Dealing with traditional Chinese parents

[Gianna]

If you do not follow your own desires, dreams, and ambitions for life, then you will never know what you are truly capable of. You are so capable of giving yourself everything that you need, that you can return home afterward and fill up the cup of your parents. But for now, you have to put yourself first. Deep Truths are waiting for you. The Truths you will discover on embarking on this personal journey is undeniably worth it. 

Do not expect growth while accomodating for your parents. Also, expecting yourself to act perfectly in the family home/family dynamic is insane. Stop torturing yourself. Do not force yourself to paddle upstream. 

[puporing]

Thank you all so much for your input and words of encouragement! So glad that this forum exists.. I can feel the love abound being transmitted through.  
 

5 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

How many people like this is China producing? millions? The Chinese must free themselves, they have a hard job to even start doing it

Gonna take decades or longer, but already some young people are choosing to not get married or even have a career. Check out the 'lying flat' movement that's quietly happening there.

5 hours ago, Windappreciator said:

Let's not derail this thread into sociology, you guys.

 

 lol thanks, but yes they could really use some feminist movement there among other things
 

5 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

it is like a small war that you have to fight

Thank you, very much so! Had to fight for my independence haha
 

4 hours ago, Gianna said:

Do not expect growth while accomodating for your parents. Also, expecting yourself to act perfectly in the family home/family dynamic is insane. Stop torturing yourself. Do not force yourself to paddle upstream. 

Yeah agreed, it would just lead to more of the same/similar, unless that's what you want out of life..

[puporing]

@eaaaeaeae Ahh I would say the immediate thought is they would kill me lol (mostly just the tone being used here rather than the essence). Hmm honestly when I started breaking away psychologically / adding boundaries to reduce contact I allow with them I had the fear that they would try to physically harm me. Whether real or imagined it was a learned reaction for not being allowed to say no/show anger/sadness. I had frequent nightmares with them forcing me to do stuff until recently when my psychologist helped me a bit to resolve some of this. But in any case, my plan is to respond more authentically in the future or whenever such a situation arises.. I appreciate your input and kudos to you for having the inner strength to be who you want to be each moment. That's true freedom.  

Edited August 2, 2021 by puporing