How to become more masculine ?

[Preety_India]

I feel a bit suffocated and stymied with my femininity.

I see males  around me are quite active, assertive and dominant. They take quick decisions. They are good at cutting down too much fluff and emotion whereas I'm more like " girl crying into pillow not wanting to leave bed." I kinda admire the cutthroat masculinity in males.

Of course I love my graceful chaotic femininity, yet it is not helpful with achieving goals. I see masculine people doing better with goals.

My submissive female instinct causes me to surrender very quickly(imagine feminine sexual surrender). This makes me passive, submissive,docile but also less strict.

I always imagine I  feel the need of a man(masculine figure/archetype) holding a whip and acting strict/disciplinary to make me do things. My submissiveness craves dominance to complete aspects that lack in dominance in my psyche.

I wanna achieve this on my own and integrate things that I lack.

I remember months ago Emerald(from Diamond Net) did my tarot reading and told me that I need to become more masculine or add masculine aspects to myself. She was right on the money..

As a strong feminine, I feel very comfy, girly girly and less purpose driven(please I don't want to sound sexist, so please don't make my thread into "I'm sexist" nonsense, I'm just trying to be honest about how I feel as a woman). 

So I wanna ask - how to be more masculine ?

Additional information (added later)-

I need to cultivate masculinity but finding it difficult because I don't naturally posses it.

I have always been surrounded by females.

I never talk much to men.

So I'm kinda closed off to their masculinity. 

There is no male in my life right now. I think having a male helps with such things. To have some influence.

Like whenever I'm surrounded by many men, I watch them, learn from them and I feel motivated to do better, I try to rub their qualities on me little bit, generally dominant males help me achieve this.

Also the men that I allow in my friends circle are feminine tame gay type men because if I allow those masculine dudes, they will quickly try to get sexual with me.

So there's an inherent "fight off" feeling with such men and I don't allow them to be my friends. I kinda push them out to avoid sexual tension.

I only allow the girly type men to come close and become friends..

Masculine men obviously generate some primal fear in me(images of forceful sex etc creating fear ) not that I'm afraid of such men but it can be a bit challenging to be around them unless it's a romantic scenario.

 

Edited July 27, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I meant how to integrate some masculine aspects into my femininity.

I'm talking about masculine integration.

 

Edited July 27, 2021 by Preety_India

[thisintegrated]

Do you actually want to be more masculine?  If you do, it should come naturally.

Anyway, if you have a masculine side, use it.  The more time you spend in it the stronger it'll become.

 

Also, have you considered hormone therapy?

Edited July 27, 2021 by thisintegrated

[Preety_India]

@thisintegrated lolling at hormone. Nope. I don't want hormones. 

I need to cultivate masculinity but finding it difficult because I don't naturally posses it.

I have always been surrounded by females.

I never talk much to men.

So I'm kinda closed off to their masculinity. 

There is no male in my life right now. I think having a male helps with such things. To have some influence.

Like whenever I'm surrounded by many men, I watch them, learn from them and I feel motivated to do better, I try to rub their qualities on me little bit, generally dominant males help me achieve this.

 

[thisintegrated]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@thisintegrated lolling at hormone. Nope. I don't want hormones. 

I need to cultivate masculinity but finding it difficult because I don't naturally posses it.

I have always been surrounded by females.

I never talk much to men.

So I'm kinda closed off to their masculinity. 

There is no male in my life right now. I think having a male helps with such things. To have some influence.

Like whenever I'm surrounded by many men, I watch them, learn from them and I feel motivated to do better, I try to rub their qualities on me little bit, generally dominant males help me achieve this.

Hmm, interesting.  Sounds like you need to work on Orange, wouldn't you say?  Perhaps even some Red.

Orange feels kinda masculine, so maybe an approachable way of targeting masculinity.  Just need to tap into selfishness a bit.

[Preety_India]

Just now, thisintegrated said:

Hmm, interesting.  Sounds like you need to work on Orange, wouldn't you say?  Perhaps even some Red.

Orange feels kinda masculine, so maybe an approachable way of targeting masculinity.  Just need to tap into selfishness a bit.

Yea yea I'm trying to get there.

 

[Preety_India]

All I can say is that I have a poorly integrated masculine.

 

I remember some guy telling me on the forum not long ago that masculinity represents  mainly about mission, purpose, duty, and protection according to David Deida

I tend to lack these qualities mentioned.

 

[thisintegrated]

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Yea yea I'm trying to get there.

I swear you're like the fastest person on this forum..

 

btw, if you can't "identify" what masculinity "feels" like, hormones might be the easiest option.  Once you know the feel, it's easy to recall to mind.  I mean, if I wanted to, I could suddenly turn 100% feminine, but it's scary af so I never do.

 

Quote

mission, purpose, duty, and protection

Pretty sure those are just American values of something..

Edited July 27, 2021 by thisintegrated

[Preety_India]

@thisintegrated  I swear I'm the slowest person on this forum.

Emerald told me last year that I needed a dose of masculinity.

It's like a year now I guess and I'm still struggling.

Then I must be really slow.

 

[thisintegrated]

7 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@thisintegrated  I swear I'm the slowest person on this forum.

Emerald told me last year that I needed a dose of masculinity.

It's like a year now I guess and I'm still struggling.

Then I must be really slow.

I meant you're fast with replying.  I think you replied in under a minute on the previous post.  I'm used to waiting days.

[Preety_India]

Just now, thisintegrated said:

I meant you're fast with replying.  I think you replied in under a minute on the previous post.  I'm used to waiting days.

Oh

[ivankiss]

I hope this does not insult you, but I'll be very direct. Speaking from the heart.

You come off (to me) as already way too masculine. The chaos you think is caused by your feminine side, might indeed be the reason why. But it's only because your feminine side is desperately trying to catch your attention. 

I think this is extremely common in all women, today. And especially in women who live under deeply conditioned circumstances and are being practically held hostage by rules and people that reflect pure toxic masculinity.

If I'm right - and I might totally not be - I'd say; plan your escape. Find safety. Peace. Respect. Warmth. Freedom. 

Only under those circumstances can your femininity truly blossom, and things can balance each-other out. Anything bellow that is suppressing your true, divine nature.

Don't try to become more like them, in order to thrive amongst them. Get the hell away from them and be as you truly are.

 

Edited July 27, 2021 by ivankiss

[Preety_India]

@ivankiss  I see myself as very feminine. I understand the importance of being authentic.

But I also want to integrate masculine traits that I don't have..

Not like I'm trying to be like men, however integrating some from men is no harm.

 

[ivankiss]

@Preety_India Cool, you know what's best for you.

All I can do is guess.

[Emerald]

It's very important to integrate the masculine side as a woman because it helps you temper the Shadow Feminine qualities of indecisiveness, fretfulness, and vagueness... among others.  

I recommend integrating the following masculine-principled qualities...

• Emotional mastery
• Stoicism
• Ambition
• Purpose
• Assertiveness
• Strong boundaries
• Self-focused drives
• Individuality
• Intellectuality
• Discipline
• Courage
• Generosity (Giving orientation)
• Having principles
• Endurance
• Having a focus towards something bigger than you that you're willing to kill and die for 

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, ivankiss said:

I hope this does not insult you, but I'll be very direct. Speaking from the heart.

You come off (to me) as already way too masculine. The chaos you think is caused by your feminine side, might indeed be the reason why. But it's only because your feminine side is desperately trying to catch your attention. 

I think this is extremely common in all women, today. And especially in women who live under deeply conditioned circumstances and are being practically held hostage by rules and people that reflect pure toxic masculinity.

If I'm right - and I might totally not be - I'd say; plan your escape. Find safety. Peace. Respect. Warmth. Freedom. 

Only under those circumstances can your femininity truly blossom, and things can balance each-other out. Anything bellow that is suppressing your true, divine nature.

Don't try to become more like them, in order to thrive amongst them. Get the hell away from them and be as you truly are.

 

When the masculine isn't integrated it can become possessive in its quality. 

So, if a naturally feminine woman does come off as more masculine than what is natural to her, then it's usually due to a disintegrated masculine side taking on a possessing role. 

Counterintuitively, the best thing for such a woman is to work on having a deeper relationship to the masculine side. Once this happens it will be possible for her feminine side to express more because the masculine side will be able to create healthy boundaries... which in turn make her feel safer and able to be more vulnerable. 

[ivankiss]

@Emerald Interesting twist. Thanks.

[RoerAmit]

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

When the masculine isn't integrated it can become possessive in its quality. 

So, if a naturally feminine woman does come off as more masculine than what is natural to her, then it's usually due to a disintegrated masculine side taking on a possessing role. 

Counterintuitively, the best thing for such a woman is to work on having a deeper relationship to the masculine side. Once this happens it will be possible for her feminine side to express more because the masculine side will be able to create healthy boundaries... which in turn make her feel safer and able to be more vulnerable. 

Looks like some wisdom over there.

Thank you

[Preety_India]

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

It's very important to integrate the masculine side as a woman because it helps you temper the Shadow Feminine qualities of indecisiveness, fretfulness, and vagueness... among others.  

I recommend integrating the following masculine-principled qualities...

• Emotional mastery
• Stoicism
• Ambition
• Purpose
• Assertiveness
• Strong boundaries
• Self-focused drives
• Individuality
• Intellectuality
• Discipline
• Courage
• Generosity (Giving orientation)
• Having principles
• Endurance
• Having a focus towards something bigger than you that you're willing to kill and die for 

Oh yes yes yes. This is what I was lacking creating too much frustration in me.

Thank you so so much for making that list. It's really helpful. 

Thanks again. You rock. 

 

[Spiral]

Spend time with people you want to be like.