I met a girl and I realize I'm still needy

[Gabith]

Hi friends thank you for your time, even if we have eternity after all haha

 

Today I met a girl near a park, she was beautiful to me, she looked sensitive and we had some things in common and especially easy to talk to each other about our lives.

We talked for almost 2 hours and she proposed me to do a part of the walk with me on the way back. She showed me that she liked me by telling me "I like talking with you" or at the time of the goodbye "we could meet again at the park or do something" but in a way where I felt that she really wanted it.
As if she was really attracted to me, we talked about deep subjects and I think she was not used to have such open discussions, she made me understand it.

Anyway I sent her a text message to tell her that I was happy to have met her. For the moment it's been 2 hours since I got any answer.
It's hard to believe that she would have changed her mind in the meantime because she seemed really attracted to me.

 

It is now that I realize that I have made progress on my self-confidence and my authenticity because I did not try totally to please her, I was vulnerable and rather comfortable speaking to her. I am proud of myself and I see that the affirmations, visualizations and having read "Attract woman through honesty" are having an impact on me.
I have always been very needy and insecure with women.

 

Where I notice a problem is that I feel a little bad because I can't apply Leo's advice even though I know he is 100% right. He told me that:

"If you are wise you will not get invested in any one girl until you sleep with her. In which case you just talk to other girls and don't even think much about the phone numbers you get.
The rule this: don't invest in her at all until she's interested in sleeping with you. It's crucial that you stop daydreaming and fantasizing about the girls you approach, and even if you get her number. Just don't think about her. Only think about her enough to set up a date. But no more! Don't start imagining that this date will lead to anything. "

 

I needed to write here because you are so helpful and caring.
Right now I'm feeling a little disappointed and sad and especially I realize that I'm still very needy despite being happy in my life and enjoying time alone.
I remind myself "what will happen must happen" or "if she doesn't answer me anymore it's because we weren't made to be together" or "the universe has something better for me".

It's not enough, I stay here feeling negative emotions and a desire that we can meet again and that a relationship will be created. Yet I know that I only have an idea of her, I only spoke 2 hours with her, I just had a good feeling and I'm attracted to her.

It's odd, I really thought that I would have had an easy time getting over her and applying Leo's advice but I realize that I didn't.
I'm so concerned, I want her to respond to me, to meet her again... Why am I like that ? What can I do ?

It's more powerful than me, I have so much work to do.. I guess it will be more inner work than "outer" because building confidence, authenticity and vulnerability seems a little more easy to me and it doesn't make me feel so bad, when I make a mistake, I tell myself that it is the process and that I'll get better and better with time!

 

[flowboy]

3 hours ago, Gabith said:

It's more powerful than me, I have so much work to do.. I guess it will be more inner work than "outer" because building confidence, authenticity and vulnerability seems a little more easy to me and it doesn't make me feel so bad, when I make a mistake, I tell myself that it is the process and that I'll get better and better with time!

Bro don't worry about it.

This is a classic case of applying a teaching at the wrong time.

You are supposed to be romantic dreaming until you learn not to.

Why are you whining that you aren't wise and perfect like Leo yet?

How does wisdom come?

Failure.

If you want to be wise, then you have to put in all the experiences that make a person wise.

Don't expect to read some oneliner and be instantly changed.

Go have some needy fun with that girl bro, she might be into it. You don't know. You're overthinking it.

Oh and one more thing. Tell her what you want. You said you are thankful to have met her. That's weird, she expects you to propose a date, obviously. What you said actually reads like blowing her off. It reads like a "No thank you."

So fix it fast! Time and place. Chop chop.

 

[RickyFitts]

4 hours ago, Gabith said:

Where I notice a problem is that I feel a little bad because I can't apply Leo's advice even though I know he is 100% right. He told me that:

"If you are wise you will not get invested in any one girl until you sleep with her. In which case you just talk to other girls and don't even think much about the phone numbers you get.
The rule this: don't invest in her at all until she's interested in sleeping with you. It's crucial that you stop daydreaming and fantasizing about the girls you approach, and even if you get her number. Just don't think about her. Only think about her enough to set up a date. But no more! Don't start imagining that this date will lead to anything. "

You say he's 100% right, but his advice just sounds calculating, cynical, and self-serving to me, and it makes women sound interchangeable and disposable.

Don't ever forget, Gabith, that women can hurt just the same as you. I learnt this the hard way, and it almost broke me.

[Leo Gura]

Perfect like Leo?

OMG, cringe.

[Peter Miklis]

12 hours ago, Gabith said:

I can't apply Leo's advice even though I know he is 100% right.

@Leo Gura Apparently you're not perfect, you're just 100% right?

[Gabith]

8 hours ago, flowboy said:

Bro don't worry about it.

This is a classic case of applying a teaching at the wrong time.

You are supposed to be romantic dreaming until you learn not to.

Why are you whining that you aren't wise and perfect like Leo yet?

How does wisdom come?

Failure.

If you want to be wise, then you have to put in all the experiences that make a person wise.

Don't expect to read some oneliner and be instantly changed.

Go have some needy fun with that girl bro, she might be into it. You don't know. You're overthinking it.

Oh and one more thing. Tell her what you want. You said you are thankful to have met her. That's weird, she expects you to propose a date, obviously. What you said actually reads like blowing her off. It reads like a "No thank you."

So fix it fast! Time and place. Chop chop.

 

Hey  thank you . Now I feel good, I did a bit of introspection yesterday before going to sleep, now I've realized that it is no big deal at all.

That it will still happen to me often. That it's just an indicator to me that I have (a lot) ofwork to become non-needy.
That I get attached too quickly because of this. A random girl that I've talked to for 2 hours and a few things in common... It's nothing at all I don't have to get so attached!
 

At least I'm proud of myself because I was quite confortable with myself, I was expressive, I smiled without feeling ankward, I was more authentic than before and felt good almost during the whole interaction.

And no I never said Leo was perfect, far from it, he is smart and I like his content a lot but I don't compare myself to him or want to be him, I love being me.
It's just that I resonate with what he told me about "not getting involved with a girl until you've slept with her".
And like a fool, I thought I was going to be fine after reading and writing his advice in my wallet and that would be easy but the reality showed me that I didn't know how to do it because I didn't integrate it in me and I'm still needy.

[flowboy]

@Gabith

4 minutes ago, Gabith said:

It's just that I resonate with what he told me about "not getting involved with a girl until you've slept with her".
And like a fool, I thought I was going to be fine after reading and writing his advice in my wallet and that would be easy but the reality showed me that I didn't know how to do it because I didn't integrate it in me and I'm still needy.

So that's great as an intention, or a long-term vision of how you'd like to be. It's not a requirement to enjoy life right now. You can be totally imperfect and even a little needy, and she'll still date you and have sex with you sometimes.

You're too concerned with trying to be something. Trying to be different.

Why?

Growth is great. But right now, you're good enough to date girls.

So stop navel-gazing and text her a time and place.

Good luck!

[Peter Miklis]

@Gabith Hey, it's OK, the more girls you'll talk to, and the more you'll experience girls liking you, the less of a deal this is gonna be. At some point, you'll stop caring and neediness will be a thing of a past. Just don't try to rush the process.

[Gabith]

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

 

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

 

 

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

@Gabith

So that's great as an intention, or a long-term vision of how you'd like to be. It's not a requirement to enjoy life right now. You can be totally imperfect and even a little needy, and she'll still date you and have sex with you sometimes.

You're too concerned with trying to be something. Trying to be different.

Why?

Growth is great. But right now, you're good enough to date girls.

So stop navel-gazing and text her a time and place.

Good luck!

Yes I know I can attract girls even if I'm needy, when I had my first girlfriend, I was so timid, inscure, needy, skinny, and I didn't know any shit about spirituality. And I had one of the most beautiful girl in my life for two years. I didn't know it was possible because I didn't believe in me but I still ended in a relationship with her and she was in love.

I had a couple of girlfriends after that but only toxic relationship because I ended up with girls that didn't had much in common with me (due to my neediness).
So yes I'm very aware that I can attract some girls even if I'm needy but she didn't answered so I guess she changed her mind. And it's okay. I think she felt somehow afterwards that I was a little bit needy or that something was "wrong", girls are very sensitive for this, it's like they have a 6th sense and it's funny because she talked with me about her sensitivity.

I will work to be less needy because I want to be authentic. I don't "try" to be different because I know that I'm already very different and the more I'm authentic, the more I express myself
 

[Gabith]

Thank you for all your responses it helped me

[flowboy]

You're welcome.

Good stuff!

[RickyFitts]

Try to have compassion for yourself, mate, don't judge yourself for feeling needy. Feel into it when you notice it arising in you, don't stuff it down because that'll just bury the issue, it won't resolve it.

Edited July 23, 2021 by RickyFitts

[StarStruck]

Let her hurt you. The more hurt, the more growth. Girls are great teachers towards guys with the nice guy syndrome.

[Gabith]

3 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Let her hurt you. The more hurt, the more growth. Girls are great teachers towards guys with the nice guy syndrome.

It's not about her, she didn't hurt me. I was hurting myself (yesterday) after a little bit of introspection, I felt better and today I feel GREAT, I will do my best to stop creating negative emotions when I'm ghosted or rejected and I will improve myself to attract a good girlfriend in my life.

I understans totally womens, she didn't feel it afterwards and it's totally okay, she don't owe me anything ! I will not force myself if a girl doesn't feels right for me or if I sense something "wrong" even if our interaction was great and she seemed into me, it doesn't means anything, she can change her minds, girls don't think like we do.

[flowboy]

@Gabith  What did you end up texting her?

[Gabith]

1 minute ago, flowboy said:

@Gabith  What did you end up texting her?

She didn't answered at all, my first message  was "Hey [her name] it was great to meet you"

An hour ago I sent her this:

"It's not Gabi the great anymore (reference to the Great Gatsby, my name is Gabi), it's Casper the ghost XD.
More seriously, I put myself in your shoes and I think that at the time you wanted to meet again because you seemed sincere and in the meantime, you had to change your mind for x reasons.
I just wanted to wish you the best and that you are happy because we all deserve it!"

It will be my last message, I move on

[flowboy]

20 minutes ago, Gabith said:

She didn't answered at all, my first message  was "Hey [her name] it was great to meet you"

An hour ago I sent her this:

"It's not Gabi the great anymore (reference to the Great Gatsby, my name is Gabi), it's Casper the ghost XD.
More seriously, I put myself in your shoes and I think that at the time you wanted to meet again because you seemed sincere and in the meantime, you had to change your mind for x reasons.
I just wanted to wish you the best and that you are happy because we all deserve it!"

It will be my last message, I move on

Yeah you screwed up.

Why didn't you listen when I said: "time and place"?

Should have texted: "Let's have coffee. Meet me tomorrow 13:00 at the park entrance."

After the first text, you could still have done this. That's why I said it. She would have responded.

She was still expecting you to take initiative.

Instead you vomited neuroticism at her.

Your message is about 200 words too long and conveys insecurity and neuroticism. You are just rejecting yourself at this point. No person in their right mind would answer this.

She was waiting on you to ask her out. Instead, you weirded her out. And then rejected yourself!

Notice how you just rejected yourself here. For what? Just because she didn't respond to your "it was nice to meet you" bullshit? That's not something that warrants a response!

You went into auto-rejection for no reason.

 

Try it this way next time and see the difference!

(actually: text her a time and place anyway as a practice, and see what happens. What do you have to lose now?)

Edited July 23, 2021 by flowboy

[Gabith]

I've read in "attract women through honesty" that after an interaction with a girl, it's a good idea to just send a short message like "It was a pleasure to meet you" and let her answer. If she doesn't answer she's not interested anymore and if she answer she will tell something like "yeah me too" and then we can invite her out. Mark Manson who did his book know this shit !

The girl that I met yesterday was into me because when we said goodbye she wanted to see me again, she told me "if you want I can go with you in the park another time" or "let's do something" the way she said that showed me that she really wanted to see me again.
But she changed her mind afterwards I don't know why but she must have her good reasons ^^

 

I don't think I fucked up anything and the last message I sent her is a good way to say "goodbye" I like to wish her the best instead to ignore her like she's doing for me, I really want her to be happy, I'm authentic to myself.

I'm happy that I send her this positive message and now I don't think about her anymore.

I know you try to help me and some of your messages helps me but I think you're making assumptions too quickly sometimes

[flowboy]

She was just waiting for you to take initiative. You assumed too soon that you were rejected.

And why?

Don't people sometimes take a couple days to answer a text?

You shot yourself in the foot with that second message.

 

It's fine to send an "hey it's me great to meet you" or whatever. Some people will respond right away, some other people have a life.

If it takes too long, you can follow it up anyway with a time and place.

Texting is for organising meetups, not for making conversation.

Edited July 23, 2021 by flowboy

[Gabith]

10 minutes ago, flowboy said:

She was just waiting for you to take initiative. You assumed too soon that you were rejected.

And why?

Don't people sometimes take a couple days to answer a text?

You shot yourself in the foot with that second message.

 

It's fine to send an "hey it's me great to meet you" or whatever. Some people will respond right away, some other people have a life.

If it takes too long, you can follow it up anyway with a time and place.

Texting is for organising meetups, not for making conversation.

I didn't hope that she would answer me after the last message, I just wanted to say that to her because I knew she would not respond, why would she wait 2-3 days before answering ? It make no sense.

And yes maybe I'm wrong, she would have answered after more than 2 - 3 days but I would think "she's doing it on purpose" and I don't like that, I don't want a manipulative woman

Well in our actual society, texting is mainly for conversation...