>Notes with ">" are me commenting after the fact >Also I cut out things that were just so useless that didn't add anything,   Mushroom Trip Report 004   Trip Hype Music lol https://youtu.be/80qd6UJn4QI   I've got a lot of fear with this one, but fear points North. Fear is just a part of myself that I have not loved and accepted yet. As all is one. See my bone writing page of December 20th, 2020. Put it here.    Bone Writing: Feel the fear and do it anyway.  When you're nervous for a shroom trip, that's just an indicator that your mind knows a part of it is going to die. So as a result, it introduces fear and anxiety as a self-preserving defense mechanism. Fear and anxiety is a good sign that growth is ahead. So feel the fear and do it anyway. I got to read that book. It might even help me with fear. But what will really help me transcend fear is by contemplating about it and tripping about it's nature. I need to watch Leo's videos on fear.    With experience, fear is overcome.  I think having more positive shroom trips at the high dosages will be beneficial. Well in Truth, they're all positive. Really positive. Well at least after I face the Dragon/ the peak. Honestly, it's like how it is with those water slides. The hardest part is getting on the slide. Likewise, the hardest part is getting on the trip, and getting past the come-up.    With experience, my fear will dissipate. I trust my subconscious that anything I experience is for my best interest. I would never truly hurt myself. Therefore, I am safe. Starfish and enjoy my friend.    (Scared of Mirrors)  Whatever I fear, it will be overcome with more experience. Through great healing comes rapture. Fear is the gate, and a manifestation of your inner calling. Fear is what points North. You know a mirror can't hurt you, what you fear is a part of yourself that you haven't loved and accepted yet. Because it is all you. It's all one. It's all God! It's all infinite love! I give up my love to the world. And my love comes back. Whatever happens for me is for my spiritual growth.      December 20th 2020 2 grams of golden teachers.  Grinded the mushrooms as much as I could. Came out to many very small pieces. Soaked in lemon juice, made tea with with it, strained it with a French press.  Consumed the tea on an empty stomach.    Intention: Release Trauma from Bullying Taken at 4:18pm   Immediately feel brain effects.    20 minutes in, feeling a slight shift in consciousness. 24 min Colours more Vivid Feeling different. Things subtly moving here and there. 25 minutes, yawning. Feeling activation in my brain.  It's definitely kicking in now.  29 min Sleepy, yawning.  What if shit moving is the default state of reality?  >What if there is no default state?  What if shit moving is the default state of reality?  >What if there is no default state?  36 min Yeah I'm in for a good activation.  Something is coming out of me I know I know I know 38 min Yep the come up is now.  My hands are shaking, maybe from Fear. The creature is coming out. That was only the first small peak, I'm in for the greatest ride of my life, so far. Be present to get out of your head and into your life.  45min  We in it.  >Hahaha Maybe there isn't that much trauma there, because I've already grown. Maybe I'm not focussing on it enough. >Wasn't focusing on it enough.  So much yawning.  Ok Music time. (I don't even put on the music)  49min My hand is looking like an ape.  54min (Starting to do trauma Work)  Crying and laughing. We in it.  > So at this point I was going to town releasing trauma, laughing and crying, laughing and crying. 1h17min Shit moves. My head is Alien. Mom I don't want to look at your eyes fuck you.  >My mom was being the therapist there, helping me release my trauma. Her eyes looked freaky on shrooms. 1h 41min Yeah shit is super trippy. It's like it's moving in slow motion like you're watching the matrix and it's like cutting frame by frame. Reality is like a fucking dream.  (reality is really feeling like a dream at this point. Like the parts of the brain that are connected makes it feel like you're in the dream world. )  You know right now it feels like you're at the top of a roller coaster and you don't get that release of going down. You're just stuck at the top of the drop with that anxiety. But I think this is what it means to feel Fully Alive, to have your being be completely present. Okay sober me, listen. You not looking at yourself here on shrooms, is like refusing to look at your toes. You have to fully accept and embrace and love the black holes of eyes and your mother. As a consciousness being, you're always alone anyways. It was only you.  1h 54 min Reality is a complete fucking dream. I've also already released a lot of emotion.  I can see how if you are tripping so hard, reality is gone. Why does God want to experience anxiety? So he can feel Fully Alive. But God is alive, is God is nothingness (beliefs). Just expressing himself. Well he's here. Reality is existing right now. Why doesn't it not? God could totally just make it that nothing exists. But I guess this is what the natural way is. It's just reality. Reality super deep. I know.    2h There's nothing but God completely filling all of your ear holes and eye holes. There's just so much God to experience. It's overwhelming. Wow. Reality do be Vivid and intense. Like I'm in it. I really in it. You're going to love an ego death. In time you will come to face all of your fears and love all of reality. Even the intense parts. The intense Parts have to be lived as well. Reality is completely a dream right now. Like I'm sleeping. The Greatest Adventure in your life is in your consciousness. Life is just Consciousness expressing itself to you. You're just dancing with yourself that in a very infinite way. Facing your fears is what makes you feel so alive. Every receptor my body is fully alive. Fear is what makes you fully alive.  >If you want to feel fully alive, run towards what you fear. It feels like a dream, I feel though at the same time a strange amount of safeness, I feel so safe. Nothing can harm me, it's just all experience. Yeah you're going to fear your next trip, but that's okay. That is okay like I am, right now. It is all in your life plan to feel fear before you go on a trip. Just like how you become calm in the regular world. You will become calm in the shroom world. You'll get used to it. And you'll find it your new home. It's just another part of reality. (Talking about differences in Consciousness from person to person)  The way I see reality is completely different in the way you see reality. We're like on different planets. We're experiencing our own planet.  > realizing that people are fundamentally unable to be understood. Because all we know is from our projections.    3h Peak is probably gone because eyes are not appearing in my mind's eye and bleeding into reality anymore.  >Hallucinations less intense. Life is just you experiencing yourself. The Greatest Adventure in life is the one in your mind. https://youtu.be/Lv-SvmaPCKI You keep running, but you're just running away from yourself.  Shadow work is so easy while I'm shrooms. Even when you're crying, you still feel like your hugged.  I'm finally getting the hug that I deserve. Reality is just a constant merging with "out there" and "in here". Out there in reality & in here in your mind. Out there looks freaky, but then you realize that freaky is you. Right now I'm looking at my hand. The back of my hand. >It's looking pretty freaky.  Just learn to sit there and enjoy the moment, because the moment is so invigorating. Trust that you will feel FUCKING AMAZING after the trip.  >Start looking forward to the positives from the trip!  It's an amazing adventure! Going to a bob marley concert on shrooms would be amazing. Like going in real life, with people all around you. https://youtu.be/1A95dcLxAuA (Shrooms are) Redemption from your mind.  It is true. Let love guide you, not fear. (me reflecting on the courage I had to go on this trip.) This art is stellar.  I think there's a face in it behind the 2d drawings. But its hard to make out.  Reality is a gift. Every state of consciousness is a gift that you're given. Even the really shitty boring states of consciousness. If you're in your fear long enough you just become comfortable with it. You just need more exposure time, giving you that exposure time allows for a merge to happen. I'm really convinced that the way I experience reality is completely fucking different than how you experience reality. I'm talking to you (anyone).  Fear is just a Deeper love. (Hidden behind a Gate)  Let love guide you, not fear. This is a law to myself.  Reality is only boring because you've been in it for so long. Your present State of Consciousness has become so normalized is that you got bored of it, if you experience different states of Consciousness, then your normal state of consciousness will feel great. This is amazing https://youtu.be/hC8CH0Z3L54 Fear is what makes you alive. You need fear for it is a part of you. Merge with it.  The way you get through trauma is by intentionally merging with it more and more. My most deepest need is to experience all of reality.  I'm always trying to figure things out.  Your words colour reality. (Saw this on a deeper level) Pause life and be patient. We all REALLY just need to love eachother. Reality works best when we love.  Take the ego out and love.  Lift everybody up in your mind to the highest. Make everyone a legend. Even if "they're not" a legend in your mind. They are.  Everybody is a fucking legend. Through that, I become a legend aswell. If someone doesn't accept your love, then that's just them. They're not ready to accept your love yet. They have to face their own fears. Imagine living a life with ZERO fear, because you've merged completely with it. To do trauma work on shrooms, you just have to repeatedly get the client to merge with what they're traumatized about. Like massaging out a knot in your muscles. Doing trauma work is like massaging out a knot in your muscles. You have to apply pressure on it and kneed it for awhile. You love your friends so much that you withhold saying "I love you" because you love them so much, you're protecting their ego. You withhold saying "I love you" because they're not ready to hear it.  Reality is right when you merge with fear. Merging with fear is what gives life its adventure.  You are a creature looking for one love source to another love source, when you can just be the love source, and then you will always feel loved. Shrooms are really good for loosening up those dumb little clamps on reality that your mind likes to put on it via belief systems and paradigms.  Beliefs about how reality SHOULD be!  It breaks all that LOOSE. The reason why shroom trips are so crazy is because you've suppressed the mystery of reality for so long. Do enough shrooms and you'll have no fear. You would have merged with it all.  Trust that everybody is living their best survival strategy given their life experience / their soul / their vessel. Shrooms teach us how to love. Imagine being excited for your next shroom trip instead of crying scared. (Which was this morning)  Fear is just hidden love. 5h 20 min 5 hours in, my ego is clamping down with the feeling of shame. ("How dare you love all these people!")  Which is why the ego can go fuck itself. Definitely sobering up a bit. On shrooms you revert back to the playful creature that you are. I have to make the end of my trips really positive so I have a positive merge with normal reality. This is something I definetly fucked up on, you are still extremely sensitive from a comedown on a trip, so if you are hit with negativity, you really feel it 7h Very much sobered up, but still very sensitive and stimulated.  I have to make sure that I am kept in a positive environment until I'm completely sober, cuz I remember that leaving a bad taste in my mouth in my last trip. I was still super sensitive and I received negative input from other people that was around me, and that sucked ass.  The eye is a very good metaphor for consciousness. If you look closely enough, it's just Hollow, empty. Consciousness is emptiness.  Overcoming fear is the master key to life.  Merging with it.  When you merge with fear, you get what you want, which is you!       Post Trip Report The trip has taught me to love more from a non egoic place.  I've released tons of trauma relating to bullies that I've experienced in my life. I realized that they were just using me as a mood changer because they felt inadequate.  I also faced a lot of my fears of the visuals that come up on shrooms. Especially my fear of looking at myself in a mirror while having distorted vision. I think I've released a lot of my fear about going on psychedelics because I've had a lot of insight into the nature of fear itself. I can only see that fear continues to be reduced through more and more experience. Which is GOOD!  Another thing I've realized through several days after the trip is I cleared out a lot of energy blockages and I somehow have summoned a lot more energy in me. I also have a huge increased ability for emotional authenticity. I just allow emotions to flow through me more authentically and easily.