I did something evil

[StarStruck]

22 hours ago, Emerald said:

On 23-7-2021 at 10:00 AM, StarStruck said:

You’re still trying to justify your behavior to yourself and convince yourself that your actions were understandable. You are even framing it as positive learning experience for you.

All the while you continue to call yourself “nice”. But you’d be wise to realize that you’re not nice at all. You are very much the opposite of nice. You are spiteful  and vindictive.

Your growth process starts by realizing that your identification with goodness and “niceness” is a veneer that you use to hide your selfishness and immaturity from yourself. And to understand also that you’re probably the only person who really thinks of you as a nice person. 

From girls I literally hear "you are such a nice guy" all the time, in the past I was seen as that. I got enough of hearing that. After having read the book no more mister nice guy I decided to be another person. Yes, at this moment I'm not a nice guy... AND I'm proud on that. From now on I'm not going to use niceness as a mask: instead just be authentic.  You can call it spiteful and vindictive but that is your interpretation and looking down on me. If you knew me you would be more sympathetic.

17 hours ago, Jacob Morres said:

@Consilience

Idk tbh I think it could be

I dont agree with taking your anger out onto people, and I would never recommend it

But in the past when I did feel angry at others and I applied love to myself, I have actually been left with the desire to hurt others (I didn't go through with it, because I was conscious enough). I think if he continues to apply self-love he will grow and develop but at the exact stage he is at, that IS the self-love move. With time and more development it will weed itself out. But still I'd encourage and strongly recommend other more conscious ways of coping 

Idk. Also self-love I don't think, is corresponded to being conscious of others inherently. I think self-love (lowercase) might be a "selfish" act. But sometimes it can show up as what is considered as unselfish as well 

Just contemplating self-love 

Open-minded to being delusion lol 

It is not either/or. I'm working on self-love, Self-love and being a human; standing up for myself.

Some people act like they are stoics but if somebody hurts you it is in human nature to hurt that person back. It is only matter of how much the other person has to hurt you before you start lashing back.

Edited July 24, 2021 by StarStruck

[Etherial Cat]

@Parththakkar12

I'm not interested in addressing your points any further.

Sorry. Best wishes of growth, though,

[flowboy]

9 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Some people act like they are stoics but if somebody hurts you it is in human nature to hurt that person back. It is only matter of how much the other person has to hurt you before you start lashing back.

Is it?

Do the people who you look up to, do that?

Do the pickup gurus do that? Or are they above it?

 

[StarStruck]

15 hours ago, sda said:

I am curious. What did she tell you? Did she tell you that you are still a nice guy or did she say that you are not nice anymore?

I could actually hear in her voice that she was attracted to my bad behavior but I told to fuck herself. She hurt me too much.

 

6 hours ago, Parththakkar12 said:

@StarStruck You understand that what you're saying that you did, women do all the time to men, right?! Women are past masters at manipulating male morality to gain moral superiority and to control everything around them. Look at the female shaming you're getting right here! Totally hypocritical.

I'm not really judging them. I'm trying to understand female nature. I look at them like an anthropologist and I don't take their judging and shaming serious as long as they give good advice (from their limited perspective). What I learned is you really have to do the thing that women don't want to give them what they want. That is the harsh truth. That is the definition of a man: relentless.

Quote

It is more than understandable that you did what you did. Mistakes happen, shit goes wrong, things blow up. The important thing for you is to not repeat your side of mistakes again. And, to not delude yourself into believing that you were the only side that made mistakes or that is to blame in this situation. Even the way you framed the thread is self-blaming! Don't do that. It acts as a free bait for manipulative, morally superior women to gaslight you into self-hating yourself even more in the guise of helping you, all the while telling you to 'love yourself more'. Ingenious, right?!

Important point to note - When you dig deeper in the situation to find your side of the mistake, it may totally surprise you at what the actual answer of that question is. It may be totally different from what everyone else is telling you it is! So, keep an open mind to all possibilities on that one.

To the women shaming him here - You're doing to him exactly what he's saying he did to her. You're hitting him where it hurts. You have absolutely no right to be acting 'holier than thou' on this issue. There are very good reasons he felt like he grew from this experience. It was real growth! Today's relationships are a battle for moral superiority because of women and we're just playing the game. We're catching on to your shit. And, don't you dare say that women aren't responsible for what he did. They absolutely are!

Thanks. I'm definitely ont going to self-blame or self-shame myself anymore. I got enough of that bullshit. I just got hurt too much to be my nice old self that women in this thread want me to be.

Women condition me to be the way I'm by rejecting me, not accepting me as I'm. I would never have crossed the Rubicon if my old self was enough.

4 minutes ago, flowboy said:

Is it?

Do the people who you look up to, do that?

Do the pickup gurus do that? Or are they above it?

 

If I knew where you lived I would try you out. Do border illegal stuff to you to pester you and make your life a hell. Let's see how long you can stay a holy person.

Edited July 24, 2021 by StarStruck

[Parththakkar12]

4 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I'm not really judging them. I'm trying to understand female nature. I look at them like an anthropologist and I don't take their judging and shaming serious as long as they give good advice (from their limited perspective). What I learned is you really have to do the thing that women don't want to give them what they want. That is the harsh truth. That is the definition of a man: relentless.

A general word when you take women's advice - Don't listen to the don'ts. Listen to the do's! The don'ts come out of fear, the do's will give you clarity on what they want. (That was an interesting strange-loop)

Edited July 24, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[flowboy]

10 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

If I knew where you lived I would try you out. Do border illegal stuff to you to pester you and make your life a hell. Let's see how long you can stay a holy person.

@StarStruck Stop projecting a moral attitude on me, and actually answer my questions.

 

I feel for you. I've been in a position of being hurt, and I know from that position, any criticism will come across as moralization.

I'm not moralizing to you.

I just want you to see the actual point, that there is a state of feeling so good about yourself, and feeling so loved, by yourself and others around you, that you naturally don't want to lash out anymore. And that is why not everyone feels the need to lash out.

There's no sense in trying to force you to attain that. Or in shaming you. Or telling you that it's bad.

Just knowing that it exists, is enough for now.

Don't listen to these people judging you, that's not helping you or them.

The truth is, when this girl hurt you, and you hurt this girl, you both have the same problem: you don't feel loved and secure enough.

She's experiencing a similar level of lack of love, lack of self-love, or traumatization, else she wouldn't feel the impulse to hurt you.

That's what you have in common with her.

[cookiemonster]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

That is the definition of a man: relentless.

 

No, that's the definition of an animal. The definition of a man is protection.

[Gabith]

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

@StarStruck Stop projecting a moral attitude on me, and actually answer my questions.

 

I feel for you. I've been in a position of being hurt, and I know from that position, any criticism will come across as moralization.

I'm not moralizing to you.

I just want you to see the actual point, that there is a state of feeling so good about yourself, and feeling so loved, by yourself and others around you, that you naturally don't want to lash out anymore. And that is why not everyone feels the need to lash out.

There's no sense in trying to force you to attain that. Or in shaming you. Or telling you that it's bad.

Just knowing that it exists, is enough for now.

Don't listen to these people judging you, that's not helping you or them.

The truth is, when this girl hurt you, and you hurt this girl, you both have the same problem: you don't feel loved and secure enough.

She's experiencing a similar level of lack of love, lack of self-love, or traumatization, else she wouldn't feel the impulse to hurt you.

That's what you have in common with her.

Hey, what did you do to attain and maintain this state ?

I know it's possible because I've never been so happy in my life for the past months and I keep my happiness even toward "negative people" because I can see from "above" and I'm not letting their negativity impact me because I know what they're talking about is not important, they're deluded and they're just complaining about Reality...

I'm also more loving but I know I can go further ! I still have insecurities and a lack of confidence in myself.

So if you can have good advice which worked for you, I'm all open. I do the positive affirmations that you told me to do last week (I'm confident and authentic towards women / I love myself) 

[digitalkaine]

On 7/22/2021 at 0:13 PM, StarStruck said:

You are right but I have trauma. I think my trauma from my past got triggered. I tried to work on it but it was too much. 

Working on my game is difficult. I'm kind of insecure. I do get a lot of phone numbers but flake rate is insane. Like 99% flake. So I was angry about that and on top of that she blocked me on socials while I begged her to give me an explanation what is happening. She was ruthless so I was ruthless. It is not hard to understand. 

you're not evil just conceptually deficient, You convinced yourself that you are not whole already and that by somehow being with this girl will give you some sort of validation. Understand the nature of your trauma that means going back in your mind and finding out what makes you project they way you do and understand without bias, accept what youve done up till this point and forgive yourself. Do the same with the girl dont project your insecurities onto her understand that she is human and that either way she cant give you anything that you dont already have. Acceptance and forgiveness is key. Be radical about it if you want things to change if you dont then dont beat yourself and start applying shit when you're ready.

What you did is not evil you just project toxic behavior onto your environment. When I start feeling anxious or depressed I tell myelf "Present moment" then I try to consciously feel everything within my perception meaning i become one with everything around me. If im in a room I become the room and everything in it, and bring myself to what is actually real and that is the present moment.

Dont hate her for what she has done, if she hurt you it wasnt personal and she nor anyone owes you anything which isnt a bad thing because if you were able to see that you might have been able to connect with her below surface level. In all aspects of your life eliminate neediness. First accept that you are needy and how natural it is for humans to be like that and then continuously spread love to yourself about it. 


keep focusing on your consciousness, and spirituality become radical about it and done hide from yourself. The more you accept your flaws and sins the more confident you will be and the more you will able to prevent things like that in the future because your actively being conscious about being toxic. You're not acting like its not happening and sweeping it under the rug. Learn more about women and their psychology as well as men too and how relationships are built and how attraction works. You projected your idea of evil out of misunderstanding so the more you understand the more you will be at peace.

Edited July 24, 2021 by digitalkaine

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Parththakkar12 said:

Leo's advice tends to be practical advice and oriented towards getting laid. He doesn't really care much about relationship-dynamics.

Relationship dynamics are very important.

Be mindful of your selfish biases. It is skewing your view of things.

[flowboy]

1 hour ago, Gabith said:

Hey, what did you do to attain and maintain this state ?

I know it's possible because I've never been so happy in my life for the past months and I keep my happiness even toward "negative people" because I can see from "above" and I'm not letting their negativity impact me because I know what they're talking about is not important, they're deluded and they're just complaining about Reality...

I'm also more loving but I know I can go further ! I still have insecurities and a lack of confidence in myself.

So if you can have good advice which worked for you, I'm all open. I do the positive affirmations that you told me to do last week (I'm confident and authentic towards women / I love myself) 

Haha, my ego loves that you have the perception that I maintain this state. But I'm not going to sit here and pretend that's the case

I'm just feeling very good and loved these days, so that enables me to access this perspective.
 

Attaining

Every single experience in our lives has contributed to who we are today. But let's pick one thing that I can give you, that may help.

One mental habit I have, that I could say has helped tremendously to attain a healthy and more loving perspective, is this:

I look for sameness, instead of difference.

Everytime something about a person bothers me, someone does something that I think is wrong, evil, mean, or negative in some way:

I ask: where am I doing that?

• Or: Where have I done that?
• Where have I felt the desire to do that?
• What could push me to do that?

And I always find something.

Nothing is too crazy that I can't find it somewhere in myself.

Extreme example: consider how evil a murderer is. When I would be really angry, sometimes I would get murderous thoughts. Now I had good parents who loved me and taught me good values. So I know I should not act out in anger like that. Had I had parents who left me alone, or beat me, did not teach me any values, did not love me at all, and/or abused me enough, I have no doubt that I would act on those thoughts.

This way, I dissolve the false distinction that my mind creates when I judge someone.

The ego wants to say: I'm good, he's bad. She's mean. I would never do that. This is how I'm better.

Nonsense. We are all capable of all sorts of evil. And that's okay.

Perhaps I have some knowledge and experience that saves me from doing so much evil as some others. But I have no illusion that if I didn't have that experience or knowledge, I wouldn't do the exact same.

And that is fine. We are all in the same boat.

It's the art of finding a unifying perspective, instead of a dividing one.

This technique of constantly drawing connecting lines between something in another person, and something in me, I found really powerful.

You could say it's a form of shadow work. But as a life habit. I don't have to take my time to sit down for it. It's just something I automatically do whenever a person really bothers me in some way.

Thank you for bringing my attention to this. I was not quite aware that I did this, or that others don't do this.

Perhaps I should write it down somewhere.

If you want some practice, use Leo's Forgiveness video, it's really good.

1 hour ago, Gabith said:

I'm not letting their negativity impact me because I know what they're talking about is not important, they're deluded and they're just complaining about Reality

And where are you doing that

Maintaining

Raising your vibration is the key to maintaining anything healthy, I would say. Telling myself "I love you" in the mirror is a daily habit I'm experimenting with now. Got that from Matt Kahn. But being in a loving relationship is the major stabilizing factor for me I'd say. And still, I'm not maintaining a high vibrational state every day, nor do I think that's natural. Matt Kahn's video on "raising your vibration" is good stuff.

 

Edited July 24, 2021 by flowboy

[Parththakkar12]

13 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Relationship dynamics are very important.

Be mindful of your selfish biases. It is skewing your view of things.

I know they are! I just haven't seen you talk much about them. I could be wrong though. If I put words into your mouth, my bad!

[Arcangelo]

On 7/22/2021 at 11:33 AM, StarStruck said:

without me getting help

IDK this sounds like blame shifting to me...

[Parththakkar12]

Also, the fact that some people are willing to demonize and shame an entire group of people, using shaming language like 'sexist', 'misogynist' to discredit their perspective shows me that you are operating from a space of absolute good vs evil. It is a metaphysical position, that there is an 'absolute good' vs 'absolute evil', it's an 'us vs them' where you're the good ones and they're the evil ones.

When you operate from that space, you are not operating from your rational mind, you are operating from your emotions, you're being emotional. Because, if you look at the reality rationally, there is no such thing as absolute good vs bad! You are operating from a space of fear. This discredits all of your opinions and all of your so-called advice. Your moralization is coming from a space of fear! You lose all credibility to us reasonable people when you do this.

This is irrationality disguised as rationality. More to the point, this is cowardice! Reasonable people looking for reasonable advice legitimately shouldn't listen to you when you do that.

And, all the shit you say? 'Toxic views on the opposite sex', 'acting low-value', 'resentfulness', etc. all of that is a projection. All of it. No exceptions. You're the one with 'toxic views on the opposite sex'. You're the one 'acting low-value' when you do this. You're the one acting out your 'resentfulness' when you do this! Do you think we don't see it?! We do. It's a massive projection.

Most guys haven't seen through this shit. When they do, you're toast. All of this manipulation will stop working! The only thing you have going for you is that what you're doing is socially acceptable. That's gonna change pretty quickly! People are catching on to this.

Edited July 25, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Preety_India]

28 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

Also, the fact that some people are willing to demonize and shame an entire group of people, using shaming language like 'sexist', 'misogynist' to discredit their perspective shows me that you are operating from a space of absolute good vs evil. It is a metaphysical position, that there is an 'absolute good' vs 'absolute evil', it's an 'us vs them' where you're the good ones and they're the evil ones.

When you operate from that space, you are not operating from your rational mind, you are operating from your emotions, you're being emotional. Because, if you look at the reality rationally, there is no such thing as absolute good vs bad! You are operating from a space of fear. This discredits all of your opinions and all of your so-called advice. Your moralization is coming from a space of fear! You lose all credibility to us reasonable people when you do this.

This is irrationality disguised as rationality. More to the point, this is cowardice! Reasonable people looking for reasonable advice legitimately shouldn't listen to you when you do that.

And, all the shit you say? 'Toxic views on the opposite sex', 'acting low-value', 'resentfulness', etc. all of that is a projection. All of it. No exceptions. You're the one with 'toxic views on the opposite sex'. You're the one 'acting low-value' when you do this.

Most guys haven't seen through this shit. When they do, you're toast. All of this manipulation will stop working! The only thing you have going for you is that what you're doing is socially acceptable. That's gonna change pretty quickly! People are catching on to this.

Blame shifting

[Parththakkar12]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

Blame shifting

Projection. You're the one doing the blame-shifting.

Edited July 25, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Parththakkar12 said:

Projection.

Actually what you are doing is projection. You're steeped in bro  bias.

 

[Parththakkar12]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Actually what you are doing is projection. You're steeped in bro  bias.

 

Why are you moralizing to me about it? What's in it for you?! Ask yourself this question!

You expect everyone else to self-reflect but do none yourself. That's what you have to do for moral superiority!

If you're the morally superior one, only the other side has to 'self-reflect' and change into what you want them to be. You don't have to do anything! See how that works to justify your laziness in self-reflection?!

Edited July 25, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Preety_India]

Just now, Parththakkar12 said:

Why are you moralizing to me about it? What's in it for you?! Ask yourself this question!

You expect everyone else to self-reflect but do none yourself. That's what you have to do for moral superiority!

There is no moral superiority. You assume too much.

[Parththakkar12]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

There is no moral superiority. You assume too much.

If you're the morally superior one, only the other side has to 'self-reflect' and change into what you want them to be. You don't have to do anything! See how that works to justify your laziness in self-reflection?!

That's the deep manipulation involved here.

Edited July 25, 2021 by Parththakkar12