I did something evil

[StarStruck]

3 hours ago, Gabith said:

It would be interesting if the girl in question could read this topic and know how you feel and WHY you did her "evil" shit

She called me angry and sad and I already told her what I feel and think about her. It felt great. I asked her "do you still think I'm a nice guy like you told me?" and her response was epic.

36 minutes ago, mememe said:

 

you conflate ego-love for self love and really don’t care,

If you can't love yourself (the ego) you can't love the other. And besides that: everything is in the universe is self-love.

3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Yea I get it that it's neediness but I also think it's neediness combined with some insecurity. Insecurity breeds fear and fear causes a person to react more strongly than usual. It's not a good place to be in because it keeps hurting the person in cycles and these cycles are difficult to stop. It becomes a wound that's difficult to heal and easily leads to flaring up whenever that wound is touched. That wound needs to heal so it doesn't flare up again. Also under the influence of such insecurities, the mind finds it difficult to differentiate between reality and thoughts and this leads to a lot of misunderstanding. For example if you hold the insecurity that your girlfriend might cheat on you, then even if your girlfriend is simply talking to a random guy, your mind will interpret it as her trying to cheat on you or more interested in that guy leading to unnecessary confusions and conflicts eventually destroying the relationship. So inner work on targeting these insecurities is important.

 

Fear (survival needs) and broader needs are interlinked. The solution is to get better at survival so there is less fear and more confidence but that is hard job with crippling traumas.

By the way, yesterday I got a phone number of a very very hot blonde (much hotter than the girl which is the subject of this topic), and she agreed to go on a date when I asked her number (very receptive but she still can flake) and I can just feel the insecurity boiling in the background of my psyche. Part of me doesn't even want to go on a date with her but I have to burn through my nice guy syndrome. Very big chance she will ditch me too after she finds out that I'm insecure and mildly boring.

I really have this need to fuck up. Before fucking it up with the girl which is the subject of this topic, I observed this need to fuck up in myself. I don't know where it comes from. It has probably have to do with comfort zone: I'm feeling familiar when rejected, when a girl is interested in me I get nervous and just finds way to fuck it up.

Edited July 23, 2021 by StarStruck

[Loving Radiance]

@StarStruck Thanks for posting this topic. That's an opportunity for you to learn, heal and grow alot.

4 hours ago, StarStruck said:

After that she just enjoyed my misery by not responding and giving any explanation. That is truthless.

Consider, "I just enjoyed my misery by not responding and giving any explanation. That is truthless." Yes, imagine for a moment that you enjoy your own misery. You enjoy it because you believe your own story. You believe that she enjoys your misery from "not responding and giving any explanation". You are right that this view is without truth. It's creating your personal hell. Hell is not true.

4 hours ago, StarStruck said:

My therapist sees me as a nice guy too. If I tell my therapist what I did she wouldn't believe me so I'm not going to.

It would grow you by telling her that you hurt the girl and how you did it.

4 hours ago, StarStruck said:

In the past, not so long ago I would actually dissociate from my feelings and that would just destroy me. Last two weeks I actually started feeling and I got very unstable. When you feel anger you want to direct it to something.

Are you able to see that you swing from the one side of the pendulum (dissociation) to the other one (expression without regard for the world)?

4 hours ago, StarStruck said:

7 hours ago, Emerald said:

Notice in your post how you’re trying to justify your behavior. But whatever you did is not justified. 

She just wasn’t interested. And you applied all kinds of other meanings onto that. And you got mad at the noise inside your head and took it out on her.

My recommendation is to bring this up with your therapist and discontinue meeting women until you’re no longer dangerous to them.

Those are a lot of assumptions. It is the exact opposite, I'm a person who doesn't lash out. She knew that and that is why she treated me like trash. It is in human nature to lash out. I was always a person who would swallow it and this time, I just couldn't bare it. Yes, it felt great to have her on the phone crying, and then I told her off and I said I don't want anything to do with it. It is part of character building. This happening changed me so I won't be the same and don't do the same. Lashing out was just a new learning experience. Something I don't have experience with.

^-- Look what you wrote.

Quote

Very big chance she will ditch me too after she finds out that I'm insecure and mildly boring.

That is the little voice in your head that you fight against. The way you interpret her actions validates your cute voice of insecurity. No wonder why you reacted this hard. You react against your little voice. You push it away and don't embrace it.

 

@mememe Welcome to the forum

Edited July 23, 2021 by Loving Radiance
additional quote

[Consilience]

4 hours ago, StarStruck said:

What I did I did out of self-love and healthy egoism.

Self deception 101. Healthy egoism would be willing to feel your emotions without dissociation or the need to lash out. Hurting another person because you didnt get what you want is literally childish. Self love would recognize the anger as hurt, and the hurt as a valid human emotion to fully feel. Nothing about hurting a girl who hurt you is healthy or in alignment with self love. Stop bullshitting yourself and take responsibility. If you don’t, you’ll never become the man needed to be with a high quality woman. 

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, StarStruck said:

 

Those are a lot of assumptions. It is the exact opposite, I'm a person who doesn't lash out. She knew that and that is why she treated me like trash. It is in human nature to lash out. I was always a person who would swallow it and this time, I just couldn't bare it. Yes, it felt great to have her on the phone crying, and then I told her off and I said I don't want anything to do with it. It is part of character building. This happening changed me so I won't be the same and don't do the same. Lashing out was just a new learning experience. Something I don't have experience with. 
 

You’re still trying to justify your behavior to yourself and convince yourself that your actions were understandable. You are even framing it as positive learning experience for you.

All the while you continue to call yourself “nice”. But you’d be wise to realize that you’re not nice at all. You are very much the opposite of nice. You are spiteful  and vindictive.

Your growth process starts by realizing that your identification with goodness and “niceness” is a veneer that you use to hide your selfishness and immaturity from yourself. And to understand also that you’re probably the only person who really thinks of you as a nice person. 

[Jacob Morres]

@Consilience

Idk tbh I think it could be

I dont agree with taking your anger out onto people, and I would never recommend it

But in the past when I did feel angry at others and I applied love to myself, I have actually been left with the desire to hurt others (I didn't go through with it, because I was conscious enough). I think if he continues to apply self-love he will grow and develop but at the exact stage he is at, that IS the self-love move. With time and more development it will weed itself out. But still I'd encourage and strongly recommend other more conscious ways of coping 

Idk. Also self-love I don't think, is corresponded to being conscious of others inherently. I think self-love (lowercase) might be a "selfish" act. But sometimes it can show up as what is considered as unselfish as well 

Just contemplating self-love 

Open-minded to being delusion lol 

Edited July 23, 2021 by Jacob Morres

[Etherial Cat]

6 hours ago, Emerald said:

11 hours ago, StarStruck said:

 

You’re still trying to justify your behavior to yourself and convince yourself that your actions were understandable. You are even framing it as positive learning experience for you.

All the while you continue to call yourself “nice”. But you’d be wise to realize that you’re not nice at all. You are very much the opposite of nice. You are spiteful  and vindictive.

Your growth process starts by realizing that your identification with goodness and “niceness” is a veneer that you use to hide your selfishness and immaturity from yourself. And to understand also that you’re probably the only person who really thinks of you as a nice person. 

100%

 

Edited July 23, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[Consilience]

1 hour ago, Jacob Morres said:

@Consilience

Idk tbh I think it could be

I dont agree with taking your anger out onto people, and I would never recommend it

But in the past when I did feel angry at others and I applied love to myself, I have actually been left with the desire to hurt others (I didn't go through with it, because I was conscious enough). I think if he continues to apply self-love he will grow and develop but at the exact stage he is at, that IS the self-love move. With time and more development it will weed itself out. But still I'd encourage and strongly recommend other more conscious ways of coping 

Idk. Also self-love I don't think, is corresponded to being conscious of others inherently. I think self-love (lowercase) might be a "selfish" act. But sometimes it can show up as what is considered as unselfish as well 

Just contemplating self-love 

Open-minded to being delusion lol 

Intentionally spreading your suffering to others is not an act of self love. Fully acknowledging, feeling, accepting, processing and letting go of the pain another caused you would be. Creating a boundary and enforcing that boundary would be an act of self love. Forgiving another would also be an act of self love. Propagating suffering is not. It’s actually incredibly simple, deceptively simple. Hence why the ego loves to over think this, bullshit itself, and justify these types of immature, hurtful responses. 

[Parththakkar12]

@StarStruck You understand that what you're saying that you did, women do all the time to men, right?! Women are past masters at manipulating male morality to gain moral superiority and to control everything around them. Look at the female shaming you're getting right here! Totally hypocritical.

It is more than understandable that you did what you did. Mistakes happen, shit goes wrong, things blow up. The important thing for you is to not repeat your side of mistakes again. And, to not delude yourself into believing that you were the only side that made mistakes or that is to blame in this situation. Even the way you framed the thread is self-blaming! Don't do that. It acts as a free bait for manipulative, morally superior women to gaslight you into self-hating yourself even more in the guise of helping you, all the while telling you to 'love yourself more'. Ingenious, right?!

Important point to note - When you dig deeper in the situation to find your side of the mistake, it may totally surprise you at what the actual answer of that question is. It may be totally different from what everyone else is telling you it is! So, keep an open mind to all possibilities on that one.

To the women shaming him here - You're doing to him exactly what he's saying he did to her. You're hitting him where it hurts. You have absolutely no right to be acting 'holier than thou' on this issue. There are very good reasons he felt like he grew from this experience. It was real growth! Today's relationships are a battle for moral superiority because of women and we're just playing the game. We're catching on to your shit. And, don't you dare say that women aren't responsible for what he did. They absolutely are!

Edited July 24, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Gabith]

@Lucas-fgm Amsterdam, HERE I COME !

[kras]

On 22/07/2021 at 9:37 PM, Harlen Kelly said:

@StarStruck How do you get so emotionally invested on a complete stranger chick? 

There is nothing to be ''sad'' about, a chick rejected you, so what? Far worse things will happen in your life.

DO NOT invest emotionally on a chick before closing. By the way, one of the main reasons why you are feeling hurt is because you expected her to go on a date, get rid of that believe. Women (or anybody) don't owe you a date, or sex. You won't feel hurt if you get rid of that expectation, instead work on your game so that women want to sleep with you not out of pity or expectation, but out of genuine desire. 

Thats true, but its very hard when you dont have anything going on in your life. And when a girl shows a little bit of  interest you get attached to the approaval very easly. 

[Etherial Cat]

4 hours ago, Parththakkar12 said:

@StarStruck You understand that what you're saying that you did, women do all the time to men, right?! Women are past masters at manipulating male morality to gain moral superiority and to control everything around them. Look at the female shaming you're getting right here! Totally hypocritical.

It is more than understandable that you did what you did. Mistakes happen, shit goes wrong, things blow up. The important thing for you is to not repeat your side of mistakes again. And, to not delude yourself into believing that you were the only side that made mistakes or that is to blame in this situation. Even the way you framed the thread is self-blaming! Don't do that. It acts as a free bait for manipulative, morally superior women to gaslight you into self-hating yourself even more in the guise of helping you, all the while telling you to 'love yourself more'. Ingenious, right?!

Important point to note - When you dig deeper in the situation to find your side of the mistake, it may totally surprise you at what the actual answer of that question is. It may be totally different from what everyone else is telling you it is! So, keep an open mind to all possibilities on that one.

To the women shaming him here - You're doing to him exactly what he's saying he did to her. You're hitting him where it hurts. You have absolutely no right to be acting 'holier than thou' on this issue. There are very good reasons he felt like he grew from this experience. It was real growth! Today's relationships are a battle for moral superiority because of women and we're just playing the game. We're catching on to your shit. And, don't you dare say that women aren't responsible for what he did. They absolutely are!

This is not a male vs female issue, so there is no need to frame this as such.

And also calling out the women on the forum for pointing out at this totally inadequate behavior is kinda strange because a lot of men have been also disapproving of his action as well. What are you doing out of this?

What he did was not okay and he knows it. You are making him a disservice by siding with him and encouraging his spite.

Edited July 24, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[Parththakkar12]

15 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

This is not a male vs female issue, so there is no need to frame this as such.

On paper. In practice, though, it's very different. How do you know that what he did was not a reaction to something that she did?! Why are we assuming 'man bad, woman good' here?

16 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

And also calling out the women on the forum for pointing out at this totally inadequate behavior is kinda strange because a lot of men have been also disapproving of his action as well. What are you doing out of this?

Most of the guys here are PUAs and only want sex, which makes it very easy for women to manipulate them. They will buy whatever women say, they will let women indoctrinate them with the 'man bad, woman good' feminist ideology.

17 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

What he did was not okay and he knows it. You are making him a disservice by siding with him and encouraging his spite.

And you, somehow, are doing him a service by shaming him and telling him that he's bad and wrong and evil. On paper or in theory, this does discourage his spite. However, in practice, it doesn't! In practice, whatever you resist persists.

You're not doing him a service. You're doing yourself a service. And you're projecting what's good for you onto the other person. Because PUAs are so easy to manipulate for you, they buy it. And they'll do whatever the woman says, blindly. They will not see the hidden meanings and assumptions that you're making when you do this! For example, 'spite is bad', 'moralization works to reform evil criminals like you', 'you're stupid and you need to be shamed into 'being smart'', etc.

[Preety_India]

There was absolutely nothing to do with Feminism here.

It was all about dating and insecurities and inner anger the OP was feeling. He himself admitted to it. Nobody shamed him. 

He wanted to explore himself. In fact he didn't want to do it again.

 

[Parththakkar12]

10 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

There was absolutely nothing to do with Feminism here.

It was all about dating and insecurities and inner anger the OP was feeling. He himself admitted to it. Nobody shamed him. 

He wanted to explore himself. In fact he didn't want to do it again.

 

And why do you think that inner anger exists? Right. You're going to find a way to make that shameful too. Which is only going to fuel the anger.

Feminism, 'male insecurities', it's all the same thing. It's all 'man bad, woman good', it's the scapegoating of men for moral superiority that you use to manipulate men. Why do you think 'male insecurities' exist?! Are you going to find a way to also make that shameful? Some morally superior narrative that says that 'it's all men's fault'?!

You actually benefit from male insecurities. That is what you manipulate! Which is why you shame them, to keep them going! It gives you a morally superior role which you use to moralize to and control men.

Edited July 24, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Preety_India]

Just now, Parththakkar12 said:

And why do you think that inner anger exists? Right. You're going to find a way to make that shameful too. Which is only going to fuel the anger.

You're associating shame where shame wasn't associated. 

Leo also told him to do better. Why don't you say that Leo was shaming him ?

 

Just now, Parththakkar12 said:

Feminism, 'male insecurities', it's all the same thing. It's all 'man bad, woman good',

This actually shows you look at things in the most biased ways. It's not about the Feminism or this or that. It's your own bias at work. It was never about men or women or Feminism. But you have a shadow against Feminism and you found this outlet to let it out. Nobody said here that women are good. 

What women do was totally irrelevant here. By the way you can never generalise a gender.

 

Just now, Parththakkar12 said:

 

it's the scapegoating of men for moral superiority that you use to manipulate men.

Advising a guy is to help him get a girl. Don't see how that can be manipulation. 

 

Just now, Parththakkar12 said:

 

Why do you think 'male insecurities' exist?! Are you going to find a way to also make that shameful? Some morally superior narrative that says that 'it's all men's fault'?!

Don't go around looking for faults. You're finding fault where there is none. 

This thread was never about Morality.

He tried to hurt someone and he doesn't want to do it..

You're making it to be something it's not..

Just now, Parththakkar12 said:

You actually benefit from male insecurities. That is what you manipulate! Which is why you shame them, to keep them going!

There's no benefit over here. Open your mind that people are trying to help the guy. You're blowing this up unnecessarily getting all petty about something that never happened.

 

[Parththakkar12]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

You're associating shame where shame wasn't associated. 

Leo also told him to do better. Why don't you say that Leo was shaming him ?

Leo's advice tends to be practical advice and oriented towards getting laid. He doesn't really care much about relationship-dynamics.

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

This actually shows you look at things in the most biased ways. It's not about the Feminism or this or that. It's your own bias at work. It was never about men or women or Feminism. But you have a shadow against Feminism and you found this outlet to let it out. Nobody said here that women are good. 

What women do was totally irrelevant here. By the way you can never generalise a gender.

There are reasons, cultural reasons why men cannot express the reality of why they're so angry on the inside. You keep shaming it but that's not helping! The shaming will happen even in the therapist's office, even in the mainstream mental-health facilities.

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Advising a guy is to help him get a girl. Don't see how that can be manipulation. 

My claim is that this is precisely wrong. You have your own agenda as to how you want men to be like in society and that's what's showing itself in your advice! The advice that you give has all sorts of assumptions that make you morally superior to the person you're advising.

7 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Don't go around looking for faults. You're finding fault where there is none. 

This thread was never about Morality.

He tried to hurt someone and he doesn't want to do it..

You're making it to be something it's not..

Correction. You're not seeing the fault because it benefits you.

8 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

There's no benefit over here. Open your mind that people are trying to help the guy. You're blowing this up unnecessarily getting all petty about something that never happened.

You're covering up the fight for moral superiority with the claim that you're 'trying to help him', which is very convenient. Shaming is not helping! It's a battle for moral superiority. And you want to silence dissenters and invalidate what they're saying.

[Etherial Cat]

@Parththakkar12

49 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

On paper. In practice, though, it's very different. How do you know that what he did was not a reaction to something that she did?! Why are we assuming 'man bad, woman good' here?

Most of the guys here are PUAs and only want sex, which makes it very easy for women to manipulate them. They will buy whatever women say, they will let women indoctrinate them with the 'man bad, woman good' feminist ideology.

And you, somehow, are doing him a service by shaming him and telling him that he's bad and wrong and evil. On paper or in theory, this does discourage his spite. However, in practice, it doesn't! In practice, whatever you resist persists.

You're not doing him a service. You're doing yourself a service. And you're projecting what's good for you onto the other person. Because PUAs are so easy to manipulate for you, they buy it. And they'll do whatever the woman says, blindly. They will not see the hidden meanings and assumptions that you're making when you do this! For example, 'spite is bad', 'moralization works to reform evil criminals like you', 'you're stupid and you need to be shamed into 'being smart'', etc.

So, you are telling us that women are evil for having the right to deny sex from guys who only want to use them to dig their dicks?

[Parththakkar12]

15 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

@Parththakkar12

So, you are telling us that women are evil for having the right to deny sex from guys who only want to use them to dig their dicks?

Why do you always make it about the 'right to deny sex'?! I never said anything about that. Somehow it'll always get interpreted as 'women shouldn't have the right to reject men', which makes no sense. Let's have a conversation more intelligent than that, please.

He said 'she was screaming at him'. There must've been some nagging and criticizing involved in there. It is abusive and it may plausibly justify his anger towards her, which made him do it. Was it right or justifiable on his part to do what he did? No. But, this gives her plausible deniability on the issue as well! And, the anger itself could be justified. We don't know that!

Women don't know how much investment is involved from the male perspective in the relationship, which is why you take the rejection so casually. And then say that the morally superior narrative 'helps us reject guys who want to use us to dig their dicks' and use that as a justification to collectively nag and criticize men!

Edited July 24, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Etherial Cat]

5 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

He said 'she was screaming at him'. There must've been some nagging and criticizing involved in there. It is abusive and it may plausibly justify his anger towards her, which made him do it. Was it right or justifiable on his part to do what he did? No. But, this gives her plausible deniability on the issue as well! And, the anger itself could be justified. We don't know that!

She was screaming at him after he did "something evil" from his own words. 

5 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

Women don't know how much investment is involved from the male perspective in the relationship, which is why you take the rejection so casually. And then say that the morally superior narrative 'helps us reject guys who want to use us to dig their dicks' and use that as a justification to collectively nag and criticize men!

The reason why you and Starstruck are not getting laid has nothing to do with women. So far, I understand totally that a woman would want nothing to do with men acting this way and holding such toxic views on top of nurturing a large amount of resentment towards female.

Misogynist make poor partners. You are just being low value acting this way. And Starstruck has proven himself to be dangerous and losing totally his control in front of a contrariety. This is piss poor quality behavior.

This girl would have been better off not having crossed her path with him. That is the hard truth that you need to let sink in.

Now, if Starstruck and you want to redeem yourself and work on rising your value, it starts with healing yourself from the feminine wound you have and taking responsibility for your feelings and resentment.

Starstruck had already started looking on that last week before he give in to his spite.

I think this case is a great example for why it is important to encourage a multi approach coming from men doing PUA and work on developing both their relationships skills and their inner wounds. Obviously, it is the latest that has been and still is sabotaging Starstruck efforts.

 

 

[Parththakkar12]

12 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

She was screaming at him after he did "something evil" from his own words. 

Nope. She screamed first, then he did a 360 and left her! That was the 'evil thing' that he did.

12 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

The reason why you and Starstruck are not getting laid has nothing to do with women. So far, I understand totally that a woman would want nothing to do with men acting this way and holding such toxic views on top of nurturing a large amount of resentment towards female.

Yupp!! Well done. You have officially proved that you are morally superior to men. You get to have a very special cookie for this one.

The 'this is why you're not getting laid, for these bullshit reasons' manipulation-tactic is not going to work with me. I don't care about sex! I care about truth. And I will speak it no matter how much you attack me for it!

12 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Misogynist make poor partners. You are just being low value acting this way. And Starstruck has proven himself to be dangerous and losing totally his control in front of a contrariety. This is piss poor quality behavior.

Who gave you the moral authority to decide that?

The 'you're acting low value' is a projection of your lack of self-worth. I'm not acting low value here, I'm acting high value! A lot of the guys reading here will be silently feeling respect for me for standing up to this dynamic. I speak on behalf of them too!!

12 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

This girl would have been better off not having crossed her path with him. That is the hard truth that you need to let sink in.

Now you're generalizing women. You don't know her.

12 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Now, if Starstruck and you want to redeem yourself and work on rising your value, it starts with healing yourself from the feminine wound you have and taking responsibility for your feelings and resentment.

So that you get to control us into being passive little yes-men and being the controlled little men that you want! No thanks.

12 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Starstruck had already started looking on that last week before he give in to his spite.

He doesn't see the truth of the matter yet. Wait till he wakes up to it! He'll sing a completely different tune. He's buying the bullshit right now.

12 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

I think this case is a great example for why it is important to encourage a multi approach coming from men doing PUA and work on developing both their relationships skills and their inner wounds. Obviously, it is the latest that has been and still is sabotaging Starstruck efforts.

Goddamn, your manipulations work. It's because men are too obsessed with sex. Wait till men start paying attention to relationship-dynamics. All this shit will fly out the window!

So, what is the truth? I am not a 'misogynist', 'sexist' or whatever bullshit term you want to use to shame me. Neither is he. I love women. I just don't put up with bullshit from certain individual women! That's it.

Edited July 25, 2021 by Parththakkar12