Help, my art is losing meaning.

[Danioover9000]

   Feedback and insights into this problem is much appreciated.

   I've been struggling with finding some meaning to the kind of work I like to do currently. I have a mission statement I kept for about 5 years now, and it has changed a bit here and there, and I read this everyday and read it like a positive affirmation. So what is the problem between my mission statement and my lack of meaning to my art lately? If you read on, it gets interesting.

   Firstly, there's the generalised statement: Understanding life, to be a creator and world impact or world contribution. This one I noticed I was stuck on, because I don't identify as a philosopher or detective, and found that a analytical and logic, and some aspects of mathematics make me feel more tired. Understanding life has that feel of logic placed onto life, which doesn't attract to me. Combined with my life experiences of travelling to new places and people I had, I feel that although I'm in my mid twenties I've seen it all in my life, so I don't feel like it's worth the sacrifices for this one. With contributing to the world, it's not that bad, other than I still don't know exactly what contributions I can give yet. Plus, I'm still processing most of my past failures. Maybe it's a self esteem issue, that I can't see clearly the impact I want in the world? And the third statement, being a creator, that has a bit of a stronger feel, I could see myself do stuff and being in creator mode. Similarly to contributing, I don't know exactly what to make, but lately if it involved me drawing stuff, it starts to click with me, and when it gets me visualizing a story, or a location for that, ok. The bit that is confusing is if it's a service, or product, or both I'm creating. I know it's general statement, it's not meant to be specific.

   Secondly, the specific statement has got some changes. It used to be about me becoming a web developer. I managed to get into an IT course, and I got both level 1 and 2 certificates in 2 years, but I couldn't go to level 3, which would land me into a university which would have gotten me to study either web design specifically, or game development/design. I changed it to then becoming a chef. The idea being that I could start some kind of biz here cooking, but that was a bust. Now it's me being a  illustrator, of some kind, working from home, drawing a piece of art to completion, and owning hundreds of sketchbooks filled with detailed studies...of stuff. Yeah, still fresh and needs more detail and specifics career and skills wise, but lately I've spent some time trying a new tool, practicing it, and I almost forgot to check the watch, which is some times a sign of me entering flow.

    Ten year mastery, drawing for me any day. I don't know in which order, but it will involve anatomy and perspective in there for sure. All the other art fundamentals will follow. Strange interest in manga and comic medium, and freelancing that.

    Feeling calm, happiness, excitement, confidence and creativity every day. Except it's actually not every day, at least this year. I currently processing some failures, and am a bit depressed and lazy, so I'll have to process those feels first.

   My ten vaules are still the same, though struggling with some: conpetency, understanding, consciousness, creativity, Independence, excellence, health, beauty and enlightenment. I'll have to re check again because I feel it's been too long that I'm struggling to get into alignment with 3, but not with all of them.

   My strengths, after I taken character quiz test, is: appreciation of beauties and excellence, curiosity, love, gratitude, hope and kindness. This part of the mission statement makes the most sense, but as to how it aligns with my interests, hobbies, and the career I'll have to figure out.

   This one was the most confusing: zone of genius. Zone of genius is apparently what is the most unique to you, that you could do effortlessly, unlike the zone of excellence, which takes you 5-10 years of training to get good at some specific, starting from zone of incompetence to zone of competence. It's confusing because a lot of my life has a lot of activities, habits and parts of my self associated with hobbies. Foe example, what I written was 'Imagination and video games' Why? Because imagining stuff isn't hard for me, and I did loads of video games for 20 years(technically a zone of excellence), along with some drawing and writting stories. I also do play chess, almost as much as video games, to the point of intuition, but that not unique to my being, because I still had to train, do puzzles, do calculations, map out variations in my mind, to get good to that point of enjoying a chess game. Is that zone of excellence or genius?

   My resolution goals is bonkers now. I accomplished some of them, but 80% I overhauled and replacing. If you want to know them you can ask me. 

   So,

   

   

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Danioover9000 said:

Firstly, there's the generalised statement: Understanding life, to be a creator and world impact or world contribution.

This is way too generic.

What you've basically said is: my LP is to have an LP.

This is not helpful.

You need to get clear about what is most meaningful for you to create and which impact is most meaningful to have.

Get concrete. What are going to be fruits of your life's work?

[erik8lrl]

Yeah, you need to define it more clearly. Art is unlimited, and it can have many different purposes and functions that can cover the whole of spiral dynamics/spirituality. Every type of art serves some function in existence/love. 

I would recommend seek and experience arts that are truly great and whole. Arts that reach the unspeakable, the infinite. It will give you an idea of the potential of art and inspire you to create your own vision for art. 

Some of these artists are Andrei Tarkovsky (watch all of his films), Alejandro Jodorowsky, Dante Alighieri, Charles Bukowski, Fumito Ueda, Estas Tonne, Debussy, Chopin, Bach, Bill Evans, Oscar Peterson, Radiohead, etc. (just to name a few) and various master painter/draftsman I'm sure you are familiar with. With art is important to absorb all forms of art in different mediums, because art is all connected. The most important quality you need to create great art is the ability to sense wholeness, which only develops through experiencing extremely whole arts. 

Also, if you are an artist, you need to read this collection of works by Christopher Alexander. It will bring you the deepest understanding of art itself and help you create art that is whole.     

 

Edited July 23, 2021 by erik8lrl

[Nahm]

10 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

   Feedback and insights into this problem is much appreciated.

   I've been struggling with finding some meaning to the kind of work I like to do currently. I have a mission statement I kept for about 5 years now, and it has changed a bit here and there, and I read this everyday and read it like a positive affirmation. So what is the problem between my mission statement and my lack of meaning to my art lately? If you read on, it gets interesting.

It’s the belief in lack of meaning, and therefore the belief you need to first find meaning. 

Quote

   Firstly, there's the generalised statement: Understanding life, to be a creator and world impact or world contribution.

Being a creator is already actual, not a mission statement, not something which could ever be possible - in a “future”. 

Shift focus mindfully to what you are creating right now… a story which isn’t resonating. A story about a you in a future, creating. 

Quote

This one I noticed I was stuck on, because I don't identify as a philosopher or detective, and found that a analytical and logic, and some aspects of mathematics make me feel more tired. Understanding life has that feel of logic placed onto life, which doesn't attract to me. Combined with my life experiences of travelling to new places and people I had, I feel that although I'm in my mid twenties I've seen it all in my life, so I don't feel like it's worth the sacrifices for this one.

Sacrifice is a self referential story of dwelling and loathing. It feels off and is uninspiring because the truth is inspiring. You are inspiring. The story claims otherwise, creating a standstill. 

Quote

With contributing to the world, it's not that bad, other than I still don't know exactly what contributions I can give yet. Plus, I'm still processing most of my past failures. Maybe it's a self esteem issue, that I can't see clearly the impact I want in the world? And the third statement, being a creator, that has a bit of a stronger feel, I could see myself do stuff and being in creator mode. Similarly to contributing, I don't know exactly what to make, but lately if it involved me drawing stuff, it starts to click with me, and when it gets me visualizing a story, or a location for that, ok. The bit that is confusing is if it's a service, or product, or both I'm creating. I know it's general statement, it's not meant to be specific.

You contributing to the world is a self referential dualistic story, which is veiling you actually doing what you want, desire and are inspired to do. There is no ‘you’ & ‘a world’, so that isn’t going to resound in truth. Notice, you pedestal others. You believe there are others who are ‘making an impact on the world’. That’s only the ego, as the separate one, claiming the impact, ‘the doer’. That doesn’t need to be resolved, only no longer believed / focused on. Focus on what you actually want to do, not for anyone else or ‘a world’. When you focus on & feel a desire your world is already underway becoming it. When you start thinkin about ‘the world’, you introduce self doubt - but it’s the discord of the belief that there is a “you” and “a world”. 

Quote

   Secondly, the specific statement has got some changes. It used to be about me becoming a web developer. I managed to get into an IT course, and I got both level 1 and 2 certificates in 2 years, but I couldn't go to level 3, which would land me into a university which would have gotten me to study either web design specifically, or game development/design. I changed it to then becoming a chef. The idea being that I could start some kind of biz here cooking, but that was a bust. Now it's me being a  illustrator, of some kind, working from home, drawing a piece of art to completion, and owning hundreds of sketchbooks filled with detailed studies...of stuff. Yeah, still fresh and needs more detail and specifics career and skills wise, but lately I've spent some time trying a new tool, practicing it, and I almost forgot to check the watch, which is some times a sign of me entering flow.

Self referential thinking, thinking about a you ‘becoming’, a ‘you’ entering the flow, is creativity, actual you, zapper. Think about what you want and do it. Don’t take pause to think about “yourself”. Daily morning meditation is the counterintuitive way. Less, not more. (Thinking). 

Quote

    Ten year mastery, drawing for me any day. I don't know in which order, but it will involve anatomy and perspective in there for sure. All the other art fundamentals will follow. Strange interest in manga and comic medium, and freelancing that.

    Feeling calm, happiness, excitement, confidence and creativity every day. Except it's actually not every day, at least this year. I currently processing some failures, and am a bit depressed and lazy, so I'll have to process those feels first.

Without the thought story of a separate self in time, there can be no story about the separate self which fails, is depressed or lazy. Those thoughts don’t feel good because not a word of it is true about you. Can’t resolve it by focusing on the thoughts. Let the thoughts go and feel the feeling. Good feeling isn’t in a future or an accomplishment. That’s the cosmic joke. Good feeling is presence, no thing, it’s all that is real. 

Quote

   My ten vaules are still the same, though struggling with some: conpetency, understanding, consciousness, creativity, Independence, excellence, health, beauty and enlightenment. I'll have to re check again because I feel it's been too long that I'm struggling to get into alignment with 3, but not with all of them.

Again, that’s a story about a you. “The struggler”. That story is lame, and feels lame. Tell a different one. One that you like. 

That story about your values, your creativity… is the hijacking, the thought-actitivty-veiling, of actual you, beyond competent, boundless creativity, unthinkably whole, singularity, complete and void of need, divine, the source that is well being, the love that is the light. 

Quote

   My strengths, after I taken character quiz test, is: appreciation of beauties and excellence, curiosity, love, gratitude, hope and kindness. This part of the mission statement makes the most sense, but as to how it aligns with my interests, hobbies, and the career I'll have to figure out.

The true nature aligns with the true nature. The “I’ll have to figure it out” is in error, a misnomer, unwarranted, unneeded, unnecessary rumination.

Quote

   This one was the most confusing: zone of genius. Zone of genius is apparently what is the most unique to you, that you could do effortlessly, unlike the zone of excellence, which takes you 5-10 years of training to get good at some specific, starting from zone of incompetence to zone of competence. It's confusing because a lot of my life has a lot of activities, habits and parts of my self associated with hobbies. Foe example, what I written was 'Imagination and video games' Why? Because imagining stuff isn't hard for me, and I did loads of video games for 20 years(technically a zone of excellence), along with some drawing and writting stories. I also do play chess, almost as much as video games, to the point of intuition, but that not unique to my being, because I still had to train, do puzzles, do calculations, map out variations in my mind, to get good to that point of enjoying a chess game. Is that zone of excellence or genius?

   My resolution goals is bonkers now. I accomplished some of them, but 80% I overhauled and replacing. If you want to know them you can ask me.    

That’s a belief to begin letting go of so it can untangle. That is the resistance. “Hard for me”. In truth nothing is actually easy or hard for you. That you is a self seating, self limiting, creativity busting story. 

Read up on fragmentation, split consciousness. 

You’re not in a thought story, you’re presence. Be the hero of your life, not another martyr of the world. 

Meditate every morning. 

Get clearer on what is actually food, and what is claimed by the ambition & greed of society as food, and choose to eat actual food. 

[Danioover9000]

@Nahm

On 23/07/2021 at 0:26 PM, Nahm said:

It’s the belief in lack of meaning, and therefore the belief you need to first find meaning. 

Being a creator is already actual, not a mission statement, not something which could ever be possible - in a “future”. 

Shift focus mindfully to what you are creating right now… a story which isn’t resonating. A story about a you in a future, creating. 

Sacrifice is a self referential story of dwelling and loathing. It feels off and is uninspiring because the truth is inspiring. You are inspiring. The story claims otherwise, creating a standstill. 

You contributing to the world is a self referential dualistic story, which is veiling you actually doing what you want, desire and are inspired to do. There is no ‘you’ & ‘a world’, so that isn’t going to resound in truth. Notice, you pedestal others. You believe there are others who are ‘making an impact on the world’. That’s only the ego, as the separate one, claiming the impact, ‘the doer’. That doesn’t need to be resolved, only no longer believed / focused on. Focus on what you actually want to do, not for anyone else or ‘a world’. When you focus on & feel a desire your world is already underway becoming it. When you start thinkin about ‘the world’, you introduce self doubt - but it’s the discord of the belief that there is a “you” and “a world”. 

Self referential thinking, thinking about a you ‘becoming’, a ‘you’ entering the flow, is creativity, actual you, zapper. Think about what you want and do it. Don’t take pause to think about “yourself”. Daily morning meditation is the counterintuitive way. Less, not more. (Thinking). 

Without the thought story of a separate self in time, there can be no story about the separate self which fails, is depressed or lazy. Those thoughts don’t feel good because not a word of it is true about you. Can’t resolve it by focusing on the thoughts. Let the thoughts go and feel the feeling. Good feeling isn’t in a future or an accomplishment. That’s the cosmic joke. Good feeling is presence, no thing, it’s all that is real. 

Again, that’s a story about a you. “The struggler”. That story is lame, and feels lame. Tell a different one. One that you like. 

That story about your values, your creativity… is the hijacking, the thought-actitivty-veiling, of actual you, beyond competent, boundless creativity, unthinkably whole, singularity, complete and void of need, divine, the source that is well being, the love that is the light. 

The true nature aligns with the true nature. The “I’ll have to figure it out” is in error, a misnomer, unwarranted, unneeded, unnecessary rumination.

That’s a belief to begin letting go of so it can untangle. That is the resistance. “Hard for me”. In truth nothing is actually easy or hard for you. That you is a self seating, self limiting, creativity busting story. 

Read up on fragmentation, split consciousness. 

You’re not in a thought story, you’re presence. Be the hero of your life, not another martyr of the world. 

Meditate every morning. 

Get clearer on what is actually food, and what is claimed by the ambition & greed of society as food, and choose to eat actual food. 

   Thanks for detailed reply. I'm gonna go backwards address some paragraphs for clarity for me:

   I'll assume the food is metaphorically telling me to seperate actual work from imagination work? I'm currently in the process of doing that, but it's not easy. It's really hard finding work.

   I meditate late afternoon to midnight, that's where the will power is more for me.

   Is this the Heroes journey that you refer to?

   Is the split consciousness mean I have mild version of schizophrenia, or multiple personality disorder?

   I'm specifically referring to the actual hard for me, not as an idea or belief, but as a tangible hard for me, like when I start feeling tired after drawing or playing chess too long. Like my hand and head is reeling tired, along with geting a job as well.

   But I'm limited in taking action at the moment, and I'm left with figuring out my mission statement as the convenient option.

   I'm not sure about the story of my values, mastery, emotions and character strengths I found out in the past. This is a list of qualities that I found before, so I'm not sure how this is a story versus a list.

   I actually feel more negative than positive emotions, mostly laziness and depression. Reading my own mission statement, along with doing basic self help techniques, while they have made feel better, sometimes I  get back to feeling depressed, because I don't have an elaborate enough generalised statement about my life purpose, as Lek Gura has said before here. I also don't have a stable specialized purpose about my ideal career in my life yet,  I'm still trying to basically make myself employee friendly enough to get hired for work. I don't have the same advantages as people in America do.

   At the moment, I still have the mission statement and I read it daily. I also do positive affirmations and visualization of different parts of my life. The only problem is that while I have a good sense of my established time line, I don't have a clear future time line ti do NLP techs like future pasting or copy pasting, because I tend to see my past life as more colourful than the future before me. Sometimes the time I see gets this wierd bend in it, almost looping my past with my future, and I sometimes can't see where I'm becoming, as a person clearly versus the person I became, and this also screws around with the distances I could see, for example imaging a habbit I could do a week, month, year and so from now. That's a bit difficult fir me. However, I'm getting a bit better at this, but still struggling.

   P.S. I appreciate your imput, but I'm at a low level of spirituality development to appreciate the significance of what us being written here. I'm more focused on getting my basic life mastered and life improved first before diving deep into spiritual practices first. This does not mean that I haven't done or studied spirituality, in the past I did sporadically, but at a detriment to some of the basics. However, thanks for the insightful post!

   

[Danioover9000]

@erik8lrl

On 23/07/2021 at 6:24 AM, erik8lrl said:

Yeah, you need to define it more clearly. Art is unlimited, and it can have many different purposes and functions that can cover the whole of spiral dynamics/spirituality. Every type of art serves some function in existence/love. 

I would recommend seek and experience arts that are truly great and whole. Arts that reach the unspeakable, the infinite. It will give you an idea of the potential of art and inspire you to create your own vision for art. 

Some of these artists are Andrei Tarkovsky (watch all of his films), Alejandro Jodorowsky, Dante Alighieri, Charles Bukowski, Fumito Ueda, Estas Tonne, Debussy, Chopin, Bach, Bill Evans, Oscar Peterson, Radiohead, etc. (just to name a few) and various master painter/draftsman I'm sure you are familiar with. With art is important to absorb all forms of art in different mediums, because art is all connected. The most important quality you need to create great art is the ability to sense wholeness, which only develops through experiencing extremely whole arts. 

Also, if you are an artist, you need to read this collection of works by Christopher Alexander. It will bring you the deepest understanding of art itself and help you create art that is whole.     

 

   Thank you for the post, and sharing some resources on art and creativity. I'm about a quarter through and I feel the creativity juices start to flow in me already!

[Nahm]

4 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

@Nahm

   Thanks for detailed reply. I'm gonna go backwards address some paragraphs for clarity for me:

   I'll assume the food is metaphorically telling me to seperate actual work from imagination work? I'm currently in the process of doing that, but it's not easy. It's really hard finding work.

  Food that you eat, the content you put in front of you, the perspectives you focus on, believe, etc. 

Start a dreamboard. Write everything you want on it. Anything that comes to mind. Then let it go altogether. Do fun stuff you like. Give it a little time to unfold in perception. 

 

[Esilda]

@Danioover9000 Find people who encourage you. Share your art with the world  

[impulse9]

Every artist has to go through the pit of despair, sometimes several times over. It's fundamental.

[Danioover9000]

@Nahm

On 8/5/2021 at 11:08 PM, Nahm said:

  Food that you eat, the content you put in front of you, the perspectives you focus on, believe, etc. 

Start a dreamboard. Write everything you want on it. Anything that comes to mind. Then let it go altogether. Do fun stuff you like. Give it a little time to unfold in perception. 

 

   Again, thank you for your input. I do have a dream board with me, although most of the images are more than a year old, and some are pretty big goals, while some are specific. I don't know if having one big board is enough, as it has goals of various sizes and scale. I think I'll include a vision board for the small specific goals, while the dream board for the big ones. Any other advice on starting, keeping and updating a dream board is much appreciated.

P.S. I drew a few of the images myself.

[Danioover9000]

@Esilda

9 hours ago, Esilda said:

@Danioover9000 Find people who encourage you. Share your art with the world  

   I just recently shared a piece of art that fan art in the share your art thread. I'll post the image below, and any feedback from you or anyone else reading is appreciated:

 

   This demonstrates to some degree my skills on designing a character using HB pencil and black ballpoint pen, and modified the tail to give this piece emphasis on power. However I could also do backgrounds and environment just as well with more time and energy spent, I just opted out the background to emphasis the modified Xenomorph's form. This is where I want to specialize a bit, and make some money somehow online. I also have some anime, manga and western comic style drawings as well.

[impulse9]

Work on your anatomy. Legs and toes, and hands and fingers look unnatural. Tail looks a bit odd, tails never get more thick with length unless in perspective. Head doesn't look right either. Shading on body could use more contrast. I like the bump-shading on the tail, that's the best part imo. Hope I'm not being overly critical.  Just wanted to offer actual advice on how to improve. You'll get there.

[Nahm]

@Danioover9000

I’m not saying it’s ‘wrong’, but we have very different ideas of what a dreamboard is. There’s no visions, goals, planning, no pictures, no images (ideally). Keep it as simple as possible: write what you want with a marker, reality becomes it. Don’t jump to step two, just do step one. 

[Guest EmptyVase]

41 minutes ago, Nahm said:

There’s no visions, goals, planning, no pictures, no images (ideally).

Didn't you say in your The Path, Living and Dreamboard Thread that pictures etc. are helpful? ?

[Esilda]

4 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

@Esilda

   I just recently shared a piece of art that fan art in the share your art thread. I'll post the image below, and any feedback from you or anyone else reading is appreciated:

 

   This demonstrates to some degree my skills on designing a character using HB pencil and black ballpoint pen, and modified the tail to give this piece emphasis on power. However I could also do backgrounds and environment just as well with more time and energy spent, I just opted out the background to emphasis the modified Xenomorph's form. This is where I want to specialize a bit, and make some money somehow online. I also have some anime, manga and western comic style drawings as well.

Wow you certainly have some talent, keep sharing progress overtime! 

[Nahm]

@EmptyVase

idk.  

[Danioover9000]

@Esilda

On 09/08/2021 at 0:19 AM, Esilda said:

Wow you certainly have some talent, keep sharing progress overtime! 

   Thanks! I do plan on sharing some of my progress here. It seems like HD pencil don't show up well when I take a pic, so it's gonna be either pen outline around a HD pencil drawing, or a 4B pencil, or a black colouring pencil.

[Danioover9000]

@impulse9

On 08/08/2021 at 8:39 PM, impulse9 said:

Work on your anatomy. Legs and toes, and hands and fingers look unnatural. Tail looks a bit odd, tails never get more thick with length unless in perspective. Head doesn't look right either. Shading on body could use more contrast. I like the bump-shading on the tail, that's the best part imo. Hope I'm not being overly critical.  Just wanted to offer actual advice on how to improve. You'll get there.

   Thanks for the critic! It does look odd due to me not including a background, but at the time I was seeing how it looks when I use both pen and pencil using semi realistic style instead of a realistic xenomoph.

   The drawing was mostly from memory and imagination of a xenomoph, and yes the tail is the best part as I really slowed down to get the spinal pattern right. Seeing it again I could've made the spine along the torse a similar size but smaller than the tail, and overlap the last 1/6 of the tail over it's shoulder. How it looked in my head when I viewed it from above (camera 2 top view) was the tail was leaning left of the body and doing a slim s curve to me (camera 1 side view) and it was attacking something downwards with it's tail and right arm, while it's left was holding part of it down (front view camera) I opted to do that instead of have it use both arms to pin, as that doesn't look too dynamic for me.

[Esilda]

10 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

@Esilda

   Thanks! I do plan on sharing some of my progress here. It seems like HD pencil don't show up well when I take a pic, so it's gonna be either pen outline around a HD pencil drawing, or a 4B pencil, or a black colouring pencil.

Can't wait!  Good luck! 

[BobbyK]

On 8/8/2021 at 8:04 PM, Danioover9000 said:

@Esilda

   I just recently shared a piece of art that fan art in the share your art thread. I'll post the image below, and any feedback from you or anyone else reading is appreciated:

 

   This demonstrates to some degree my skills on designing a character using HB pencil and black ballpoint pen, and modified the tail to give this piece emphasis on power. However I could also do backgrounds and environment just as well with more time and energy spent, I just opted out the background to emphasis the modified Xenomorph's form. This is where I want to specialize a bit, and make some money somehow online. I also have some anime, manga and western comic style drawings as well.

Hi, I am new to this forum - just joined today. I think it is important to know the goal and understand what it will take to get there - you mentioned 10 years so you seem to have a good understanding. In terms of creating art-work that is good enough to earn an income of, perhaps drawing characters, or environments etc - check out https://fzdschool.com/

That is a school which trains up people to do what you might desire to do, and those will be the competition. Would be a good standard to strive towards. For example - you might start with mastering perspective, then anatomy, if you are willing to do it full-time, you could spend 12 hours per day for one year, I believe the students work close to 18 and sleep like 3 hours per night, but they are in a different environment and have squeezed the learning curve into a year. Or you could stretch this out to 5 years and work less hours. But if you reach that standard, you could make money online as well as getting hired to work within the games / film industry