Moving in with the BF

[Vzdoh]

@Khr he already showed plenty that he is genuinely a good person when I had the peak of the crisis with my mom. Here where I am, I have a support group, when I am back, I have close friends for support, but no family. 

I don't think asking for support and being emotional about a tough life situation is being clingy, it's just being human. And that's how we are with him, we are just trying to be human to each other and support each other. 

And he already proved that he will drop everything for me if I need hos help, so I don't have doubts in this department. 

That's the main reason that made me think about taking the relationship to the next level. 

[Vzdoh]

@Raptorsin7 very certain. We discussed kids early on too. He didn't run away when I needed support when there was a peak crisis with my mom as well. In fact, he was so supportive that I felt even more loved and cared for ?

[Vzdoh]

@Nahm I am not keen on having kids. So no biological clock of any sort. But I do think he would be a good father. 

I am concious about my projections very much and no I am not projecting anything, just really looking at his actions. If not for his actions, I wouldn't even consider moving in with him right now an option. 

I am puzzled what to do as I do understand that this step - moving in together - he might not be ready yet for and last thing I want is to push anyone to do anything if they r not ready. 

The main dilemma i am in is how to share where I am at honestly without necessarily pressuring him to do the same in case he is not ready. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Vzdoh Is he content with you not wanting children? I'm assuming many high earning men desire children, especially if they are willing to get into a long term relationship, otherwise what is the incentive for this guy to get into a long term relationship?

I get the sense that you are viewing this guy as sort of prey given he has a number of desirable characteristics. I could be projecting this, but i think it could be bad if he got the sense that you are hunting him/want something from him.

[flowboy]

@Vzdoh  If you are really in this great place, then just tell him in a non-pushy way where you are, and you can have an open conversation and you'll be fine.

[Vzdoh]

@Raptorsin7 you r projecting. He is very smart and if I wanted his money, he would already be on his way out. 

Also, I am not poor. I repeat, he is wealthy, but I am wealthy and independent too. So I do not chase financials here. Purely attracted to the person. 

[Nahm]

@Vzdoh

Ok, must be my bad, and I apologize for going there. I don’t know if the bio clock gives any regard to thought really, but I’ve no direct exp there so I’ll leave that one alone lol. 

33 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

The main dilemma i am in is how to share where I am at honestly without necessarily pressuring him to do the same in case he is not ready. 

Just guy perspective (op), from one guy… the reply of ‘you are very special to me’ to ‘I love you’ is concerning. I’ve not found ‘love at first sight’ to be a thought or belief, but the actuality of love basically taking over and turning everything inside out and upside down in the best most cosmic way possible. All normality & logic goes out the window. Again, just one guy here, but my mom is ‘very special to me’.  

[Raptorsin7]

40 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

@Raptorsin7 you r projecting. He is very smart and if I wanted his money, he would already be on his way out. 

Also, I am not poor. I repeat, he is wealthy, but I am wealthy and independent too. So I do not chase financials here. Purely attracted to the person. 

I wasn't talking just about money. A person can have the psychology of a gold digger without wanting money specifically.

I'm also skeptical that you are purely attracted to the person given how many times you've mentioned money, cars etc

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Vzdoh said:

I wouldn't date you if you took my desire for more support and closeness in a difficult situation like that with my mom to be clingy. 

The real clingy part is needing to move in with him.

[Preety_India]

43 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The real clingy part is needing to move in with him.

Lol Leo..what's so wrong about wanting to move in with her boy. That's what a woman naturally wants.

Smh. Facepalm.

@Vzdoh  I'm sorry you're facing all these unnecessary attacks from users here making bullshit assumptions about you.

I know how you feel super excited to be with a guy who you love. There's absolutely nothing clingy about it.

 

 

[Vzdoh]

@Raptorsin7 he is 12 years older than me and has a son University age so he is fine either way he said. Not too keen, but not against kids either. Same as me pretty much. 

[Vzdoh]

@Raptorsin7 financial health is important to me. I dated guys who earned lower than me and that caused issues, so I am not keen on men who are less successful than I am. U r looking into this too much. Maybe its your own weak spot. Thing to ponder for yourself i guess. 

[Vzdoh]

@Leo Gura i will look into this desire deeper. Overall i just feel I want more physical closeness for now and probably don't see any other way to get it considering that he is a successful guy and works a lot. 

[Vzdoh]

@modmyth i think an assumption that we need to know all of the person is flawed. People r not static, they grow and develop through the course of life and one will never know another to such a degree, its always a discovery process, that's what keeps it interesting and exciting. 

For God sakes, we don't even know ourselves that much, let along another human being!

In the crisis with my mom and based on a few other situations from his life he shared, I am confident I know enough to make this step. As I said, I never felt like moving in with a guy before, because I clearly saw they are not what I want, mature enough intellectually and emotionally. This guy is quite mature and with age I think we r getting better at understanding people and gauging who they truly are! 

He introduced me to his friends early on for example, cause he judged my character quite accurately from the get go. Lots of people report to him, so he is good with judging character. He told me about it straight out - that I am the most emotionally mature and balanced woman he met in awhile. Self reliant, independent, strong, go getter, but at the same time calm, rational, emotionally healthy and consistent. His words. Of course apart from being beautiful ??

[Roy]

I would exercise patience, and take some deep internal reflective time to get in tune with where this desire is stemming from and if there is any inauthentic emotions or thoughts attached to it somewhere. It can't hurt to wait. As others have mentioned 3 months is a little ahead of the norm, even if you are both fully grown independent adults.

Keep building your relationship, soak up the shit out of the times you do have together, and tease the idea once in a while to see how it resonates with him.

If you are posting about it on the internet and looking for outside perspectives on it, that might be an indicator that you are capable of contemplating more and looking for feedback because you aren't 100% certain of your convictions at the moment.

That's ok! Good things come to those who wait 

That said from what I've read it sounds like you guys could handle that conversation without him getting "scared off". Just make sure you're tactful about it and ask at a good time in the right way. Probably in a more casual setting like while making dinner together "Hey I've been thinking, I have an idea. No pressure, what do you think it would look like if we lived together?" NOT after having sex and emotions are peaked because then he'll feel like he's got to respond from a vulnerable high intensity point and is maybe being manipulated 

[Vzdoh]

@Preety_India thanks dear for support. I know how clingy looks like and its not that. 

Clingy girls don't have mature conversations about their feelings, thry just demand attention, affection, and adoration and chase the guy. I am not doing any of that. He is still the one who reaches out more and I still have my independent life and plans. 

But I do feel that due to his level of support when i was in crisis, relationship moved to a new level. In situations like this, people truly show their colors and his behaviour was totally on point - very supportive and protective and generous and caring. So I naturally feel closer to him now and since i am away, want more physical closeness when i am back,because emotional closeness is there. 

[Raptorsin7]

19 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

@Raptorsin7 financial health is important to me. I dated guys who earned lower than me and that caused issues, so I am not keen on men who are less successful than I am. U r looking into this too much. Maybe its your own weak spot. Thing to ponder for yourself i guess. 

What is my weak spot?

You think i'm projecting because I don't have money lol?

[Vzdoh]

@Roy yes. I do not want to jump the gun. This post is to help me contemplate all points of the situation and make a decision which will align with how I feel, but yet won't be pushy or controlling or inconsiderate towards him. 

[Hello from Russia]

Listen to your own intuition, you ultimately know best what's best for you and how you want to express yourself in this incarnation. Don't let beliefs/random assumptions of people here affect your decision making too much

Edited July 21, 2021 by Hello from Russia

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

to help me contemplate all points of the situation and make a decision which will align with how I feel, but yet won't be pushy or controlling or inconsiderate towards him. 

That’s a psychedelic ad if ever there was one. 

The peak of Maslow’s pyramid is sweet. What it’s made of is unthinkably sweeter. 

There is clinging, and there is Clinging.