited imagination. If you want to plumb the depths of life you must be flexible enough to follow the spirit and let it show you new depths. From the depths branches will sprout that you can follow to take you even deeper. There is so much here, it can’t be plumbed in one life time.

at least that’s my thought.

Edited August 1, 2021 by Bob Seeker

[Flint]

19 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Flint I would suggest it's a much deeper problem than merely pleasing your parents.

Even if you had no parents, your mind would still gravitate toward safety, security, and comfort. All minds do this. It's just how survival works. You gotta push yourself hard to break out of those ruts. It takes commitment to fearless living and bold action. You really need a higher vision to live for than security.

Then could it be that one might feel a huge amount of resistance about actualizing their life purpose and something they're deeply passionate about - to the extent they feel less excited/motivated to work on it - simply because of the pricetag of dealing with fear, lack of security and discomfort that comes with doing so and the inner growth required ?

Edited August 2, 2021 by Flint
Spelling mistake

[Bob Seeker]

14 hours ago, Flint said:

Then could it be that one might feel a huge amount of resistance about actualizing their life purpose and something they're deeply passionate about - to the extent they feel less excited/motivated to work on it - simply because of the pricetag of dealing with fear, lack of security and discomfort that comes with doing so and the inner growth required ?

Hmmm… I wonder?

[puporing]

On 01/08/2021 at 5:55 AM, Flint said:

Now, any time I consider going against this stage blue agenda, such as becoming a writer and blossoming as myself - but thus having a non conventional job I am blocked. Some part of me will deeply resist it and I won't be able to make any progress.

I'm curious if you've raised this with your partner seriously or not yet, and how she feels about this. It sounded almost like you're afraid to bring this up that it may cause her to not want to be with you. And I would say if that's the case really contemplate the cost of not sharing your true desires and how that might affect you and your relationship in the long term. There're risks but what I found over and over in relationships is that the cost of not sharing my true self/pursuing the things I have a deep passion for is just too high compared to potentially losing the relationship. 

And.. you might just be pleasantly surprised at the response you get from your partner (again I'm assuming you haven't yet shared). 

Edited August 3, 2021 by puporing