Becoming a fully Integrated Person

[Preety_India]

Integrating my shadows and turning into a well rounded person.

Step by step process.

 

 

[Preety_India]

Part 1 - focusing on my strengths and potential abilities.

 

 

 

Part 2 - focusing on my weaknesses and flaws

 

 

Part 3 -  Targeting my shadows.

 

[Preety_India]

Selfishness as a shadow..... My greatest weakness is my inability to be selfish. 

 

 

I'm trying really hard to become more Selfish. This is my weak area. 

Selflessness looks good on paper, even in practice, however I want to be able to play this game right. I want to modulate my selflessness and a add some selfishness to the mix so I'm not too unhinged

Give me some tips and suggestions on how to become more Selfish

I lack self preservation instinct or at least there's something fundamentally screwed with my self preservation compass. I always throw away my own good and become the sacrificial lamb in every situation. I lack being selfish. This is not a boundary issue. It's like I have to force myself to be Selfish in every situation and my mind usually goes mute on this. I start acting like a mule and become too sacrificial. I have realised it's getting detrimental to my well being. I need to act selfish or die trying.  It's good to be empathetic but I want to be selfish like other people around me

I struggle thinking selfishly because the strategy or technique/value system is missing

I want to hone my opportunistic side for better survival

I know that this sounds a bit contradictory especially after I began my spiritual path. However midway on this spiritual path, I realised that if I don't act selfishly there is a foreseeable danger to my life. That won't go according to plan.  So the damage control mode was to focus back on survival

I have now understood that my spiritual job involves to not only grow a building but also a fortress at the same time or else the building is gone and I'm finished. So selfishness has to be an important part of this equation in the sense of self preservation. This is tough Because I never properly learned or integrated skills of survival and selfishness. I always operated from a paradigm of giving giving and giving more, but never understood how to grab instead of "give." Now I'm struggling to grab for myself

 

If you have always been selfless the majority of your life, becoming selfish will feel like learning Greek and vice versa, that is if you mostly been selfish, then suddenly becoming selfless becomes an arduous tas

I know this sounds like a foolish question but whatever, at this stage I need to save myself. That's my priority

 

Any practical tips and exercises please. I don't need your lecture/spiritual platitude.

I don't help people with egoic intent.. I'm not doing it for people to see me as good. I see value in helping others. It gives me inner satisfaction to see that I was of value to others. It's simply me being generous.

And no. I don't need any praises or compliments or pats. In fact most people tend to hate me because I'm like a straight shooter kind of a person. Yet i don't really care about whether people see me as a good person. Charity is one of my core values so I don't have any major problems with helping people. I don't do it out of selfish or egoic/Narcissistic mentality.

Even if I become super selfish, I won't stop helping people, because I always believe that everyone must offer something of value to each other especially when they can.

 

Yet my main problem lies in grabbing for myself. I don't feel selfish. I don't get that feeling where I want something for myself. I don't grab something to myself. So if there is a situation where some material stuff is being freely distributed, most people run for it. Whereas I'm like, " meh, I don't care."

I admire the raw selfishness in other people because I lack it fundamentally. So by the virtue of polarity I attract such selfish people to me. No problem, I admire that they can be selfish. It helps them to survive better.

However when it comes to me, I give into reckless self abandon and I never get the feeling like I should gather something for myself or go into self preservation mode.

 

During rare occasions when I finally feel a bit of selfishness or self preservation it's usually only in circumstances when it's super urgent to defend myself or in situations where im forcing myself way too hard. Or else I go back into the lackadaisical self abandon mode. 

The thing is being selfish seems to come very effortlessly to people whereas with me, I have to force myself to extreme levels to act selfish 

I want to be naturally and effortlessly selfish. It's really important to survival.

I'll need some mental exercises to train my brain to think selfishly since I naturally lack it.

 

Edited July 27, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

One thing I observed about myself is that I only do things when I sense a comfort zone around those things.

Somehow things need to be perfectly manicured for me to get around doing them.

 

[Preety_India]

A couple of things to consider from now on 

• Have a sense of peace
• Create a sense of comfort
• Create a sense of order and discipline
• Work on your insecurities
• Shadow regarding selfishness 
• Machiavellian aspects. Study those
• Work on Motivation (practice versus theory )