Ladies, don't wait for the man to reach out!!

[mandyjw]

44 minutes ago, MuadDib said:

This!

Most guys just want to please, and no it isn't simping behaviour if done in a non-manipulitive way. It's a genuine masculine quality to be generous/providing. It makes most men feel good and valuable to be able to do something for a woman. And ladies ... when you get something, fucking smile and express happy emotions for god's sake.

I can guarantee that if you go and ask a bunch of men what they find most attractive about a woman, the majority of them will respond with "smile, laugh, happy eyes, giggle and so forth" ... before they start getting into tits/ass/legs/pink bits.

Men can also take the pressure off themselves by realizing that when she isn't pleased it's because she didn't do the inner work to be receptive to it, it isn't at all his personal failing or a reflection on him. Then he leaves her to space to more quickly start to appreciate and be receptive again. 

[flowboy]

34 minutes ago, Gabith said:

I'm lost because I keep seeing conflicting information everywhere and it seems that being nice repels women. 
If I stop being nice or control myself to be less nice, I will be less authentic and less in love so it won't fit my values. But on the other hand I will still be uninteresting to women because they don't like it.

 It's hard to find a path to choose and if I do more than one, I feel like I'll have to choose:

- To be in my "goal" to go towards love, acceptance, gratitude...
- Doing my best to become attractive but having to suppress traits of myself like kindness for example

Niceness and attractiveness have an overlap: authenticity.

The part of niceness that doesn't overlap with authenticity, should be discarded.

[Gabith]

11 minutes ago, flowboy said:

I read all kinds of books, from cringy pickup stuff to good reads like David Deida, and it all helped a little...

But eventually, after going through different therapies, workshops, coachings, psychedelic trips and adventures and just a lot of trial and error, I realised that being attractive is not about adding anything, but about removing. Removing layers of conditioning, removing filters, removing inhibitions, removing unhelpful beliefs, removing manipulations, removing protection mechanisms, removing self-judgment, removing other-judgment, removing lies you tell yourself and others.

If women are not naturally coming to you while all you do is just be yourself, then you've got more stuff to remove.

That's not to say that that is easily done, or that it won't take years, or that you won't need help.

It just is what it is. Simple, but simple doesn't mean easy.

thank you, very helpful 

[fopylo]

@Gabith

9 minutes ago, Gabith said:

So I'll follow my heart but this will maybe leads to frustration, desires and inhability to find a good girlfriend ?

What's the problem with all of those? You'll need to feel frustration to grow, desire is a part of life and what moves you, I'm sure a girl will want you if you follow your purpose (or the things you really love).

13 minutes ago, Gabith said:

If I just go for love, loving me, loving others, I'll still be a nice guy, in fact I'll be even nicer than I was !!! So I'll be repellent to girls and I will stay stuck 

If you go for self-love you'll love others in a 'giving' manner, meaning you are complete and full because you're following your path, and so you'll share your love, without expecting something in return, because it feels good for you. It feels good to give and love, because you're giving from yourself to others, an expression of yourself. In this state you're grounded in yourself and adding value because you want.

In the state of being a Nice Guy you are loving in a 'taking' manner, deficiency-driven. You are trying to leach value off of others. And even when you think you're loving, you're doing it only to get something from the other person like security, get validated, attention... THIS is what repels.

20 minutes ago, Gabith said:

I can't see myself being alone for the rest of my life or stuck in toxic relationship once a year ...

I have a similar issue, mostly that I won't have friends for the rest of my life.

Practice being in solitude and enjoy the aloneness, feeling into your nature without others with you to fill in a deficiency need of yours. It will surely be painful, but once you learn to love being with yourself you won't have this worry about having a girlfriend. It will turn from a need into a want, since you're good either way

[Flowerfaeiry]

46 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Men can also take the pressure off themselves by realizing that when she isn't pleased it's because she didn't do the inner work to be receptive to it, it isn't at all his personal failing or a reflection on him. Then he leaves her to space to more quickly start to appreciate and be receptive again. 

Yes 

[MuadDib]

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

Men can also take the pressure off themselves by realizing that when she isn't pleased it's because she didn't do the inner work to be receptive to it, it isn't at all his personal failing or a reflection on him. Then he leaves her to space to more quickly start to appreciate and be receptive again. 

Fair point, fair point.

It's tricky to sort out the displeased from the sadistic though.
Much like it's tricky to sort out the sweethearts from the rapists.

[Preety_India]

9 hours ago, MuadDib said:

It's tricky to sort out the displeased from the sadistic though.

That's an impossibility. I think clear communication can help. Also dating history. If someone is sadistic, their dating history might reflect it.

Whereas the displeased ones might get pleased at some point.

[Olivia24]

On 7/29/2021 at 4:01 PM, Flowerfaeiry said:

I used to think that it was always up for the man to hit me up, make plans etc while I sat back and acted all cute. Hahaha that was so wrong. Doing that I was actually being in my masculine!!

I do think however, that initially the man should be the one to ask you out and set up dates. But after the first couple dates, rules of who texts first should go out the window. 

The more I'm cultivating my feminine the more I'm in touch with how I want to reach out, express my feelings, send him little hearts or tell him what a nice time I had etc. Doing this allows my feminine to grow. I can't believe I wasted so much time thinking it was all up to the guy. Explore this a little bit, be in touch with your feelings and your femininity. You might find yourself reaching out in really sweet and sexy ways

You are absolutely  right. Be  confident  in your femininity. I used to text  my ex when he was at work just to get  him "excited". I do have a  problem with being a  bit too submissive. I tend to lose  myself and forgetting that  i need to fulfill my needs, not  just  his.

[Loba]

Personally I find masculine energy to be dishonest, destructive to the feminine, and not even remotely at the same level as feminine energy by any and every margin. 
Truthfully, if a woman wants to be loved, completely, forever... and not have to deal with the dating game, the back and forth that comes with it, the nonsense that males put women through, this is the solution: become as beautiful as you can, be yourself, your kindest, truest self and when he starts to fall in love, ghost him. 
Don't say a word; if you run into them meeting , don't even look at them.  Act like you never met them.  No eye contact.
Make sure beforehand to get really close to their heart - the more authentic you are, which is easier when it is a situation where you have an idea of the outcome already - and then leave.  Otherwise it won't sting - the more it stings, the less pushback you put into everything up until the point of peacing out - that'll do it.  You want to be great in every way, as many ways as you can be - no drama, nothing - then do it.

There you go.  You have an inferior form of love; that person, no matter who they are with will pine for you - if they don't, keep trying until you find one that does.  This is a humanly form of love with something as invasive as a bark beetle, so don't feel too bad.  Essentially, that's all anyone is trying to get to with all this dating thing is to find lasting love - because men really only care about your shell, so having a lasting, fixed image to pine over is more effective than dating someone for years, then finding out you're flawed, they're flawed, you're both ugly, you hate each other, ect, ect, ect.

Really.  Sounds counterintuitive, but if women broke men a lot more often there would be more love in the world for women.  And you don't have to be a nag, or insane or cruel or whatever, just... leave... that is literally what makes men fall in love.  I don't know why that is the case, but it is.  Because men love more rarely than women do usually, you'll have the heart for at least a year, most likely more.  Having the love and someone's heart, there is a lot of good energy that can come from this that is very beneficial.

You know how there are pick up artists and stuff?  There needs to be more women who know the dynamic behind what love can do for a woman - you don't need the person there for it; it can be a hindrance - women should develop more systems for this.  Build ourselves up to the very best, and then just walk the fuck away.  I'll bet a girl could get really good at it, and learn how to be her best self in such a way, and the right moment to leave, just like with pick-up artists, that she could claim a heart until it quits beating for it's owner.

The comment on sadism up there got me thinking.  It would fix my heart, if I could keep another in the same manner that mine was damaged.  I read comments like this on here by men and I realize that it isn't that this forum is a bad representation of the opposite gender, but so many men really are just... not really worth much.

It's like... you have cows and pigs and then you have... fish... you know?  The cow and the pig feel more, understand more, while the fish is something that doesn't to the same degree.  It's muted.... and I mean, yeah sure a bottom feeder is good at filtering out the garbage in the water, but if you're going in as your best you then you won't have to worry about that.

I don't plan to try this, like, go out of my way to waste my time on it - but if the situation arises I will take it.

Edited July 31, 2021 by Loba

[Gesundheit2]

@Loba 

 

[StarStruck]

Girls I dated, which aren't that many, wanted me to decide everything. Which day, time, location and activity. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

@Loba Hahahaha....that's not real love

[Consilience]

13 hours ago, Loba said:

Personally I find masculine energy to be dishonest, destructive to the feminine, and not even remotely at the same level as feminine energy by any and every margin. 
Truthfully, if a woman wants to be loved, completely, forever... and not have to deal with the dating game, the back and forth that comes with it, the nonsense that males put women through, this is the solution: become as beautiful as you can, be yourself, your kindest, truest self and when he starts to fall in love, ghost him. 
Don't say a word; if you run into them meeting , don't even look at them.  Act like you never met them.  No eye contact.
Make sure beforehand to get really close to their heart - the more authentic you are, which is easier when it is a situation where you have an idea of the outcome already - and then leave.  Otherwise it won't sting - the more it stings, the less pushback you put into everything up until the point of peacing out - that'll do it.  You want to be great in every way, as many ways as you can be - no drama, nothing - then do it.

There you go.  You have an inferior form of love; that person, no matter who they are with will pine for you - if they don't, keep trying until you find one that does.  This is a humanly form of love with something as invasive as a bark beetle, so don't feel too bad.  Essentially, that's all anyone is trying to get to with all this dating thing is to find lasting love - because men really only care about your shell, so having a lasting, fixed image to pine over is more effective than dating someone for years, then finding out you're flawed, they're flawed, you're both ugly, you hate each other, ect, ect, ect.

Really.  Sounds counterintuitive, but if women broke men a lot more often there would be more love in the world for women.  And you don't have to be a nag, or insane or cruel or whatever, just... leave... that is literally what makes men fall in love.  I don't know why that is the case, but it is.  Because men love more rarely than women do usually, you'll have the heart for at least a year, most likely more.  Having the love and someone's heart, there is a lot of good energy that can come from this that is very beneficial.

You know how there are pick up artists and stuff?  There needs to be more women who know the dynamic behind what love can do for a woman - you don't need the person there for it; it can be a hindrance - women should develop more systems for this.  Build ourselves up to the very best, and then just walk the fuck away.  I'll bet a girl could get really good at it, and learn how to be her best self in such a way, and the right moment to leave, just like with pick-up artists, that she could claim a heart until it quits beating for it's owner.

The comment on sadism up there got me thinking.  It would fix my heart, if I could keep another in the same manner that mine was damaged.  I read comments like this on here by men and I realize that it isn't that this forum is a bad representation of the opposite gender, but so many men really are just... not really worth much.

It's like... you have cows and pigs and then you have... fish... you know?  The cow and the pig feel more, understand more, while the fish is something that doesn't to the same degree.  It's muted.... and I mean, yeah sure a bottom feeder is good at filtering out the garbage in the water, but if you're going in as your best you then you won't have to worry about that.

I don't plan to try this, like, go out of my way to waste my time on it - but if the situation arises I will take it.

What the fuck ? 

[Raptorsin7]

2 hours ago, Consilience said:

What the fuck ? 

Sounds a like a recipe for success 

[Vzdoh]

I think this needs to be split into stages of a relationship. 

Initial stage - up to a month or so. 

- I prefer the guy initiating 90% of the time. I can share what I like and don't like and he normally suggests some activities that both of us share and enjoy. 

Deeper stage - 2 - 3 months. 

- Guy still is doing about 70% of asking out and initiating, but in about 30% of the cases I will suggest and organise activities for both of us. 

Committed relationship - 3 to 6 months and so on. 

- Guy does maybe 50-60% of initiating and I try to keep up, but he still has a small lead. 

That's what comfortable for me personally. Not sure about other girls. 

If a girl likes you, she will initiate, but don't expect her to be 50% initiating right away. If she is, she is super desperate and has no other options available to her, probably has low self esteem issues and starts chasing a guy instead of being in her feminine receptive mode. 

But that's just my personal opinion on gender feminine/masculine balance. 

Hope this is helpful 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Loba Oh maann i thought a girl wrote that one...your masculine is so wounded...

@Vzdoh this will work only on guys that dont have options also lol this is a massive red flag for me...if thats a balance im going to die ?

See guys women will only tell you what benefits them and then they will friendzone you ?

[ertopolice]

@Vzdoh Does it apply to social networks for you? I mean..the initiations/texting thing lead by the female. 

 

[ertopolice]

@Loba I guess it lays on dependency

You make him take u from granted and the leave..creates attachment, right?

[Vzdoh]

@ertopolice nope. Mostly applies to real dates. Texting is quite balanced. Although I still prefer the guy to do 60% of texting. But that's my case. I personally feel that if a guy is not initiating in the ratios I described above, then he is not that interested. And why would I entertain a guy with low level of interest? 

[Vzdoh]

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Loba Oh maann i thought a girl wrote that one...your masculine is so wounded...

@Vzdoh this will work only on guys that dont have options also lol this is a massive red flag for me...if thats a balance im going to die ?

See guys women will only tell you what benefits them and then they will friendzone you ?

U r mistaken. I don't date guys who don't have options. In fact, I don't even talk to them. Guys without options are transmitting that vibe clearly and its repelling to any female. 

U r here denying masculine role of initiator and a lead in a relationship. Real masculine men are not afraid of the dynamic I described because they feel confident on their own and don't require my constant validation of their attractiveness and status. 

From my personal experience, guys who want equality in the dating game are either not truly masculine in nature or have self esteem issues and require constant validation. Both super unattractive for truly feminine girls. 

I have GFs who do all the work and wear pants in the relationship, they normally end up alone and guys distancing themselves from them because of that dynamic.