What does intimacy mean for girls?

[SamC]

I want to learn more about the female perspective. Girls often talk about intimacy and how that is what girls seek.( almost like guy's sexual needs).

What does intimacy mean? What does being intimate in a relationship entail? I am starting to realize that females don't actually want an asshole mean guy becuase those wont provide her real safety and intimacy. How is that notion ( safty) being connected to intimacy?

Would love your gals perspective on this.

@Preety_India @Emerald @Hulia @Etherial Cat

[Emerald]

Intimacy means to have a heart-centered connection with someone.

This means being able to see into the vulnerabilities of another and having your vulnerabilities seen. It is a mutual unarmoring. 

And this can be had in the context of friendship as well.

But the thing that makes intimacy so intriguing from the female experience in relation to sexual/romantic relationship, is the intense heart-opening feeling that comes about when the connection happens. It's a very warm and pleasant sensation in the center of the chest. 

And when you combine the heart-centered warm feeling with the intense sexual feelings of the lower body, this creates a magnetism towards the man who triggered the heart feelings. She will want to be around him to get more of that heart opening warm feeling. 

And there is a strong element of letting go that can come about that's like a merging with the other person. And when you can see that person deeply and they can see you, there is this feeling of melting. 

[soos_mite_ah]

I mean... I'm not sure if this helps since I can't speak on women as a collective but I can explain my pov on things as a woman if that makes sense. I do delve into similar topics and my perspective on attraction physically and emotionally in my journal. 

Here's the link to said journal. Feel free to ask me any questions that come up. Again, while I can't speak for all women, I am speaking from my personal experience as a woman. 

 

[RickyFitts]

24 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Intimacy means to have a heart-centered connection with someone.

This means being able to see into the vulnerabilities of another and having your vulnerabilities seen. It is a mutual unarmoring.

This is where I have more and more sympathy with women, the more conscious I become, because I think it's just natural for the majority of them to desire this heart-centred connection owing to the fact that they tend to be more heart-centred and in touch with their emotions, but then so many men are emotionally shut down and really incapable of that sort of intimacy. I imagine that leaves a lot of women feeling rather unfulfilled and unhappy in their relationships - it makes sense to me that so many women (I think it's around 50%?) feel a same-sex attraction, because they're surely more likely to experience that depth of connection with another woman.

Maybe I'm painting too bleak a picture of my own gender (or maybe I'm just projecting), I don't know.

[soos_mite_ah]

2 minutes ago, RickyFitts said:

it makes sense to me that so many women (I think it's around 50%?) feel a same-sex attraction, because they're surely more likely to experience that depth of connection with another woman.

That number sounds incredibly high. I think it's skewed because even though women are affectionate with one another whether that is emotionally connecting to one another, feeling comfortable with physical touch like hugging and cuddling, or hyping each other up by complimenting each other, it doesn't mean they are sexually attracted to each other. A lot of the things that close female friends do with one another are seen as very normal but if the gender was flipped and they were men doing the same thing, it would be seen as gay. 

[RickyFitts]

@soos_mite_ah Thought I heard that somewhere, I might be completely wrong though.

[Emerald]

41 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

The fact what most women says they are attracted to something totally different from what they actually are, annoys the hell out of me.

You're missing it. 

Women want a heart-centered connection experience with a man who is warm and kind... but also with the capacity for leadership and dominance. 

So, most men tend to only focus towards the leadership and dominance element. And they kind of fetishize it. And this will be attractive to some women.

But in order for a man to strike my fancy, he has to be capable of intimacy. Otherwise, it's super boring. 

[Roy]

57 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

The fact what most women says they are attracted to something totally different from what they actually are, annoys the hell out of me.

Eh I wouldn't pick on women too much in this regard. Most people in general don't really know what they want, or are confused about it.

What everyone wants deep down is to be loved and accepted (after all the universe is a love simulation), but depending on who they are/their experiences/their wisdom/their knowledge/culture influence they might not understand how to go about that in the best way.

Commonly the Ego takes the wheel telling it will get them there, when in reality it's just going for a selfish pleasure cruise.

[Preety_India]

@SamC sam I did not ignore your question. I thank you deeply for asking it.

Right now I'm going through some crisis regarding the stuff going around in the dating section so my mind is not in the best place to give a thoughtful answer. 

I would really need some time to relax and then think carefully instead of wasting this opportunity in giving an impulsive answer.

So I would want you  to please wait and have patience with me and at a later point in this week I will surely answer your question.

I'll be back to your question/thread a bit later but surely I'll take out time to answer. Right now my mind is too stressed.

Thanks for understanding.

 

[Harlen Kelly]

3 hours ago, SamC said:

 I am starting to realize that females don't actually want an asshole mean guy becuase those wont provide her real safety and intimacy. 

Lol

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

This is where I have more and more sympathy with women, the more conscious I become, because I think it's just natural for the majority of them to desire this heart-centred connection owing to the fact that they tend to be more heart-centred and in touch with their emotions, but then so many men are emotionally shut down and really incapable of that sort of intimacy. I imagine that leaves a lot of women feeling rather unfulfilled and unhappy in their relationships - it makes sense to me that so many women (I think it's around 50%?) feel a same-sex attraction, because they're surely more likely to experience that depth of connection with another woman.

Maybe I'm painting too bleak a picture of my own gender (or maybe I'm just projecting), I don't know.

There are a lot of men out there who are shut down, and that's unfortunate.

Mind you, even women tend to have issues with emotional shut-down. The world is not the best environment for being vulnerable and emotional. We value masculinity and showing that we can be strong and tough. So, it's a bit taboo for a man to integrate his feminine side. That's why you see so many men with that disintegration. The world has done them a dis-service by putting them at odds with their own vulnerability.

But as a woman with same-sex attraction as well as attraction to men, I don't really believe that the reason for the same-sex attraction is because women are more in touch with emotions, persay. I'm just attracted to them on a more visual/hormonal level. But I am more attracted to men because of the masculine dynamic. When you find a guy who is integrated between both masculine and feminine side, it's really what feels best to me. 

If a man hasn't integrated his feminine side, it's not a place where you can feel safe enough to be in your own feminine as a woman. If a man has a repressed feminine side, the only safe thing to do is to hide your feminine side from him. He will orient to women and their feminine side in the same way he orients to his own feminine side... which is quite harsh.

So, the emotional orientation makes a man safe to open up around. But it is his masculine side that creates the attraction. But without both of these things, then it's really a moot point. 

Edited July 29, 2021 by Emerald

[Harlen Kelly]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Right now I'm going through some crisis regarding the stuff going around in the dating section so my mind is not in the best place to give a thoughtful answer. 

It's not that serious.

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

It's not that serious.

Depends on individual interpretation and neurosis.

[Etherial Cat]

Intimacy is the ability to see in another person. You'll have often individual referring to it as "into me see" to define it.

Unless there is intimacy, you are not being present with another person but projecting on them. In that context, is a very shallow knowledge of someone where the person is a mere object in your experience, instead of being a portal to your own Self.

Intimacy can occur on many level. Intellectual, emotional, spiritual to name a few. What you get as a result of it is a feeling to inhabit the same dimension and understand one another. In this space, there is unity. A connection of the highest quality. There is... Love .

It is being able to see beyond ego, the Self. In all vulnerability and acceptance. It allows for heart chakra based characteristics to emerge and enter a place of true generosity, nurturing and care for one another.

Emerald put it so beautifully when she said intimacy is particularly important for women in the context of a romantic relationship because of the heart opening feelings. In my case, this heart opening feeling is the doorway to my most intense feelings for merger, unity. Which is also what makes me want to have sex.

[Gesundheit2]

A survival strategy.

[robbinsarle]

Caring, respect, attention is the main thing and not only for girls, I think

[kellyjo]

Closeness for girls is, first of all, positive emotions, a sense of safety and security, caring for her

[Vzdoh]

Not sure about other girls, but for me intimacy truly means ability to be vulnerable in all senses in a relationship. If either me or my partner are having issues being vulnerable with each other, I don't feel intimacy and if I don't feel intimacy, I simply don't want the guy sexually. 

For me personally it's weird, because i really can't get excited for guys with whom i have no shared intimacy, no matter how good looking or successful they are! But if there is connection, closeness and intimacy and I feel his masculinity intensely, I turn into a walking sex machine ??????????? My desire skyrockets immediately almost and I want the guy every day, several times per day ????

 

Weird, but that's how my libido works

[SamC]

11 hours ago, Emerald said:

Intimacy means to have a heart-centered connection with someone.

This means being able to see into the vulnerabilities of another and having your vulnerabilities seen. It is a mutual unarmoring. 

And this can be had in the context of friendship as well.

But the thing that makes intimacy so intriguing from the female experience in relation to sexual/romantic relationship, is the intense heart-opening feeling that comes about when the connection happens. It's a very warm and pleasant sensation in the center of the chest. 

And when you combine the heart-centered warm feeling with the intense sexual feelings of the lower body, this creates a magnetism towards the man who triggered the heart feelings. She will want to be around him to get more of that heart opening warm feeling. 

And there is a strong element of letting go that can come about that's like a merging with the other person. And when you can see that person deeply and they can see you, there is this feeling of melting. 

Thank you!

Furturmore I sometimes hear you make an anecdote that females desire masculine containment, almost like that the masculine is a shell for the femine to exsist in. How is this related to intimacy and female sexuality?

@Emerald

[SamC]

11 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I mean... I'm not sure if this helps since I can't speak on women as a collective but I can explain my pov on things as a woman if that makes sense. I do delve into similar topics and my perspective on attraction physically and emotionally in my journal. 

Here's the link to said journal. Feel free to ask me any questions that come up. Again, while I can't speak for all women, I am speaking from my personal experience as a woman. 

 

@soos_mite_ah Thanks! This actually helps a ton i think. If I ever wonder something about what you wrote or your take I might shoot you some questions. You of course get to decide if you want to answer them or not.

It can be hard to understand the female perspective, especially becuase females to men often are clouded by the sexual desire of girls which of course makes girls feel missunderstood and not seen as a person. I'm trying to trancend that so I appreciate all the insights I can get!