I’m a nerd logical guy. How the fuck to talk with a hot woman?

[RoerAmit]

So stuck im thinking and “shoulding” on myself when I am interacting with women.

How does a very successful guy with women talk to them? What Should I change in myself in order to be good with girls? How we talk emotionally?

Sometimes I lose hope and I suffer.

[Myagooshki]

I haven't embarked on this process yet, but it's the next step in my journey. One of the things you want to be able to do is always come up with things to say, and never allow silence to fall dead. Always be able to come up with something to say. What I would reccommend is listening to a lot of podcasts and transcribing them. Look for lots of different types of conversations between people of very differing personalities. There are services you can pay to do this for you that are somewhat reasonable in price. Then upon those transcriptions, try to think about what the exact thought processes were behind what those people said and write it down in the margins. Look for repeating patterns. Of course they will not be the exact thought patterns that the people were actually using. You're interpreting it your own way. Because at the end of the day, the best tool you have is your own interpretation. So you will always be able to come up with things to say based upon your own interpretation of language and such. Look for all the patterns you can find, and memorize them. Make them very abstract and flexible, such as "reporting to someone the details of what happened and how my perspective was before the event, how it changed during the event, and how it was different after the event as opposed to what it was before the event". That is something that people talk about all the time and they don't even realize it. But you will. Look for hundreds of these abstract, complex, flexible things, and write them down and memorize them. Then, in any situation, you will never run out of things to say. Make sure that it is as foolproof as possible and is able to work in as many situations as possible. This will have to be done with your own discretion. But you must remember that it is going off of your interpretation of a situation that you are in, and that is fine, because your interpretation of it is what counts. What is a self but an interpretation anyway?

Edited July 31, 2021 by Myagooshki

[Leo Gura]

You have train yourself to not be logical with women.

The words coming out of your mouth should not conform to any kind of logic or make much sense.

Basically, be stupid and fun.

It requires lots of practice, so stop sitting around and hit the field.

[Myagooshki]

@RoerAmit Does what Leo said make sense to you phenomenologically? I remember when I went to a bar and tried that. I was drunk, of course. It was a very weird experience. I went up to these ladies and I literally started saying stream of consciousness stuff. It was very random. Lots of random imagery, stuff like farmers riding on the tops of trains, lots of big words, I remember at one point I said "a jestful occurence is a jestful occurence". They were scowling at me and such and getting angry. I might have said to one of them "you're nothing but a rhinoceros!" and then started talking to somebody else, which also felt like a fight, and then a middle aged woman came up to me and said "ooo baby" and stroked my chest and then went back dancing with the guy she was with and he looked at me frustratedly. An interesting experience that I haven't repeated, but I don't think it would get anywhere if I did it again. Which is why I would say do the podcast transcription thing and then channel your stream of consciousness with actual coherent verbage.

[Joel3102]

3 hours ago, RoerAmit said:

So stuck im thinking and “shoulding” on myself when I am interacting with women.

How does a very successful guy with women talk to them? What Should I change in myself in order to be good with girls? How we talk emotionally?

Sometimes I lose hope and I suffer.

I find it so hard to come up with things to say, that aren’t boring ass logical interview questions. I guess practice is the only solution 

[Myagooshki]

@Joel3102 yet if practice is the only solution, then reality is a caste system of those who have experience and those who do not. Will you stand for that? I will not. And it seems that it isn't reality anyway, because conversations are so subjective. You can really mastermind them.

[Vzdoh]

I personally think that I am rather hot and get approached by guys very often. What they talk about? 

Various stuff. U don't have to be illogical completely. That's botox! 

I work in finance and before that in IT, so not all girls are silly and stupid and despise logical convos. Its a myth! But I would just say keep it light and fun! 

Potential topics can be

- hobbies

- sports

- her passion or her work

- food and drink - what she likes/dislikes

- travel experiences

- covid news ???

- anything light and fun really

Good luck! 

[Preety_India]

@RoerAmit  I like logical guys.

I don't like "stupid and fun" the way Leo says it.

I don't even know what that means. 

But I would be turned off if a guy was acting stupid because it would mean  I'm stupid.

So the answer to your question will be that you be your authentic self.

I don't know about hot girls. But my advice will for authentic women.

 

[Preety_India]

The logical guy is the best guy ....imo.

[Windappreciator]

25 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

Be a smart guy is really important for a long-term relationship or something deeper.

All the girls that fell in love with me, saw me as some kind of leader and they started  immediately embracing my world views( including the political ones and everything else) ( even the clothes lol)

Even my sweaters, the colors, style, everything. lol

So in this case, being intelligent is really important, women will have a harder time following stupid men.

 

But at the moment you meet the girl, being logical is not important.

Such bullcrap

[Preety_India]

Just now, Khr said:

Ehhh.. in my experience, not really.. I’ve met some logical guys and if they lack EQ it’s a nightmare - it’s like talking to a robot that’s constantly calculating what’s the best thing to do based on data.

In that case the best combo would be a guy who is logical along with "emotionally logical" you know what I mean, like some guys who are overly emotional (I'm scared of such men) because they could be manipulative. I had dated an emotional guy,but he was very manipulative. Yet the robot was not able to create feelings but I liked his honesty.

[Preety_India]

@Khr like I would like to divide emotional into two categories

Emotional - this is making sense. Logical Emotional

Emotional - this is not making sense.. Illogical emotional. 

The second option is much harder because some people are Illogical without intent, just acting immature

Whereas with some people are Illogical emotionally and that's because their emotions are fake and don't corroborate with their reality, they are hiding something. Incongruous.

 

 

[Byun Sean]

4 hours ago, RoerAmit said:

So stuck im thinking and “shoulding” on myself when I am interacting with women.

How does a very successful guy with women talk to them? What Should I change in myself in order to be good with girls? How we talk emotionally?

Sometimes I lose hope and I suffer.

Rules and fear on what you might say are the kicker here.

It just takes a bunch of experience and practice to get over all your fears of:

-not gaining the girls approval

-causing a negative interaction 

-saying something extremely stupid causing the girl to think negatively of you

 

In time with a lot of practice you will be able to be comfortable just talking to not only women, but any human being or stranger 

at all in a comfortable and even humorous (if appropriate) way.

 

But it takes a mastery of emotions. Its not a logical thing or thing you can do with your mind by just theorizing.

Thats why you gotta get out there and practice where your emotions are they key factor.

 

[Vzdoh]

@Khr yep. Met plenty of such dudes. In Singapore lota of guys like that with 0 EQ. Cause finance and other industries require a strong logical mind. Normally in such guys emotions and EQ in general are underdeveloped. 

And yes I felt like I am dealing with the robot. If a guy is super emotional, but yet logical it's actually the best. Because I can relate better and see his emotions and how he feels and we can discuss our emotions openly. 

I find it hard to believe that a very emotional guy can manipulate in any way. What he does is he is just expressing his emotions and if you are uncomfortable with his emotional expressiveness, and take it for manipulation, what it means is you simply having hard time reading his emotions for what they are, which means you have issues recognising and feeling your own emotions most likely. 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Khr said:

gtfo ?.

Omg I give the same reaction these days, I had similar experiences with exes. So these days it's gtfo to any Illogical emotional outburst. Trying to live life #manipulationfree. 

 

[Bando]

Ahh yes cant wait for this thread to get derailed and turn into a gender wars battle only to get shut down on page 15

[Windappreciator]

34 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

Probably you are just  incel with no real experience with women lol

Trying to be the super emotional guy, "nice" guy, so maybe women can trust and give you some love lol.

You are a joke, and just clueless too

 

[Vzdoh]

@Khr I actually dated a narc for like 3 months and gtfo of there on my own

How I spotted he was a covert narc? Easy. He didn't have any empathy. Thry can tell all the sad stories and stuff but that's not emotions and being truly vulnerable or open. It's something else entirely. He was telling all the sad stories and I could feel on a almost surreal emotional level huge levels of neglect from him - narcs are normally born growing up in neglectful and unhealthy emotionally distant families. 

Main key to spotting a narc - is not feeling emotional empathy from him. 

And to differentiate sad stories from feeling lack of empathy, u need to be yourself very empathetic and emotionally expressive person. The fact that u cannot differentiate the two, tells me that you are struggling with empathy to yourself and others and taking sad stories for an actual expression of vulnerability and emotions, when it's not and is SUPER different. 

When I expected empathy and didn't get it, I realised I am dealing with a highly traumatised individual. I didn't know at that time he was a narc. When I got out and ended the relationship and then was so confused as to what was THAT? My male friend who grew up with a narcissistic father told me to look up covert narcissist description and signs and he matched like 90%. 

Doctor Ramani has a good YouTube channel on narcissists and narcissism. You just need to watch a few of her educational videos and u will be set to identify them easily. 

Again, I repeat, don't try to fix other people or find faults with other people, you won't be able to control them, but you are capable to control and educate yourself and improve your emotional availability and empathy, which is a better strategy longer term than simply avoiding life and rejecting ALL emotional guys. This way you won't fix anything and problem will always be there. 

Best approach is to work on yourself to be able to feel better, to be more empathetic, to allow and accept your own emotions and live them, rather than reject them. Cause if u reject others emotions, u first and foremost reject your own emotions and that will eventually lead to deep depression and suicide, cause doing that for long will only convince u that u live in a world full of manipulative guys and there is no hope. 

Careful here. This might backfire big time in a long term! 

 

 

 

[Windappreciator]

24 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

Actually, they can, in the west, they are taught that women love superemotional guys, so some try to be this type of guy.

This happened to me when I was a teenager and clueless. I would pretend to be super emotional, because that was what girls used to say they were attracted to.But, obviously, that never worked with most women.

Guys, shouldn't take very seriously what women say they want. 

"Don't ask fish for advice on catching fish, ask a fisherman"

 

Because it was inauthentic. You can't fake emotions. 

And you're probably not the brightest light bulb, it's likely you misinterpreted what girls want either.

[Vzdoh]

I met another guy as well who was very emotional and open and vulnerable with me on date 1.Told me about his suicide story and stuff. I felt close and pity for him, but he was not a narc, just another depressed and deeply traumatised dude. And when I wanted to get close as in build a real relationship, he distanced himself from me, so he couldn't connect with me on an emotional level and develop healthy intimacy. And I spotted it rather quickly and ended it. We remained friends. Guys who are emotionally unavailable or traumatised and need healing, they are quite easy to spot actually. How? 

- they don't deepen emotional bond/connection. They can tell u sob stories about suicide and other stuff but when it comes to actual relating and vulnerability, they simply cannot go there cause they feel super scared to show themselves - cause of the belief they r ugly inside and not lovable. So they distance themselves from any real emotional intimacy and that for me is a huge red flag and I gtfo of there. 

- they don't empathise with you and your emotions. You just don't feel inderstood, accepted or free to express yourself next to them. You have to keep up appearances with them. And it always feels like sex in a condom, you have sex, but its like in a vacuum, like there is no closeness. That's an indication of lack of empathy. 

- and you feel neglect big time. Like u don't exist until u meet or text. Other times u feel like u don't exist in his world at all. If u feel neglect, run... 

 

My two cents for you girls to understand these dynamics better. But the only truly sustainable way out or solution to this is not to close up and reject everybody, but to develop high levels of attunement to others, which is ONLY possible when u have a high level of attunement to yourself and your emotions first and foremost. 

Good luck!