Why do I test men ?

[Preety_India]

I have observed that whenever I date guys I am always testing them one way or another and having a wicked smile inside of me. I don't show that smile but inside I'm trying to test how far the guy can go in proving himself to me. 

This is the Manipulative side of me. I feel a sense of duping delight because the guy doesn't realise that he is on a test and he is slightly confused around me.

I keep him confused and I enjoy his confusion. I know this sounds really bad but I enjoy a strange sense of satisfaction knowing that he is putting in so much effort.

It's pleasing and makes me chuckle.

Especially the power I can have over him and how he responds to it in order to impress me. 

He is in a perpetual state of being tested by me and I try to test his limits.

If he doesn't reach the next bar I set, I drop him politely.

But for me creating all this fuss is pleasing.

It's like a game I'm playing and seeing him struggle for my affection is oddly satisfying. 

So I'll be subconsciously playing shit tests on him just to see his every move and reaction and see if he can catch it. He is generally oblivious. 

But I keep testing and playing to see the extent of his longing for me. 

I don't try to hurt him.

But I'm always wanting him to do as much as he can to please me.

I don't want to surrender easily.

I don't know if this is good for me or him but I simply enjoy it.

I like exploiting his affection

Edited July 28, 2021 by Preety_India

[Chew211]

This is maybe why the forum guy got cold towards you? 

If a girl I had intrest in admitted this, then I'd definitely pull away. I'm sure a lot of guys would too. 

[Preety_India]

@Chew211  nope. This subject is about guys I meet in real life or boyfriends specifically. The forum thing didn't even start, it was nothing basically,just some coldness. 

 

However this topic is about guys I seriously dated.

 

[Olivia24]

28 minutes ago, Chew211 said:

This is maybe why the forum guy got cold towards you? 

If a girl I had intrest in admitted this, then I'd definitely pull away. I'm sure a lot of guys would too. 

I agree with you. Not a good strategy.

[Chew211]

16 minutes ago, Olivia24 said:

I agree with you. Not a good strategy.

In her defense though, it is a forum, and what she shared is valuable. 

Just gotta make sure no guy she's involved with sees it, or gets that vibe from her. 

From what I noticed, guys that jump through hoops somehow never satisfy their gfs/wives. 

[Chew211]

16 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

People like you are why incels exist.

16 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

People like you are why incels exist.

Incels don't exist because of other people. Incels are a result of post-industrial socio economic conditions. 

[Peter Miklis]

@Chew211 The fact that some guys would willingly wanna jump throught hoops, when there are so many fish in the seas out there, is honestly baffling to me.?

It makes zero sense. Me personally, I would never put up with something like that.

Ofc, I wouldn't mind doing some nice gesture here and there, but that's about as far as I am willing to go.

Edited July 28, 2021 by Peter Miklis

[4201]

3 minutes ago, Peter Miklis said:

@Chew211 The fact that some guys would willingly wanna jump throught hoops, when there are so many fish in the seas out there, is honestly baffling to me.?

Lots of men are insecure about their value as a person and men are being taught by society that "your value as a person = what you can do". So for some people who are deeply stuck in this insecurity, they can look at the hoops like an opportunity to prove themselves.

Dysfunctional and unnecessary struggle? Yes

 

[Chew211]

1 minute ago, Peter Miklis said:

@Chew211 The fact that some guys would willingly wanna jump throught hoops, when there are so many fish in the seas out there, is honestly baffling to me.?

It makes zero sense. Me personally, I would never put up with something like that.

It actually makes a lot of sense.

Remember how men are phallic?

Being phallic is why some men want to get laid a lot, why some men become obsessed with developing a skill, and why some men willingly jump through hoops. 

Overcoming difficulties give us a sense of pride. Unfortunately, a lot of guys can't differentiate between worthy and unworthy struggles. 

[Preety_India]

13 minutes ago, Chew211 said:

From what I noticed, guys that jump through hoops somehow never satisfy their gfs/wives. 

Maybe those guys feel aroused by doing this. Maybe they feel they're doing a great job.

 

[Chew211]

Just now, Preety_India said:

Maybe those guys feel aroused by doing this. Maybe they feel they're doing a great job.

 

Yeah, the guys feel a sense of validation. I had one friend who even told me that he wants to "earn it". 

Different strokes for different folks. 

But it's the gfs/wives that keep demand more and are never happy long term with their aroused-by-hoop-jumping partners. 

[Peter Miklis]

@Chew211 @4201 Such a low reward/high effort endevour. That could never be me?

[Jacob Morres]

You can find it yourself by asking that yourself why you do that. Some inner insecurity probably drives it 

On a side note if the genders were switched this would look really bad lmao 

Edited July 28, 2021 by Jacob Morres

[Preety_India]

As I learn how to deal with both the good and bad sides of me, I will continue to prosper, grow and become better with time and eventually heal.

 

[Preety_India]

9 hours ago, Peter Miklis said:

@Chew211 The fact that some guys would willingly wanna jump throught hoops, when there are so many fish in the seas out there, is honestly baffling to me.?

It makes zero sense. Me personally, I would never put up with something like that.

Ofc, I wouldn't mind doing some nice gesture here and there, but that's about as far as I am willing to go.

 

8 hours ago, Peter Miklis said:

@Chew211 @4201 Such a low reward/high effort endevour. That could never be me?

But that's the whole point. You ain't getting. What's my gain in having a guy with many options. Those are not my options, but his options. My gain is when he is exclusively for me..which means he only wants me and not those girls. So if he is jumping through hoops, it proves he only wants me because he is doing things for me,if it wasn't that he would be fucking other girls. Now that's what even a guy would do, if he had a girl who is available to all guys, he can't have fun with her because she is not his. He would want a girl who despite having tons of options only wants him.

Relationship is the most serious Selfish transactional business. It's the most egoic thing that can exist, paradoxically very satisfying at the same time without being spiritual, that's why I hate it so much, yet the human body craves for it for obviously sexual reasons ,but relationships involve a certain possessiveness, where partners only want each other and having too many options makes them insecure, even jealous, relationships aren't meant for holy godly people, although movies tend to advertise relationships that way, fuck pure love, without sex relationship wouldn't exist, if I wasn't giving you the sex you wanted, you wouldn't want me, that's what we're talking about here, relationships are meant for people who strictly mean business, it's give and take in the most egoic fashion, sometimes I wonder if we're sold the whole idea of relationships by a cult like society to indoctrinate us for reproduction, if that's the case, then I had a shadow against casual sex that is not exactly legitimate and casual sex between you and a woman would make more sense because at least there's no dirty business or contract, just fulfilling each other to the best levels and wanting nothing in return, it can be damn confusing.

[hyruga]

lol

Let me give you some advices.

If you find that guys are just trying to take advantage of you/sleep with you, then you need to love yourself and simply decide that you will say no to sex until both of you reach a very deep stage in your relationship (because you love yourself).

I think you have a lot of issues. You seem to be confident in certain areas of life (like self-help) yet having extremely low self-esteem in other areas. You like to test other guys but have you ever thought how guys test you? 

Most guys (with lower morals)'s Modus Operandi is this: Either a life partner or a sexual partner. If they can't see a good lifetime with you, they will settle for sex. Or goodbye.

 

Edited July 30, 2021 by hyruga

[Preety_India]

@hyruga  it's not so much about self esteem.

I'm simply on a huge learning curve when it comes to relationships. There's lot of tension because relationships can be very confusing. 

My latest theory is that attraction and love are two different things. What looks like attraction isn't love and what seems like love isn't attraction.

There seems to be a lot of fun in a relationship where there's a lot of attraction, the downside being that it quickly falls apart. At the same time, relationship where there's very little to zero attraction, there's little fun, yet it lasts longer because it doesn't fall apart.

I think woven between these patterns are layers of stage Orange, Blue, Red and green. 

Stage Red and Orange are purely attraction based relationships. 

Stage Blue and green are not necessarily attraction, yet they endure a lot of storms because they are guarded by pillars of strong values of commitment, either it's religious committment which is social or community driven or empathetic commitment driven by the individual's need for loyalty and dedication. 

Often times we're attracted to a person who just isn't on the same value system as us.

I'm really confused little creature who is trying to navigate the complex world of relationships, through mistakes, trial and error, this is never guaranteed to be easy. 

This is definitely an area where I seem to struggle excessively because here the control isn't absolutely in my hands, I cannot really control what the other person is going to do in the relationship, that's really their take, not my monopoly and vice versa. Whereas when it comes to other areas of life I'm pretty confident because I have monopoly and autonomy there, I can do things how I want without having to think about someone else. 

Relationships don't allow for such autonomy because they are a mutual thing, depends on well a couple gets along with each other, yet even if the couple got along really well, it could only be temporary, today they are together, tomorrow they are separated. I think this is the hardest part of relationships where nothing is certain and it feels like a big gamble where the outcome is never dependent on how you roll the dice and you always have to be ready for a pretty unexpected outcome to turn up.It's almost like the stock market. You invest with hopes of growing your income and a crash means you lose whatever you invested. You can never know what time will show you. Relationships always look good in the beginning whereas time shows up the real outcome. In a way hoping and investing too much in a relationship is a bad idea. 

 

[knowyourroots]

ohhh god...

[Preety_India]

@hyruga thanks for the suggestions.

[Gesundheit2]

Appreciate your honesty and transparency.