she loves me, and her boyfriend....

[Madhur]

there is this girl from my college that i haven't met yet because of the lockdown but we know each other for 8 months and i fell in love with her after few months of talking, and she also had feelings for me but i had relationship issues during that time so i asked her to give me some time to sort this out and she agreed, in the meantime because of some communication gap she started to think i was loosing interest in her and out of nowhere she started to date someone and she told me about him after a week and i was not ready for that, it hit me hard.....long story short i confront everything to her and she also did and we both realized where the miscommunication happened but now that she is in a relationship with someone else she confessed that she still loves me and i already loved her but she also loves his boyfriend and she doesn't want to leave him and at the same time she doesn't want to lose me, and i can assure that she is not the girl who takes advantage of my feelings, her love is so pure. in fact our love became stronger and we developed more intimate connection after we cleared out our miscommunication. issue is i can't see her with someone else and she really seem happy with him, i really love her i want her in my life but given the situation i dont see that happening and it is eating me out alive, any advice would be appreciated.

[flowboy]

52 minutes ago, Madhur said:

she also loves his boyfriend and she doesn't want to leave him

That settles it, then.

52 minutes ago, Madhur said:

i can't see her with someone else

So what is it you want to see happen here?

 

You're not really dating until you've at least met up in real life. So I would do that. It will probably bring you some clarity.

If she's not willing to actually make a date with you and show up, even if it were just a friendly meetup, then you know it was never real anyway.

 

General advice: don't emotionally invest so much before you've actually met up with someone.

Edited July 24, 2021 by flowboy

[Madhur]

On 7/25/2021 at 0:03 AM, flowboy said:

So what is it you want to see happen here?

i am not sure, what should i do here.

i love her, she loves me and we also express our love by saying i love you to each other and we both very well know how much this phrase mean. we have a very intimate sexual and emotional connection now (through calls) but sometimes i feel like i am wasting my time here by emotionally investing myself into this situation because she is already in a relationship with someone else, i feel jealous when we friends are face timing and my other friends tease her with her boyfriend, i feel like that could have been me, if things happened in my favor. but still my heart wants to love her regardless of the situation, i tried going away from her but every time i end up loving her more and more.

On 7/25/2021 at 0:03 AM, flowboy said:

That settles it, then.

she does not want to leave me either.

On 7/25/2021 at 0:03 AM, flowboy said:

You're not really dating until you've at least met up in real life.

she is also in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend and they also haven't met yet, but we(me & her) are meeting for the first time ever, in a few days. she will be meeting her boyfriend first and then me, we both have a 6 hours train journey planned together and we both are excited for it. 

[Gianna]

Just be yourself, follow your feelings, and let her follow her feelings. Do not try to force or control anything. Let everything happen for you. 

[myles]

8 hours ago, Gianna said:

Just be yourself, follow your feelings, and let her follow her feelings. Do not try to force or control anything. Let everything happen for you. 

Great advice and a writer worth listening to. It helps

[Madhur]

10 hours ago, Gianna said:

Just be yourself, follow your feelings, and let her follow her feelings. Do not try to force or control anything. Let everything happen for you. 

Yes, we discussed the same thing, we decided to be true to our heart & just go with the flow. Although sometimes I start feeling insecure about this whole situation but it's her love that heals me through it.

[Nahm]

@Madhur

Settin up a sort of ‘I have her love or I suffer’ scenario there. Head’s up. 

[Madhur]

On 28/07/2021 at 5:38 PM, Nahm said:

Settin up a sort of ‘I have her love or I suffer’ scenario there. Head’s up. 

I do have her love but the fact that she is with someone else and that someone could have been if I would have done some things particularly, this is why I suffer & honestly I don't see any way around this suffering.

[kellyjo]

If he is happy with him, make the decision for yourself. I think you should let her go.

[robbinsarle]

I think she loves you as a friend. I'm sorry

[flowboy]

Let's not forget that you've never met this person. She never met her "boyfriend" - so it's not a real boyfriend.

These people are living in fantasy land.

She's single and has two friends who she facetimes with. That's all. The rest is just fantasies.

Focus on real people.

Edited July 30, 2021 by flowboy

[Zeroguy]

On 7/27/2021 at 0:14 AM, Gianna said:

Just be yourself, follow your feelings, and let her follow her feelings. Do not try to force or control anything. Let everything happen for you. 

Oh really.Then by now ...

[Madhur]

On 7/30/2021 at 1:21 PM, flowboy said:

Let's not forget that you've never met this person. She never met her "boyfriend" - so it's not a real boyfriend.

These people are living in fantasy land.

She's single and has two friends who she facetimes with. That's all. The rest is just fantasies.

Focus on real people.

@flowboy she just posted a photo with her boyfriend, she met him today. i am meeting her in 2 days. if it wasn't for corona we would be attending the same class together now. if i wait for things to get "real" i would lose so many things already. she is the only one that i met in the span of my 19 years of life that actually understands me. metaphysically too, the amount of synchronicities happened between us feels like a literal magic. i never felt this close to someone else in my life.

13 hours ago, eaaaeaeae said:

You are either way ahead of your time for the fact that you want to have a relationship with 3 people, one beloning to same sex, or you actually just can't accept she doesn't like you or she likes her bf more. Maybe you don't have a problem with this stuff. Personaly I would have, is a girl doesn't like me I go somewhere else. 

@eaaaeaeae i already mentioned she loves me & i love her, i tried letting her go but i failed, she does not want me to go and i dont want it either.

[flowboy]

12 minutes ago, Madhur said:

if i wait for things to get "real" i would lose so many things already. she is the only one that i met in the span of my 19 years of life that actually understands me

Sounds like you are happy with this situation.

What do you need advice for?

Just enjoy it

 

[Madhur]

6 minutes ago, flowboy said:

Sounds like you are happy with this situation.

What do you need advice for?

Just enjoy it

i am partially happy but i am worried about what next & also if i am doing something wrong

[flowboy]

3 minutes ago, Madhur said:

i am partially happy but i am worried about what next & also if i am doing something wrong

There is no next.

This is it.

This is all you're going to get.

Some people would say: screw this, I'd rather find someone to love who will actually be with me.

But you are actually quite fine with this. And that's alright.

Enjoy it as long as it's enjoyable.

Say goodbye when it doesn't serve you anymore.

[Madhur]

3 minutes ago, flowboy said:

There is no next.

This is it.

This is all you're going to get.

Some people would say: screw this, I'd rather find someone to love who will actually be with me.

But you are actually quite fine with this. And that's alright.

Enjoy it as long as it's enjoyable.

Say goodbye when it doesn't serve you anymore.

as a man i dont like doing this to her boyfriend, & honestly the way we talk i can see this situation between me & her going sexual in future.

what would you say about that ?

[flowboy]

48 minutes ago, Madhur said:

as a man i dont like doing this to her boyfriend, & honestly the way we talk i can see this situation between me & her going sexual in future.

what would you say about that ?

I would say don't do things that you wouldn't like to have done to you, because it does come back around.