I get horny very quickly

[Preety_India]

So every time I talk to a guy, if he says anything sexual or sexual innuendos, I get turned on and get horny very quickly. Like feminine sexual submission. But I hate it later that i felt sexual. I regret it and feel ashamed.

I want to talk to a guy without feeling overwhelmed by sexual thoughts. Their flirting has an intense impact on me. I quickly get arousal. Of course the guy can sense this and he feels very empowered and I feel very defeated. 

What are some suggestions and strategies that I can use while conversing with a guy that will prevent me from getting horny and distract me from it.

I don't want to submit so easily. 

 

[RoerAmit]

Well

I don’t want it to sound weird but what you’re explaining is kind of every guys’ dream.

Guys are sooooo turned on when the girl is that you can’t imagine. At least for me.

But, I see the problem.

It is really hard to control your sexual urges 

First, work on yourself, love and honor yourself. Express out loud what you want and don’t want. Learn to say no when needed. Be more compassionate with yourself. Read - the 6 pillars of self esteem.
I imagine that there is a low self-esteem issue behind what you say.

Then, find a good Boyfriend and fulfill your sexual desires. As you’ll have more experiences and fulfilling the sexual desires, they will have less power over you and you will be able to control yourself more.

good luck!

[RoerAmit]

26 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

What are some suggestions and strategies that I can use while conversing with a guy that will prevent me from getting horny and distract me from it.

I don't want to submit so easily. 

 

Try to be colder. Show less interest.

Actually, its hard for me to see the problem.

Are you like getting horny from every guy you talk to?

if there are only some i cant see the problem.. just be colder

[Mason Riggle]

I know it's really hard, but I'll cum right out and say it.. (Hopefully I'm not being too big of a dick).....

 

Lol, just kidding. I got nothing. 

 

[Preety_India]

37 minutes ago, RoerAmit said:

Are you like getting horny from every guy you talk to?

Only guys who flirt in seductive sexual manner. 

The guys who talk normal don't have any impact on me, with them I am not turned on.

But I lose control completely when the guy starts flirting or touchy(like holding my hand/moving fingers through my hair or touching my cheeks/ shoulders etc) 

Or if he stares into my eyes deeply, it becomes extremely difficult for me to say no or look away. I become very aroused/stimulated. I don't like it because it makes me feel flustered or embarrassed.

The guy usually ends up kissing me when he can sense it in my eyes/my face usually changes color and turns more red or pink like stimulated and he can catch it that I'm stimulated and I don't refuse his kiss. 

Later I regret giving him so much power over me. I usually don't meet the guy again. 

 

[hyruga]

You have to be grounded and you must love yourself first. The best way to stay grounded is to turn to God and ask God for help, strength and direction (This is 'bad advice' in this forum because everyone is  saying you are already God here).

You have to be wary of elite PUAs. Puas who meet up with a lot of girls constantly. They have no problems showing their masculine sides and they will escalate the relationships very quickly. If a guy escalate the relationships within one to three dates. it is a red flag that the guy just want to take advantage. (Everything however has pros and cons so if you reject a guy, obviously this also means the relationship cannot continue well).

I am also like that but in reverse. I am a guy so whenever I approach a girl, I will get all flustered and needy. So I try to be less needy and talk less. But then, some people say I am too quiet and need to talk more. So it's still a balancing act.

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, hyruga said:

You have to be wary of elite PUAs.

 

 

This advice is gold.

                 

 

[Vzdoh]

Dear, u need to accept your sexuality separate from any guy who turns you on. Basically, u need to separate your feelings of arousal and the guy who is causing them. 

There are girls and guys who are very sensitive to touch and tension in the convo. I am one of them. Will describe how it happens for me to give u a perspective. 

I can meet a guy like via a dating app for example and if convo goes well, we are flirting, a guy normally tries to touch me gently - shoulders, arms, neck maybe. I feel turn on from physical touch almost immediately. That's because i know physical touch is my lobe language. 

But do I feel defeated? Do I feel like the guy won me over? No!!!! Because I know this is my normal reaction to any guy who would do it. Its me, not him! And I just accept that this is my sexuality like this. And it has nothing to do with the amount of effort or anything else the guy did. 

Moreover, if I don't develop actual feelings for the guy, I feel turned on sexually, but I don't feel turned on emotionally. I clearly feel the difference. And if the guy did not turn on my emotional side, he did not win me over. Yes, he managed to arouse me, so what? It's my body that reacts this way and 90% of the arousal result coming from my body being sensitive to touch, rather than his efforts. 

So I accept it as my normal reaction that does not mean a thing except that yes, I am aroused. But so what? Next moment arousal passes and I am back to normal. It doesn't mean the guy won me over somehow or I even want to see the guy later. 

In fact, most of the time when a guy tries to be too sexual on a 1st-2nd date even though my body reacts and I feel pleasure, I won't probably see him again because he is most likely forcing sexual connection too fast and for me it means he prioratises having sex with me instead of building an emotional bond. So it is a major turn off for me when it comes to a potential relationship. So actually the guy loses, approaching things like that. 

You take your normal body reaction to mean that you gave in or something and connect ypur sexuality to being overly submissive and available for sex in your mind. You need to explore why u associate your arousal with those thoughts. 

For me, arousal is arousal, it's normal. I embrace and accept it. And in most cases as I said, guys pushing for sexual stuff early on, actually plays out bad for them, not good in a long term. 

So explore why u have this connection?

You posted about exclusivity and quite traditional view on sex before, I think in your mind/system u feel like your body betrays you somehow abd u give off a whore image to the guy. Why do u feel that your normal body sexual arousal makes you feel like a whore in your mind? I think you despise the guy for reminding you about the shame around your sexuality. Work on that feeling of shame. Accept your body fully and then I think u won't have such reaction. 

Namaste sister

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

In fact, most of the time when a guy tries to be too sexual on a 1st-2nd date even though my body reacts and I feel pleasure, I won't probably see him again because he is most likely forcing sexual connection too fast and for me it means he prioratises having sex with me instead of building an emotional bond. So it is a major turn off for me when it comes to a potential relationship. So actually the guy loses, approaching things like that. 

Your advice is awesome. I especially liked this part where I need to understand that he is prioritising sex over emotional bond 

But there is a dichotomy in my brain, a sort of confusion.

Leo and many other men on this forum constantly say that guys version of intimacy is through sex. 

So I tend it to take it as his version of being intimate with me. Maybe that's the reason why I connect me being aroused as me having submitted to him, because if it's his intimacy and if I accept it as his intimacy, I sort of participated in being intimate with him, this generates the thought that I gave him my love by showing arousal ?

[Vzdoh]

@Preety_India hah? You r mixing arousal which is physical body reaction to touch with emotional arousal. These are two distinct and different things. U r not giving anyone your love and your emotional attachment until u actually feel love for them. U mix the two for some reason. 

Also, yes, Leo is correct in the fact that guys experience intimacy via sex most of the time, but they also have emotions. And how I view it is if a guy wants me physically, sexually, I choke it up to my physical attractiveness and pat myself on a shoulder for doing a good job keeping my body attractive and desirable to men. That's it!

For me sexual and intimate behaviour from guys without a guy showing his emotional side to me and without attaching to me on an emotional level, means that he likes what he sees. It also means he is healthy in a sexual department. But do i think its real intimacy from a guy? BIG NO! 

I take guys' sexual interest as a compliment to how I look. I am not offended or feel defeated or anything else of that sort when guys express their sexual desire towards me. I take it as a compliment to my workout routine ????

But Leo is not saying one thing - when a guy just wants u physically, there is no emotional attachment from his side, you are just another vagina to him. There is 0 emotional intimacy, there is 0 emotional connection and gor guys its just sex. So NO, sexual desire from a guy towards you has nothing to do with true intimacy. In fact, guys can fuck girls that they don't even like as people aa many pick up dudes on here alluded to. So by being sexually aroused, u r not betraying anything and not betraying yourself at all. Your body just reacts to stimulation, that's all! Your thinking if i turned it around and you were a guy, its like a guy would think that he was truly intimate with a random girl he just had sex with. That's laughable at the least if not ridiculous ???? Then guys would fall in love with prostitutes after having sex ???

[Preety_India]

@Vzdoh  then why does Leo and other guys say that if they like a woman and want her, they are going to show it through sexual intimacy ?

So does this mean that a guy showing sexual interest in me is truly interested in me or simply sexually interested in me ?

Since that's his version of intimacy ?

 

[Vzdoh]

@Preety_India I don't know. Ask Leo about it. I personally from experience of 20+ years dating guys, not even once associated a guy's sexual desire for me with him loving me or connecting with me as a person. 

There are two distinct scenarios here you are mixing up. 

Scenario 1 - a guy meets you, goes on a few dates with you and pushes you to become sexual with him. Is it real feelings and real intimacy? BIG NO! UNTIL a guy is emotionally attached to you, his desire for sex with you is just that - desire for sex with you. Not mlre, not less. 

Scenario 2 - a guy meets you, likes you as a person, starts emotionally opening up with you, and developing feelings for you. And in that scenario of course his sexual desire for you is an expression of his deeply intimate feelings for you. 

Scenario 1 happens in 80% of the cases from my experience. Only in 20% or less of the cases we have scenario 2.

Hope it helps your confusion. 

In another post u expressed a question as to how to understand whether a guy actually has feelings for u, not just wants sex and that you make guys jump through the hoops to show u he is actually attracted on a feelings level, right? 

It might be my personal hallucination or projection, but looking from the outside on all your posts, what I mentioned in my another reply to you about your feelings not being developed - which you rejected outright - is I think your real issue that you don't want to see/admit to yourself. Because you would confuse or be unable to differentiate just sexual intimacy and real emotional + sex intimacy, only in the situation where you have an issue actually feeling what the guy truly feels. And we have an issue feeling what the other person feels only when our own feeling zone is underdeveloped or shut down. I personally think u need to work on your feelings expression and acceptance to be able to later on recognise those feelings in guys and differentiate purely sexual behavior from intimacy on emotional level expressed through sex. 

Good luck! 

[Gesundheit2]

@Preety_India You deserve it 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Gesundheit2 said:

@Preety_India You deserve it 

Lmao please explain why I deserve it lolololol?

[Gesundheit2]

@Preety_India

Horniness is a good thing. It's how you know you're connected to the earth. It feels good, it gives you energy, and it probably means that you want to have children.

[Preety_India]

12 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

@Preety_India

Horniness is a good thing. It's how you know you're connected to the earth. It feels good, it gives you energy, and it probably means that you want to have children.

 

 

[Hulia]

@Preety_India Why should I tell you? Your country has given a world the greatest present. Yoga! I bet my coach hasn´t had sex for years. And he is feeling great. Because of regular practicing yoga. 

[Preety_India]

@Hulia lmao. Go do yoga. Teach al  ex

[StarStruck]

Your physical and emotional body says yes and your mind says no. Look into why you are so easily titillated. It could be trauma and being promiscuous could be a way to treat old wounds. 

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Your physical and emotional body says yes and your mind says no. Look into why you are so easily titillated. It could be trauma and being promiscuous could be a way to treat old wounds. 

I'm not promiscuous. Wtf