How to deal with girls wanting favors and treats

[Mason Riggle]

3 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

Nothing is better girls' repellent than being stingy! 

You would think... but this stuff can be very counter-intuitive. 

I recall a time I had met a girl who, by outward appearance, was 'way out of my league', but we had some obvious chemistry so I thought I'd shoot my shot because, why not.. but I decided to try something I normally wouldn't do, and I invited her out to buy ME drinks.  To my surprise, it worked like a charm.  

[StarStruck]

2 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

She's probably a narcissist. Toss her leeching ass on the side of the road. And don't look back.

That is what I wanted to do but I was afraid she would scratch my car. lol. I knew what I was getting into so I was not dissapointed. I did it for the experience.

 

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

Do you think girls can't sense this?

The fact that you (think that you) don't have a lot of options, is exactly why they are doing this demanding shit to you They smell weakness.

It's very simple.

I say: "Let's go here and you can buy me an ice cream" (you have to be able to say that in a normal casual way, and be willing to walk away if she protests. Cause that means she's a low quality person anyway)

She says ok.

We get the ice cream.

I wait for her to pay. She does, because it's already packed into how I worded the date proposal.

Super simple

 

In practice, I haven't done this recently because I found that girls just offer to pay by themselves. I guess because I don't radiate desperation anymore. I also don't attract girls who do that shit.

But it's a good habit for in the beginning.

Don't do it every time that you see the same person. Only the first time, so she knows you're not a sucker. After that you can take turns paying for stuff.

So the bottom line is that my insecurities is the root problem? To be honest, I didn't have anything in common with this girl. There wasn't a real connection because she was so different from me: she got nothing going in her life, she was uneducated, and all she could talk about is fun stuff. I didn't know how to connect to her so I'm not disappointed for not getting sex. 

I always thought that communication is about what is being said but what is not being said is just as important. Being able to walk away is so important. Letting her earn treats and gifts is just as important. But now that I think about it that is really the least of my problems. I'm just very insecure, not sure what to feel, to think and what to say with a girl.

2 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

@StarStruck i think your problem is entitlement and wanting something for nothing. 

You don't want to invest anything and yet you want to get along with the girl and somehow keep her? 

It's rude and no manners of course to directly ask for stuff from the guy. I never do it as guys offer interesting things to do or take me out for dinner themselves, I never need to actually ask for anything. And I can't even imagine asking something like this directly. I think it's lack of self respect with this girl. 

Not sure about other girls, but in my case, if a guy has invited me on a date and splits the bill or not paying on a date, I am not seeing him again. I personally take such behaviour:

- being stingy and low investment

- not chivalrous and romantic

- I feel like a guy paying equally on a date and I don't want to feel like a guy, I want to feel like a female that is being chased and taken care of

- I don't feel masculinity in the guy and that he can protect and provide or has intention on doing so, so my desire for him plunges and I lose interest. 

 

Maybe for other women its different and its ok to be 50/50 and pay for themselves on dates but in my system no self respecting guy invites a lady on a date and then is ok with her paying ??????????????

 

 If the girl is hot enough I would pay the first date, but if me and her are on the same level in terms of value, I expect equal investment from her, otherwise why would I date her? That is why ugly guys pay for dates because that is the only way a hot girl would go on a date with him.

This girl was below my standards so I didn't want to invest a lot. An ice cream is more than enough for the first date. She is on tinder and shit so me giving her something is already a big upgrade for her.

Am I really asking something for nothing? Guys are worth something too, you know? Girls can be with guys just because they value each other, not because what they give each other.

 

 

[flowboy]

6 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

This girl was below my standards so I didn't want to invest a lot.

? Come on now. You just asked how to make sure to "get her". Now she's suddenly below your standards? Do you see the raging incongruence there?

6 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Guys are worth something too, you know?

You can keep shouting that but if you really deeply believed that, you wouldn't have this problem at all.

 

7 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

she got nothing going in her life, she was uneducated, and all she could talk about is fun stuff.

Well, from what you told me, you also have got nothing going on in your life, and ...

10 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

not sure what to feel, to think and what to say with a girl.

...you fail to even talk about fun stuff.

So she's 1 - 0 ahead on value there.

 

[StarStruck]

1 hour ago, JosephKnecht said:

@flowboy <= this guy has some good advice.

Ignore the advice of all responses from the girls. 

A girl doesn't know what she wants, she only thinks she knows what she wants. 

Even if you give her what she thinks she wants, she won't be happy. Because she does not know what she wants. 

Asking for things is what they call a "shit test" to see how desperate you are. And you smell desperate.  

To get a girl, first, you must not need a girl.  

I gave almost everything she wanted and she still didn't want sex so fuck that. If I acted as a brad and just bought her the ice cream and put her on her spot things would have gone different. I'm just glad for the experience, girls are great teachers if you oberve to what they respond to, not what they say they respond to.

1 hour ago, RuthLew said:

A strange story, more like another test for "greed". It is best to avoid such people, it will still not lead to anything good. They will only press.
 

I just wanted an one night stand. No way I would date her. lol. 

 

54 minutes ago, myles said:

Perhaps you should have set the conditions in advance? I think in such cases the best option is to negotiate an order. If you came to rest and eat ice cream, then it should have stayed that way.
 

She took me by surprise. 

 

46 minutes ago, flowboy said:

Question is more not about an obnoxious girl, but about why u felt compelled to comply? 

I was just weak and very insecure. I didn't want to come of as a cheap ass but at the same time I didn't like she acted so entitled. It was a shit test and I failed it. 

36 minutes ago, flowboy said:

Thanks

I feel you, but it's a little more nuanced.

To understand how to date your own sex, it's not enough to be a member of it. It requires wisdom, maturity and a willingness to take oneself out of the equasion to shift the perspective.

The "just give them what they want" gut reaction is coming from a wrong assumption that this perspective shift is not necessary. Bluntly speaking, that having a p*ssy qualifies you to know how to get p*ssy. Which is demonstrably not true.

And to be fair, I have a d*ck but I have no clue how to land a good one. I also am inclined to think: "Just do the things that I like", being unaware that that is bad advice that gets you used. I have to ask people like @Emerald for good advice on that. (to give to my female friends, LOL, don't send me your d*cks)

I've learnt some things from her.

Some women on this thread definitely have demonstrated an ability to analyze it beyond the "what would I like as the girl" perspective. Which is not easy.

 They are beautiful and if a lot of guys want them they know they hold power and they might want to exploit that by wanting material stuff. Basically as a guys we either have to provide the material stuff (like a provider beta male) or provide the emotions (as a fuck boy). I'm not interested in being the latter. I think my insecurities are a major obstacle in my dating. I'm not sure how to tackle this problem though. I have some books on my reading list like pillars of self-esteem and I'm reading Teal Swan's work on emotional healing. 

Edited July 29, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

17 minutes ago, flowboy said:

? Come on now. You just asked how to make sure to "get her". Now she's suddenly below your standards? Do you see the raging incongruence there?

I intentially decided to hit on girls who are below my league for the experience. She was an easy pull. Yes, I wanted to get her but I don't think that is incongruence. Perhaps I was not clear with my language. The good part of all of this is that I got a new reference experience, the bad part is that I can't even pull a girl below my league. All the more reasons to work on my self-esteem/insecurities: I didn't get what I want but now I'm more motivated to work on the issues that caused me not getting what I want.

Quote

You can keep shouting that but if you really deeply believed that, you wouldn't have this problem at all.

 I'm not one of those guys with high self-worth but I'm working on it.

Quote

Well, from what you told me, you also have got nothing going on in your life, and ...

...you fail to even talk about fun stuff.

So she's 1 - 0 ahead on value there.

True, I'm not sure how to be fun though. To be honest, I thought she is below my league so I don't have to worry about being fun. Let me just my boring self as an experiment and see if the mantra "just be yourself and it will work out" is true. It is not true. lol.

Edited July 29, 2021 by StarStruck

[flowboy]

18 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I gave almost everything she wanted and she still didn't want sex so fuck that.

You simply misunderstand what girls want. They want you to have a satisfying life that is interesting and exciting to you, that you can talk about with passion that she can feel. They want you to be happy.

That is attractive.

Being depressed, dispassionate, no hobbies or interests, just looking for sex, that makes you a low value unattractive guy. No matter what you look like or how much money you have. Sorry to be so blunt.

18 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I'm not sure how to tackle this problem though

Start exploring new hobbies and activities, and work towards life purpose, until you have built a life that is interesting and satisfying to you.

That is the way.

So if you do something interesting, then you have something to talk about on your next date

Edited July 29, 2021 by flowboy

[Windappreciator]

You guys have pathetic problems.

@StarStruck if you're 21 and above your problem is that you're an unappealing narcissist.

[StarStruck]

23 minutes ago, flowboy said:

You simply misunderstand what girls want. They want you to have a satisfying life that is interesting and exciting to you, that you can talk about with passion that she can feel. They want you to be happy.

That is attractive.

Being depressed, dispassionate, no hobbies or interests, just looking for sex, that makes you a low value unattractive guy. No matter what you look like or how much money you have. Sorry to be so blunt.

Start exploring new hobbies and activities, and work towards life purpose, until you have built a life that is interesting and satisfying to you.

That is the way.

So if you do something interesting, then you have something to talk about on your next date

Do girls care about that during an one night stand? To be clear. I ha no intention of dating her: she just doesn't check my boxes. I just wanted to have some fun with her and all the signals she gave off screamed "I'm easy and I like having fun". 

I have pickup friends who have nothing going on in their life and they have a dead end job. They are slaying it with girls, just because they are fun.

It would be a mistake to think one has to become mister perfect to get laid. At the moment I just want to ramp up my experiences with dating.  If I compare myself to my pickup friends: the difference is that he is fun and emotionally alive and I'm not.

19 minutes ago, Windappreciator said:

You guys have pathetic problems.

@StarStruck if you're 21 and above your problem is that you're an unappealing narcissist.

Thanks.

Edited July 29, 2021 by StarStruck

[flowboy]

28 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Do girls care about that during an one night stand?

YES.

28 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I have pickup friends who have nothing going on in their life and they have a dead end job. They are slaying it with girls, just because they are fun.

Because their life is exciting and satisfying to them.

So it provides them with the positive emotions needed to radiate happiness and carefreeness on a date.

See?

That's why I said: interesting and satisfying to you. Girls care whether you love your life. It's your passion they feed off, not theirs.

The fact that you even say their jobs and lives are so bad, is probably reflective of the overly negative glasses you see the world through. I bet they wouldn't say that they have nothing going on and they have a dead end job. It's the negativity that is repelling the women.

 

So find a way to radiate positivity, passion and loving your life.

1. Finding more activities to be passionate about, and more/better friends, and life purpose, is one way.
2. Changing your attitude and loving what you already have going on, is another.

You're a hard case so you need a combination of both.

Edited July 29, 2021 by flowboy

[Vzdoh]

@StarStruck @Eph75 

There! U think girls and guys have equal value and therefore, a girl should pay on dates similar as u pay on dates. If it was correct, guys would have no issues getting sex every day and then yes, it would be practically equal. But so far, there are no brothels with guys in there, i. e. Girls don't need to pay for sex. So if u behave like you guys are equal and she is being hot and in demand by many other guys, finds that she is teated "equally", tell me what's the motivation for her to stay with you? When other guys can take care of her and treat her better? And spoil her more? 

 

[Vzdoh]

@Mason Riggle u would be surprised, but therr are plenty of beautiful insecure girls outthere! I have absolutely gorgeous GFs who have super low self esteem. Not a rare occasion. 

I bought drinks for a guy only if he was actually my BF - in a romantic context OR because I didn't see actually any romantic potential and wanted to show to the guy that this is not going to go anywhere sexually. 

[Mason Riggle]

@Vzdoh yes, I'm often surprised by this.  I think the important thing to recognize was her responsiveness to my 'non-neediness'.  By asking her to by ME drinks, it showed that I really didn't care if she said yes or not.. what kind of guy asks a beautiful girl to buy them drinks? A guy who doesn't want that girl.. that's who... which counterintuitively, sparked her interest. 

I 'landed' my ex-wife with the pickup line, 'do you have any friends who look as good as you do?'  Kind of a sneaky back handed compliment.. I think you're hot, but I want to date your friends, not you.. she was in my bed by midnight. 

So, I guess my point, as it pertains to the OP is.. the 'asking for favors' is a 'test' to judge your neediness.  It's a great opportunity to show a little backbone. 

And sometimes, girls are just grimy and use guys to get stuff they want.  Watch out for this too.  I used to have a female 'wingman' who would get us free drinks all night long.. it was a game to her. 

Her to random guy at bar- 'Hey, wanna do shots with us?'

random guy- 'yeah let's do it!'

Her - 'okay, order them up.'

random guy with slightly confused look on his face, but unwilling to come off as 'not generous' - 'bartender, 3 shots over here please.'...

Edited July 29, 2021 by Mason Riggle

[Jacob Morres]

I don't like the idea of paying for girls. I'm not a sugar daddy lol 

If a girl needs that from me I'm down. But she shouldnt expect it from me. 

Edited July 29, 2021 by Jacob Morres

[Preety_India]

I think this is the reason why I test guys. To weed out. It makes perfect sense to test guys because the ones who actually do not want you create all sorts of problems even over little things. 

Its unappealing. 

[Preety_India]

I like to see guy in provider role even though I can pay for things. I don't pay. The guy pays. On rare occasions it's half split paying.

I don't date guys who don't pay.

I find it cheap.

 

Not that it's a big deal. It isn't. I can pay all the bills and not need a thing or buy him stuff. Yet his gesture means a lot to me. So if he pays I feel special. 

And anyone who thinks this is bad, If he cannot pay how can he hold future responsibilities. 

I'm not screening him for hook up. But for a future life partner. As a life partner, his role as provider goes without question. That doesn't mean that I can't provide for myself. But I won't be with a man who won't. It simply doesn't look logical to me.

I can only imagine a relationship where the man is the provider because that's what I grew up watching. 

To be honest this is also true for western countries. I saw married couples and everything is provided by the guy. 

So it doesn't matter how rich the woman is, I still think the man should be the provider.

I don't know why. I have more respect for a man who is a provider because that's what my father did. 

I automatically lose respect for men who don't provide because I see it as their basic role.

It's like watching a woman insulting her man, that would be like she isn't doing her basic role. 

I just can't see men in not being a provider, it looks unusual and weird.

Because as a woman, no matter how graceful I wanna be, I wanna look up to a man 

Call me old school.

 

 

[Preety_India]

One of the fastest ways to determine how much a guy is into you is to see how much he pays for you, works like a charm

The guy who doesn't pay a dime, cut him out because he is some fuckboy

 

[Jacob Morres]

@Preety_India  

Im pretty sure these gender roles are stage blue 

Nothing wrong with it ofc 

Edited July 29, 2021 by Jacob Morres

[Preety_India]

@Jacob Morres obviously. I'm happy with those gender roles. At least women have some semblance of security.

 

[Jacob Morres]

@Preety_India what do u mean by security? 

[Preety_India]

@Jacob Morres financial insecurity