Feelings of Resentment

[Thought Art]

I feel a lot of anger and resentment towards my ex.

When we started dating I introduced her to my idea for showcasing artists. She started helping me with my vision and project. We did a lot of great work and it was a lot of fun to create. We were able to help a lot of young artists showcase their talents.

But, then she ended up moving back in with her ex boyfriend. So, I backed out of the relationship, and then what seems like a week later she was back with her exboyfriend. I felt like she strong armed me, and was likely cheating the whole time. I was so hurt and devastated I couldn't focus on the project. She continued to finish the showcase without me. My resentment boiled because this really messed me up emotionally and hurt my entire vision. I needed time to process and heal but she just kept going. 

Now she is still running it, with basically the exact same design that I came up with. I feel so much anger and resentment toward her and my ego keeps telling me that she stole my idea, and how evil she is and how 'bad' and 'awful' this is because it should be me, or me AND her running it because its my idea. Everytime I see her or the showcase, which is actually having a lot of success... thats right my life purpose is working but some girl stole it. Anyway, that's how my ego feels. But, I think if I don't reframe this, which I am working on doing today. It's just gonna eat me up. I can't change her. 

And I am glad artists are benefiting from my creativity. You can change the world, ahaha. Also, I need to remember why I did it in the first place. For the artists. I should be glad someone is doing that work. But, it should be me I am so passionate about that...

Anyway, sharing this because others might be dealing with resentment too. Wondering how people process it, or what books are out there.

[Preety_India]

I also carry a lot of resentment against my ex and I deal with it time to time by Letting it out of my system.

I express it in my journal. 

I sometimes cry. Crying is a release. 

Important is to forgive that person because forgiveness brings healing in the end 

By forgiving you're healing parts of yourself that are wounded.

 

Edited July 28, 2021 by Preety_India

[Nahm]

@Thought Art

If the same thing happened again, but this time you were not hurt & devastated, what would be different? 

[mandyjw]

Felt that way a few times in life. 

Just keep creating. If someone makes something good enough to take over for themselves, you made it so you can always do way better than that. You don't create for any end result, creation is an end and reward unto itself. 

Also by creating, we're always paving the way for others. Took me a long time to realize this and not look back and resent all the people I saw enjoying the nice smooth road "I" made. In doing so I create resistance for myself, which is exactly why I was making the paved road in the first place, so I could enjoy the road with LESS of that. Someone ahead of me is already doing the same for me. 

You are right now, in some unknown way for someone else, the artist that is benefiting from your vision right now.

 

[Thought Art]

@Nahm I'd been enjoying the fruits of my labour and success.

I find it hard to love myself at times like this. Loving someone so petty and full of anger and resentment... It's tough but It's what I am here to do.

I will mature and grow, and learn. 

It's just, I worked so hard for so many years to create success and she has it. Bitter for now.

Edited July 29, 2021 by Thought Art

[Nahm]

@Thought Art

Frame it as a lesson. Know The Guidance more so from the experience. Where it your burning hand on a hot stove, you’d have removed it instantly. If you’re serious about being on the path, that is the sensitivity realized in regard to the potential suffering of a single thought when it’s a hundred miles away. Allow this ‘lesson’ to transmute you to the much, much bigger picture. ? How can someone or something be needed when our infinite being has you always in it’s unconditional embrace… while you are literally creating your reality right now.  Who could ever be so insensitive as to hold this hot coal of resentment.

[Thought Art]

@Nahm Lessons in life cost you years of your life. hours a labour, career captial lost. 

I feel like the was my opportunity as a creator and musicians and now I feel lost. I will work to process it. I don't know why the resenment doesn't go away. Maybe it's because now my life seems to suck, compared to how hers is going. Riding on the wave of my ideas and hard work.

In my ego mind, we were supposed to be partners working on this project together as I developed my musicial career. But she cheated one mean stole my work. 

Okay,...

Now I am trying to find a new route.

Really, I don't even want success anymore. I just want to clear my mind up. I am getting older, and the idea of creating some wild success or escaping wage slavery.. Not possible I think. Maybe I can build my own business yet. I just have to see it work through my hard work. I have some plans here I am working on.

I really really wish I was still working on my last business with her. But, she really really hurt me. I do feel like just giving up and dying sometimes. Being an old resentful loser is not something I want to be. With no success, just reminiating on the past and hating people. No. 

Time to work on myself. 

Anyway, Doing a lot more meditating and journaling lately. If I am going to continue to live on this earth, I will make the most of it. If I find the suffering is too much, I will leave the game. If I am here I will make the most of it.

Edited July 30, 2021 by Thought Art

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, Thought Art said:

@Nahm Lessons in life cost you years of your life. hours a labour, career captial lost. 

Nutshell… you’re obsessing, focus wise. Get anything else in front of ya. 

I hope it isn’t heard offensively, but that is a lens, a framing. It’s ‘on you’ so to speak. There is no limitation to the number of ways you can look at such situations. One of them, worth consideration imo, is that you’re thinkin you know better than infinite intelligence. Brings trusting in the universe to mind. Unfetter of unfitting perspectives (suffering) like pairs of shoes that are too small (pain). 

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I feel like the was my opportunity as a creator and musicians and now I feel lost. I will work to process it. I don't know why the resenment doesn't go away. Maybe it's because now my life seems to suck, compared to how hers is going. Riding on the wave of my ideas and hard work.

Opportunity is fluid, not subject - object…. never ending, no beginning or end. Thought is subject - object. There is a bigger, more inspiring, more passion evoking opportunity already present, underway… but experience is one whole. One perspectival experience must be let go, so that the same substance (reality) can be the next. The ‘trouble’ is it’s like trying to see if the refrigerator light is on when the door is closed. Can’t visually see it. I don’t mean this sarcastically, but I really think it would help… hold a hot coal (or something similarly unpleasant) in your hand, directly experience the holding, the response, and the dropping. 

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In my ego mind, we were supposed to be partners working on this project together as I developed my musicial career. But she cheated one mean stole my work. 

Again, no offense I really hope, but, drop that “in my ego mind” bs. That creates a false experiential emotional divide or distance. That in and of itself is subtle suffering. Own it, thus you can drop it. You are in control of how you feel. 

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Okay,...

Now I am trying to find a new route.

Really, I don't even want success anymore. I just want to clear my mind up. I am getting older, and the idea of creating some wild success or escaping wage slavery.. Not possible I think. Maybe I can build my own business yet. I just have to see it work through my hard work. I have some plans here I am working on.

That is great. Though, I’d be much more picky with how you’re framing it up. That sounds like motive, avoiding unwanted, as compared to passion & inspiration of wanted. Focus on unwanted does not create. Focus on wanted is creation. If that’s ‘received’ - don’t think about it theoretically, actually, effortlessly, just for the right now feeling of it - focus on wanted. You are most worthy & deserving of feeling amazing and experience everything you desire to. 

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I really really wish I was still working on my last business with her. But, she really really hurt me. I do feel like just giving up and dying sometimes. Being an old resentful loser is not something I want to be. With no success, just reminiating on the past and hating people. No. 

Ok now I’m admittedly being obnoxious, but… you really wanna be with & work with someone like that?  

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Time to work on myself dream. 

Anyway, Doing a lot more meditating and journaling lately. If I am going to continue to live on this earth, I will make the most of it. If I find the suffering is too much, I will leave the game. If I am here I will make the most of it.

My man, you are the creator of this place. The ten thousand things are in truth unconditional. There is not a moment to waste dwelling & loathing. That isn’t you. It is not indicative of your magnitude or nature. You got this man. It’s a good wake up call, a great reality check. The very best is almost always at first seemingly cloaked. Hang in there, you will see, and it will be mind blowing. 

The greatest hardships in life make for the most meaningful inspiring lives. 

[Thought Art]

I will keep working through it. 

I am having trouble reconciling a lot about my conceptual reality and my direct experiences. 

Whatever happens happens. For now, let's work on cleaning up and foundations.

I don't want to repeat my mistakes of the past. 

I want to be successful. I need to relate to it more empoweringly 

Edited July 30, 2021 by Thought Art

[Nahm]

@Thought Art

Indeed. Sounds like the real Thought Art is standing up. You’re an endless Well of better & better ideas. Let go, empty of it, and you will see. 

This. 

[hamedsf]

well, present her your middle finger mentally! well, the time will come that she will end up realizing the number of guys are reached over 10 and emotionally damaged. she was not yours, it was just your turn, tbh.

move on, she belongs to the streets! ?

[Mu_]

@Thought Art IF your looking for solutions and willing to try one, then here you go.

If you were to die in a few days would you spend it mulling over this or do something else?  What ever the answer is, do that as though it were true, because honestly you could die tonight.

[Thought Art]

2 hours ago, Mu_ said:

@Thought Art IF your looking for solutions and willing to try one, then here you go.

If you were to die in a few days would you spend it mulling over this or do something else?  What ever the answer is, do that as though it were true, because honestly you could die tonight.

I sense I am making progress on it over the past few weeks. I've been journaling about it, speaking to my therapist and some friends. I also bought a book by called Total Forgiveness by a priest named R.T. Kendall which has been really good. I don't normally read christian material but there was a lot of really great ideas in there that have helped as well. 

I haven't felt resentment in really throughout august. 

It tends to come up without warning, because I haven't fully forgiven. But I am learning about the grace and power of forgiveness with this book really well. I am developing a stronger psychology to deal with these things, more robust and increasing my AQ. When it happened and I felt wronged, it's reach seemed to destroy everything I loved. Which, was more my own paper thin psyche than her actions. 

Also, when all my mental walls close in on my I feel trapped.

Part of me also noticed that on the other side of my resentment/ anger was more power and stability. Like, with David Hawkins map of consciousness I had to go through the anger, to reach the higher levels when I was feeling apathetic before.

 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. - Colossians 3:13 

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us - 1 John 1:8

We all sin. Forgive, and be forgiven. Take your time.

Edited August 12, 2021 by Thought Art

[Alysssa]

It's very good that you aware to your emotions and you give yourself to feel them. Don't blame yourself or your ego. 

You're not a bad person for feeling. Look at them. accept them. write about them and talk about them, give them time to be and they will gone.

 

 

[Thought Art]

@Alysssa Thank you 

[PepperBlossoms]

even though she seems to be doing better than you, in the big scheme of things, she is lower consciousness than you for not having any guilt for what she has done or recognizing that what she has done is hurtful to you or lacking any consideration for you.

it will hurt her in the long run and she will pay for it eventually, even if she isn't right now

you may eventually be smooth sailing and she will eventually crash and burn in some form

lesson of what hurts one person hurts the other and so it can be helpful to do things that help everyone involved or do the least damage

Edited August 14, 2021 by PepperBlossoms