Fear of "putting myself out there" (Fear of success)

[somegirl]

I don't actually have problem with self doubt, I'm actually pretty confident in my abilities that I know will lead me to success one day, if I'm just persistent enough, it's that I'm afraid to stand out from the crowd and just start my own thing (personal business).

I'm mostly afraid how other people will react and whether they will feel envious/jelaous/bad because of me. Or simply make fun of me for some reason. I know this is messed up, but that's why I'm writing this thread. Because I DO want to stand out, be successful at my craft. I shouldn't care about others if I love what I do.

This kind of thinking really holds me back and frustrates me because I wasn't this way when I was a kid. I was frequently standing out thanks to my talents and I never thought "Oh but how will xyz think about my accomplishments?". It never crossed my mind. I was just doing my own thing and showing off my potentials to the world.

How do I overcome this messed up fear that I have? 

[Snuitje]

This is a common fear and I read about it in a book not long ago, maybe it was Radical Honesty, I'm not sure. It said that we're afraid to standout because we feel we might be disloyal to the people close to us. Or we give them a feeling of inferiority.

I believe this fear has to be brute forced: face it head on. Do your craft and do it with love and fuck what the world says. Your friends and closed ones want you to succeed (I hope :)) and that might inspire them to better themselves aswell. 

[Byun Sean]

Had the same fears.

In my experience there is no substitute for this one but facing the fear head on. 

Constantly push yourself out of your comfort zone and allow your ego to get beaten down and feel negative emotions.

Eventually you will grow to a point where you will no longer feel fear but feel empowered to do whatever it takes to achieve what you want.

 

I am still in the process of doing this myself. The truth is, people care a lot less than you think. They are mainly just focused on how your work can 

benefit their own life since they are so focused on their own life. 

But you won't be able to fully see that until you live it. Living it means pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and surrender to the possibility of

feeling whatever you are afraid of feeling. Embarrassment, suffering, judgement, being overwhelmed, etc.

Edited July 26, 2021 by Byun Sean

[gettoefl]

to the extent we care what others others think 

we do things for the WRONG reasons

and conversely too ...

we have to deliver ourselves and our creativity irrespective and in spite of what others think

we are here to bring something new, something that has never before been conceived

expect rejection reproach and retribution from the world at large

it goes with the territory of living the worthy life

[flowboy]

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

I don't actually have problem with self doubt, I'm actually pretty confident in my abilities that I know will lead me to success one day, if I'm just persistent enough, it's that I'm afraid to stand out from the crowd and just start my own thing (personal business).

I'm mostly afraid how other people will react and whether they will feel envious/jelaous/bad because of me. Or simply make fun of me for some reason. I know this is messed up, but that's why I'm writing this thread. Because I DO want to stand out, be successful at my craft. I shouldn't care about others if I love what I do.

This kind of thinking really holds me back and frustrates me because I wasn't this way when I was a kid. I was frequently standing out thanks to my talents and I never thought "Oh but how will xyz think about my accomplishments?". It never crossed my mind. I was just doing my own thing and showing off my potentials to the world.

How do I overcome this messed up fear that I have? 

See if this rings true:

• Maybe when other people stand out, you feel envious/jealous/bad because of it
• Maybe when other people stand out, you make fun of them (maybe in your head only)

Point being: the judgment you fear, is the judgment you pass.

If that rings true, then the solution is simple: find that particular judgment of others in yourself, dig deep into its fundamentals until it gets resolved and you no longer have the judgment.

The fear of being judged yourself will disappear with it.

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, Snuitje said:

It said that we're afraid to standout because we feel we might be disloyal to the people close to us. Or we give them a feeling of inferiority.

Exactly THIS. I would feel bad to make them feel so inferior and unsuccessful (compared to me). That book, I should read it lol. 

2 hours ago, Snuitje said:

I believe this fear has to be brute forced: face it head on. Do your craft and do it with love and fuck what the world says. Your friends and closed ones want you to succeed (I hope :)) and that might inspire them to better themselves aswell. 

Well, this is true. I'm nervious because success reveals who is your true friend and who is not. I guess those who do not wish me to thrive in life shouldn't be in my life in the first place and I shouldn't be afraid to lose them lol. 

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, Byun Sean said:

Constantly push yourself out of your comfort zone and allow your ego to get beaten down and feel negative emotions.

Eventually you will grow to a point where you will no longer feel fear but feel empowered to do whatever it takes to achieve what you want.

This is so motivating lol. Thanks.

1 hour ago, Byun Sean said:

But you won't be able to fully see that until you live it. Living it means pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and surrender to the possibility of

feeling whatever you are afraid of feeling. Embarrassment, suffering, judgement, being overwhelmed, etc.

Nicely said. Can't do anything meaningful in life unless I push myself out of my comfort zone... I'm just too much in my comfort zone that any little change disturbs me. Doing my own thing will be uncomfortable because I'm so used to just "fit in" for the fear of other people's reactions.

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, gettoefl said:

to the extent we care what others others think 

we do things for the WRONG reasons

and conversely too ...

I'm so used to think about how others will percieve this or that (this only happens regarding my life purpose because I care so much about it), that I don't even know what I actually want...  And as you said, I don't know if I'm doing something for them or truly for me. Don't know how to devide the two. If it makes sense.
 

1 hour ago, gettoefl said:

we have to deliver ourselves and our creativity irrespective and in spite of what others think

we are here to bring something new, something that has never before been conceived

This kind of approach actually helps me see this from a different light. It feels way better. 
 

1 hour ago, gettoefl said:

expect rejection reproach and retribution from the world at large

it goes with the territory of living the worthy life

Feels true. Thanks. 





 

[Byun Sean]

10 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Nicely said. Can't do anything meaningful in life unless I push myself out of my comfort zone... I'm just too much in my comfort zone that any little change disturbs me. Doing my own thing will be uncomfortable because I'm so used to just "fit in" for the fear of other people's reactions.

yea my blocks for this were actually so big I had to put myself in a situation where I literally couldn't say no. 

 

I did this by getting a job at retail. I can't say no to going to work otherwise I lose my job.

 

Once you work at retail for long enough, all your boundaries and comfort zones fly out the window lmao.

 

There are lots of other ways you can do this but this was mine.

 

 

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

See if this rings true:

• Maybe when other people stand out, you feel envious/jealous/bad because of it
• Maybe when other people stand out, you make fun of them (maybe in your head only)

Point being: the judgment you fear, is the judgment you pass.

If that rings true, then the solution is simple: find that particular judgment of others in yourself, dig deep into its fundamentals until it gets resolved and you no longer have the judgment.

The fear of being judged yourself will disappear with it.

You know what's funny, I'm actually pretty excited to see people succeed. Especially when I see that they are my age or from my town or from my field. I get excited and have this "can't find to start something myself" kind of feeling.

I think I might be afraid of judgement or ridicule because I care about my art so much. I kind of gave it such a big importance. I'm maybe too attached to it. For example, I'm not attached to people so much, even my friends, but my life purpose is the only thing I care about the most, it's the only thing I can always go back to at the end of the day. 

[Nahm]

@somegirl

How does what you’re experiencing differ from jealousy & projection?

[somegirl]

17 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@somegirl

How does what you’re experiencing differ from jealousy & projection?

I'm afraid of other's people's reaction once I start doing my thing. I guess I don't see how am I jelaous or what exactly I am projecting onto others. 

[Nahm]

@somegirl

Thoughts pop up about what other people think & say, or might think & say, and you’re reacting emotionally to those thoughts. You blame it on the other people as if your thoughts about other people’s thoughts were actually other people’s thoughts, because more deeply you see they are not living emotionally reactionary lives. Or not, I might be way off. Maybe fear is real, who knows. That was just the seventh thing that came to mind and it felt very on. 

 

[RendHeaven]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

You know what's funny, I'm actually pretty excited to see people succeed. Especially when I see that they are my age or from my town or from my field. I get excited and have this "can't find to start something myself" kind of feeling.

I think I might be afraid of judgement or ridicule because I care about my art so much. I kind of gave it such a big importance. I'm maybe too attached to it. For example, I'm not attached to people so much, even my friends, but my life purpose is the only thing I care about the most, it's the only thing I can always go back to at the end of the day. 

Lol you just described me.

What's your life purpose, zone of genius, and ideal medium?

[somegirl]

@Nahm That's fine, maybe I'm not seeing something cause I'm too in my head lol. 

But yeah sometimes I would behave as if my thoughts about other's people's thouths are true. And it's not like I don't ever get jelaous, but in this situation I don't really think I am. Tbh even when I see someone with much "less talent" in my field successful and making money, I'm impressed and it gives me motivation. 
 

17 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

What's your life purpose, zone of genius, and ideal medium?

Art. Making creative illustrations, drawings, designing, being creative in that sense. Making stuff that people find it cool that they would want to hang it on their wall or wear it as a shirt. 

[Nahm]

@somegirl

 In all fairness it’s probably impossible to imagine what it’s like without the experience of thoughts about other people thinking. I’m probably projecting something along the lines of fear, motive, and what other people think not working out for everyone or something. 

[Moksha]

@somegirl It's human to fear what others think. Our brains are wired for attachment to the praise of others. Ultimately, what matters is that you are doing what you love, regardless of what people think.

Is the doing inherently fulfilling, or do you require adulation for the doing? Maybe both. When you do what you desire, free from attachments to the fruit of your work, you are being.

You have the right to work, but never to the fruit of work. You should never engage in action for the sake of reward, nor should you long for inaction…Seek refuge in the attitude of detachment and you will amass the wealth of spiritual awareness. Those who are motivated only by desire for the fruits of action are miserable, for they are constantly anxious about the results of what they do.

- Bhagavad Gita 2:47,49

 

 

[universe]

Hello, it's me, your shadow.

Have you enjoyed that great security of not facing criticism lately? It's so refreshing, I could bath in that all day. I also like this uncertainty about my future. Maybe I will be successfull, maybe I won't. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in 50 years.

You know the best thing about that? I don't have to do anything!

Ah so cozy and soo comfortable.

 

You will have to face your shadow if you want to be successfull.

Critique can actually be helpful. You know when you should be concerned?

When no one talks about your work.

[Snuitje]

13 hours ago, somegirl said:

Exactly THIS. I would feel bad to make them feel so inferior and unsuccessful (compared to me). That book, I should read it lol.

It was the Big Leap from Gay Hendricks. I looked it up.

[Zeroguy]

+ 15 points  for helping INFP. Nah.... 

Need new house? 

Sorry it is just fun. 

Hey if baldy putted himself out there you can do it too. Why not? 

What makes anyone better then everybody else. 

+3.

Edited July 28, 2021 by Zeroguy