Will I Ever Be Able To Start A Meditation Habit?

[Growf]

Short back up story:

I've been diagnosed with Generalized anxiety disorder and after a  year of struggling I finally started meditation.
A week of daily meditation and I lost it.. My anxiety went through the roof and I decided to get professional help. 
I had a great therapist and she put me on medication. The medication did it's job great for 6 months and my anxiety 
was practically gone without any side effect. I'm still on the medication but I feel like it's losing it's effectiveness. 

So ofcourse I want to start a meditation habit again, but I know I for a fact this time that my anxiety will increase big time. 
This causes me to be afraid of meditation, although I feel like I have to do it, kind of like a major purge where the first months 
will be hell, only to come out a better, stronger person eventually. 

Any tips on how to get through this phase? Or any anecdotal stories from anyone here going through the same? 
Really need some help on this.. 

Thanks. 

[Bob84]

Did you ever try Yoga Nidra?

[Growf]

Hey Bob84,

No, never heard of it. Will look into it. Thanks for your reply.

[Pallero]

Hi!

In my own personal experience medication is only a quick fix. When you are feeling really bad, it can be a good idea to use medication to get you through the toughest time. But it's not a good long term solution, because it gives you relief through chemically altering your brain and actually prevents you from naturally expanding your consciousness.

I have used medication twice for the absolute worst anxiety that I felt like I couldn't handle, but on both occasions same thing happened. I began feeling like the medication was hindering my mental growth and distorting my natural emotions (aside from all the side effects). The first time it happened, I had been on meds for two years, the second time - six months.

So it's best to find other tools for relief than medication. Meditation proved effective for you, because it brought all the suppressed pain to the surface, which is good and it's supposed to do that. The only problem is that perhaps you weren't expecting it and didn't know how to handle it. That's why you're scared to try it again. Who wouldn't be, after the experience you had?

Daily meditation isn't for everyone or for every life situation. While it can be very helpful for many, if you suffer from a lot of suppressed pain in the form of anxiety and depression, it can be a little "too effective", which scares you and you stop.

Teal Swan has a lot of interesting videos on embracing your negative emotions, depression, suffering and healing. See if you resonate with her message.

 

 

There are a lot of things that you can try before you feel confident enough to try meditation again. Whatever feels good to you will work. Express yourself in any way you want: art, dance, music, fashion, writing, rearranging your furniture, sewing, being with animals, cooking, walking, taking photographs, building something... anything you enjoy. Take out a pen and a piece of paper. Make a list of things that you enjoy or have enjoyed in the past as a child. BE HONEST. Then do them if you can.

Soon you will have let out enough painful emotions and can resume your meditation habit with confidence.

If you have any more questions, let me know.

[Alex4]

do you have a busy life? like you are always doing things ?

[Prabhaker]

@Growf

When you are bogged down by anxiety what do you do? Try to repress it, or drown it in the drinks, smoke them away or worse, get some anxiety related disorders? The more you try alternatives, the more you get caught into anxiety. Anxiety cannot be removed by the mind because the mind itself creates it.

Zen monks have unusual ways of solving problems. The following Zen story could give an insight.

Bokuju, a Zen master lived alone in a cave.He would sometimes say loudly, “Bokuju” — his own name, and then he would answer, “Yes, I am here.”
His disciples used to ask him, “Why are you calling ‘Bokuju’, your own name, and then saying, ‘Yes sir, I am here’?”
He said, “Whenever I get into thinking, I have to remember to be alert, and so I call my own name, ‘Bokuju.’ The moment I call ‘Bokuju’ and I say, ‘Yes sir, I am here,’ the thinking disappears.”

This can be a wonderful cure to anxiety. Just as Bokuju tried to wake himself by calling his name, you can try your own name. When you feel deep anxiety, just call your name and then reply, “Yes sir, I am here,” and feel the difference. The moment you call yourself, there is a jerk. The continuous flow of thinking is interrupted. Anxiety will not be there. At least for a single moment you will have a glimpse beyond the clouds. Once you know that if you become alert, anxiety disappears, you have come to a deep understanding of your own self and the mechanism of inner working.

[Dodo]

Above comments are awesome. I would add something too. Check out videos on youtube on deep breathing. If you dont check out any vids, here is a tactic that I implement whenever i am in a situation that brings anxiety in me - for example talking to a girl I like. Whenever you feel anxious, take three deep breathes. inbreath for 5,6 or 7 seconds making sure that your belly expands and not your chest, then same amount of time keep the breath in and again same amount of time breathe out, slowly, letting go of all the shit. 

I do deep breathing whenever i get the chance and it makes me feel good and relaxed. Breath is something we all have, so its the best tool.

[Dodo]

Oh and also, you can read The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle. Im reading it for the third time and one can always go deeper with it. Its like my Bible. Helps me immensely, its one of those books that can help both beginners and advanced and all of the spectrum between.