Should I Keep Meditating?

[Kserkkj]

Hey guys, so I just bought Jed Mckenna's book "spiritual enlightenment: the damndest thing" and am now half-way through. Honestly, it put me in deep depression, and i keep falling in/out of depression the past few days. Even though I hear many ppl say, "don't search for enlightenment" bla bla bla, it kinda dawned on me that my meditative practice still had that subconscious intent for enlightenment or at least a glimpse/enlightenment experience. Right now idk what to do anymore, somewhat rudderless, but not as despondent and depressed as a while ago. After watching Rali's interview with Martin Ball, I'm just kinda chill now rather than the hardcore seeker I used to be ( Meditated many hours a day with an assortment of techniques, read books, almost all my youtube recommendations are enlightenment/personal development videos, Enlightenment apps, Facebook feeds are mostly enlightenment related ) but yeah, you get what i'm saying and I'm just really fucking burned out. A few days ago, I went to my college campus for the first time, and holy shit was I anxious as fuck. I feel like I just repressed all those feelings, put them under the rug all along despite all this meditation, which complemented to my depression. I feel like before reading the book, all I was searching for was that overhyped experience of samadhi/satori which was very delusional. My goal here is absolute liberation from the ego, and I know the grueling work I'm gonna have to face eventually which I don't know how. I don't wish to meditate merely for some cheap thrills of samadhi and be reverted back confined within the ego. Jed's technique was basically to write what everything you think is true, but I feel like there's not much to write. Any suggestions? Should I keep meditating? Is it okay to lay back and forget all this enlightenment business for a while? How can I break through the confines of my ego and realize that I'm "dreaming"? 

[Prabhaker]

9 minutes ago, Kserkkj said:

Meditated many hours a day with an assortment of techniques

Meditation, as such, needs no technique at all. But techniques are needed to remove the obstacles in the way of meditation. So it has to be understood very clearly: meditation itself needs no techniques, it is a simple understanding, an alertness, an awareness. 

Meditation is an attitude not an activity, so whatever you do can become meditative. The so-called meditation that people go on doing is not meditation. It is the attitude of being in the present which is the core, the central, the essential thing. 

21 minutes ago, Kserkkj said:

Should I keep meditating? Is it okay to lay back and forget all this enlightenment business for a while?

If you can live happily without meditating, forget it. It is an arduous journey.

[cetus]

4 hours ago, Kserkkj said:

, it put me in deep depression

This is an illusion happening within the dream state of self. There is no one to be depressed, happy, anxious, sad, ect.

4 hours ago, Kserkkj said:

i keep falling in/out of depression

(same as above)

 

4 hours ago, Kserkkj said:

I used to be ( Meditated many hours a day with an assortment of techniques, read books, almost all my youtube recommendations are enlightenment/personal development videos, Enlightenment apps, Facebook feeds are mostly enlightenment related ) but yeah, you get what i'm saying and I'm just really fucking burned out

All this is bolstering the illusion that there is a "you" to attain something. I'd be really fucking burned out too!

4 hours ago, Kserkkj said:

, I went to my college campus for the first time, and holy shit was I anxious as fuck

 

5 hours ago, Kserkkj said:

My goal here is absolute liberation from the ego

Your goal should be to just except the fact that there is no validity to a "you" that has an ego to be liberated from.  The "you" that has an ego is the dream state.

5 hours ago, Kserkkj said:

How can I break through the confines of my ego and realize that I'm "dreaming"? 

Do you want to know the straight up truth? Just stop Bull Shitting yourself and just do it! You have all the intellectual knowledge that would ever be needed but you still cling to the security of the dream self. A fabrication of your thoughts. You are keeping yourself stuck between a self and no-self because your afraid of what may happen if you let go and TOTALLY SURRENDER. You haven't experienced a deep Ego Death yet? Your training is over. It's now time for you to come face to face with the enemy on the battlefield. Only you can do this!  Be ready to be mortally wounded. Only than is there true liberation from the egoic dream.

[123456789]

Simplest advice, stop identifying with "your" thoughts and emotions. Just watch them pass by.

[Schulzy]

Meditating is not so much about enlightement, i am not sure how you even define it. Just go google what meditation is good for. It can also help with your anxiety. Yes i think you should keep meditating.

[Bob84]

@Kserkkj Stop meditating. You might do it again in the future but for now its pointless.
Since your mind wants something to do, go and practices mindfulness and awareness.
And if that's not enough trow radical honesty in the mix.
I can also recommend watching more of mister "no bullshit"s videos

[Telepresent]

15 hours ago, Kserkkj said:

Jed's technique was basically to write what everything you think is true, but I feel like there's not much to write.

Try it.  It's not just write what you think is true: it's deconstruct what you think is true.  That's very, very hard work, and it takes firm determination.  And you'll find, if you stick with it, that the rabbit hole of what you think you know is much much deeper than you ever dared to imagine.

15 hours ago, Kserkkj said:

Is it okay to lay back and forget all this enlightenment business for a while?

Of course it is.  Anything you choose to do is ok.  The idea that it isn't is one of those ideas that you believe to be true.  'Ok' doesn't exist - it's a relative concept that we both individually and consensually maintain to codify behaviour, rules, etc.

15 hours ago, Kserkkj said:

I'm just really fucking burned out

There's no harm in just stopping for a while.  If you want to come back, you will.

15 hours ago, Kserkkj said:

Any suggestions?

In terms of Spiritual Autolysis?  Start anywhere - anywhere - and don't take any answer the mind comes up with as correct.  No idea, concept, or word.  Question all of the foundations.  And delete everything as you go on.  Every time you do it it's a new discourse.

15 hours ago, Kserkkj said:

Should I keep meditating?

That's up to you.  I think, if your goal is Truth, that if you only meditate without any form of self-inquiry you're in for a very long and frustrating ride.  McKenna is very scathing about meditation because of this, but remember that he's writing from a particular perspective and trying to cut through a lot of New-Age crap which gets people nowhere.  Personally, my main practice is Autolysis, but I have meditated in the past and still dip in and out of it, but don't have a regular routine now.  And I can see some pitfalls because of that: I often catch myself thinking without realising that I'm thinking and I'll bet if I had a better meditation practice I'd be much better at catching that!

Edited November 23, 2016 by Telepresent

[cetus]

@Kserkkj Should you stop meditating? I agree with Telapresents on it's totally your call. If it doesn't help you than stop. The simplest advise I can give is just let go. Do what you do, but do it without any personal attachment to what life throws at you. This is where meditation comes in nicely. It creates a space of inner silence to which all this happens within. It balances shit out.