I did something evil

[Parththakkar12]

@Preety_India When it comes to hyper-critical women like you, his loss. You are his problem now, not mine!

And don't generalize all women to be like you! You are not the only woman out there.

Don't you dare think that only you can indulge in shaming. Do not mess with us!! Is that understood?

Edited July 25, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Preety_India]

@Parththakkar12 I'm not hyper critical at all. Look at all the women who criticized the guy's behaviour. And not just women, even men..so I'm not alone.

If a guy thinks I'm hyper critical, good for me, he is automatically not good for me.

 

[Parththakkar12]

@StarStruck Man, you're regretting saying one wrong thing to her. Do you see the shitshow out here?! And the people who will whine about the one wrong thing you did.

[Preety_India]

@Parththakkar12 don't make this personal please. What he did is obviously not supported. Don't single me out. And I have explained him in the kindest way possible. Don't try to stir the pot.

 

 

[Gabith]

19 hours ago, flowboy said:

Haha, my ego loves that you have the perception that I maintain this state. But I'm not going to sit here and pretend that's the case

I'm just feeling very good and loved these days, so that enables me to access this perspective.
 

Attaining

Every single experience in our lives has contributed to who we are today. But let's pick one thing that I can give you, that may help.

One mental habit I have, that I could say has helped tremendously to attain a healthy and more loving perspective, is this:

I look for sameness, instead of difference.

Everytime something about a person bothers me, someone does something that I think is wrong, evil, mean, or negative in some way:

I ask: where am I doing that?

• Or: Where have I done that?
• Where have I felt the desire to do that?
• What could push me to do that?

And I always find something.

Nothing is too crazy that I can't find it somewhere in myself.

Extreme example: consider how evil a murderer is. When I would be really angry, sometimes I would get murderous thoughts. Now I had good parents who loved me and taught me good values. So I know I should not act out in anger like that. Had I had parents who left me alone, or beat me, did not teach me any values, did not love me at all, and/or abused me enough, I have no doubt that I would act on those thoughts.

This way, I dissolve the false distinction that my mind creates when I judge someone.

The ego wants to say: I'm good, he's bad. She's mean. I would never do that. This is how I'm better.

Nonsense. We are all capable of all sorts of evil. And that's okay.

Perhaps I have some knowledge and experience that saves me from doing so much evil as some others. But I have no illusion that if I didn't have that experience or knowledge, I wouldn't do the exact same.

And that is fine. We are all in the same boat.

It's the art of finding a unifying perspective, instead of a dividing one.

This technique of constantly drawing connecting lines between something in another person, and something in me, I found really powerful.

You could say it's a form of shadow work. But as a life habit. I don't have to take my time to sit down for it. It's just something I automatically do whenever a person really bothers me in some way.

Thank you for bringing my attention to this. I was not quite aware that I did this, or that others don't do this.

Perhaps I should write it down somewhere.

If you want some practice, use Leo's Forgiveness video, it's really good.

And where are you doing that

Maintaining

Raising your vibration is the key to maintaining anything healthy, I would say. Telling myself "I love you" in the mirror is a daily habit I'm experimenting with now. Got that from Matt Kahn. But being in a loving relationship is the major stabilizing factor for me I'd say. And still, I'm not maintaining a high vibrational state every day, nor do I think that's natural. Matt Kahn's video on "raising your vibration" is good stuff.

 

The last video was a mind-opening for me I take notes and I'll do my best everyday

[Preety_India]

13 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

Don't you dare think that only you can indulge in shaming. Do not mess with us!! Is that understood?

Is this a threat ?

 

[Parththakkar12]

@Preety_India Wait, so the shaming and moralizing isn't personal? Is that directed to men in general?

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Is this a threat ?

 

It's not a physical threat. It's more like 'If you shame us, be prepared to be shamed in return'.

Edited July 25, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Preety_India]

@Parththakkar12  there was no shaming.. criticising behaviour which is hurtful is not the same as shaming. Learn the difference.

[Parththakkar12]

4 minutes ago, mememe said:

@Parththakkar12 you seem like a superficial person. no offense.

but even your recommendations are about getting to be a more superficial person instead of becoming someone authentic.

why? it seems not really deeply selfreflective at least not to the core.

more like a shell of protection which hides away what you don’t want to open. in some sense @StarStruck while hitting rock bottom seams at least has opened a chance to heal what is distorted by hitting rock bottom. even though in a not nessecary way - except maybe for him.

notice that projection is just a word it does not have inherent meaning. notice where the word projection arises.

Of course!! I'm the only superficial one. Here's everyone, judging the book by the cover when it comes to men, telling men how to behave and how to not behave like a fucking mother would. But I'm the superficial one!

What this shows me about people who are willing to do this is that they are not really interested in the person they're talking to, they're interested in the person playing a character in their view of what's going on, kinda like a play. And, the moralization and reward-and-punishment is in order to make this happen.

[Parththakkar12]

Just now, mememe said:

you could use your time better probably. being superficial talking to superficial characters in your own mindgame. you just go for the kicks of your own hormones - it’s your own projection which makes you superficial.

i‘m just observing.

There's very real social patterns and social consequences at stake here. What we're doing here is we're changing trends. We're questioning old ways of doing things and doing away with those.

I am making it okay to talk about stuff that others dare not utter a word about. By being the first one to do it. I really do see myself as a pioneer here!

[StarStruck]

If I learned one thing from this thread. Spread love as long as you can spread love and be ruthless as ruthless as you can and want to be. 

As a man you need the feminine; the ability to love. AND the masculine part which is being ruthless. 

If you can't show the potential to be ruthless (she will be able to feel this so you don't need to demonstate it) she will be ruthless to you. She won't be sexually attracted and treat you like a bug. 

[Preety_India]

14 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

It's not a physical threat. It's more like 'If you shame us, be prepared to be shamed in return'.

 

It is still not appropriate. Because it's revenge language. It's similar to saying -" if you reject me, you'll regret it."

If you project my suggestion as shaming, that's your error in judgement for which I'm absolutely not responsible and what you do in return is unwarranted.

Plus i don't support shaming. But by declaring that you'll shame me openly, you're the one who is actually shaming.

Can you see how your projections of me are actually pointing back at you?

You're losing ground here because what you're doing is simply based on assumptions. As I have already stated that I'm not moralizing. Telling someone that their behaviour is not attractive is simply guiding, not moralizing.

And even if you thought it was moralizing, it is still a Perspective. A moral one. Learn to be tolerant of others perspectives. Don't impose yours on others so vehemently.

If you had a different perspective I wouldn't be vehemently debating and going after you, I would simply leave you to it. That's called tolerance.

However you're so hellbent on proving yourself right here. This is not a question of right or wrong. While talking to OP I did not even mention all men..I was only addressing the OP. However you're constantly dragging it and making it out to be about all men. This is pure projection and strawmanning. You're saying things that simply did not happen and using that as a subject to argue with me.the premise of your argument doesn't exist. In that case it's strawmanning

 

 

[flowboy]

@Parththakkar12 @Preety_India

1. Is this the way you hoped you would spend your time and energy today?
2. Do you actually believe you will argue the other into submission?
3. When you look at yourself, does it usually do you any good to be argued into submission in this way? Assuming you would ever let that happen. Does it make you want to introspect and learn?

[Preety_India]

@flowboy look I'm not interested in arguing. If the other person let me go, I'll let go and stop it. 

[flowboy]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

@flowboy look I'm not interested in arguing. If the other person let me go, I'll let go and stop it. 

So when does it stop, if both of you have that attitude?

[Parththakkar12]

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

It is still not appropriate. Because it's revenge language. It's similar to saying -" if you reject me, you'll regret it."

Only you have the moral authority to decide what's appropriate and what's not, right?!

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

If you project my suggestion as shaming, that's your error in judgement for which I'm absolutely not responsible and what you do in return is unwarranted.

You don't get to set all the rules.

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Can you see how your projections of me are actually pointing back at you?

Dream away.

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

You're losing ground here because what you're doing is simply based on assumptions. As I have already stated that I'm not moralizing. Telling someone that their behaviour is not attractive is simply guiding, not moralizing.

You're constructing your own bubble-reality and deciding that it's 'assumptions' when it's reality. You're just not conscious of it!

6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

And even if you thought it was moralizing, it is still a Perspective. A moral one. Learn to be tolerant of others perspectives. Don't impose yours on others so vehemently.

Only you have the license to impose yours, right?!

7 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

If you had a different perspective I wouldn't be vehemently debating and going after you, I would simply leave you to it. That's called tolerance.

You do it. All the time.

7 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

However you're so hellbent on proving yourself right here. This is not a question of right or wrong. While talking to OP I did not even mention all men..I was only addressing the OP. However you're constantly dragging it and making it out to be about all men. This is pure projection and strawmanning. You're saying things that simply did not happen and using that as a subject to argue with me.the premise of your argument doesn't exist. In that case it's strawmanning

Dream away.

4 minutes ago, flowboy said:

@Parththakkar12 @Preety_India

1. Is this the way you hoped you would spend your time and energy today?
2. Do you actually believe you will argue the other into submission?
3. When you look at yourself, does it usually do you any good to be argued into submission in this way? Assuming you would ever let that happen. Does it make you want to introspect and learn?

I'm changing a collective pattern here. That's the work I'm doing. I want people to see what the hell is going on here, I'm blowing the whistle on this pattern.

[Parththakkar12]

5 minutes ago, mememe said:

yes, sounds like you have a model in mind what is old ways of doing things.

then what would be new ways of doing things?

i‘m kind of interested in the pioneering part.

The old ways are the ones in which women moralize to men and try to 'fix men' into being what they want men to be.

My job is to raise the issue and show discontent. Their job is to change the situation and do something different, by seeing that what they're doing isn't working to get the kind of men that they want.

Edited July 25, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[flowboy]

2 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

I'm changing a collective pattern here. That's the work I'm doing. I want people to see what the hell is going on here, I'm blowing the whistle on this pattern.

And how's that working out for you?

[Parththakkar12]

5 minutes ago, flowboy said:

And how's that working out for you?

I'm feeling really empowered, man! I'm finding a way through the bullshit to be heard. For the first time!

Edited July 25, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Preety_India]

Just now, flowboy said:

So when does it stop, if both of you have that attitude?

I just don't wish to be blamed for something I didn't do. I'm being accused of shaming. I'm trying to explain that I didn't shame. That's all I'm doing. It's not okay to say that I should be shamed in return and language like "don't mess with us!" I don't get it. I'm not even allowed to talk to men here? So if I talk to men here, it's automatically shaming.

When I spoke to the OP he responded to me very kindly.i had also told him that if he felt judged,I was apologetic..the OP never mentioned that I was shaming him and he took my advice positively and even agreed with me..

However @Parththakkar12 is changing the whole narrative and making it look like I shamed him. This is just a way of attacking me unnecessarily into long drawn out arguments where I'm simply defending myself against something I never did 

Had the OP informed me that he thought I was shaming him, I would have immediately obliged.

Also @parththalkar is constantly trying to make it seem like some sort of battle that he won. You can look at the meme he posted of a man walking away from an explosion and told me that I was running away from a battlefield.

Such language is insinuating. There is no battle. I'm not interested in any battles.

I'm just patiently explaining him that guiding someone by critiquing their actions is not shaming.

Look at the title of the thread. It's obvious that some criticism will exist.