How to deal with girls wanting favors and treats

[StarStruck]

So I took this girl for ice cream and she said she also want a hamburger and 5 minutes later she also wanted fries and then something else. 

My intention was just to buy ice cream. I bought her a hamburger out of niceness but then she wanted more and I said no but it kind of killed the mood a little bit. 

How could I handle this situation in the future? I think she sensed I was a nice guy. 

In bars girls ask for drinks too. It is easy to say no but how can I say no and not ruin the mood and still get her. That is what I'm asking. 

[Vzdoh]

Nothing is better girls' repellent than being stingy! 

[flowboy]

27 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

Nothing is better girls' repellent than being stingy! 

Nothing is better guys-repellent than being demanding.

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

How could I handle this situation in the future? I think she sensed I was a nice guy. 

In bars girls ask for drinks too. It is easy to say no but how can I say no and not ruin the mood and still get her.

Okay, I think I understand. So because you're still not over the nice guy thing, your interpretation of her being demanding was that it says something about you (i.e. that you're a nice guy). So it triggered an insecurity, and that's what killed the mood. People can feel when insecurities are being triggered in the other. It feels awkward and a little scary/unsafe.

The reason she demands these things, is because she's looking to see if you are a doormat that she can use to get stuff, like all the others, or whether you are actually respectable and fuckable. The reason it became uncomfortable, is that you were insecure that she might be right in her hypothesis that you were a doormat that she can use to get stuff. And she was! Cause look what happened You bought her a hamburger out of niceness.

While if you had no worries whatsoever that you are not a nice guy, and you felt secure that you wouldn't be easily taken advantage of, it would not have reflected back on you in your mind.

It would have just been: a girl being demanding.

What do we do with girls being demanding? We laugh at their sillyness. They obviously don't understand yet that they have to invest back, if this is to go anywhere.

That's why I marked the "still get her" part bold.

If you want to stop being a nice guy, you have to stop wanting to get her no matter what.

You should only want to get her if she matches your standards of behavior.

So stand there, laugh and wait for her to pay.

If this triggers an insecurity in her and she becomes uncomfortable or lets her issues show, then you're not compatible and you should say goodbye.

 

In no way should this be construed as an advice that you shouldn't be generous. You should be generous when you feel like it, to people who deserve it. Being demanding is not behavior of someone who deserves it.

Yet. Because if she senses that you in fact don't reward this behavior, she might switch quickly and give you good behavior from now on. That's why it's important to not be overly harsh in your reaction, but calm. Sometimes people have to learn who you are.

Edited July 29, 2021 by flowboy

[StarStruck]

@flowboy she also told me she likes black boys several times. After couple of times it got on my nerves and I told her to go talk to them if she is so interested in them. 

The mistake I made is after the first investment I made into her I didn't want to lose my investment. 

I wonder how Leo does it. He says he never paid anything for girls while going out. Currently I'm not having a lot of options so I don't want to try that but eventually I would like to have that attitude. 

@Vzdoh the problem is entitlement and wanting something for nothing. 

[Gesundheit2]

She's probably a narcissist. Toss her leeching ass on the side of the road. And don't look back.

[flowboy]

12 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Currently I'm not having a lot of options so I don't want to try that

Do you think girls can't sense this?

The fact that you (think that you) don't have a lot of options, is exactly why they are doing this demanding shit to you They smell weakness.

12 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

He says he never paid anything for girls while going out.

It's very simple.

I say: "Let's go here and you can buy me an ice cream" (you have to be able to say that in a normal casual way, and be willing to walk away if she protests. Cause that means she's a low quality person anyway)

She says ok.

We get the ice cream.

I wait for her to pay. She does, because it's already packed into how I worded the date proposal.

Super simple

 

In practice, I haven't done this recently because I found that girls just offer to pay by themselves. I guess because I don't radiate desperation anymore. I also don't attract girls who do that shit.

But it's a good habit for in the beginning.

Don't do it every time that you see the same person. Only the first time, so she knows you're not a sucker. After that you can take turns paying for stuff.

Edited July 29, 2021 by flowboy

[Preety_India]

How to deal with them ?

By giving them....

(When guys are generous it creates good feelings. If I were a guy and a gal asked me treats I would feel very fortunate and jumping with joy to give her favourite things to her)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I would be so upset if my man didn't buy me my favourite stuff.

 

 

[Vzdoh]

@StarStruck i think your problem is entitlement and wanting something for nothing. 

You don't want to invest anything and yet you want to get along with the girl and somehow keep her? 

It's rude and no manners of course to directly ask for stuff from the guy. I never do it as guys offer interesting things to do or take me out for dinner themselves, I never need to actually ask for anything. And I can't even imagine asking something like this directly. I think it's lack of self respect with this girl. 

Not sure about other girls, but in my case, if a guy has invited me on a date and splits the bill or not paying on a date, I am not seeing him again. I personally take such behaviour:

- being stingy and low investment

- not chivalrous and romantic

- I feel like a guy paying equally on a date and I don't want to feel like a guy, I want to feel like a female that is being chased and taken care of

- I don't feel masculinity in the guy and that he can protect and provide or has intention on doing so, so my desire for him plunges and I lose interest. 

 

Maybe for other women its different and its ok to be 50/50 and pay for themselves on dates but in my system no self respecting guy invites a lady on a date and then is ok with her paying ??????????????

 

[flowboy]

11 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

It's rude and no manners of course to directly ask for stuff from the guy.

I think this is key.

Being generous is good, and something healthy guys actually have a desire to do (deep down). But not as a response to this behavior.

@Preety_India  Helpful illustrations, you just made me grab and eat chocolate, thanks a lot

Edited July 29, 2021 by flowboy

[Preety_India]

@flowboy Your name should be grabboy.

[Thunder Kiss]

I think if a girl is asking you directly to buy her things on a first date (or even in general) it shows immaturity and lack of awareness.  Maybe she is a bit spoiled and used to getting what she wants? I noticed this with a lot of young girls/boys these days and genZ/instagram types. There is a huge feeling of entitlement towards things without putting in any effort and just wanting everything handed to them on a damn platinum platter.  They think that if they have a few thousand followers on Instagram that they are some kind of a celeb and everyone else are their minions who should be running around after them.  I dunno, I’m kinda just ranting now, but maybe try dating more humble girls and not brats lol 

Edited July 29, 2021 by Thunder Kiss

[Vzdoh]

If we turn the situation around, this girl directly asking for u to buy her stuff and u complying is like a guy ditectly asking me to have sex with me and I am complying. I would never do that cause I do have self respect and if a guy suggests something like this in person, I will be standing up and leaving immediately without any explanations or blocking the dude if it was online. 

Question is more not about an obnoxious girl, but about why u felt compelled to comply? 

[Eph75]

I'd say it's not a matter of not being willing to give, but it's the obvious expectation that giving is a given that kills the enjoyment of giving. 

Where there is unconditional giving, there can be expectation free receiving.

Demand and you shall not receive. It's a matter of boundaries.

If you're in on it for transactional reasons, be aware of that. Then it's not giving, it's transactional, you're buying something. That's perfectly fine, as long as you're aware of that's what's happening. 

Edited July 29, 2021 by Eph75

[Vzdoh]

@Eph75 yes I know what u mean. My own mom demands giving which makes me less and less motivated to give anything at all! 

[JosephKnecht]

@flowboy <= this guy has some good advice.

Ignore the advice of all responses from the girls. 

A girl doesn't know what she wants, she only thinks she knows what she wants. 

Even if you give her what she thinks she wants, she won't be happy. Because she does not know what she wants. 

Asking for things is what they call a "shit test" to see how desperate you are. And you smell desperate.  

To get a girl, first, you must not need a girl.  

[RuthLew]

A strange story, more like another test for "greed". It is best to avoid such people, it will still not lead to anything good. They will only press.
 

[myles]

Perhaps you should have set the conditions in advance? I think in such cases the best option is to negotiate an order. If you came to rest and eat ice cream, then it should have stayed that way.
 

[flowboy]

1 hour ago, Vzdoh said:

If we turn the situation around, this girl directly asking for u to buy her stuff and u complying is like a guy ditectly asking me to have sex with me and I am complying. I would never do that cause I do have self respect and if a guy suggests something like this in person, I will be standing up and leaving immediately without any explanations or blocking the dude if it was online. 

Question is more not about an obnoxious girl, but about why u felt compelled to comply? 

Good point as well!

Great comparison too.

[flowboy]

54 minutes ago, JosephKnecht said:

@flowboy <= this guy has some good advice.

Thanks

54 minutes ago, JosephKnecht said:

Ignore the advice of all responses from the girls. 

A girl doesn't know what she wants, she only thinks she knows what she wants. 

I feel you, but it's a little more nuanced.

To understand how to date your own sex, it's not enough to be a member of it. It requires wisdom, maturity and a willingness to take oneself out of the equasion to shift the perspective.

The "just give them what they want" gut reaction is coming from a wrong assumption that this perspective shift is not necessary. Bluntly speaking, that having a p*ssy qualifies you to know how to get p*ssy. Which is demonstrably not true.

And to be fair, I have a d*ck but I have no clue how to land a good one. I also am inclined to think: "Just do the things that I like", being unaware that that is bad advice that gets you used. I have to ask people like @Emerald for good advice on that. (to give to my female friends, LOL, don't send me your d*cks)

I've learnt some things from her.

Some women on this thread definitely have demonstrated an ability to analyze it beyond the "what would I like as the girl" perspective. Which is not easy.

Edited July 29, 2021 by flowboy

[mandyjw]

You attract the behavior by your disdain for it. Practice giving money without any expectation of return, like to charities, beggars, girl scouts, whatever. 

Edited July 29, 2021 by mandyjw